Good evening everybody, thanks for stopping by and reading my post. I have read on here a lot since my wife left for Basic back in February but every time I think I want to post on here I back out due to the fact that I am a guy. My wife and I have been married for 7 ½ years now and we have four children together. I knew this was going to be hard before she left but all I can say is WOW. While my wife was in basic she sent letters home as much as she could telling me how much she loved me, missed me, and needed my support through this. It was really nice to get because it reminded me what I was doing it for. Of course I got lonely and did everything in my power to stay busy with the kids and what not. The time really went by fast now I look back on it all. The children and I went to see her graduate Basic Training.

Now here is where it started going down hill very fast! She made it to AIT and all of the sudden she never called home. She didn’t want to call and talk to the kids when she could. I started freaking out a little bit because every time we got on the phone finally I made it a point to tell her that our children ask to talk to her all of the time. I told her that I needed something (not saying that I wanted her to call and be all mushy with me but at least on her own say I love you or miss you or thank you for doing this with me… something!) She finally told me that she had to put the kids and I in the back of her mind because it hurt her too much to think about us while she was in school. This upset me in some ways but I’ve done everything to try and accept the fact that she is going through stuff that I will never understand. Then she started getting her weekend passes. She still did not call home. Basically what I am trying to get at is this… is this normal? Does it get any better from here?

This has not been easy on either of us at all and I am very proud of what she has been through this far… I just wish that she would see what I am doing too! I have not had a babysitter for the past 4 months and I work graveyards. I am lucky enough that I can bring my kids with me but this is still very stressful!

I know that this is only the beginning of a very long journey for us and if we are already having problems now… I can only imagine what waits for us in the very near future.


Again, thanks for reading if you made it this far I just need somewhere to vent a little because this is stuff that I don’t want to bring up with family or friends.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sgtmom,

Your wife made a huge decision in joing the military. She also made a huge decision when she became a mother and a wife. Those three things need to work together and it can be done. She needs to step up and call you guys. It's that simple. If your kids need to hear from her then they need to hear from her. She needs to realize that it's not only hard on her but it is hard on the rest of her family as well. If talking to her about this hasn't made any improvement maybe you can write a letter to her explaing what your needs and wants are and what things are confusing you. But also let her know that you will still be there for her but that she needs to be there for you as well.

I am sorry that she has pushed you guys away like this. Does it happen, sure. Does it make it hurt any less since it is "normal". NO. if you keep talking about it and get it out, I am hoping that things will turn around for you. I dont' see why they shouldn't if you guys had a good marriage before this then 4 months shouldn't cause that much damage. Keep your head up. Good luck.

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Does this happen, as Jen said above yes. Doesn't make it any easier. I can understand and appreciate she is working hard and it does hurt to think of family. She also needs to realize she is not the only one doing this - all of you are going through this.

I agree that it may be good to write a letter or send an email on this. If you do this - write it and save it for a day. Go back and read it and it you feel it states everything as it is without accusations then send it. If you back her into a corner with all "you need to do" type things she'll fight back most likely.

Hang in there, things do ease up once they finish training.


Sgt Mom

I have to ask something, and your answer could make it easier for you to understand. Is your wife a strong study? What I mean is, does she learn new things (tasks, languages, skills) quickly, or does it take more effort for her? I am absolutely NOT asking if she is dumb. I am just asking this because, if it does take her more effort to learn new things, maybe she really does have to work harder to focus than others. Thinking about family can really cloud your mind when trying to study and learn your job.
My wife is about to graduate basic, and has orders to go to DLI to begin training to learn Arabic on 09AUG. She is great with languages and learns them pretty easily, but she still understands she is in the military, and simply MUST pay attention to her studies. I give her the necessary distance so she can excel at her learning, and when she is comfortable with letting her mind wander, she writes me.
I know if I was in her shoes (not a fast learner, myself) I would not be able to write or call at all, because there is no way I would be able to learn anything if I spent time thinking about anything else at all. It actually sounds promising that she fears thinking about home will distract her. That tells me she loves you all so much and can easily absorb herself in your memories and future, and lose her study time. I know when I write my wife I will occasionally look at her picture on my desk and some 45 minutes later I break the spell and get back to the letter. That COULD be what's going on with her. It may be nothing to worry about, no matter how much it sucks. My wife and I have spent hours a day, almost every day together, just talking and laughing, and now I hear from her once a week at MOST. It's hard, but she is putting the military first for now, and when her training is done, she can afford to put us first again.
Support her, write her at least twice a week to remind her that you understand her sacrifices and will be ready to be there when her trials are over. They will be over before you know it. It sucks for us, but I promise it sucks for them even more.

You'll get through it!

~Jason