My husband is at AIT right now. He got there Nov. 1st and found out soon after that he would be there longer then what he was told when he signed up. Then learned that almost everything he was told when he signed up was a lie. He is now wanting out, but they don't seem to be doing anything. He lost his security clearance due to his credit issues and we can't afford the consolidation bill. We have a son and baby on the way. One day they tell him they are starting the paperwork and the next they are telling him they are going to make him re-class and he just wants out to get home to us. I am staying with parents right now and he just wants to get us a place and have our family back together. Anyone have any ideas on what he could do? He is so depressed he hasn't been eating right, and is about to have a break down and I just wish I had some answers my self. Anything will be helpful.

Well, if you already have credit/financial issues, then in my personal opinion, I would sit tight and do whatever the military tells him to do. The current economic/job situation + an other than honorable (or dishonorable if he runs off) discharge is going to make for a pretty unstable life for quite some time.

My opinion is also that the reason he wants to come home is that a) he's sitting in limbo, so it's easier/more time to dwell on wanting to be home, and b) he probably feels a bit like a failure - both to his family and to the military - from the clearance issue.

To be frank, anything that he would re-class to for lack of a secret or top-secret clearance wouldn't be a terribly long AIT, so it would be worth it to at least get there and try and see how he likes whatever they change him to.

Also, I'd be a little more cautious about saying you were lied to about a recruiter. AIT lengths are estimated - and the school length has little to do with how long they'll have to wait to actually start class and how long it will take for them to receive orders and outprocess after classes end. Anything else, the common rule of thumb with anything in the military, just as anywhere else in life, is that if it's not in writing, you've got nothing.

I hope you come to a conclusion that makes you both happy. I would just strongly encourage you to not give up - ask yourself this, if everything was going just fine and dandy, would you both be struggling so much? Sometimes our circumstances aren't ideal, that doesn't mean we can just give up - and not expect consequences. You both can do it!

My husband went through a bit of what you're going through with the credit issue and having to reclass. You both need to be a bit patient with the whole process though. Whatever he signed up for his MOS--his credit is preventing him from getting into that class. Sometimes they can work it out, sometimes not--and that will require him going to the Career Manager (or whatever they call it where he's at), selecting another MOS class to take, waiting for that class to begin (when they have enough students for that class), and then getting on with it.
It's frustrating--believe me, I know it firsthand. I honestly thought my love was gonna have some serious issues. He was tired of getting yanked around, they thought he lied on his reenlistment forms (which he didn't, someone simply forgot to send on his bankruptcy paperwork), someone made an attempt to get him out I believe for this alleged omission, and more....he first went to the Chaplain--something I highly encourage. Chaplains can go directly to the Command, find out what's happening, counsel your soldier, and work with the Command to get things rolling.
When that wasn't doing much--and finding out his paperwork was sitting on people's desks and that folks said they were doing stuff and then not doing it.....an Inquiry was done via a Senator by another party.

All this from Nov2007 until Apr2008....it was a long winter for us all-myself, my love, and our 2 teens.

Encourage him to seek out the Chaplain ASAP....they can help, seriously. Their primary concern is the soldier's well-being, not to raise some ruckus. Your husband can vent, pray, or whatever he tells the Chaplain he needs.

I agree with what has been said. Most likely you will be better off if he hangs in there and sticks it out. Yes, it's rough right now and he wants to come home, but in the long run you would be more stable financially I feel.

Have you contacted places like Consumer Credit Counseling for a debt management program? Look into that option, there are many places that do this. It consolidates all of your bills, negotiates payments with the bill collectors, and then you pay one amount to the company and they disburse payments. Normally your payment is lower than the minimums for all of your bills. Most people can have their debts paid off within 4 years or less.

Hang in there.


Sgt Mom

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This message has been edited. Last edited by: theainjmtant,

So maybe he will end up having to change his MOS. What's the big deal? My son went into the Marine Corps and went to Air Traffic Control School. He ended up hating it and asked to change his MOS to Infantry. The Marine Corps instead sent him to Amphibious Assault Vehicle Mechanic School. He never gave the AAV's much thought but he ended up loving it. He's now an E-4 Corporal.

