Hey everyone,

I am currently 16 years old and live in Austin, TX. I have a bit of a dilema here, and just wanted some opinions and advice from people who may have gone through this before.

I've always had two plans for my life, and hoped they could work with each other, but now I'm having some doubts. I wanted to get married, have kids, and raise a Godly family. I also wanted to become a United States Army Ranger, and serve for a while there. Those were/are my plans, but as I get older I realize that the two goals my cause some problems with each other.

I am a Christian. I trust in the Lord for everything, and I know that He will guide me. I have prayed about this a lot, and will continue. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and I owe my life to Him. If I had to, I would summarize my life's priorities like this:

1. God (technically off the charts)
2. Family (including all those I love)
3. Country (I am a patriot.)

So, now that you have my background, here is my situation.
I have a girlfriend who just turned 17 and lives southern California, 1,400 miles away. Girlfriend doesn't describe my relationship to her whatsoever; it is so much more than that. She also is a Christian, and I firmly believe that God gave us each other, in His mercy. We grew up in the same church (I used to live in L.A.), and have known each other for a long time. We have helped each other grow so much, especially in the faith, and we have a very, very mature relationship. I love her more than anything on earth, and I would gladly give my life to her and for her. We plan to get married in the future; either after or during college, but after we're both 21.
I plan to attend Texas A&M College, and go through ROTC and Rudder's Rangers, graduating as a 2nd Lt. with a commitment of 8 years. (4 active, 4 reserve). After college I would attend Ranger, Airborne, and Sniper school, hopefully becoming a Ranger. Also after college, I would marry my girl. Whether we have kids or not before I'm deployed is up to God.
A couple more things: Lordwilling, I will marry this girl. That comes before the Army. I told her already that I would drop it all for her, and I really mean it. She wants me to go for it, and says she'd be extremely supportive. She also pointed out that perhaps God is preparing us for the separation, since we live so far apart, and I only get to see her for about 15 days in a year.
So, now that you know my plans, let me ask you the questions that have been assaulting my brain for a while. There are a lot. Feel free to post a reply with answers to these, or any other opinions or advice you may have. Don't hold back. =) (There are, of course, so many more questions, but these I must go along and figure out with myself and my future wife)

Can I, as a Ranger, raise a family in a Godly manner?
Is it selfish for me to join the Rangers and leave my wife at home?
How will being in the Rangers affect my family? (Maybe not seeing my kids that often, in their early years... parenting after seeing what Special Forces men see, or after being in the military lifestyle for so long)
What if I come home with a disability and my wife has to take care of me?
What if I die, and my wife (and kids) is left alone?
What if military pay isn't enough to provide for my family?
Is it all ethical? I don't have a problem with War, but what if the mission is unjust? God's law come before America's.

Those are a few of my questions. Me and my girl have thought about waiting to marry until I was out of the Army, but that is just too long. I understand that people should wait a long time, but we already have, and we have God on our side, so I am very confident that our marriage would work. I just don't know if it'd be right and Godly for me to join the Rangers when I'm trying to glorify my Lord with my entire life.
I apologize for the length of this composition, but as you can see it is a big deal. I appreciate you reading it and your replies. Thanks, and God bless.

If you have serious doubt in your mind as to whether or not you can kill another human being without God being the greatest influence in your rationalization, you have no business being in anything involving combat or use of force against other living beings. If you have such a strong love for God, become a Chaplain or something so you can do good while still doing something noble for your country by tending to the spiritual needs of those in uniform. Don't plan to become a soldier who will be required to kill until you answer all of your questions yourself by looking at what has happened to others whose experiences hold the answers you seek and read the stories of recently killed or severely wounded vets whose families are dealing with the reality of those answers you are wanting. Then decide for yourself if you are strong enough to deal with the possibility of those outcomes when weighed against your otherworldly concerns.

quote:

Originally posted by SlumSoldier:
Can I, as a Ranger, raise a family in a Godly manner?
Is it selfish for me to join the Rangers and leave my wife at home?
How will being in the Rangers affect my family? (Maybe not seeing my kids that often, in their early years... parenting after seeing what Special Forces men see, or after being in the military lifestyle for so long)
What if I come home with a disability and my wife has to take care of me?
What if I die, and my wife (and kids) is left alone?
What if military pay isn't enough to provide for my family?
Is it all ethical? I don't have a problem with War, but what if the mission is unjust? God's law come before America's.

Yes, you can raise a family in a Godly manner as a Ranger.

No, it is not selfish to be a Ranger and leave your wife at home. That would happen no matter what you do in the military - it's called deployment.

