Friend of Mine posted this on her Myspace as a bulletin. Feel free to add your own "wish they didn't" comments ^_^


1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're
afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of
our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the
front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're
scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little
annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have
been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious
single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the
shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more
capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose
to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose
husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in
Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and
dying over there.)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family
reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of
these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. For those with and without
children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us
plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking
massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is REALLY annoying to many of us whether our husbands are
deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days
until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and
again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN
and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments
you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we
figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But
it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our
guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes
away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks.
I totally know what you're going through."
(OK. Do NOT equate your husband's three week trip to
London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a
war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your
husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could
call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a
commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well,
paying for everything with an expense account. There is no
comparison. We do NOT feel bonded to you in the slightest because of
this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it.
Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip
is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men.
There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province
on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise,
know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al
Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr
City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our
country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our
country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in
Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on
the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps
everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever
happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your
right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to
be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by
the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still
fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses
learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something
greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like
simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have
dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most 'normal'
relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex
deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political
opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the
grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar
when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY
NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to
spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care
of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not
tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to
ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much
they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean
cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

last but not least....

14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be
appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable
American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so
those wars stay abroad.)

This is my first deployment, and most of those things don't bother me, but the one that does is "Well, at least he's not in Iraq."

I absolutely HATE that one. I agree with the commentary, do you think they're playing golf on a resort over there????

The war on terror spans many countries in the Middle East; Iraq is not the only dangerous place to be. No matter if DH is in Kuwait, Afghanistan or Iraq, he IS in a war zone regardless.

Definitely ticks me off sometimes. But I just try to smile and say, "Yes, thank goodness." Because they don't understand and I don't have the time, the patience, or the desire to explain.

But, I did have a friend message me on myspace the other day, and tell me "I only get to see my girlfriend every three days and it's agony, so I know how you feel." I seriously laughed so hard. I didn't even bother replying because anything I said was not going to be very nice, so it was better to just let it go.

These things don't bother me. They don't understand and are just trying to cumfort. for the most part unless they are a jerk. I still say when you miss your loved one, you miss your loved one. Sometimes you have to pray a little harder for their safety, but it's the same pain, and the same boredom. yes, i am bored without my husband. 2 kids is still not enough to keep me busy enough to not be bored. He is a very good entertainer I guess.

I've been hearing some of those even though my DH is at BCT.

One that really bothers me is one of my co-workers. Last saturday, Feb. 08, I told her that me and my DH were married for 2 months already and she said: "Oh, that's great but be careful my sister lasted 2 years and alone because he deployed to Iraq and she had nobody at home with her." To be real, she cheated on him while he was defending her and our freedom. Apparentelly she couldn't live without sex.

Makes me mad that some people think that because somebody went through that my marriage will have the same fate. I love my DH too much to EVER cheat on him or to EVER leave him.

Yea I know the feeling. My husband did a year in Korea. And while Korea isn't Iraq, its still a year apart. And we did it with no midtour so there was no halfway mark either. But back on topic, My best friend is male.

Everyone thought that just because all the other spouses were cheeting on their husbands I was too. Annoyed the piss out of me. If he had been a girl, there would have been no rumors. On the base I lived on, I could have publicly kissed a girlfriend or even come close to fondling her and there would have been no rumors. But because my bestfriend had something different between his legs I must be jumping him every night right???

Sorry done ranting.

quote:

The war on terror spans many countries in the Middle East; Iraq is not the only dangerous place to be. No matter if DH is in Kuwait, Afghanistan or Iraq, he IS in a war zone regardless.

Not just the Middle East. We are fighting the GWOT in many countries around the world.

quote:

Apparentelly she couldn't live without sex.

and that right there sums it up for most cheatin' situations...lol....pitiful isn't it?

I don't let any of the above crap bother me. Although I really can't wait to go home, see my cousin and have him talk to my husband the way he did to me a few years back. That could be fun.

I have another one...

"Aren't you so afraid that he is cheating on you while he is away training or away overseas in Iraq? They probably get so lonely so I don't blame them!"

NO! HE'S NOT CHEATING ON ME! If I was in this relationship and didn't trust him, then obviously that relationship shouldn't continue! I don't know a single good relationship that doesn't have a solid trust foundation. And just because he's over in Iraq, it's not like he had countless hours a day to spend on what he wants, he can barely find enough time to eat, sleep, breathe, and he scrapes whatever little time he can find to talk to me and his family and friends.

So for the last time to everyone who asks...NO!!!!

Well some people who say that kind of stuff...they don't even know how bad those things can sound,others they just enjoy it.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable you can always put some distance or talk to that person.

