My son signed without his dad and I being there and we didn't get the chance to ask alot of questions. Now that he is supposed to go to basic on July 9th he has decided that he doesn't want to join after all. His recruiter says that he will be AWOL if he doesn't show up, and it will be dishonorable discharge if they have to come after him. He wants to be a policeofficer and I think this will affect any thing he does. Being a mom my heart goes out to him on this but he won't talk to the recruiters and I'm more than willing to help but just don't know what to do. Please help out this mom.....

I'm guessing your American from the way you've spelt mum; mom?.....Might i suggest you'd be better off posting the above on the American side of the forums.

If indeed your from the UK, then unless he's already sworn alliegence to the Queen (which happens day 1 of basic training) then its quite simple to reverse the process.

It's the same way for us Americans. Until you've raised your hand, repeated the oath, etc---he CAN back out and change his mind.
His recruiter is just trying to scare him into following through with his commitment is all.
If he truly does not want to do this---he'd better get to someone FAST and get this taken care of.

I was told the same thing by someone, that if for some reason my son wanted to back out he could as long as he did it before he actually left for basic. Tell him to get moving now.

Tis true, your son can back out without worry...kinda. If he does back out and decides later he wants to try to get in he'll have a HARD road. No recruiter will risk wasting their time again.

Well, if he's a Yank, it's not official until he goes to the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) and swears in there. That's where the contract is signed.

But, right now, there are kids serving and protecting in Iraq and Afghanistan. Kids with honor and integrity who did not back out.

I do not wish to denigrate you or your son. It is a matter of choice. I hope your son finds his path.

Dear Corpspapa and Bubby-Mom: I am in the exact same situation with my son BUT he's in much deeper. He deploys soon to Iraq and he is not scared, he is PETRIFIED!! I'm sure being scared is quite normal, petrified is not. He stepped foot into a recruiters office 6 months ago. He has gone through Basic and 6 WEEKS of AIT. Of those 6 weeks, the first week is in-processing, getting uniforms, a place to sleep, paperwork etc. The last week is out-processing, more paperwork, graduation etc SO ... he has had 4 WEEKS of training for a combat position. Everyone I've spoken to (military and civilian) cannot believe the short amount of time for training. Yet our government does not feel that 7 YEARS of training the Iraqi military has been enough to make them strong enough to be on their own. I don't get this math. My son KNEW he would be deployed because of his MOS but happening so suddenly has put him (and me) literally into panic attacks. He does not feel ready and does not feel he has been trained enough. How many more of his comrades feel the same way but are too "embarassed" to admit it? Mr. Corpspapa, your KEY word in your comment was "KIDS". My son entered the Army with more honor, integrity and commitment then I have EVER seen him have. But his experience with the recruiters (being WAY less than honest) and now this "speed em up drive thru" training has really played a toll on his morale. And I just recently read that 40% of recruits end up "quitting" within the 1st year. Hmmm, I wonder why?

4 weeks training is NOT enough. IMO Something is wrong here. I agree with you that this seems WAY too soon in the training process to ship a troop into a combat zone. I don't like this any better than you do. Keep us posted on him and let us help get you through this. These boards are a lifesaver when no one else understands how a parent feels when thier child is in a war zone. {{{{HUGS}}}}

ArmyMomofOnlyChild, from your post it is clear that he completed his MOS training. What MOS is he in and what about his training (other than the length) did you feel was inadequate? Infantry Soldiers only go through 5 weeks of MOS training and many deploy almost immediately afterward. As for the 7 years of training of the Iraqi Army, that is misleading and irrelevant. For one, we didn't even go into Iraq until 2003 and it was some time after that before we started training them. Secondly, each Iraqi soldier hasn't been getting trained for that entire period. Just like the U.S. Army, training of Soldiers is a never ending cycle. Your son is not the first, nor will he be the last, Soldier to be frightened about being deployed.

Keep in mind folks that this is an area for SUPPORT OF OUR PARENTS---not a bash on their child's choice.

That being said, I disagree with Catherine's assessment on going back in again when they're ready. While SOME recruiter's may give them a hard time about the first round, other recruiter's that have some integrity and class will say their piece about it and move on. It's not impossible to try again, and any recruiter that throws it up in someone's face isn't worth the time---there's plenty of recruiters out there, wouldn't waste my time with one that's an azz.

ArmyMom--your child needs to speak to a Chaplain ASAP about his concerns and his fear. Wouldn't be human at all if he wasn't even the tiniest bit scared. So he really should talk to his higher ups and the Chaplain about all this now.

