My husband was deployed May 4th. I know that is such a sort time ago to some of you after reading your blogs and I feel horrible about how I am feeling. I know that so many people go through this for so much longer then me. But this is our first deployment. I am not use to not being able to talk to him and I thought I was doing really good at first but it's been over 3 weeks since I have actually got to talk to him now. I get emails which is awesome especially since I wasn't aware that some people don't. But, we thought that he was going to get to call at the end of this week and now due to weather he don't think they are going to get to pull into port so who knows how long it'll be before I do get to talk to him. On here it seems like you all have each other to talk to but we just got married before he left and I am living in TN, he was stationed in CA. We just decided that we would wait to move me out there till he got done with this deployment but no one here has any idea of what I am going thru. There are no Navy towns in TN. I just don't know how people do this and I am looking for advice or better yet just a friend would be nice. Where we have just got into this whole deployment it just feels like he's never coming back. I know that is horrible to say and I am normally not such a negitive person but it's just such a long time. Don't miss understand, I love my husband and I'll be here to support him no matter what, I am just really sad right now. Any advice?

You get used to him being gone after a while. I think the first month is the worse. Start your own new routine, and have dates to count down to. It will go by faster than you realize. Hang in there and just try to keep yourself busy!

I am in TN, too, and BTW there is a Navy base in TN- Millington (near Memphis)

Hang in there, stay busy and get involved with some projects. I sent you an email through your profile. You will get through this, the first couple of weeks can be the hardest until your mind settles in and accepts this reality.

You will go through these stages it is very difficult at times. But then all of a sudden the deployment is almost finished and you start running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get everything organized in time.

You need to keep yourself busy, have you gone through all your things to get ready to move. Because most likely this is going to be at your own expense. Do you have copies of your birth certificates, marriage certificates, social security cards? you should always have those with you. There is actually a Navy town in TN, Millington, so find out more information go to Fleet & Family Support Center. If you are close by then take some classes. They off all sorts and they are free. The base also has recreational facilities that you can use as well. If you can't use that one, then look just over the borders and see if there is other branch bases you can use those as well. You aren't limited to just using the Navy facilities.

Also has he added you to the contact list for the FRG - Family Readiness Group and the Ombudsman for the command? He needs to do that so you can receive information from them. Talking to the Ombudsman can definitely help in getting information about the area. Contact the FFSC in San Diego and ask for a welcome aboard package to be mailed to you. It can give you information about the area. For housing if you decide to live in it, you can look up and see what areas you want to live in. Lincoln Military Housing runs it and they are really good.

Do a websearch for his ship's website. There should be contact information there.

If they list ombudsmen contact one of them with your information and request they pass your information to the spouse group or family readiness group. Also request to be put on any email lists that are available. FYI if you don't request that they pass your information to the spouse group they cannot pass it because of confidentiality.

If you don't see a link for ombudsmen or spouse groups then look for a link to the CMC and send a note to him/her and ask that your information be passed to the ombudsmen and the family readiness group.

Millington TN is a Navy town. It used to be a Naval Air Training Center but now it is where the Navy Bureau of Personnel is at.

Kathy

I remember Millington!

The boards are a great support source for many that are not close to a base.

I agree with getting in touch with the ombudsman and so forth. Make sure they get your snail mail or email address to send you newsletters from the FSG.


Sgt Mom

Sucks to say that you actually do get used to them being gone but you find things that make time fly by. just don't think about how long he'll be gone and start thinking about what you want to do once he's back. keep happy thoughts in your head and you will make it through this and it'll be over before you know it. i'm about to marry my soldier next month on his leave. i miss him now but after next month i'll miss him even more since we'll be married. this is his 2nd deployment so i've found positive things that work for me to make my days go by quick. hang in the girl and we're all here for ya!

I am not a speller at all, so if you see mistakes i'm sorry. It runs in my family for some reason.

First things first, keep yourself busy. Get a job, go to school, read books, clean house, hand around with friends but most importantly visit with your family as much as possible. You will get home sick when you move away from your family. We are both from Mississippi and he is stationed in Tampa, FL at MacDill AFB. My hubby and I started going out December 25, 2006. He asked me to marry him May 4, 2007. We were married August 25, 2008. He is deployed to Afghanistan been gone since January 2, 2008. So here I am do not know nothing about the military really except from the stories my grandparents have told me.

