My husband is seriously thinking about joining the military. He is thinking that he will make more money than he currently does, so it will be better for our family. Currently, he is a truck driver. He hates his job, because he doesn't feel it pays enough, and it also takes him away from the kids and I. I know what you are thinking...then why join the military if you don't want to be away?? That is my thought, but I can't seem to get through to him. So he either isn't being honest with me with all the reasons he wants to join, or maybe he really just wants to be away and not deal with the kids, lol. I have no idea, but I need to talk him out of it because I DO NOT want him to go in. I have an abundance of respect for those that do, my brother served and is reinlisting. I just really don't want to go through it. I am worried that the finances will be very tight, and we may end up getting screwed there, plus I don't want to be away from my husband! I want him around to watch our girls grow up! They are ages 3, 5 and 6. Right now he is only gone monday - friday, and though it is hard, we manage. I am one that always thinks worst case scenario, so maybe I am just being silly...but as it stands right now, and the information I have right now, I say a big fat NO. All the money in the world isn't worth it to me.

If you husband is NOT happy at work then he is not going to be able to make you happy nor the kids happy.

When my husband and I sat down when he want to join, I said NO to the Army and NO to the Marines (I was a Marine) but I said maybe to the airforce and maybe to the navy...we settled on the navy. He has two little ones that he has full custody of and the mom is nowhere to be noticed, so I knew it would be alot on me to take care of them when he is gone. But I also know he is doing something he always wanted to do.

One thing that we did was figure out how long he is away from us days/hours and we realized that he is gone half of the year. Well the most in the Navy SHOULD be gone is 6months. So hey I was OK.

I will tell you this week has been hard as my DH left a week ago today. But the hard thing has been not being able to talk to him. Not seeing him sucks too but at least I know he is doing something that is awesome for him and awesome for our family and awesome for our country.

I was ex-husband was in the Navy and we were stationed in Hawaii and he was home every night before 6p. He never had to go anywhere 13 years in the Navy and never on a ship, so yes it does happen.

I would say support your husband and at least look into it.

so, let me ask you this:

what would your reaction be if you suddenly decided that more than anything else in the world you wanted to be a, Oh I dunno..a Firefighter... because it was exciting and you'd make good money and your husband flat out told you NO because he was afraid you'd get hurt?

you do NOT Have the right to tell him he cannot do what's best for him. You DO have the right to voice your concerns and fears and be willing to agree on a compromise. But in five years when he has left you and the kids because his entire life is miserable because you wouldn't 'let' him' follow his dreams, then where will you be?

I'm not doing a lot of the things I wanted to in life, because my family comes first.

I totally agree with Mrsjvb....

If your husband is not happy - how are you happy??

My husband supported me all throughout school and changing careers after graduation from college with my masters in 2003 but I wanted to teach and he never told me NO you can't do it...

Me changing careers took alot of time away from him and I and me and kids but that is what I wanted to do and he knew I had to be happy.

Take a look at ourself and try to stand in his shoes and how if he feels he is not giving his family the best life then he just might be stressed out beyond belief. Men think differently then women. They have different stresses.

But support him...that is what you are suppose to do....come to a conclusion together NOT just on your own.

OK, so either I do everything I can to keep him out and risk him resenting me and it ruining our relationship, or I let him go in whether I like it or not and risk hurting our relationship that way...so I lose out either way. That's the way I see it. Because if they tables were turned, it wouldn't even be up for discussion...I would not be allowed to go for any training or what not. Trust me on this...he is very much against that and it would be the end of our marriage if I did it anyway. It's very one sided in our marriage...and I have been okay with that up until now.

then only you can decide if him enlisting will be a deal breaker for you and that you would feel compelled to end it (The marriage)

Sounds to me like maybe, just maybe, the military and his desire to join isn't the only thing that is bothering you. You can support him, or not. That is really up to you. But you might let him know that the military lifestyle is going to require you to be much more independant of him, and that might dissuede him if he is controlling like that.

Let me see if i can help you, i was in your shoes....my husband was in the Navy 20 years ago, when he got out of the Navy, he became a truck driver, I raised my children on a trucker's salery for 16 years! crappy insurance, playing the roller coaster paychecks, you know the 1 week the grand and the next week $200 because loads were unavailable game.

