My fiance is in boot camp and he has only been gone one week. He is my life and I haven't had any contact with him for a week. (I've written letters but just got his address today.) I have been fine for the past week but today has been exceptionally hard for me and I don't know why.

How do you handle this? I don't think I'm the most stable person to begin with but I am trying so hard to keep it together so that he doesn't worry. I have been reading and sewing (I have a small business) like crazy. I am also in school but it is so hard to concentrate when your mind is elsewhere. I know that boot camp is nothing compared to a deployment but I feel like that is what's in my future and I am so scared that I'm not going to be able to handle all of this.

I recommend reading the threads over in Military Basics: 101. It has threads on starting out, and other various stages of military life.

It was tough for the first couple of weeks. Writing letters helped me alot, I sent plenty of pictures and cards. I also tried to stay as busy as possible. I had my days were I didn't want to do anything and couldn't focus, when that happened I got out of the house, took the dogs for a walk, etc. I got into a routine around week 3 and then it was time to start planning my trip to visit for graduation. It's hard, but like a previous poster suggested, read the threads over in 101.

No real answer. You just do it. You do it because you love them and because you would rather be at home alone supporting them than anywhere else.

Keep yourself busy. You'll get in a routine after awhile, and then one day you'll look at the calendar and realize there's only a month or so left.

You can do it.

AFSweetheart19 is soooooo right. Time will fly and you won't even notice. My little secret was to cry when I needed to. It helped me let out some of my frustration of not being with my DH. As someone else told me, basic is just the preparation for long and lonely deployments. If you don't learn how to handle the separation while he's in basic you won't be able to support your loved one while he's deployed. But just think about the now and when you get back with him don't think of what's gonna happen, just live the moment.

Your DH may be your life, as my husband is mine, but just remember that you can still live day to day without him. I can't say you completely get used to him being gone, but each time, it gets a little easier. This is a time for you to learn your own capabilities and grow more independent.

my husband has been gone since last week too.

I admit I am going through husband withdrawl...but then I think about what he is going through and I know he is in "heck" too so that helps.

Last night I was on youtube and some girl video taped herself everyday while her NEW husband was in bootcamp. I thought that was cute. It was her way of communicating with he husband and she posted it his myspace page daily.

I have two little ones that are his here at home with me and that helps I think because we talk about "daddy" all the time.

For me the biggest issue is that I lost my friend to talk to all day. My DH and I all use to talk ALL day long.

Check in here and read - that is what keeps me busy when I have down time.

OH and go get your toes done...I did that yesterday and it felt GREAT!

Thank you all for your kind words. I will most certainly check out the 101 boards.

Keep busy, which it sounds like you are.

Write in a journal daily - you would be amazed at how much help that can be.

Write to him as much as you can.

When it gets really bad - have a pity party. Sometimes it's better to just give in, have a good cry, mope a bit and then get back to it.


Sgt Mom

Once I got the graduation date, the time seemed to pass quicker when I had little mini-countdowns of something to look forward too every few days. This included tests, trips home (I'm a full-time student), Sundays when he'd get to call, and Thursdays, which made it an even week until I'd get to see him at Family Day. I found it was a very positive and helpful mindframe.

And like everyone else has said, KEEP WRITING LETTERS!!!! He will love them, and writing every day helped me feel a lot closer to him while he was gone.

quote:

When it gets really bad - have a pity party. Sometimes it's better to just give in, have a good cry, mope a bit and then get back to it.

I agree with this, it's really important. If you don't let it out every now and then, it'll build and build and all of a sudden explode. That's not healthy for anybody, neither you nor the person on the other end who receives the explosion.

quote:

Originally posted by MegNKyle:
My fiance is in boot camp and he has only been gone one week. He is my life and I haven't had any contact with him for a week. (I've written letters but just got his address today.) I have been fine for the past week but today has been exceptionally hard for me and I don't know why.

How do you handle this? I don't think I'm the most stable person to begin with but I am trying so hard to keep it together so that he doesn't worry. I have been reading and sewing (I have a small business) like crazy. I am also in school but it is so hard to concentrate when your mind is elsewhere. I know that boot camp is nothing compared to a deployment but I feel like that is what's in my future and I am so scared that I'm not going to be able to handle all of this.

Replace "fiance" with "boyfriend" and you've pretty much described my situation as well-- the only difference being that he's been in boot camp about a week longer.

