Background story: I completed a 3-way mutual to have the help from my child's father. (He works m-f, 7-30) Being a watch stander and a single mom is very difficult. It's hard to find childcare (out of home) for 13hrs. I have had to fly family in 3 times to help me watch my son so I could work. The problem: my son's father is up to transfer. We found someone in the area to take his orders. But when he contacted his potentially new unit, the 1st class went straight to the detailer. She said No a mutual cannot happened until after 6mo of being at the new unit. My question: wouldn't it just be like a unilateral transfer? Have you ever seen someone take over another's orders and the first guy just fulfill the 2nd's remaining tour? Keep in mind that the 2 are not stationed together. One is on a boat and the other is at a land billet. All input is greatly appreciated.
i have done a unilateral, i had to be there for more than 6 but they sent an a schooler to replace my tour of duty, as long as i paid for the entire move Hawaii to Puerto Rico, yah, I was an E-4 and so was the guy that took my billet, i actually helped break him in. Once he was qualified the command let me leave. It was very tough to do but it worked out.
I think the real problem is that single parents do not get enough support. I know there are going to be people that disagree because they know one person that was pulled off the watch so that they could take care of their sick kids. Well for that one person I can name 4 very qualified and hard working coastie single moms and a couple of single dads that have struggled to find day care. And if they can find it being able to afford it is a whole other monster. Being a watch stander is hard, being a single mom/dad is hard, put those two together and life becomes pretty unbearable at times. These people I speak of never asked to be single parents, they are just playing the cards they were dealt as best they can.
Good luck with your situation, there are a lot of us in the fleet that know how tough it is to be in your shoes. Make sure you check with work life, depending on the area that you live in, they may be able to point you in the right direction
thanks for the input so far. but what I really want to know is how my child's father can stay in the area to help me out. I thought it was possible for the guy on the boat to take his orders and him to complete the boat guy's tour. Ms. Walker said he would have to go to his new unit for 6mo first (that's mutualing).
What about just being a good shipmate? You're here to help others, including your co-workers. My wife & I help out a young couple b/c he works shift hours and so does she. Home child care (at their house or others) is almost impossible to find here with the hours they work. Even if one had "normal" hours it would be hard to find. That's where friends and co-workers come in. Especially those who have "been in their shoes." Sure there are times one of us, or both of us would rather not watch an infant or child all day on our day off or for a few hours after we just got off work too. But remember, what goes around, comes around. Step up to the plate & help out a shipmate!
Originally posted by nichole21: I dont want anyone to get away from my question. I'm inquiring about the mutual/unilatural.
They already answered you. However i will answer you again and give you a bit more info to go on.
Your answer is: NO to Unilateral and or Mutual however to review all the requirements, look in the Personal Manual COMDTINST M1000.6A chapter 4.B.10 as i will not do the labor for you.
They already answered you. However i will answer you again and give you a bit more info to go on.
Your answer is: NO to Unilateral and or Mutual however to review all the requirements, look in the Personal Manual COMDTINST M1000.6A chapter 4.B.10 as i will not do the labor for you.
OS1 H.
I've already looked in the manual. I always go there first! But I've heard of others taking over orders. So if it's possible, why wont it work for my situation?! BRAZIER81 didnt exactly answer my question and Tykon only gave support.
I am sorry I cant resist... Did that baby come in your seabag? I am just kidding of course and I have seen this happen in my work place before. So maybe I can offer the best advice but I'll try to ease the pain.
First have you talked to your Chief or shipmates. We have a person who has something close to what your stating although not the same and we have people who are more than willing to stand mids so that daycare can be made out for the people in need. Of course this follows the law of, you can't expect to stand mids all the time and sooner or later, you will stand a mid. Try asking around at your unit, not just the watchstanders if anyone has daycare that's in home. Several people have them where I am at and it works out great for the 13 hour watches. Don't be upset if you have to pay an arm and a leg, sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too you know. Sometimes it's you that has to make the sacrifice, not the Coast Guard. As for the cost of your daycare I do believe I read a msg saying if you pay so much you might be able to be reimbursed some money though the CG. Tried it myself, but I wasn't paying enough.
Don't ever go by"i heard it happened somewhere else".
The manual has it in black and white with no grey areas.
However if your dead set on believing it can still happen, they why dont you get your baby's daddy to start the paperwork process started "as per the manual" and then route it through his chain of command. Then and only then will you know for sure otherwise you are just spinning your wheels getting your hopes up because you "heard" someone else has done it.
These people I speak of never asked to be single parents, they are just playing the cards they were dealt as best they can.
They may not have "asked" to be single parents but the decisions they made put them in that situation. Why should the CG bend over backwards to address issues arising from the decisions made by the individuals?
Find child care. You can do it. Many have done it before you. Many will do it after you.
Life is tough. Deal with the cards you've been dealt.
I'll help you write the first newspaper ad:
Wanted: Live in child care in exchange for free room and board. Part time work outside the home OK. Work schedule must not conflict with child care requirements. Call xxx-xxxx
Doesn't change a thing, now, does it Nichole? You're an adult so solve your problem instead of relying on someone else to solve it for you. The Coast Guard isn't your Mommy.
She is not asking for anyone to solve her problems, or be her mommy. She is simply asking on information about unilateral transfers, which may make her life a little easier.
"Being a watch stander and a single mom is very difficult. It's hard to find childcare (out of home) for 13hrs. I have had to fly family in 3 times to help me watch my son so I could work"
Child care is the issue, and live in help solves it. A possible solution has been provided.
Then, suddenly, "childcare is not my issue", says the poster.
Hmmmm....she is asking the Coast Guard to solve her problems because "being a watch stander and a single mom is very difficult". After all, it's the Coast Guard's fault she stands watches, and that her baby's father isn't nearby. Those mean Coast Guard people just don't understand.
So, end the blame game and the whining. Grow up and HANDLE IT.
Being a watch stander and a single mom is very difficult. It's hard to find childcare (out of home) for 13hrs.
Well her statement does seem to hint that the whole reason she's hurting for this mutual is so the father of her child can help with watching thier child. Seems to me if she worked out day care then she wouldn't need the mutual and the problem would be solved. Although I don't agree with the tone. I do agree that her statement makes me and others believe her real problem and need for a mutual is daycare.
Also, you may not like the tone, but that's the tone that was set when the answer she got from the Coast Guard concerning the request for mutual for baby daddy was delayed for six months.
Study this y'all...it's called the Karpman Drama Triangle.
There are three sides to the triangle, obviously; The VICTIM, The PERSECUTOR, and the RESCUER. In this case Nichole is playing VICTIM. The Coast Guard and I, have assumed the PERSECUTOR role. Tykon and Tray are coming close to assuming the RESCUER role. The behavior of the VICTIM drives others into the other two roles.
The victim will continue to look for a rescuer and will draw persecutors along the way...not just in one specific situation, but by behavior in every day living. It's part of the drama. One way to break the cycle is to not assume the role of persecutor or rescuer, but to allow the victim to come up with a way to solve the problem. People sub-consciously assume their "role" when dealing with the victim, as has happened in this thread.
