From Paul Harvey....

Conveniently Forgotten Facts

Back in 1969 a group of Black Panthers decided that a fellow black panther named Alex Rackley needed to die.
Rackley was suspected of disloyalty. Rackley was first t ied , to a chair. Once safely immobilized, his friends tortured him for hours by, among other things, pouring boiling water on him. When they got tired of torturing Rackley, Black Panther member, Warren Kimbro took Rackley outside and put a bullet in his head. Rackley's body was later found floating in a river about 25 miles north of New Haven, Connecticut

Perhaps at this point you're curious as to what happened to these Black Panthers?
In 1977, that's only eight years later, only one of the killers was still in jail. The shooter, Warren Kimbro, managed to get a scholarship to Harvard and became good friends with none other than Al Gore. He later became an assistant dean at an Eastern Connecticut State College.
Isn't that something? As a '60s radical you can pump a bullet into someone's head and a few years later, in the same state, you can become an assistant college dean! Only in America!

Erica Huggins was the woman who served the Panthers by boiling the water for Mr. Rackley's torture. Some years later Ms. Huggins was elected to a California School Board.

How in the world do you think these killers got off so easy? Maybe it was in some part due to the efforts of two people who came to the defense of the Panthers. These two people actually went so far as to shut down Yale University with demonstrations in defense of the accused Black Panthers during their trial. One of these people was none other than Bill Lan Lee.

Mr. Lee, or Mr. Lan Lee, as the case may be, isn't a college dean. He isn't a member of a California School Board. He is now head of the United States Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, appointed by none other than Bill Clinton.

O.K., so who was the other Panther defender? Is this other notable Panther defender now a school board member? Is this other Panther apologist now an assistant college dean? No, neither!
The other Panther defender was, like Lee, a radical law student at Yale University at the time. She is now known as the "smartest woman in the world." She is none other than the Democratic senator from the State of New York--- our former First Lady, the incredible Hillary Rodham Clinton.

And now, as Paul Harvey said; "You know the rest of the story."

This deserves the widest possible press
Also remember it, when, she runs for President.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in his shiny
limousine...when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate
the situation.

He asked one man,"Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any
money
for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO eat grass."
Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my
house...and I'll feed you!" "But sir, I have a wife and two children
with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Well, bring them
along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man, he said, "You must come with us, too!"
The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with

me!" "So bring them all!" the lawyer answered......and they all
jammed
into the huge limo.



Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are so kind and Thank you for taking all of us with you."
Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it! You'll really
love my place......the grass is almost a foot high!"

Tips for Handling Stress
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised aglass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. " "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can." So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you The more you have, the longer you live.
* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, butthey all have to live in the same box.

Very good points, Torchey. Thanks for sharing them.



Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high
school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By
the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on thi s aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

An d the best one for last .

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

David M. Bresnahan
April 1, 2006
NewsWithViews.com

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family,
And I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across
the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few
arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way
you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that
I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting
the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
need, whether I use them or not.


3. All government forms need to be printed in English.


4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.


5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.


6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the
flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.


7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.


8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy
access to government services.


9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any
effort to learn local traffic laws.


10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the
memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all
police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals
on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not
want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.


12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes,
and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.


13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice
and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might
place on the economy.



I know this is an easy request because you already do all these
things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am
sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him
nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail
hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,

David M. Bresnahan


2006 David M. Bresnahan - All Rights Reserved

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color
of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought
about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

______________________________________________________

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could,
trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she
was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty
and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.
As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be
late...But please don't shove me either!"

_______________________________________________________

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy
says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,
they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes four people to collect all the money!"

_______________________________________________________



An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she
wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to
take me out when I'm dead."

_______________________________________________________



A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had
to arrest your own mother? He said, "Call for backup."

_______________________________________________________



A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them
to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a babysitter."

______________________________________________________



A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six
year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother,"
she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

_______________________________________________________
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human
beings. Little Michael seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was
created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and said, "Michael, what's the matter?"
Little Michael responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm goingto have
a wife."

New M&M colors

Pass this on to all of your friends. There are many women out there who
have breast cancer. Lets do all we can to support this cause.

New Pink & White M&M's

The maker of M&M candies has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Breast
Cancer Foundation to raise funds through the sale of their new "pink &
white" M&M candies.

For each 8-ounce bag of the special candies sold, the makers of M&M
(Masterfoods) will donate 50 cents to the foundation. The next time you
want a treat, please pick up a bag (now sold in stores nationwide) - you
will be donating to a great cause and satisfying your sweet tooth. Just
think...If each of us buy one bag or two....
how much will be donated. Buy a bag for a friend...........

A soldier and a Marine had to hit the head.
They were making small talk, while they were standing there peeing.
After they finished, the soldier walked over to the basin to wash his hands and the Marine headed for the door.
The soldier asked the Marine, "Aren't you going to wash your hands?"
The Marine looked back and barked, "I'm a Marine! I don't pee on my hands."

Moral of the story: Never shake hands with a Marine. You don't know what he's been doing.

DEAR BENEDICT, HOW LONG WILL YOU BE STAYING IN SAN FRANSICKO

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2134140,00.html

SHALL I CALL YOU A CAB

They are such an archaic group. I can't begin to understand their logic or their proclamations. I think it's better to ignore them. They(he) are out of touch with the world and reality.

PLEASE SHUT UP??"

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The
officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

Why, Why, Why ?


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up , examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

And my FAVORITE......



The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you!

For those who thought they knew everything....

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.


Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.


You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.


Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.


The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MUSTACHE


American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.

So did the first "Marlboro Man."

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!


The three most valuable brand names on earth:
Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs
but, not downstairs.


A duck's quack doesn't echo,
and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

And the best for last

Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

MASTERCARD WEDDING

You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thankeveryone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!"

Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!"

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outtahere."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members andfriends: $32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of thebride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything elsethere's MASTERCARD!

That was truly, "Priceless".

Sometimes politicians, journalists and the liberal
left exclaim; "It's
just a tax cut for the rich!" and it is just
accepted to be fact.
But what does that really mean?

Just in case you are not completely clear on this
issue, I hope the
following will help. Please read it carefully.
Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner
and the bill for all
ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it
would go
something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day
and seemed quite
happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner
threw them a curve.
"Since you are all such good customers," he said,
"I'm going to reduce
the cost of your daily meal by $20." Dinner for the
ten now cost just
$80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we
pay our taxes so
the first four men were unaffected. They would still
eat for free. But
what about the other six men - the paying customers?
How could they
divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get
his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But
if they subtracted
that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and
the sixth man would
each end up
being paid to eat their meal.

So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be
fair to reduce
each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and! he
proc eeded to work
out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing
(100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the
first four
continued to eat for free. But once outside the
restaurant, the men
began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the
sixth man. He
pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I
only saved a dollar,
too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than
me!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should
he get $10 back
when I got only two? The wealthy get all the
breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in
unison. "We didn't get
anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for
dinner, so the nine
sat down and ate without him. But when it came time
to pay the bill,
they discovered something important. They didn't
have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college
professors, is how
our tax system works. The people who pay the highest
taxes get the most
benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much,
attack them for being
wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In
fact, they might
start eating overseas where the atmosphere is
somewhat friendlier.

WILLIAM OF CYPRESS

COMMENT...KERRY SUPPORTER STILL AT WORK FOR THE ABBs:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/22/washington/22leak.htm...WAY&pagewanted=print

NO WONDER THE CIA "COULDN'T CONNECT THE DOTS" IN TIME TO PREVENT 9/11

Hear about the new Jewish sports car?

Not only it can stop on a dime, it also picks the dime up.