I know some of you are probably thinking wow that is so fast, but we are so in love. We finish each other’s sentences, knows what each other is thinking even when he is half way around the world. Scary huh?

Let me fill you in on my life. I am 24 yrs old and just recently graduated from college and gave birth to my second child May 19, 2008. I have a four yr old that is currently at his daddy’s for the summer break. Therefore, when I found out I was pregnant with my first son. I was 19 and just started college. The father and his family said the baby was not his. What do they know; I know who I have been with. He ended up moving away and did not help me out while I was going to college. Of course I had family but they pretty much said I was on my own. After the baby was born (he was not there for the birth), they got a DNA test done, and he started paying me child support. He worked off shore 1 wk at work and 1 wk home. He only got his son for about 2 days. That went on for about a year. Then his job changed to 2 wks at work and 2 wks home. Then he only got his son four about 4 days there. BC he had to have a social life of course. Here I am still in school and working, taking care of his child with no help really, struggling to pay my bills. My degree I had a lot of projects where I had to meet with groups almost every night. I had to take my son with me. I was also in the band for one semester only with him, man that was hard. I also took my son to work with me also (student worker). If you have kids you know how it is, all the late nights, all the sickness, etc. My son did not know what sleep was so when he would finally go to sleep. I would get to work on my schoolwork. I was up till about three in morning all the time. Well his daddy started going out w/someone and they got married bc she got pregnant. She tried to be my little boy’s mom. She was always starting fights with me. So then I meet my husband of course. He was so great. He was not after just sex. He asked me to marry him even knowing about me having a three yr old, the drama w/my baby’s daddy, me 10000 dollars in debt not counting my student loans. We had our wedding date set for March of 09. The father of my baby kept threatening me he was going to take my son from me bc I was going to move out of the state. What grounds does he have the right to take him from me? My son was with me majority of his life. I am what he knows. Of course he worships his grandparents (father’s side). Don’t he know our son will get a lot of benefits? Getting to see the world and meet a lot of important ppl. (My hubby also does Honor Guard and loves it). He got to meet the govern of FL and almost had a pic w/him but he started screaming and crying, lol. We found out that court was September 24, 2007, so we moved the wedding date up to August. Of course, we got custody of my son. Every since they tried to make our lives a living hell. We found out that were prego like 3 or 4 wks after we were married. So my hubby was getting ready to leave for deployment, I decided I should go back home (Mississippi) to have baby, finish my degree, and to let the father see his son more often bc w/us living in a different state it’s hard for him to see him as often and w/gas prices like it is. So by now the father works a month out and home a month. So I decided to let his son stay with him while he was at home pretty much the whole month. My son has never been away from me that long (4 wks). I was going crazy out of my mind. I wanted to get him a weekend for a cookout and I had said I would pick him up and bring him back to him, but when it was time for him to come home to me that they had to bring to me since I had just drove 14 hours for him to get his son. The father was ok, but his wife gets on the phone and didn’t like that. Her and I have been fighting since day one. She had the balls to tell me that I couldn’t get my son. So the next day I go out there w/my court papers saying I have custody of him and to get him. She would not give me my son nor tell me where he was. I got the law involved but of course they said they couldn’t get involved bc the papers didn’t say I can have help from the law. We didn’t have a visitation schedule made up; she was like Toby is home he is on his watch. I then went back to my lawyer to put a end to that. We got a visitation schedule made up now. So here I am about 4 months pregnant or so, going back to school, dealing w/my hubby overseas my first deployment, and have to deal w/all of the drama. Before my husband left he told me about convoys he went on saw ppl get blown up and stuff. So Im stressed out right. So to this day the stepmom and I are finally getting alone. Did I mention that she was 21 so I think she finally grew up and realized a thing or two? She wanted everything her way or no way. She is very spoiled.

So my hubby comes home next week. And im so excited. I can’t wait to see him. I miss him so much. Im so going to jump up in his arms and prob make him fall over but oh well. By the way, he got to watch the whole birth on webcam it was so awesome.

Is it common to feel resentment at first?

quote:

Originally posted by CierraSA:
Is it common to feel resentment at first?

