Some of you may or may not remember, back in December my MIL and SIL decided my daughter was sick (which she wasn't), demanded we take her to appointments, went so far as to re-weigh our baby because she didn't trust the Dr's weighing job, etc. Any whoo things blew over, calmed down, everything was going well.....until this week.

About a month ago, I decided to drop out of online schooling and attend KU to pursue my degree in engineering (for many reasons). This, of course, is a bit of a hassle with four kids, but totally worth it in the long run I think. So the hunt started for childcare, and finding someone to take the 8 month old is about impossible (esp finding someone that has room for all four kids and meets the DOD requirements for the Military Child Care in Your neighborhood Program.) After searching high and low, and with assistance from the state, we finally found someone that we trust to watch our kids and meets all the requirements. Of course, it couldn't end there.

Apparently we don't have the ability to choose shild care providers because I haven't heard the end of it. It started with my telling my MIL our plans, HER scoping out the house, talking to everyone she knows about her, etc. I'm not an idiot, I've done the background check on the woman, searched out references, stopped by randomly at the house numerous times, checked her certifications, etc). The woman lives right across from an elementary school, is a CNA, fully state certified...Her house isn't the best in the neighborhood condition wise, but neither is mine, and not everyone in the world can afford the 250k house my MIL lives in, or the frivilous lifestyle she lives (or lives to show off for her friends, not because she can afford it, but that's another issue entirely). Today my SIL called to inform us that a friend of a friend of a friend heard this girl had been arrested once. Seriously. (Mind you my SIL got a DUI a few years back....). I knew she was wrong, but still. This crap has been going on now for about 2 weeks and it's really starting to tick me off. They would be much easier to ignore if DH's whole family didn't live within 10 miles of my house.

Deep breath...let out slowly......only 2.5 years left here before we transfer....we can make it.

Sorry for the rant and thanks if you decide to read this the whole way through.

I would have to say do not pay any attention to the in-laws and do what you and your husband is comfortable with. If they get mad you at it may a good thing, they might not talk to you for a long time.
Besides if you did a background check on her and so did the people that she is certified with the arrest would have came up. Its not like it just falls off her record after so many years if it happened it will be there.
Sounds like the in-laws just want to be a PITA.

I dont know if this will help, but it has something to do with grandbabies. I am 41 and have 3 kids, 21,13 and 11. I am a good mom, I love my babies. It dont matter, if one coughs, sneezes, ect, my dad will ask if I am giving them medicen. If one gets sick, I get asked , did you take them to the Dr! I have learned when my dad asks these questions (of which HE REFUSED to go to the Dr and ended up in the hospital for 4 days with pneumonia)I tell him, no, no Dr, they can suck it up like thier Poppy, or no medicen, the coughing lets me know where they are.When I had my DS in daycare dad asked about it, I told him, it was Charles manson's 3rd cousin running it.He finally got the hint and told me to stop being a smart a** but I let him know, I am a good mom and I haven't killed one yet. Good luck, and keep your chin up.

Stand by your guns. Stand up to her(in a nice way). Your the child's parent if she doesn't like your options then she can state hers but it's still YOUR decisions. You have the power to veto all outside interference.

wow

Maybe it's time to tell DH to tell his mom and sis to start leaving you alone, tell him if he don't tell them your going to do it and you can't gaurentee whats going to happen then.

Your MIL did her child raising day's and its now up to you and your DH to do yours, ask her what would she do if her own MIL acted like that when she was young with her children? Did your Mother in laws own mother in law raise her grandkids? i doubt it. It also sounds to me is since she can't raise her own son anymore she's going after the grandkids, its just a guess.

I think its time to lay out the laws to your MIL and tell her kindly that you appreciate her help and her worries, but the children are yours and your husbands and you both know what your doing.

I think thats the best advice i can give you. I know what your dealing with, i have had a MIL for 22 yrs...lol

Good luck and keep us posted on how you finally tell her to lay off

It's not always easy dealing with difficult people like that. It helps to vent like this though. There is just no pleasing some people and we have to get to a point where we don't care and try to let it just roll off our back.

Hang in there! And kudos for going for the degree!!!!


Mom

*offers hugs* In laws suck some times. Just do what you need to do. your education is important not only to you but to your kids. By going back to school your showing them how important all of this is.

I don't know I just try to not get into it with my mother in law. But she's never gone that far at least to my face. I am sure behind our backs her and his dad say a lot of things I wouldn't want to hear.

Me and my DH have an agreement. If I have an issue with his side of the family, he needs to address it as well, because when you get married, your problems become mutual **es, especially when they affect you like this situati** is. The rule goes both ways, and it's h**estly worked great 90% of the time.

