I feel your pain

It's a hard life. Really. Few people realize it, aside from military spouses themselves. I was a military kid, and I didn't mind moving much, because I didn't know anything different. I've been on Active Duty, and that wasn't very hard either, as each move had its purpose to the mission. But a military wife does know different, and can't be directly committed to the operational mission. She must commit herself to the overall mission, at one remove. It's very hard. Thanks for all that you do, regardless of your family's decision, you've done much more for your country than most Americans have.

That is one of the best things I have read on here. I appreciate your dedicated service to this country as well as your husband who serves it. I to have a wife in the same situation as you as well as an 8 year old boy. However, we have been fortunate with regards to moving around. I have been in the service for over 13 years with only 4 duty stations. My only advice to you, is to talk it over with your husband, but in my opinion and my wife's opinion, is it will be worth it at the end of 20 years.

Yeah it's hard but things could always be worse instead of complaining be thankful that you have a place to live and food to eat. That you live in a country where you can practice any faith you want. That you as a woman are not considered property, but rather a human being. This goes for all of you! Just be thankful for what you have!

It is what it is, a temptation. I call it "the grass is always greener" syndrome.

My wife and I recently completed 21 yrs of marriage. I had been in 10 yrs when we married, and did a 30 yr career.

We were tempted to get out along the way...changing schools and leaving friends behind is very hard.

In the end, my kids are more self-reliant and self-assured. My spouse knows she can (and has) handle any emergency. We all have friends throughout the world. The pluses of military life outweighed the minuses.

We live away from a military concentration, but have talked about settling closer to a base to take advantage of the benefits of commissary and exchange, and medical/pharmacy.

No longer do we joke that when the flower garden starts to look great it must be time to move...but the kids grow up, friends sometimes move, and life goes on...in the military or out. It is the quality of the lives you build together and the determination you have to make your life a quality life filled with friends that is important. Serving your country as a service member or spouse is the icing on the cake.

I too am a mother of two boys and understand your pain. Although I am somewhat in a different situation. I am the one who is in the military, and after 2 deployments to Iraq, and eight moves and 4 different schools in less than 6 years, I decided that it was time to get out and begin to enjoy life with my family. It was a hard decision, but what made it easy is that I knew that it was best for my kids and family.

I loved being an army brat. My sister was saying just yesterday how much she cried when dad got out (involuntarily--downsizing post-Korean war). For how much other kids liked being brats, you can go to:
http://www.militarybrats.com/cgi-local/2bb/2bb.cgi?seq=...ard=5&msg=1010295156
But my mother was glad to settle down. Perhaps things have changed totally since my era. Or perhaps this is 100% about the wife, not at all about the kids.

I hate to say it, but this wife is COMPLAINING
about NOTHING significant. Its part of the package when you are married to a military member. She will realize when he is separated and/or retired, that whe will lose a lot of her support. Get over it!!!! I served with the Marine Corps for 30 years no matter what the title on my call sign says.

As a soldier who got out after I got married and had a kid, I can relate to your post. I didn't think being in the military was conducive to family life. Fast forward 8 years...I'm divorced and joining back up, albeit, in the National Guard. Now, I've been in the Guard for 4 years, been deployed to Afghanistan, going to Iraq in a few months, and contemplating getting married again. Also considering going on active duty again after this deployment. I know full well, the comprimises of military life...the sacrifices made by an Army spouse, the stresses of moving every two or three years, having to find a new job or switch schools, and not being able to put down roots. It's rough, no doubt. However, there are positives too.
The aformentioned decent retirement, the health care, the PX benefits. These are all valuable commodities. When I retire, I'll start another career with my degree, and my soon to be wife and I plan on buying a little farm. That retirement pay will provide a little extra security for us, to make sure the farm stays "ours."
Ultimately, I think the sacrifices are well worth benifits. Thanks for a great post!

People have to remember the grass isnt always greener like an above poster said. I was medically discharged from the military, and now I would LOVE to go back in, I miss it so much. People say the following:

I hate moving so much!
You should think of it as, I get to go and see new places and experience a new atmosphere.

My spouse will make more on the outside as a professional!
Well in this economy, it is very difficult to get into a decent paying job. Especially if the person has no degree yet and their MOS cant really be transfered cleanly into a non military position.

I sick of worrying if my spouse is going to die on a deployment.
Cant really say much about that except they could also die from a car accident commuting to work anywhere.