My personal feeling toward that kind of comments is...

man.. alot of that that bothers me... especially the sex thing and the "oh i know how you feel now" thing.

sure i like sex... WITH my husband... AND it's not the only thing on my mind. there are other MORE important things out there, like my husbands safety, my husbands sanity. there were alot of times where he'd call me and it would sound like he's about to go crazy cause he says he misses me and misses home so much.
sam goes for him, he may think about sex alot cause he's a guy, but he's told me time and time again that it's not NEARLY as important and being home with me, not NEARLY as important as... making sure i'm taken care of. haha

and i also have a friend (at the time she was my roomate) that was engaged to an army soldier about to go to iraq... the week after he left from his leave to go back to whatever state he was stationed to, she cheated on him... he forgives her and she prmises not to do it again. (of course no names will be given)
she does it countless times, and each time fesses up (which that part alone is honorable, but not the rest of it. 9_9)

she lost something awesome with that guy, and so when i'm in pain cause i miss my husband so much... she would look and me and talk to me and say "yea i know how you feel, i had to go through the same thing with my ex"

and i never say it, but i look at her in my mind and say, "well, no you don't... because you didn't appreciate how much he really loved you, by spitting in his face by cheating on him a week after he returned to his base... that was CONUS!!" er.. i'm over it now cause she doesn't say stuff like that to me anymore, but it irritated me a little when she did. now she sees what she did was wrong and feels really bad and is in a relationship(not the same guy she cheated on her ex for) that she feels she was given a second chance(obviously things didn't work out with her and the guy she was cheating with).

also my sis-in-law actually caught me crying this one time and we talked, she said she couldn't imagine what i was going through, and she was happy she didn't have to. that i was really strong and stuff like that. i mean i appreciate the compliment... i guess... but i felt so awkward... i didn't know what to say or how to react. i mean i was being as strong as i could naturally... and i was being complimented for it.
then she told me she couldn't imagine my husband having chose anyone else to be his wife and loved me more for all the dedication i have to him. that i did more for him then anyone else he knew, including her.
she was seriously sticking me up on a pedistal... and i don't know, and didn't know how to react to that... i mean... that's... nice, but. hmmm. has anyone else been told things like that? i'm sure you have... but, i really don't know what to do or say besides "er... th-thanks?" haha

quote:

Originally posted by SbratSsgtWife:
Yea I know the feeling. My husband did a year in Korea. And while Korea isn't Iraq, its still a year apart. And we did it with no midtour so there was no halfway mark either. But back on topic, My best friend is male.

Everyone thought that just because all the other spouses were cheeting on their husbands I was too. Annoyed the piss out of me. If he had been a girl, there would have been no rumors. On the base I lived on, I could have publicly kissed a girlfriend or even come close to fondling her and there would have been no rumors. But because my bestfriend had something different between his legs I must be jumping him every night right???

Sorry done ranting.

i know exactly what you mean, there were alot of rumors given to my husband and vice versa... and then you read all the bad things happening to marriages nowadays and you think to yourself "hmmm i wonder why" cause there's trust missing.

i trust my hubster with all my heart, i really do. i mean i get a little jealous if he has a female battle... but the last time he had one i met when i visited him in south korea. she was like... 30-40's not all too attractive, semi-stiff.. (she casually stood like she was at attention), but she was really nice and really friendly, and the reason he befriended her was because she was easy to get along with, and for my hubby alot of people think he's annoying because he tries so hard to not let bad things get him down, so he seems happy alot of the time. and she was a good person to remind him there are some people over there that will befriend him. ^_^ (if you go to my myspace, there are pictures of her, myself, my hubby and 2 other battles that we hung out with mostly while i was there. ^_^ you'll see for yourself)

they don't do immature things and they are really "good" friends. so my jealousy turned only into jealousy of wishing i could be there seeing and spending time with him instead of this random chick or random guy. ^__^

quote:

"Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there".

A friend of a friend recently said something to this extent. Also adding that, "if they die over there, it's their own fault."

Needless to say, it bothered me.
It's always the ones who do the most whining, and talk the most trash, that don't seem to realize that people are dying for them to have the right to spew such garbage from their mouths.

quote:

Originally posted by Armygal72:

quote:

"Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there".

A friend of a friend recently said something to this extent. Also adding that, "if they die over there, it's their own fault."

Needless to say, it bothered me.
It's always the ones who do the most whining, and talk the most trash, that don't seem to realize that people are dying for them to have the right to spew such garbage from their mouths.

makes me sick...

quote:

Originally posted by AndysKassanova:
I have another one...

"Aren't you so afraid that he is cheating on you while he is away training or away overseas in Iraq? They probably get so lonely so I don't blame them!"

I don't even answer questions like that.
If I was to answer it though it would go a little something like this: Aren't you afraid your husband is cheating on you while he's at work? At the gym? Out of town for a 'conference' or 'meeting'? He probably gets so lonely without you after one or two days that he just can't control himself! My God! How do you handle that?!?!

And walk off as she's picking up her jaw off the ground. I wouldn't even look back to see her expression.

quote:

Originally posted by Armygal72:
A friend of a friend recently said something to this extent. Also adding that, "if they die over there, it's their own fault."