My husband was so tired of driving and miserable, stressed out because of stupid drivers out there, not getting enough sleep, you know lieing on the log book game because in order for us to have a decent paycheck, well you have to be there on time.

he always wanted to go back into the military, but thought he was to old. Then we went to my son's basic traing graduation, found out that he could join the army at the age of 40, we talked about it looked at the pro's and con's...

Con's.... gone on deployments, But im used to him being gone alot, you know 3 weeks out, then a weekend home...I raised my children basically alone anyways....

Pros.....Benifits!!! medical, dental, vision all paid for or close to it.Retirement plans, Pay is alot better and steady, you know what your getting every two weeks, no more roller coaster....The best part is my husband is so Stress free right now, he is a different man, other then the deployments, he's home in bed with me everynight, something i have not had in 16 years!

Another pro is if he wants to do it let him, it is his decision and he might regret it or you if he does not do it. I know i have been down that road.

You really do need to talk and find out all the reasons. He might just be giving you the practical ones that he thinks are important, but there might be more personally compelling ones that you two really need to discuss. On the flip side, you do need to open completely up as well. A mom in my son's scout den is married to a long haul trucker. Cumulatively, he is gone more than my dh over the course of a year.

As far as pay goes, you can figure out the pay by looking up the 2008 basic pay charts and also the rates for bah and bas. Don't forget to account for not having to pay for health insurance and the tax savings (bah and bas are tax free). Then you can make a solid comparison instead of just going on what he thinks it would be.

Take the time to really figure out what it is that bothers you. Because I think it might be not the military but the fact that he is wanting to do something you don't want him to do but you aren't allowed by him to follow your aspirations, whatever they are.

Good luck - I hope you guys can come to a mutually agreed upon decision.

OK, I talked to him on the phone to find out all his reasons. He told me that going into the military isn't something he really has to do. Yes, the benefits and experience would be good, but he basically just feels stuck in his current job and wants out, and doesn't see any other options at this time. We did look at the pay, and we talked to my brother and figure that with his college credits he may start as an E3. I figured it out, taxing the base pay only, and adding the Bah and Bas, and it would actually be about $200 less a month than our current average net pay. Granted, the longer he is in, the more pay he will receive, so eventually he will make more. I am trying to do some work online, in transcription, to help with the finances so he can get out of trucking. My reasons for not wanting him to go in are the fact that finances will be tight for awhile, if he gets in and doesn't like it...he's stuck, and I do not want to be without him for long periods of time. Yes, currently he is away more days then he would be in the military, but it is broken up. And we talk at least 5 times every day, he's able to stop by the house during the week if it's on the way, and he is here every weekend...it's consistent! Our girls already get sad when daddy leaves on monday morning....and they get very excited when he gets home Friday night, or Saturday morning. I worry about the affect it will have on them if he is gone longer. I've already admitted that I will be a complete and total mess! I want to find him something that will bring him home more often, not less.

I hope things work out for you guys!

My husband joined after we had been married for 6 years, and we also have a 5 year old son. At first I thought he was crazy, but after I got all the information I realized why he would want to do it. Yes, the seperation is hard but my husband was miserable in the job he was in. It made everyone miserable, because he was. Since he has joined the army, (other than the seperation) things have been great for us. He seems to happy, and our family is doing much better.

Good luck!

I guess I agree AND disagree with Mrsjvb. My husband always wanted to join the NG from the time he was 18 and we were newlyweds til 3 years ago when he actually joined. The first time he tried and was unable to due to a plate in his jaw...several years later, they let him get a waiver.

Now here is the thing. I agreed to him joining and here is why...I, like Mrsjvb said, would NEVER want to be accused of standing in the way of his dream. I want him to be happy in what he does...and hey, its only 2 days a month, 2 wks a year, right? ....of course he's deployed now for 13 months.

Now, while I am fully supportive of him and proud to death of him and what he's doing...He would never, (and I do mean NEVER) allow me to follow a dream that took me away for 6 months here and a year there. EVER. Now, I could never leave my family like that anyways but I promise you it would never happen even if i could.

So, if it isnt something that he HAS to do or something that he is willing to compromise on...there should be a way for you both to be happy. Talk about it...then talk about it some more. Make no decisions until you both agree on what is best. And if you agree that the military is an option...support him in it and be there to push him on when he realizes he might have made a mistake and wants to come home (like my husband did in bct)! hehe

quote:

Originally posted by gjcarr03:
I'm not doing a lot of the things I wanted to in life, because my family comes first.