I think it is for alot of spouses to feel that way. Like, how could he leave me for so long, etc. Now, my DH volunteered and we talked in length about it first. So no resentment here, but I think there are stages that we, at home, go through. I think the most important thing is to not settle into that feeling of resentment. It'll pass, along with those days when your feeling down. Don't wallow in it. Let it pass and move on. There will be more good days than bad. I've just made myself aware that this is how it'll be, but I try to always focus on the positive.

It won't be forever, and before you know it, he'll be on his way back home. Keep your chin up.

quote:

Originally posted by CierraSA:
Is it common to feel resentment at first?

Everyone feels things differently. I admit that there have been a few times over the last 23 years that I felt resentment. The trick is not to dwell on the resentment or it will destroy you and your marriage. When you start to feel overwhelmed,resentful or depressed get out of the house and get moving. If that doesn't work then seek help from your doctor, Chaplain and/or Military One Source.

Kathy

I completely understand where you are coming from, I feel resentment, sometimes I hate the fact that my 'personal person' isn't here with me. But I have to remember that this is what he wanted, he is fulfilling a personal dream; he is such a determined person and one of the qualities that I love the most about him.
I have really bad days, when I fall apart but today I know I am blessed to have met a brave and determined man who is serving his country and I am so proud of him.
The bad stuff is so easy to believe and get caught up in but remember the positive things ... these are the moments that we live for ....
**hugs**

CierraSA- I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but I have to admit that I feel the same way a lot of the time that he's been gone.
My bf and I have been dating a year, and we've decided a while ago that we were gonna get married. He planned on joining Air Force for a long time since his ninth grade in high school, way before we met. So then he began to talk about it. And when I realized that he was really serious about it, I freaked out. I still freak out. We had many arguments about before he left. We almost broke up because I just didn't think I could deal with him being gone. I didn't go away to college to stay here with him and so I felt like he was choosing to join AF over me. Sometimes it bothers me, but I know that he cares about me. We're getting married next week end, after his BMT graduation. He's been gone since May 26, 2008, and it's not fun.
But honestly, it went by so quick! I got a full time job, so that helped, and I do my own thing. I don't rely on friends so much, but more family and I have "me" time. I exercise, read, and do all those things that I don't do when I'm with him.. since I probably won't do them often when we live together.
The first week to two weeks were the hardest.. I cried every night, especially since he called only once the week after he got there and only to give me his address and we talked for a minute and a half. So I'm really miserable sometimes and I can't help but feel resentment and like he left me. But I love him and I want to be there for him, so I'm trying to get over it and be more rational than emotional.
I'm excited.. his graduation is only days away.. and so is our wedding, even though we're gonna re-do it in December. He'll stay in TX for tech school for a few more months.. he may be deployed because he's in security forces.. so I'll probably be on here for a long time.. Pathetic, I know.. But o well!

ummmm is resentment normal...not sure but i know sometimes i wanna shout what about me ? what about us? and then i realize that i chose him, so in turn i chose the military...and i love him so much that the thought of living with some of the stuff that comes with the military is SO much better than living with out him at all... it makes me proud that he chose me...


when you get down think of ways to improve yourself... i took the time he has been gone to lose 40lbs...and when he came home on leave he loved it! do something to improve yourlife which will in turn improve both of your lives and be happy you guys chose each other.

I agree with those that suggest getting in touch with those stationed at the naval base near you. When my husband left for deployment I knew no one here but military wives know the drill and can and will become your family if you let them. Also if you've heard it once you've heard it a thousand times stay busy enroll in a class, join a gym, volunteer the time will fly by! Good luck to you. Also if you need any advice on moving to California let me know it scared me half to death to move this far from home but it's been a great experince!

My husband and I are waiting for him to deploy. The training is supposed to begin in the winter and he will leave sometime in the spring. All the postings on here are really sad, but they are giving me hope in knowing I will not be going at this all alone. I know Army wives are strong women! I am proud to be one.

quote:

Originally posted by wvuredhead:
My husband and I are waiting for him to deploy...

Love your name! My husband and I were born 'n raised in WV. I just graduated with my BSN from WVU in May. In July, we moved to Nova as he was stationed in the DC area. Good luck on your next degree --and your husband's deployment. Keep representing us military wives in WV!