My husband is in the Air Force, not even out of AIT yet and he has been told that by Christmas he will be on TDY to the Middle East. We got married the day he graduated BMT and I am really just beside myself. I don't know what to do, I have never had anything to do with the military before this, what are the policies on wives going on TDY, are there some bases you can go to, or are all of the off-limits? I want to be able to actually have time to spend with him, I really don't know enough to even ask questions, just please anything, any advie. Someone said that if I applied at AAFES and volunteered to go, I could go with him? Is there anything?
I don't know who you've been talking to but you cannot go on a TDY with your DH especially to a war zone. I am sorry you're having such a hard time with this. Things can change too, if he doesn't have orders to go TDY to the sandbox then it's not official. (even if he had orders it could still change) Calm down, take a deep breath and try not to think about it too much. Sounds like you are getting yourself pretty worked up. Everything WILL be ok. Good luck.
You cannot accompany him TDY on a deployment. (On a non-deployment TDY, it may be possible to accompany him. I have gone on a number of TDYs with my husband. Of course we had to pay my expenses.)
You would have to check with AAFES to see if they are hiring for deployment locations. But, if you want to be in the same location with him, you would first need to know what location he will be going to. Plus, you might need to sign a contract with AAFES, so lining up a job with his deployment would be not be easy. It might be possible, but would require a lot of research on your part.
Not a good idea. I understand you don't want him to go, but deployments/dets/TDYs are a fact of life with the military. You will need to learn how to deal with them. Read through the boards, there are tons of ideas, tips and info for you.
Sgt Mom
Everything becomes a little clearer, I realize what life is all about. It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough, It's giving more when you feel like giving up. ~ In My Daughter's Eyes, Martina McBride
I'm so sorry to read that you will have a separation so soon.
As a civilian you have options to go many places in the world, but as a military spouse you have limited options to actually be with your husband. IF you were able to get a civilian job on the same base where he was deployed you would not be allowed to sleep with him and he would not even be allowed to hold your hand. Only just recently they have allowed married soldiers from the same unit to share sleeping quarters while deployed and then only IF there is space available and IF the command will allow it.
Even if you were to join the Air Force yourself they do not promise stationing you or deploying you to the same place. The needs of the service will ALWAYS come first.
Before you spend time looking at the limited options you have to try to be with him, talk to him and see if he would want you to try to do that. I have job skills that are quite portable and was looking into joining myself or going to just Bosnia with a nongovernmental agency in order to stay with my deploying husband in 2004 and he became angry that I was even considering such a "foolish" thing. He didn't want me there and pointed out that I would not be allowed to sleep with him and that he would not even be allowed to show ANY affection while in uniform. He rightly pointed out that I would be a distraction to him and a kidnapping risk if I persisted in trying to serve in any capacity in the same country where he was serving.
You will more than likely be a better support to him at home than you would be if you were on the same base.
Please talk to him and find out how he feels about this, too.
We've all been there. Honestly, I've had moments where I really considered packing myself into his suitcase. And I'm not going to say I didn't think, "oh, that's ridiculous" right away... in fact, it took an embarrassingly long amount of time to come to my senses.
We love them and we want to be with them, and we want them to be safe, so it's only natural to want to go with him. But, you should really take a look at your role in his life and understand that even if you aren't with him, you're serving a great purpose at home. That's an important role and it means everything to him, so don't think that just because you're far away you're not being the best possible support.
my wife has accompanied me to many tdy destinations if nothing more than to make it a working vacation in the off hours. as for cetain "high profile" locations..she has been over to kuwait, israel and amman and bahrain. you can go where you want with a passport, but the risks are there. check the dept of state website to find out the places that are not recommended for civilians. oh, and she volunteerd with red cross and uso to name a few.
I just have to say this, and please, please, please don't take this as rude! You married a man who joined the Air Force. There is definitely an expectation right now that our military spouses will be going to the sandbox. I can only hope you will support him completely, and keep your worry to a manageable level. He will need you to be strong if he has to go, and he will need you to NOT give yourself an ulcer! He is in good hands, rest assured.
Bless your heart. No matter how prepared, or not, you were, or werent, you are where you are now... and you need to figure out how best to deal with it. THey are right, he needs you to be strong for him; to know he has you to come home to. Its hard, its so hard... but thousands of women do it every day and they CAN survive it... Hang in there, make the time you DO have count!! My daughters husband left 48 hours after they married. She was thrilled that they got a 2 day honeymoon! Its all in how you look at it...
sorry to hear about him leaving so soon. when I married my Sailor back in 86, it was right after he got out of bootcamp. We got married in October, come the end of December, he left for a cruise. The thing was, when he left we had NO idea when he was coming back. It was meant to be a workup or so we thought, till it came time for him to leave... Time apart is HARD, no one will tell you differntly, If you love your husband and believe you will be married for a lifetime, find ways to get through the time apart. I married at 16 and come October, I will be married to that Sailor for 22 years and he was AD for 15 of those years....
Will pray for you and him, military life is not an easy life, but in the end, it is worth it.
Hi, It is so hard having a loved one deploy at such an early stage in marriage. I was there too. That was many years ago. It was very hard, but I realized that men/women have been going off to war for centuries. I had to count the blessings I had--(at that time- mail, long distance) Now with technology communication is so much better. It is not the same as sitting side by side, but you are a special breed of woman to marry someone who is selfless for his country. You are selfless too! All will be well! Trust!
