My son was supposed to graduate basic at the end of Jan. He screwed up and went to the PX w/o permission...took a cab. They knocked him back 2 weeks (which I understand is the least punishment) Our plane tickets were non-refundable, daughter is now pregnant and won't travel, husband doesn't want to go now. He says the pride is gone from it.Yes, we were mighty proud. I know son has been through tough stuff in basic, and I would like to celebrate that with him. But, I don't want to celebrate his screw up. It was a stupid, dumb thing to do. But, it's not the first stupid thing he has done in his life. We kind of gave him no choice about enlisting, there is nothing here for him. (No jobs, worthless friends, no money, nothing to do.) Plus, he does best when he doesn't have a lot of free time. He had Christmas leave, and screwed up then and could have been kicked out, but our town cop cut him a break. He is in reserves, but now is considering regular army. I wish he would, it would be the best thing for him. He has a lot of potential- as long as he doesn't come back home. He will vegetate and probably hook up with his old life immediately. My question-- should I go to grad or not? Just opinions please. This really has me stressed. I really want to go, but don't want to be a mother hen. I think he's been punished enough, but on the other hand- he's never really had to pay a price for anything he's done. Everything has been easy and easy to get out of. I was an Army brat, and I know what it CAN do for him, IF he gets with the program. jay orfield is offline Reply With Quote
Originally posted by jorfield23: My son was supposed to graduate basic at the end of Jan. He screwed up and went to the PX w/o permission...took a cab. They knocked him back 2 weeks (which I understand is the least punishment) Our plane tickets were non-refundable, daughter is now pregnant and won't travel, husband doesn't want to go now. He says the pride is gone from it.Yes, we were mighty proud. I know son has been through tough stuff in basic, and I would like to celebrate that with him. But, I don't want to celebrate his screw up. It was a stupid, dumb thing to do. But, it's not the first stupid thing he has done in his life. We kind of gave him no choice about enlisting, there is nothing here for him. (No jobs, worthless friends, no money, nothing to do.) Plus, he does best when he doesn't have a lot of free time. He had Christmas leave, and screwed up then and could have been kicked out, but our town cop cut him a break. He is in reserves, but now is considering regular army. I wish he would, it would be the best thing for him. He has a lot of potential- as long as he doesn't come back home. He will vegetate and probably hook up with his old life immediately. My question-- should I go to grad or not? Just opinions please. This really has me stressed. I really want to go, but don't want to be a mother hen. I think he's been punished enough, but on the other hand- he's never really had to pay a price for anything he's done. Everything has been easy and easy to get out of. I was an Army brat, and I know what it CAN do for him, IF he gets with the program. jay orfield is offline Reply With Quote
I think you should go. He made it through basic, that's an achievement! I don't know how Army works, but in AF, a lot of how a screw up is handled is determined by the big picture--if the youngun has done pretty well all around, they'll get a slap, not the boot, you know? If getting washed back is a small potatoes punishment, then it means he's done pretty well in all other areas. That's worth celebrating! I think (opinion here )rescuing kids when they screw up is a big mistake. I also think not celebrating victories (even small ones) is also a mistake. Maybe just having one person come to graduation will send a loud and clear message to him. The army dealt with his screw up, that means you don't have to Best wishes to you--Mary Jo
My son graduated basic and I went. Its a major big deal so, yeah, I'd go. Sometimes you just have to listen to that voice inside you that tells you what you need to do instead of everyone around you or the circumstances you see rationally. Its a mom thing. Give yourself permission and let your son know how proud you are of him. Its part of learning and growing to mess up and face the consequences. He's done that and needs to know you've got his back for getting this far and looking to the future for and with him. Melanie
That's something you are going to want to be there for. Not only will he resent the fact that you didn't think it was accomplishment enough to show your support for him, In the long run you will come to regret it yourself.
Its like saying "Because he failed freshman year of highschool, We aren't going to watch his highschool graduation"
Yea he messed up, but he stuck it out and finished it.
Good for him. And I agree SbratSsgtwife. If you are going to not go just because he messed up a couple of times, then you must be a saint. I know I have messed up more times than not and you know what I know my mom would be there for me. My son graduates March 9th. I am so proud of him. I don't care what he mistakes he makes. He is 18, he is allowed to make mistakes, as your son should be allowed. Its part of growing up. One very good quote. "To Err is human. Perfection is God" Leave the perfect life to God, and let your son make his errors, and learn from them and you can still be proud that he faced it and dealt with it. If you aren't proud of him, then Shame on you.
)rescuing kids when they screw up is a big mistake. I also think not celebrating victories (even small ones) is also a mistake. Maybe just having one person come to graduation will send a loud and clear message to him. 
Best wishes to you--Mary Jo