I had a week's worth of letters before I got his address! I have to say that what is helping me the most right now is writing to him as much as I can. I am also in school, and although I don't run my own small business my father does and I work for him. I'd promised my boyfriend to study hard and earn good grades for him in college while he was away, and focusing on that (and having him as my motivation) is another way I keep busy.

That's my main advice to you: keep busy. I'm not sure how qualified I am to be giving advice right now, but it's working for me and it's what most of the veteran military spouses I've talked to have said. Pick up a new hobby, exercise A LOT, and do focus on your school work. Trust me when I say I know how it feels!

I'm sounding a lot braver and more confident than I feel right now I think. I miss my boyfriend terribly, but you and I and all the other gals going through this for the first time with their men in basic training have each other for support.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is get on this forum and RANT!

quote:

Originally posted by IAMANAVYWIFE:
Check in here and read - that is what keeps me busy when I have down time.

That's one thing I forgot to mention! I know I don't post often, but I do read this forum all the time. Whenever I'm missing my boyfriend at bootcamp, I come onto this site and read about everyone else's problems and triumphs. It makes my own problems seem smaller, and reading about the good helps me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Overall the message here is - you need to make your own life.

I am not implying that you don't love him totally and completely. I am not trying to make your pain insignificant. You need to be a whole person without him by your side.

Make him proud.

This day will end and (hopefully) another will be begin and maybe tomorrow wont be as hard.



And if tomorrow is just as hard or harder go buy a bottle of wine and down the whole thing

that last part was just a joke of course.

Thanks again everyone, I am doing so much better today! I woke up this morning thinking about the fact that I have five weeks until I see him, not that he's been gone only a week.

I def. have my "moments." Crying helps, for sure.

It's a good thing that I'm only 19 and no one will sell me alcohol...I'd have drank myself into a permanent stupor by now. (kidding, of course!)

I must say that today was WAY easier for me. I am like heck I made it a weak, I can make it 8 more.

The thing that is hard for me is that I am a step-mom and have only been one for 9 months. These two little ones have never been away from their dad since they were 6mo and 18mo - he has had full custody of them and their mom is well lets just not talk about her (I can not be nice)...and they have only lived with me for 9 months....so it is hard for me when they cry for him. I am not sure how to handle that yet.

I have not cried yet. I am totally stressed out because we (me and the kids) had to move in with my mom and there is NO room for anything...

Also, after the ex found out my husband was joing the Navy she all of sudden wants custody of them...she has seen them twice in 5 years, so I have to deal with all the legal stuff that I know nothing about. Heck, I had to get a will drawn up and I am about to be 29....

I need a spa day....never had one before...but wait, my DH does not get a pay check for I feel like FOREVER.....

My husband just went into boot camp a week and a half ago. I seem to be doing fine, we have a 18-month old daughter so i do have my hands full, and it is hard the first few days, or weeks. Writing letters is definately helping ALOT. I got my first letter from him 2 days ago, so I was soo happy. Before you know it you'll be going to his graduation. Dont seat it, it'll be here before you know it.

Hello my name is brandy, my husband has been gone exactly one week today, I made it!!! Thanks to this discussion board it has been so helpful I would have gone insane if not for all the advice and comments by people out there in thhe same position as me. Thank you all so much. And they are write cry let it out! And if you have kids like myself, 2 and 2 weeks old, just remember youy have a little piece of him right there with you the whole way through and keep looking forward to graduation day!!!!

My fiancee leaves for one of the 'Stan's for 6 weeks on Friday and I am NOT handling it well at all. We've had the 2-3 week trips to Alaska and Guam, but this is the longest trip as well as most dangerous that he has been on since we've been together. I have no idea how I am ever going to make it. My DD and I are in the process of moving to his house, she'll be starting a new school, and I travel quite a bit for work. So there is a lot of change happening for us and the stress of it all has us on the verge of a breakup. He is upset that I am not happy but doesn't understand how this is all new for me and so much is going on and I'm just not handling well.

I do feel like I need a swift kick in the butt as there are many wives and significant others who are dealing with WAY more than this and do it often, so where do I get off? It does help that I am not the only one going through this.

I'm sorry we are all in this boat, but we love the men that we love and have to pull it together and be strong. I know we can do it.

I'm going to go cry again now... J/K.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TGainey,