So far I have done great with DH being gone. I have had 2 family members pass, dealt with the kids,2 had birthday's (same day only 10 years apart) our first anniversary, but on Mothers Day I lost it.I am back to being fine now, but has anyone else have this happen? Is it ok to have a pity party every now and then?

Of course it's okay to throw yourself a pitty party! That's one of the ways to cope with it. Gotta get it out some how and then move on like you did! Bravo to you! Mine, was about two weeks before he came home. I had had enough and the time was NOT moving fast enough. lol!

perfectly fine as long as you don't allow it for too long or allow it to consume you.

Allowing yourself a pity party day can be great for your mental health! No one can be strong 24/7/365 - you need some down time. Once you allow yourself the down time, get back into things.

If it is difficult for 2 weeks or more please contact your doctor or Military One Source.


Sgt Mom

Thank you for your answers, it was just that one day.Luckily I had my oldest here with me (we made up) but I think alot was going threw 2 funerals, my Dad ended up in the hospital for pneumoia, our anniversay and everything else all just hit me at once.My Dad, 88 year old Grandma and Uncle all had pneumonia at the same time right after my Aunts death, but Dad has asbestosis from working at the ship yard 20 some years.My DH is my rock and it was hard.When he is home and I cuddle in his arms I call that my "safe spot" and I really missed it that day.

When feeling stressed I recommend watching a movie that makes you cry. You can always say that it was the movie but it also helps you release your emotions.

Kathy

Everyone has those days my hubby has done 3 times and during his 2nd one he left when i was 6 months preggers with twins then when i had them i almost died had to be put back in the hospital find someone to take car of newborn twins with health issues so yeah we all have them mine has missed the birth of the twins, thier 2nd bday our oldest 1st days of school 3 b-days and anniversaries, and not being here when 2 of my uncles passed with in 6 months of each other but all we can do it keep going there are days when i thought i couldn't go on but i am still hear and i think it makes us a better person in the long run the one thing i learned about myself is that i am stronger than i think my friends are like oh i look up to you but you know what don't cause i just do what i can you'll make it i promise and things will b ok i always rented movies on friday got some ice cream and pizza and we had a night for me and the kids while he was gone just keep busy and allow your self some slack

Dear Pink249,
In answer to your last question, I say, you most definitely ARE allowed to struggle, feel sad, etc!

I get tired of that phrase "pity party".
Let's be honest, pity partying isn't the same as grieving, hurting, etc. (Even as an elementary school kid I wondered why adults always treated the two as the same.)

If something hurts, it hurts. But sadly we live in a PC world where there is so much "correcting" and finger-wagging always going on by others - most of whom are complete strangers.
So, here's one complete stranger giving you some room: go ahead and feel how you feel. God wants to see it. (I'm sure He's sick of people faking it with Him!)

May your heart be deeply comforted.
Have lifted you in prayer.
Ps.31:24 and 23:2

Thank you

I got to see him! Granted it , it was for 48 hours, but it was a huge blessing! when he left I started to fall apart, but then I realized there are alot of you whose husbands are deployed, and I felt ashamed of myself,knowing that any of you would give anything for that 48 hours. I want to thank each of you for your support and without all of you , I would not have made it this far.

I feel for ya Pink...i just brought my hunnie back to the airport yesterday to go back to Iraq to finish his tour. He was home for his R&R and it was the best 18 days of my life. and now i'm miserable...i feel so depressed...I knew it was going to be the hardest time to say gbye...we've had many gbyes so far but this one was the hardest...i seriously catch myself smelling his pillow...i wore his tshirt to bed last nite and i stare at my phone waiting for an update on where he is and if he made it back safe...i swear i'm going crazy but i know it'll get better...i've heard from him like 5 times already since he left...so that's good...but everytime i start to cry...LOL! it jus takes a few days of sulking and then you get stronger....trust me...and i can be an emotional wreck...so jus keep ur chin up...cry when u need to...it'll all be ok!!!

Nothing wrong with the pity parties as long as they don't affect your day to day activities. I would probably think it strange if someone doesn't have them. No one is super woman.

Those R&R's always seem to be the hardest. You want them to come home but it is harder to send them back. It is almost like a tease.

I am counting down the weeks till our R&R. It should be sometime in the middle of Sept. DH wanted to be home during H.S. Football season to see our son play.

quote:

Originally posted by Genes_Sweet:
When feeling stressed I recommend watching a movie that makes you cry. You can always say that it was the movie but it also helps you release your emotions.

Kathy

When DH is away, or am away, I choose funny movies.. laughter is always a good saviour for me!

Pink, if I may...

For you to have gone through all of that and only have a ONE-DAY nervous breakdown is amazing. I can tell he is not the only rock in your family. I hear so many younger spouses talking about how wasted they got...to forget, and it makes me sad to think of the DH/DW coming home to a raving drunk.

I say you did awesome! And from what I have learned from these forums is that you are always welcome to come here and rant until your heart is content, and you will get support from some amazing people.

Thumbs WAY up to you!

~Jason
Navy Husband

Thanks! I wish I was young...lol! I am now 41. My Dad had to go in the hospital for 4 day with pneumonia, the kids are 21,13 and 11! Last week my 13 DD was in a car accident while she spent a few days with her sister. She is fine just seat belt burns. I dont have time to drink and party...if I did would finish cutting the grass! It has been crazy, and we have another cousin losing his battle with brain cancer.Luckily my DH got finished training and HE IS HOME for the next few weeks! Thanks for letting me vent. It does a world of good just to get it out.

yes me too fallin apart. My 19 year old son joined the Army left on Mothers Day May 11,2008. this came as a surprise to me. Trying to get through each day and trying to be positive. Nothing seems easy at this time............

Vicki..........MthrOfASoldier>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mthrofasoldier,

Yep, falling apart every now and then is definatly ok, and even a necessity. My DH and I got married during his boot leave this past May, spent 2 days together busier than I've ever been getting things taken care of before he went back to Cali for MCT, then he got to come home from Florida for 3 days July 4th weekend. When he went back to Florida, Delta screwed us out of $600, and after doing the budget tonight, found out that there's no way we'll be able to afford for me to go to our first Marine Corps Ball with him, and we're not going to get to spend our first Thanksgiving or Christmas as husband & wife together either. I know this isn't as bad as if he were deployed & I feel bad for getting this upset about it, but, since I just found out that our "possibility" has become "definately" tonight is definately one of my "falling apart nights". Tomorrow will be a little hard since I just got off the phone with him & will be exhausted tomorrow, but after a good sleep tomorrow night I'll be good to go again.

So like all the others have said, falling apart every now & then is good for you as long as it doesn't become a long term thing. Having a night of being upset/disappointed, and having some tears helps in dealing with it, and keeping it together the rest of the time.

Sorry for rambling, that tends to happen when I'm tired

Pity parties are very healthy and a great way to release pent up emotions. When my hubby was deployed, I was the FRG Leader. I was so busy comforting the other wives, dealing with FRG issues, entertaining my teenage daughter, working full time, running my household, that I never made time for myself. One day, I went into work, started my work, and the tears just start pouring out. I was not happy that my body decided to break down at work. Not a very convenient time, but it happened. My co-workers were so supportive and took me out to lunch that day to help me get my mind off things.

I have also spent an entire weekend in bed and laying around the house when hubby was deployed. It's ok. As long as it doesn't become a habit.

Bottom line is, let the pity party happen, then get right back up and start the next day fresh.