Being a Ranger will affect your family to the degree you allow it, being anything will affect your family to whatever degree you all it. If anything, it may make you more compassionate to your family.

If you come home with a disability and your wife has to care for you, so be it. You could get hit by a car walking across the street and she could have to care for you. It's what we do as spouses.

If you die, your family picks up the pieces and goes on the best they can.

If you can't make it on an officer's pay, you have big problems money wise. But if it is too tight, your wife goes to work to help make ends meet.

Have you considered going into the military as a Chaplain? You may want to think about that and look into it.


Sgt Mom

quote:

If you have serious doubt in your mind as to whether or not you can kill another human being without God being the greatest influence in your rationalization, you have no business being in anything involving combat or use of force against other living beings.

I have no problem killing another human being, and God would still be my greatest influence. It's not the killing I'm afraid of... I just wouldn't want to be ordered to do something against God's law. Killing in war itself would not be that, but I worry I could be told to kill someone innocent.

quote:

No, it is not selfish to be a Ranger and leave your wife at home. That would happen no matter what you do in the military - it's called deployment.

Well, I understand that I'd leave one way or the other in the military. It's the fact that I'd have to be gone for so long while she's alone and my kids grow up that causes me to hesitate.

I appreciate the advice. I can see this going either way; I just have to pray about it and let God take it where He will. Thank you.

My husband was Navy and we had one 24 month period where we saw him 72 days total. That was 1-2 days here, 4-5 there, etc. We did see him for 14 days at one time because he came home on emergency leave when I had surgery. So, it's not just being a Ranger.

There are commands who have done multiple 12-18 month deployments to Irag/Afghanistan.

Yes, my husband missed some things with our kids growing up, but they have a close relationship. Our family has always felt it was quality, not quantity the counted.

Our kids are now 21 & 24 and they wouldn't have changed it really. They love their dad and he was there as much as possible. Shoot, they had their dad at more activities than some kids with a dad not in the military and in the same house with them!

A lot of it is how YOU handle things.


Sgt Mom

It's not just the military that can keep you apart from your family. One of the people that I work with (just for an example, lot's of them do similar schedules) leaves his house at 6:00 a.m. on Monday. He then flies from Tampa to San Diego to start work at 11:00 a.m. He continues to work until about 6:00 or 7:00 p.m. (which his body tells him is 9:00 or 10:00. On Thursday he gets to the office at 7:30 a.m. and then leaves at 11:30 a.m. to go to the airport. He gets home about 11:00 p.m. Of course, he is expected to be at work in the Tampa office on Friday. He does this almost every week and, in fact, I was approached about working the same schedule. Depending on what's happening, he may be asked to spend the weekend in San Diego instead of coming home to his family. On top of all that, part of his team is in Manila so he travels there at least once a year. This is all being done for a non-military company and not working on a military contact.

As you can see, you could end up with a schedule that will have you away from your family most of the time even if you don't go military.

Slum, I couldn't and won't presume to tell you either way. God is an amazing compass and He'll never steer you wrong.
But I will say this: military doesn't accept God's Law, only the objective and the mission. You are more than likely to end up coming across something in the future that will challenge that heavily. It's not like we can say "hold on a few minutes while I talk to God about this"...lol...you get what I mean, right? Some decisions are needed on the fly, things that we question after it's happened.
I would say that perhaps Bazooka has a fantastic alternative: chaplain. As a chaplain you can rest easy every single day knowing that you have followed God's commandments (mainly 'don't kill' in my book), taking His word to others, pray for others (and not get creamed by anyone for it), and do one of the best jobs in the world (my opinion ).
You appear to have a heart for God and a heart for adhering to His word.

On the other hand, I can agree with SgtMom as well. It is very possible to have all that you want--just takes more work and compromise than others is all. As a husband, you are the head. That means you will lead the way for you and your wife---with her input of course. She must be prepared to be an incredibly tough woman though--this wife business is made harder by military life. Those of use that are tough in the very sense of the word will make it. It's not for everyone.

And at some point you two can decide if it really is for you. Marriage is a team effort--and I don't care what any other nitwit says--it IS possible to put marriage before military. My husband makes that choice every day. If it came to it, he'd choose his wife and kids over the military every time. Would he miss it--sure. It's been a part of him for 19 years now. But his wife and kids are more important.....sometimes you must make that choice. Lucky for him, I'm along for the ride as long as he wants to do this. I'm diggin' this, looking forward to another 9 years.

Like I said, God's a great compass. Keep talking with Him---and keep your ears and eyes open for His responses.

quote:

Originally posted by BazookaMoe:
If you have serious doubt in your mind as to whether or not you can kill another human being without God being the greatest influence in your rationalization, you have no business being in anything involving combat or use of force against other living beings.