MIL's are typically, a pain. You have taken their s** away, and they d**'t like to be put sec**d in some**e's life they were first for so l**g. It'll be the same when you get older, you'll just want the best for your kids too. (Of course, when we're MIL's, we w**'t be crazy! lol) I have known some MIL's of friends of mine that were great! It really depends ** the mind frame and pers**ality. D**'t take it pers**ally, it's just her, I really d**'t think it has anything to do with your parenting or life decisi** skills, it's just her being c**trolling, because she feels she didn't get to c**ose a wife for him, so she needs to c**ose SOMETHING...

Breathe, and **e day, **pefully so**er than later, a discussi** will be brought up and this can be put to rest. Otherwise, if it c**tinues to make you feel like this, tell her that unless she starts s**wing you some respect, you will be forced to limit her access to the children for awhile, as it's affecting your self esteem, and you need to feel good about yourself in order to be a good and productive parent.

sorry so l**g!

I d**'t know why it's s**wing t**se *'s, **pe you can read it!

This isn't very nice, BUT, when my MIL gets on my nerves like that I find a way to change the subject to nursing homes. She may or may not have caught on but it gives me joy.

LOL!!! That's the funniest thing I've heard all day! I did the same thing for Mother's Day kind of...I sent her a card that said on the front "Family is Everything" and inside it says "They pick out your nursing home!" I thought it was a cl***ic daughter in law to mother in law card! Shame on us!

quote:

Originally posted by OFKev-Mom:
This isn't very nice, BUT, when my MIL gets on my nerves like that I find a way to change the subject to nursing homes. She may or may not have caught on but it gives me joy.

Now that is funny! I guess I should be thanking my l***y stars that my MIL hardly ever calls, never comes over. That's just the way she is, not very involved. Guess I'm l***y that way.

Ok, I see what's happening here. The stars are there everytime there are certain letters that may be able to form a curse word. I was wondering what the heck was going on.

I know, weird right? I can understand some of them, but taking the "on"? What bad word does that start? lol

quote:

Originally posted by Pink249:
I told him, it was Charles manson's 3rd cousin running it.

LOL!

I did it again..... My MIL has a COW whenever 16 yr old daughter goes anywhere. Last night was a Tom Petty concert a few hours away and both my girls went, one 26 yrs old the other 16. 3 other old folks went along as well. When MIL called to question, she ALWAYS does, I slipped in about the band playing on the lawn at Millers Merry Manor today. It's kind of like a concert, don't ya think? LOL

Ya'all have a good 4th. We'll be thinking about our troops in the sand today and asking the Lord to keep them safe.

quote:

Originally posted by sgtmom:
And kudos for going for the degree!!!!

Thanks! !

Thank you all for your support. DH got his mom to cease, now we just have to shut his sister up. Apparently she was wrong, the girl has never been arrested (no crap-court records are public info, I could figure that out). Last night she called to tell us her friends, friends, husband is a cop and said that "it's not that hard to figure out there's a sex offender-her brother-living there". WTF? I mean, come on. That's a pretty big accusation, esp. concidering I've never seen anyone other than the girl and her mom there when I've arrived many times unannounced, the state does background checks on anyone living in the house and preforms random inspections on the house (and even an accusation bars the house from being able to provide child care), there are no registered sex offenders living within a mile of her house or the elementary school right across the street, background check shows no brothers......and if this girl's husband is a COP and is that sure that there is a sex offender living in the house of a state-registered and certified childcare provider and living across the street from an elementary school, than he's a dirtbag and a **** poor cop for not turning the house in.

I've never gotten a bad feeling about the babysitter, the house, or the other kids there that she cares for. She's such a darling, very caring, and concerned about ensuring that the kids get everything they need (she even went so far as to ask which school-related areas my kids needed help on). I trust my opinion and ability to judge people much more so than my MIL or SIL, for MANY reasons. For one, my SIL keeps finding the best babysitters while she works , she's gone through 3 in 6 months......oh, and none of hers have been registered and certified.

If DH's mom and sister want to talk about us behind our backs, that's fine. I really don't care. They didn't talk to us the whole time we were on the coast because it was too inconvenient for them, and now that we live here they think they can controll us. I just get ****ed that they try to drag us into their lies and speculations. The 2 of them are the worst rumour mills I have ever met.

Gee whiz, doesn't your SIL have her own life that she would be worrying about. I often find that when someone is unhappy with their own situation, they feel the need to try and feed off others to make their selves look better/feel better.

Their life is a huge mess but instead of tending to their own problems, they seek out others and point out/drag out whatever they can.

This by far is one of my worse pet peeves about people. Sometimes, you just have to be honest,blunt and say I'm a big girl, I can take care of my children, my life, etc.

I truly hope you can be done with all this.

Happy Fourth!!!!!!

God Bless

I guess I just don't understand why you keep telling your MIL and SIL anything. It's none of their business and if you know they will act a certain way, why involve them at all?

quote:

Originally posted by iknowwhatyoumean:
I guess I just don't understand why you keep telling your MIL and SIL anything. It's none of their business and if you know they will act a certain way, why involve them at all?

ITA with this. Some things just aren't other folks business.