Those are the usual things that I heard from my wife, and I let her know that I was thinking of seeing if I could get a waiver to get back in and she started balling and talking some nonesense.I'm halfway done with my business degree and I make over 60k a year, but their isnt a day that goes by that I dont wish I was still in the military. So I would say to those people that think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, think long and hard about your decision because no one on the outside is going to give you what you have on the inside.

I think that ALL of us Military wives can understand where Sarah is coming from. Just like all the things she is thinking about that are making her sad and upset, we all KNOW it comes with the territory. And I believe 100% that as an American Military Wife, if we have the guts to push through it, and the courage to continue on, then we have earned the right to simply tell other people how we feel. Just because someone "complains" or rants and raves and sobs about all the hard aspects of being a military wife, does NOT mean that are straight up ranting and raving and wanting somebody to fix it and think that it is all pointless. Sometimes, a wife just needs to express her feelings and get it out and over with. It helps to hear sympathy back from friends and colleagues. It helps to have someone there to share the pain. This gives us the strength we need to continue on. We all do it and most of us get it out and continue on, stronger than before. My husband has been in the Navy for 5 years now. He loves it and has always planned to go career. I support him 100% and have already planned to be a career Naval Wife. Yet that doesn't stop me from complaining whenever the Navy screws up our plans, or I don't see him for 6 months at a time. It goes back to the same old thing about men that they will never understand. When a woman lets it all outs and complains about something - she doesn't want you to fix it! She just wants you to listen!!! Somehow Sarah, I truly believe Dustin will fulfill his 20 years with you right by his side And you keep on talking to us whenever you need to vent. That's what we are all here for

But yes, compliments to the military spouse.. The last major deployment, they moved the brigade from Fort Richardson to Fort Wainwright, half way through an extended (12 months to 15 then to 18) deployment to Iraq, so spouses had to change jobs/careers, kids into a new school, a new house and weather, and more.. Not an easy thing, so yes compliments to them.. Sometimes I think the SM needs to reverse things with their spouse and see how fun things can be at home.. Grin.

Me, will see about retirement.. But, I might check out the Local State Militia or Civil Air Patrol when I do? But, first I need to get back to driving cab at nights (economy is going bad, you can tell, already had several assaults on cabbies and like people). I do enjoy making sure the little kids get to/from post alive, and well! Sadly my USMC Uncle, came home from Vietnam to an empty house and no wife and kids.. "She was not an USMC issued wife" (Groan).

I do advise the kids to figure out what they want when they get out, the army can be very tempting when you are back on the streets, with no education and no real jobs skills. Other than you know how to kill people or do things the Army way. Why many former 11B work as cops or security guards.

Old comments was by the time an officer (enlisted it fits as well) is a LTC or COL, they need to be married, to help deal with all the social aspects, but also act as an unofficial advisor, as well as in house FRG.. And help keep their spouse sane? Especially helps if the unit has both sexes.

Remember the poor cabbie in "We was soldiers once" and the wives taking care of things, yes, sadly I expect some have experienced it to close at hand, sorry. That oddly for me was one of the sadist moments of the whole movie.

Transition and such: Why we have NAF and AAFES and like jobs? But ... How is spouses being helped with the transition from military to civilian, especially with the discharge for medical reasons of their SM spouse, or ...

Mike
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Might ask a Reservist or National Guard member about how fun things can be or not. Often oddly, some spend more time working than many in the active side of things.. I know I normally do. It has its good and bad side. Still seeing if anyone will take Tricare locally and not have to go to Anchorage, far as I know that is what I need to do? Found it easier to get on a space-A with a Guard/Reserve flight than active so far. Also, looking into how fun it is to be from a small town/village and not be close to a military hospital? Glad I have my 5 years active AGR time with the ARNG, it has been paying for much of my current medical care/needs/labs/etc. It can be fun to try to explain how much fun it is to get to drill/battle assembly when I do not live near the Fort, no car (Can't drive at this time anyway), and I do not live on post, and do not have an active duty spouse.. In addition, not former active Army.. So I go with the standards I know and not some REMF ideals.. Sorry, went from an Scout Infantry Guard unit to a medical Army Reserve unit, they seem to have nothing better to do than criticize my functional use of my ACUs, much like other active Infantry units do.. Also the fun of trying to explain, the USAR is my 2nd job, until it makes me the money my self employed job does, we shall see.. Now days just want to retire and go on with my life, done my 20, put my Retarded hat on (yes, not very PC, but heh also ADHD and former Special Needs bus driver, so not offended). The fun is. To go from being my own boss to having to deal with some one who cause of rank or like, they can tell me what to do, but often show how ignorant they are, when I tell them I did some where between 3-5 times more work than they did, and even cleaned the toilets. Sorry had good and bad experience with how hard and how many active duty soldiers it takes to do what 1-2 NG soldiers will do the task in.. Many NG/USAR soldiers are older and have outside the Army skills, that can come in very handy, thinking outside the normal box.