Running your mouth again as "concidering joining", eh?

God being the influence, even in war, is a good thing. keeps you grounded in many instances and homefully makes you see humanity for what it is and keeps you from doing things that get you court martialed later on. General Patton, while not citing religion as a way to get people grounded, was always wary of war devices that could be flown from a distance because it took the hummanity and reality out of the war. People are not machines, and are not trained as such in the armed forces. Trained to follow orders, yes, but even then blindly following and not thinking leads to trouble as well, especially when the order is a violation of international war policies. The graduation speech at West Point this year by Secretary Gates focused in on that, I suggest you read it.

Slum, we have 4 kids, who are doing quite well. How your family does without you there is entirely dependent on how you act when you are there. Your wife has to be a strong an independent woman, who also knows that you support her. There is no greater look than what I've seen on my kids faces when they annouce that daddy and mommy are/were sailors. They've seen more of the US than many adults have (driven partially by us taking advantage of free time for road trips). They're learning and seeing history and geography, much better than from any text book.

Keep praying and thinking. God will give you your answers.

Ya'll are awesome. This helps a lot. Thanks very much. =)

quote:

A lot of it is how YOU handle things.

Sgt Mom, that's exactly right. I haven't exactly thought of it that way. I suppose the time I would have with my wife and kids I would just have to make more special. All they need to know is that I love them more than anything, and God will handle the rest.

quote:

mainly 'don't kill' in my book

bobbysangelwife, you have some great advice and I appreciate it a lot. I know though, that the Bible has a lot of killing in it. Which doesn't make it right, but there are situations when a kill is not a murder. It's the same in war. The reason I'm not afraid of killing people is because I know that these people are trying to kill me. My only concern is that I would have to kill innocent people...which I doubt would happen, but if it did I'm not sure what I would do.
As for being a Chaplain, I think it's great but I kinda wanted to be in the fight. I realize I can do whatever I want so I'm not going to make excuses about having poor speech skills or something; but I just feel that God is leading me towards the fight.
I know my future wife is going to have to be pretty tough, and I'm confident she will be. =)
I will definitely keep praying and I know God will show me the way. Thanks a ton, ya'll, I really appreciate the help. God bless all of you.

There's a thread on the serving/killing part in The Chapel - am I right? that may be interesting to you.

Even if you don't choose to BECOME a chaplain, I'm not sure if they would do this but you could try looking up a chaplain at your closest post/base and ask their opinion or ask if they can offer you counsel. That type of meeting may be just as important as one with a recruiter. Of course you can also go to your own clergyman or a mentor from your own church - they may not be as familiar with the military specifics, but in terms of just the general idea of putting yourself in a position to "voluntarily" be at some time be separated from your spouse, killing/war, etc., they may be able to help you with specific Scripture or guidance.

I will say this - I find that it's very interesting that at such a young age you feel 'called' to be not only a soldier but a Ranger. It may seem a difficult thing as a Christian, but perhaps God has a plan for you there and gave you that calling for a reason. Who knows what you could accomplish or whose lives would be touched by your service!

One more thing - moving to The Chapel at 11 AM Sunday morning, because it's more appropriate and because there are some folks there who I think could be of great assistance to you.

quote:

...but there are situations when a kill is not a murder. It's the same in war. The reason I'm not afraid of killing people is because I know that these people are trying to kill me. My only concern is that I would have to kill innocent people...which I doubt would happen, but if it did I'm not sure what I would do.

You know, you're right about that. And there are instances where things happen, things get confusing, and accidental shootings of innocents do indeed happen. No one 'has to' kill innocent people, but it does unfortunately happen--mostly a case of wrong place at wrong time, or even more sadly bad guys set it up to happen that way so that innocents' get killed and all that.
How do you think that you'd deal with that? I'm just asking as something for you to seriously think about. You definitely have plenty of time--you are 16 after all. Death is serious business, as I'm sure you already know. Some things to consider: how would I deal or move past causing a death, innocent or otherwise?
Do I think it would compromise my soul or alter my walk?
Would it alter my way of thinking of myself, God, my country, etc?

For me personally, if I should happen by some weird circumstance kill a person, there is only one thing that I can do: immediately talk to our Father, confess it (of course even though He already knows it), and ask for forgiveness. I cannot change what has happened already, all I can do is ask for forgiveness, forgive myself as well, and move forward one step at a time.