All~ I apologize if my remarks seemed stern or offensive. My son joined in June of last year. 3 months of boot camp. 2 months of Infantry training. 3 months at his 1st assignemnt base. Throwing in some leave, after 9 months he is in Afghanistan on his 1st deployment. His battalion has lost seven Marines and one Corpsman in the last 10 days.

So, yes, I'm a little edgy myself. Believe me, I'm all about support. Did four months of it fulltime on another website.

ArmyMomofOnlyChild ~ If memory serves, isn't there a rule somewhere about only sons not allowed to be sent into combat roles? Worth a try looking into.

With sincerest regards,
~Corpspapa

Papa, that rule only applies if that male is the very last of his bloodline---and I'm not even sure if it's still applicable these days. I've heard conflicting info about that the past 4 years....

quote:

Originally posted by bobbysangelwife:
Papa, that rule only applies if that male is the very last of his bloodline---and I'm not even sure if it's still applicable these days. I've heard conflicting info about that the past 4 years....

Only if others are killed. If say, it's and only boy in a family of 2 children it doesn't apply. Say three boys and 2 die at war (as happened not too long ago), the remaining child can actually be removed entirely from service.

And I'm sorry, we'll have to agree to disagree on the whole re-entry thing. Maybe an Army recruiter would allow it, but not Navy or one of the other more picky branches that doesn't have to fight so hard (from what I've seen many back out only to try to get back into a different, percieved easier, branch later on). failure to ship is a big deal. Not for nothing, but why, as a recruiter, would you go through all the work with MEPS again with someone who you KNOW flaked out before (it remains on file even if you drop) and hasn't proven he can keep a committment and could very well flake on you again?

MOM-one thing you need to ask your son is WHY he wants to quit, and help him evaluate if it's a valid reason or just nerves getting the best of him (or girl, etc). If it is something he really wants to do he needs to man up and face his recruiters.

While I realize that your worried about your son not having enough training, I too was worried about my son leaving after only maybe 2 weeks of training, if that. He graduated Basic Training in Nov 07 and deployed Jan 08. he had 2 weeks after graduation to visit us here at home for the holidays and then reported back to his duty station on Jan 02 of 08, deployed before the month was over. He did fine, yes he was afraid and stressed we all were. Our guys no matter how old or young have fears when going into a war zone, however they all know that when they enlist they are going to serve our country, and if we're in a war then the posssibility of them deploying is a great one. My son was injured within a month of being there and a month after that my other son deployed. I pray everyday for our troops and please know that your sons are included in my prayers. Encourage your sons,they have been trained by strong smart Man to be strong and smart. One of my sons Drill Sgt wrote to me and said " I know your son will be fine, because I trained his brain to be strong!! He was right, he did just that, Just look at the post regarding Injured son climbing rocks, thats my son, and he is strong!!! both mentally and physically.

Catherine0830, I am new to these Discussion Boards so please excuse my ignorance. I don't care for some of the wording in your "advice" but before I respond I need to know what these "titles" under our names mean. For example, mine says "Basic Training" and yours says "Navy Forums Mod". I think understanding these titles might help me decide what advice would be worth considering.

I don't mean to sound harsh but your son joined as an adult - if he doesn't want to deploy, as an adult he will have to figure it out on his own and suffer any consequences. He has access on base to personnel. I agree the training time is questionable - my son is USAF - had 2 weeks predeployment training and is concluding an in lieu of deployment in the sandbox - meaning doing Army work though he is Air Force. On his bad days I tell myself I am moving him to Iceland or some far away place when he comes home on leave but then I get my senses back and realize he is an adult (21) and he must live by his own choices. And frankly he is proud he has had this deployment.

By bailing your son out on this one be prepared to continue to bail him out on many more future choices.

But I feel for you as a mother because I still get those days I want to "rescue" him.

quote:

Originally posted by ArmyMomofOnlyChild:
I don't care for some of the wording in your "advice" .

Why? What wording?

That means I am a Navy Forums Moderator. I am a Navy Veteran (E-5) with a husband who now has 9 years active duty Navy (E-6).

My last comment to Mom was for BubbysMom (the OP), not for you.

Catherine0830:
I am trying to understand the etiquette of the Discussion Boards. The only thing I'm confused about is the "Navy Forums Moderator". Is that your Navy MOS? Please just explain to me what that is. If someone tells me they are Military Police or a Combat Nurse, I can understand that. But ... WHAT is a Navy Forums Moderator??

The moderators are the folks that keep us straight in the different forums. They delete the offensive/obscene posts and spam. They also can move a post that is in the wrong forum such as asking about Army boot camp in the submarine forum. Catherine0830 is a moderator in the Navy forums. The other titles you see under peoples names have to do with, I believe, how often you post on the forums. (Catherine, correct me if I'm wrong on this.)

Dad of Cav Scout and former submariner.