I understand what you are saying. As mothers, there are a lot of things we do give up for the betterment of our families.

I will disagree with many here and say that if you both don't agree, it doesn't happen.

I will also suggest to you that you both have a heart to heart talk. He's running from something rather than running to something and that is no reason to join the military.

See if you can't help him brainstorm other jobs he could do. Many shipping companies and distribution centers have jobs for truckers that are home based (i.e. moving trailers, loading trailers, day runs etc) and some companies are desperate for trainers- especially here in PA. (Schneider National for one).

I wish you luck.

I also see it this way; I backed him up when he wanted to get into truck driving to make better money for our family. I didn't like the idea, but I saw the bigger picture and went along with it. Here it is, 3 years later, and he's been wanting out of trucking for about 2 of those years, because he is not happy and feels like he is going nowhere. So, am I to make an even bigger sacrifice to back him up for something that if he doesn't like, he's stuck with? I am hoping to find something else for him to be able to do making decent money that will keep him home.

(Oh, and he won't work for Schnieder, or any other one of those big companies, lol.)

You know he can join the reserves or national gaurd or if he did go active, he can join for 3 or 4 years..i believe its 4 years though, my son joined for 4 and my husband joined for 6.

I know its a really tough decision, do you work? if you don't mybe thats why he was thinking of going into the military, he is the sole provider for the family and he feels the benifits would help out.

i have been married 22 years trust me when my husband said he was going to join the army, i was like most of our children are grown, our time is now to be together, but we discussed alot of things, retirement (before he joined the army we had no retirement) he plans on staying in 12 years for our retirement.medical, the older we get it seems like the doctors are more frequent...lol just alot of things.

its tough at first, my husband is only an e-4 and have our two sons still at home, 17 yrs old and 13 yrs old..trust me teenagers are expensive...lol but we make it work.

just talk to your husband and tell him your fears, but first of all if one is your fears is that he will be killed in iraq, the chances are him being killed in a big truck here at home is actually more accurate.

i have been around the trucking industry a long time.

being alone does stink, but if your a truckers wife, then you are a strong women and you can handle it.

just keep looking at the pro's and con's both of you do heavy research together and talk about it, just remember if he does decide to join, this is when he will need you the most.

I totally get what you are saying about him joining and then being stuck with something he does not want to do. I get it because after I graduated from college, I went back to nursing school b/c I thought it would be a good job with dh's military career but ended up dropping out during clinicals (for me that was luckily in the first week of the second clinical quarter since I had the prerequisites done so I wasted only 3.5 mos). I don't think I would have been very happy if I had no control over whether I could have stopped school.

There are a TON of different jobs in the different branches. Its important to decide on the job and the branch with a lot of thought. He just might find something he really likes and would stick with. I do think its a matter of finding that. And whether the military is the best place for it.

I often think it was easier on me that dh was already in the Air Force when I met him.

Again, good luck!

Do you happen to be in the mid-state area?

We are in PA.

Also, I want to thank everyone for their input.

I was married before and he joined the Army right after we got married, he did 12 years and could not (Hense would not) get promoted to E-5 and he hated the military life. I loved it. Fash forward I finally divorced the idiot after 3 children and 20 years, I met a year later a wonderful man. We will be married 1 year next month (we picked April 13th (friday the 13th lol) He was in the military with his first wife and he got out, she hated it, hated being away from family, ect. He drove a truck, I HATED it!! I hated him being gone, I hated everything about it, the crazy drivers ect. Our oldest daughter is going to be 21, we have a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son, my DH now has pretty much adopted the kids and to them he is Daddy, my first moved 500 miles away and has nothing to do with them. Anyway our oldest asked what is the difference if he is gone driving the truck or in the military. The military has a great support system, you are with wives who are in the same boat you are, there is a ton to do on the posts,you may get paid less to start but you have the commisary, PX ect. Your kids can see things that they would only read about. As for saftey, my person opinion in the Army is safer than driving a truck. When my DH was driving a truck he had no control over the situation of the woman on the phone in front of him late for work, eating and putting on makeup, or the teen driver that pulls in front of him, ect. Mine leaves in a few days for WTC and I am excited. I will miss him badly, so will the kids, but we all know it is for the best. We all support him. The hardest thing for me is right now our oldest is grow and has her own place and she lives an hour away, and moving away from her is killing me, but she can visit. Go with him to the recruiter and talk, read these boards, and good luck to whatever you decide.