My blunt advice...your husband needs to suck it up and work his tail off to get a new MOS and work hard for advancement so he can get higher pay. That way he can support his family.

I've been deep in debt myself and know how much it can feel like you are drowning. I cut back on going out and buying anything I didn't really need. It took about 6 yrs but I finally paid everything off.

Quitting should not be an option, period!!! What kind of example would that be for your son? I am not saying he wouldn't work somewhere if he got out but in my opinion, staying in the military is what he must do. Continual pay, health coverage, military housing, these are the things he and you must see as the benefits of being in the military.

P.S. When I first started out with the US Customs Service, I was in South Florida and then GA for school for about 10 months while my wife and 1 yr old son stayed in NH with her parents. We survived and so can you. No one says it will be easy but I think we all agree this is what you may have to do for a while. It could be worse, you could be at some base away from your family while he is overseas. Right?

I sincerely wish you, your husband and your family the best of luck in making it through this stressful time in your life. You and he can do this and in a number of years down the road, you can appreciate that your love and support got each other through the storm.

Don
Proud father of a US Marine

and if it turns out the army isn't the best thing for him, remember the quickest way out is to serve your time.

Hey K,
I'm so sorry for everything that is happening to your young family right now. It's hard when the one you want to share your life with has to be separated from you. As others have said, the fact that your hub is in limbo has probably given him too much time on his hands to realize what he is missing and what he is going to miss.
Let him know that you will support him no matter what happens and that you will be there for him no matter what.

Encourage him to talk with a chaplain there. If he refuses, consider calling the chaplain yourself and share your concerns about his signs of depression.

quote:

Then learned that almost everything he was told when he signed up was a lie. He is now wanting out, but they don't seem to be doing anything.

quote:

As with any contract negotiation, words spoken can be misunderstood and are meaningless.
Words on paper have weight. The often used phrase 'Get it in writing' is never more heeded than when entering into a binding contract.
The military is not like any other employee contract. My civilian contract says that I need to give 90 days notice to my employer and then I am free of any obligations of that contract. The military is much more complex and nearly literally owns your husband right now. The quickest and most pain free way of getting out is to serve his time in whatever way he is told. This will give him the most options for your future as he will not have the other than honorable discharge that will be a part of his employment record AND will give him previous honorable time served if he wishes to stay or rejoin the military.

[QUOTE]

One day they tell him they are starting the paperwork and the next they are telling him they are going to make him re-class and he just wants out to get home to us. I am staying with parents right now and he just wants to get us a place and have our family back together. [QUOTE]

If they are talking about making him reclass, that means that someone there thinks that they can make a functioning service member of him. Since he signed up to do just that--that is actually good news. They may have more confidence in him than he does in himself right now. If he were to get out of his contract, do you have the financial resources to get your own place? Do either of you have employment guaranteed in the civilian world?
Yes, you ache to be together, but the most practical way to do that may be to wait it out and plan to be a family again at that first duty station.

Remember..once in, most of our service members see their first family as their military brothers and sisters in arms. I have been much better off when I accept that the military will ALWAYS come first. Selfless Service is one the values for a good reason. I feel sorry for those who signed up to serve based on what was in it for them. The happiest service members are the ones that are looking for ways to contribute and make things easier for the rest of their team.

Remember that it's called a duty station, not a work site for a reason. This is no ordinary job and our troops see duty and honor in the missions they are called to do.

As for wanting answers...There are no set in stone answers. The one constant in life is change. This is especially true in the military. Learn to go with the flow and be willing to accept an ever changing reality.
Many here have learned to love the ride. I am just happy that I have learned to accept it better and let go of the fear of the unknown.

God Bless you in this journey. God Bless your pregnancy and please take care of yourself in this stress filled time.
Lynn