Oh this is a good one! lol...my azz cousin sorta hinted at this to me over Christmas--in front of our children--after we'd only been married a few months, and him being gone for one month.

This was my response to him: then if you get shot at a 7-11 during a robbery---it's your fault because you knew it could happen when you left the house. Or you get hit by a random bus crossing a street---it's your own fault because you should have known that there was a chance that the bus could come careening towards you.

Yep...the intelligence of "educated" people absolutely is astounding isn't it??

quote:

Originally posted by bobbysangelwife:

quote:

Originally posted by AndysKassanova:
I have another one...

"Aren't you so afraid that he is cheating on you while he is away training or away overseas in Iraq? They probably get so lonely so I don't blame them!"

I don't even answer questions like that.
If I was to answer it though it would go a little something like this: Aren't you afraid your husband is cheating on you while he's at work? At the gym? Out of town for a 'conference' or 'meeting'? He probably gets so lonely without you after one or two days that he just can't control himself! My God! How do you handle that?!?!

And walk off as she's picking up her jaw off the ground. I wouldn't even look back to see her expression.

i had a boss at work that would say things like that... "oh don't you think he's picking up that asian *** and getting a piece of that?"
mostly i ignored him, but basicly i got so ticked off that i just sorta laid it on him to shut his effing mouth and to keep stupid *** comments like that to himself. XD

now we're on ok terms.. more like "haha" buddies cause he's basicly just a butt head and i just ignore his mean comments cause he's just trying to get under my skin... so i think i'm one of the only people in this world that can tolerate him besides his wife that he cheats on all the time.

BAW that was a good one to tell those ppl that ask about the cheating situation all the time!!!

Yeah Martiznez...ur boss is an a$$! I can't believe that!!! What a jerk and usually the ppl who ask if i think he is cheating are the ones who are cheating themselves....guilty conscience!? lol!

oh i just looooove the one:

well he gets leave doesn't he? so it cant be that bad you will get to see him a little.

oh yeah a$$clown. two wks if he's lucky out of 15 months. its not like he can say "ok boys im headed back to the states for the weekend, see yall later."

and i really hate the oh how can you be faithful/are you worried about him being faithful, especially since he has a female gunner?

no i have better things to do than worry about him like that. and no im not worried about sex right now either. thats why your not still married jerk!

sorry this is a topic that really gets me!lol
some people...

quote:

Originally posted by AndysKassanova:
Yeah Martiznez...ur boss is an a$$! I can't believe that!!! What a jerk and usually the ppl who ask if i think he is cheating are the ones who are cheating themselves....guilty conscience!? lol!

i worked with him at racetrak and another time in pizza hut... he's funny and entertaining, but he's still an ***. he now knows that he can't bother me as much anymore, so when i see him he just doesn't bother. ^_^

last i saw him he actually wanted to see the pics and video i took when i was in south korea with Teh_Martinez88(teh hubby). an my hubs has meet him, haha. he hated him at first, but then he realized he had nothing to worry about and just hated him cause he was an ***...

though i'm currently just a full time student, so i don't have to hear anything like that every anmore from him. ^_^ ahhh, the sweet life... *cough* NOT. lol

he used to tell me lots of times that he knew i was going to cheat as well... kinda like "oh, you're young. you'll want it and you'll cheat... garunteed" i just looked at him and said, "no.. i'm not. and if you can judge me by your standards of life, then screw you" and rememebr... ahah this was my boss. XD XD it was hilarious how he just laughed and carried on, and never fired me... hell i dunno why i ever put up with it... but i was also tired of looking around for more lame *** jobs too... bleh.
he's also the one that got me hired to pizza hut to begin with... 9_9

anyway, moving on.

quote:

Originally posted by ksquaredmom:
oh i just looooove the one:

well he gets leave doesn't he? so it cant be that bad you will get to see him a little.

oh yeah a$$clown. two weeks if he's lucky out of 15 months. its not like he can say "ok boys im headed back to the states for the weekend, see yall later."

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA i can't help but laugh my *** off at that one!! ::cackles some more::

quote:

Originally posted by ksquaredmom:
and i really hate the
"oh how can you be faithful/are you worried about him being faithful, especially since he has a female gunner?"

no i have better things to do than worry about him like that. and no im not worried about sex right now either. thats why your not still married jerk!
sorry this is a topic that really gets me!lol
some people...

well, my hubby doesn't have a female gunny, lol. but he's had a few female BB's, and i wasn't really... too happy, but i never really let it get to me really badly.
and that question ticks me off too... i'm lucky i never really haave had alot of people ask me that or i'd be a mess... cause my mind tends to wander... it's pathetic, cause i trust my hubby absolutetly... though i have a weak mind sometimes and it just.. makes me think and makes my imagination run loose... -_-*

so then i'm just end up like... "THANKS!!! now i gotta think about it... shut up! i believe in my hubby and i trust him with all my heart!"

once again, the only people/person that's ever really said that was my old boss from racetrack/pizza hut. 9_9;;