I'm so freaked out. My son has only been out of Basic since March, and he's going to A-stan in a few weeks! It's the lack of time to prepare (both him and ME) that's getting to me. I thought and hoped that he would have months and months of additional, specialized training, but he only got a few weeks notice! Please, other Moms, tell me how you deal with this particular fear.

I'm guessing that he is either Army or Marines. He has received months of specialized training for his job. If he is a Marine then he learned how to be just that. If he is Army then he either went through OSUT or AIT and learned his job through there. And the extra experience that he needs can only be obtained by actually going through deployment. His NCOs and battle buddies will take care of him and teach him everything else he needs to know.

You would be amazed how much information the military training packs into such a short time. When you are doing nothing but training for your job for 8+ hours a day then you learn it quite rapidly.

I know it's tough on you. He has been preparing for this since the day he left for basic training. The good thing is that now he will be home sooner since he is deploying sooner. Right now is a time for you to keep his spirits up. Do NOT burden him with all your worries about how he is going to do. He knows it already and that will just depress him. DO let him know how proud you are of him.

I went through the same thing as you in '07. My son's first orders were to Korea and my wife and I breathed this huge sigh of relief that he was going someplace relatively safe. The day of his flight to Korea we received a phone message from personnel telling us that he could go to a different base if he wanted. I was tempted not to even tell him about the message and just say that I didn't get it until after he got on the plane. I didn't though and told him about it. He took the other assignment and deployed to Iraq about 5-6 weeks later. My wife was going through much of what you are. My saving grace was knowing what military training is like and knowing that he had been prepared to do his job. Fast forward two years and he is in training for deploying again, this time as an experienced NCO. This is the way that military life works.

You're right, you're right, my head knows you're right. My brain isn't talking to my heart, though. It's just that I'm used to the big doofus who couldn't function without me nagging at him all the time! Ok, need some more sage advice. When I see him this weekend, should I just pretend that everything's normal (and it won't be the last visit for 13+ months)and be happy and in "vacation" mode? I swear I won't be all weepy and clingy and depressed! But should I really try to act like nothing BIG is going on? Be silly and jokey and our usual selves? I'm afraid that if I seem too calm and controlled and "everything's normal", that he'll get upset.. by pretending to match my mood. You know what I mean? Boy,when I read this back, I sound like a headcase. I'm just so confused about what to do that's best for him!

Take your cues from him. You will probably be going with the silly, usual selves. When I saw my son off, we just acted normally until right close to the end and then he told us we could leave. We think he was just worried that he would start crying. We moved off to the side and let him be the man that we had raised him to be. Surprisingly, it was harder on my wife when he came back. She took the entire deployment really well but then broke down crying when his bus came by for his return.

Thanks for the advice. I'll take my cues from him, not be depressed or scared in front of him,and let him know how proud I am of him. It seems obvious, but it really didn't occur to me until I read your reply. I feel calmer now and able to handle the weekend. Thank you so much! I'll let ya know how it goes.

I know what your feeling!!!! See I have 3 that are serving our Country right now. One of my sons deployed right after Basic Training he Graduated in Nov 07 and deployed Jan 08'. It is only Natural for you to be feeling what your feeling right now and for him also to have the feelings he may have.. My son was worried also that he may not have had enough training and so he would train with whoever was willing to work with him on his time off, you'll be surprised at how many men were willing to train with him on their off time. Pray Pray and then Pray some more!!! When my son was getting ready to deploy I flew to KY to see him and be with him for a few days before he had to leave and since his Unit was already in Iraq he was just catching up with them so there was no big goodbye for us just a Mother and Son praying together and believing God would take care of us both!!! He did!!!

Well, we just got back from our visit, and it went OK. He was so happy to see us and spend time away from the base that it was easy to pretend that we were on vacation! It didn't get wonky until the last few hours, and then we just got quiet and serious. He didn't want to talk about his job or deployment or anything to do with A-stan. So I took your advice and followed his cues. It really wasn't as hard as when he left for Basic. I guess the whole "going away" got easier...for him! And since he was calmer, then I was able to get through the goodbye without crying (until he walked away, then I really lost it) Now I just feel numb, knowing that I won't see him again for so very long. And scared for him, oh boy, am I scared. Trying to get on with normal life is impossible. I just don't care if the bills get paid on time or if the house gets cleaned. Nothing seems remotely important, except him. I suppose that feeling will go away. Any thoughts on how long it could take?

Just take a couple of days to get used to it. One of the ladies on here even recommended to a spouse the idea of just taking a long, hot shower and crying out everything. You're already wet so there is nothing to clean up.

The feelings are going to be different for everyone. It was much easier for me since I made several deployments and came back from all without a scratch. I think my wife had it a little harder. There is always a little bit of trepidation for parents and spouses during these deployments. I won't go into the things that gave me problems because you might not think of them and I don't want to introduce any additional ones for you.

Just remember that he has been trained well and there are people looking out for him when he gets there. Now you can start putting the first care package together.

My son has been in Iraq now for a month, he too graduated basic in March. Its a change, Its frustrating when you go days with out hearing from him. But if you stop take a deep breathe and think about him, you will know that he is ok. Dont dwell on bad things. Think good things. Positive thoughts, brings positive actions.

I just wanted to wish you all and your service sons and daughters the best of luck during the deployments along with their entire service time.

The photo below was taken yesterday here in New Hampshire during a Memorial Day Service. My two sons are on the left, Kevin and Donnie. Ben on the far right, is my son's friend throughout high school and are now station together in NC. Ben has already been on a deployment to Iraq and you can see he came home fine.

(Had to come back and edit my post. That's Ben, not his twin brother Brian who's also a Marine)

Oddly, my son Donnie has been in the Marine Corps three years now and has yet to deploy, something that frustrates him. He is a mechanic/crewman on the Amphibious Assault Vehicles. I tell him, "Be careful what you wish for."

Don

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 21yrsUSCGUSCS,

What a FANTASTIC picture!! It does my heart good to see your "boys" looking so healthy and happy and handsome! Whenever I see a soldier, I just wanna give him (or her!) a big hug. Don't wanna embarrass them, so I don't. But boy, do I want to - cause I know that MOM would be holding on for dear life, if she could.

He's probably in the air right now. We spent hours on the phone yesterday, and he sounded good. Nervous, of course, but rarin' to get going! Now I guess I'll just sit and wait for a shipping address. Any ideas on how long until I : hear from him, either phone or E-mail? Get the address so I can write and send goody packages? Do you think it'll be weeks and WEEKS? Somebody told me it can go two months without any contact..NOT what I wanted to hear!

My heart goes out to you. I have two son's serving and do not look forward to deployment. One son just reported on Tuesday to Bragg and the unit he is assigned to deploys in August. So....

Thankfully, we can turn to others on here who have 'been there, done that'.

Does any one know if 4th ID, Ft. Carson deploy soon?

I got the shipping address before I even heard from him! Big thanks to the FRG! He finally got to A-stan and called last night. Possibly the longest 6 days of my life (so far). Since the charger was packed, he couln't charge the phone battery! He sounded exhausted but it sure was great to hear his voice. Now I'll wait to hear exactly where he's going. Can't wait till he can hook up his laptop, so I can SEE and talk to him! Hope & pray that he'll be somewhere with cell towers. Anybody with first-hand knowledge about the set up...how hard is it to get in contact with E-mail???