Yeah, I'm already getting involved with people from my church that know and love me, and have a lot of experience. I need all I can get. =)

quote:

it's very interesting that at such a young age you feel 'called' to be not only a soldier but a Ranger

Indeed. It will be difficult for sure, but I feel like there's a lot of real evidence in my life that God is leading me in that direction. And it's just something I always wanted to do. Of course, He could turn me right around and I could become a plumber or something, haha. =P

quote:

How do you think that you'd deal with that?
How would I deal or move past causing a death, innocent or otherwise?
Do I think it would compromise my soul or alter my walk?
Would it alter my way of thinking of myself, God, my country, etc?

To those questions I honestly don't have an answer yet. I can confidently say that I know God will help me with whatever happens. I don't think my faith will be altered... for the worse. If anything at all, I believe I'd be stronger, and closer to God after I went through such an ordeal. As for how I would deal with it, or how I would view myself and my country, I have no idea. I figure I can't get into an accident if I just let God drive. Might be a bit bumpy, but I'll live.

The best advice I can give is for your future wife. As the two of you consult together on your future, she needs to do research as well. It's easy, when you love someone to say "I support you in whatever decision you make and I will follow you."

It's a lot harder to follow through and actually live it. I'm not saying at all that your girlfriend can't do it. What I am saying, is that as a favor to her, so that she is more prepared for what the future will bring that you should suggest to her that she become more aware of what being an Army wife, and especially a Rangers wife will really be like.

Check out the site called "Marriedtothearmy.com" and click on the Special Ops section....... read through it, and suggest she do so as well...

She may want to find some books to read that are written by army wives. I'm sure there are a lot out there.... just google it.

Basically, there are many, many Army wives out there who can tell you that they support their husband 100%, but I'm willing to bet that as many of us say WE DO SUPPORT them 100% (I'm one of those), we would also say it's harder than I thought it would be when we began.

It's not easy. There are nights that we cry ourselves to sleep and wonder how we'll go on. God is the strength that pulled me through my husbands deployment and the misery that life became while he was away (our family suffered a few tragedies while he was in Iraq in 04/05).

But, even now... I will stand proud despite knowing how hard it is..... proud of my soldier, proud to be his wife, and proud of the US Army!!! ....... and that includes Active, Reserve and National Guard.

In my opionion, it's not a question of whether you can do this or not ------- it's what can you do to PREPARE yourselves for it.... that includes prayer, research, counseling (career and marriage counseling)...... You're doing right with this post... it's a good way to start. Don't stop there.

Best wishes for a bright and successful future!

God bless you!
Amy

Thanks very much, Amy. I'm going to show her the link and this whole discussion. I admire your courage and strength.

After reading up on that site, I now wonder...

Say I went to ROTC at Texas A&M for 4 years, and graduated as a 2nd Lt. Then I went through everything it takes to become a Ranger. Then I served as a Ranger. How long would it take from graduating ROTC until I finished serving as a Ranger??

With or without a ROTC scholarship? Because if you have get an Army ROTC scholarship or enter into the Army Advanced Course you will incur a commitment of 8 years - full time for three years (four years for scholarship winners) and the balance in the Individual Ready Reserve. Further schooling will mean additional commitments, but sometimes the commitments can be done concurrently.

Oh yeah, sorry. With an ROTC scholarship. So I know I'd be in for at least 8 years, but would becoming a Ranger further that???

I wont repeat whats already been said. You've been given some awesome advice here. You seem to be headed in a great direction no matter what path you ultimately end up in. You appear to have a great head on your shoulders.

As for the Army commitment thing. All initial military contracts are 8 years. Its called your Military Service Obligation (MSO). Its the same for everyone. What changes is how many of those 8 are served on active duty. My active commitment was only 19 months. But I'm still on an 8 year contract. I havent found yet what the obligation is for Rangers, but I would assume that its no more than 6 years active and 2 reserve. I know for the Navy most of our officers serve 5 and 3 contracts for ROTC scholarships. But it does vary depending on our job.

And I look forward to seeing you as part of the Aggie family. Best of luck on becoming part of Rutgers. Its extremely difficult but I understand very rewarding. I would recommend Fish Drill Team to help prepare you for the rigors of Rutgers prep.
May God Bless you,
Liz, Petty Officer and Class of 2012!!!!

Thanks. =) I credit my mom; for homeschooling me my entire life, haha.

Oooh, I get it. So 8 years, even for Rangers, I just might be active a bit more. That makes sense. Now my question is... does training to actually become a Ranger count towards those 8 years, or does it start after I get in? Or does it start right when I graduate ROTC??

Haha, go Aggies. Thanks, Liz!

The 8 years starts the day of Commissioning.

Which means my training would count towards the 8?