Mike Adams
Former Alaskan Scout 42A/11B, Former EMT and PCA.
Living on the frontier between Alaska and Soviet Union.

Wow, it was so nice to read in words how I've felt at times. While my husband loves the army and I do enjoy many of the adventures we've had. It gets so crazy sometimes. We've moved 5 times in 3 years, in 4 states, and I just bought a house and moved with my 2 young children by myself, while my husband is deployed for 15 months. As soon as he gets back, off to training he goes in another state for a couple of months more. people tell me to just be greatful that in this economy, he has a stable job and the extra deployment pay. I am greatful for that - it paid the costs of finally buying a house. We would have bought sooner, but you know, it doesn't make sense when you know orders are coming up in a couple of months - again. My husband was a military brat, and he loved it. But times change and jobs are different. His family moved twice while he was growing up. His dad's deployments were a few months every few years. Not one after another for a year or longer. I really don't want to change much about the good life we have together. we take the good and the bad and do the best we can. But like everything, sometimes even the toughest of us gets worn down and needs a break. I don't have time to cry, or take a break (besides if I do need a good cry, I usually get told either to buck up and stop complaining). We'll always be preparing for the next deployment, or move, or birthday or whatever. I'll get over whatever complaints I have, but sometimes, we all need a break, and sometimes it's nice to think of the greener grass. Someday, I'll have different challenges. For now, this will do and I will love it - most of the time.

My husband and I knew what civilian life was before he joined. We were happy and doing alright, until he was laid off, and had a hard time finding a job again. He was 20 and I was 19, and our daughter was 5 months old. I didn't get a say-so, just one day in Feb, he came home and told me he was leaving for basic on the 16th of that month. I was shocked, of course we were really down our luck, had to give up our apartment, move back in with my folks, and were finding ourselves having to live off the state for support, but I didn't think then that the military was neccessary. We'd spent all our lives in that town. I spent 18 years in the same house until I was married. My husband is my highschool sweetheart, we lived maybe 2-3 miles away. We had all the same friends since Kindergarten. I was raised in the same house my grandparents had, and raised with them. I told him then and I tell him now, I'll support you no matter what. If you feel that this what we have to do, then we'll do it. Inside though, I felt like I was cheating my daughter. I know all the benefits the military has, and believe me they are very good, but that still doesn't keep me from feeling ungrounded and unrooted. We've been in for 4 years now. We have a daughter and a son. Moved 3 times in that 4 years. Thank God our children haven't started school yet, but still they've had to leave friends behind. Forgive me, even though my daughter is 4 and may not remember her 4 year old bestfriend next door in 3 years, she still cried and wailed and hung to her when it came to leave. In that moment I hated our decision, and wished we had never done this. I thought in that moment, I could be back home and she could have her friends and not have to worry about leaving them. She could have her Mammaw and Pappaw and not worry about having to go back to Fort so and so, and I cried with her, as I put her in the car, and buckled her in her carseat. I couldn't help but feel bad. Some days the benefits outway the sacrifices, some days they won't. Fifteen month deployments lead to better money, a new car, a new home, but that's 15 months that soldier has had to go without their spouse and their children, 15 months that that spouse has had to go without their soldier. It's no more easier inside or outside. Just different hardships. In the service he'll always have a job, we'll always have medical, and they'll see to it we always have food and shelter. I'm thankful, I'm very thankful, we've come a long way and have a lot to be thankful for, but some days. I wish so full heartedly, that we were back home, close to family, he was working a 9-5er, and coming home at the same time. That instead of only being home for 1 out of 4 b-days for our daughter it was all 4. That he had been there for 3 of our sons, instead of 1, and mind you the one of those wasn't even in the same year. That each Christmas and Thanksgiving in the last 4 years wasn't spent with him on deployment. That instead of a webcam chat on our anniversary we got a real date and presents not postmarked from JFK airport. I know we wouldn't be any better or wors off than we are now. Just different circumstances and different problems. The grass may look greener on the other side some days, but that doesn't mean it isn't growing in a cow pasture. I for one even in my most ranting of days, don't feel like testing that theory out. Yes I am tempted by my former civilian life, as I think some if not most military families are, but I know we've made a decision that has bettered our lives, even through all the sacrifices we and our children have made and the more are sure to come. I am thankful, and I thank God every day.