You must have been a sleep at the helm in boot camp. They went over all of the sexual aids and birth control

It might be true that condoms take the fun out of life, but nature has a way of creating equilibrium.

Like, for example, enjoying the fun in life for a while, spending money with wild abandon to pick up chicks, and then getting someone pregnant, and then spending money on child support so that you are on the sidelines.

Sad but true, every year you age the more responsibility you get whether you are ready for it or not.

So, you might as well start paying it forward now or those offspring that you created casually will ignore you when you are old just like you did to them when they were young.

Edgykatid Agreed you are right I was just playing around.

I hate growing up, It seems like just yesterday I was 17 and heading off for boot camp.

quote:

I hate growing up, It seems like just yesterday I was 17 and heading off for boot camp.

Same here. But for me that was actually 48 years ago.

This amazes me, here we have a member that asked a pretty innocent question that would have been answered simply by saying read the Personnel Manual or go ask your chief or work life. That is the only acceptable answer to her question. Being sarcastic was not the right answer. Then some of you ridicule her for being a young mother who has found herself in what she believes to be a tough spot. You question her marriage and use words like baby daddy, you act like 9th grade bullies to the point that she leaves the forum all together, and two weeks later you question her ability to be a parent and her choices, saying she didn’t research the coast guard and its ratings well enough. You consider yourself educated and the best you can come up with is deal with it, lets laugh at other peoples problems and talk about condoms taking the fun out of life………WHAT A JOKE

Yet another rescuer.

Yep. All those issues were raised with no apologies. Thank you for the summary.

So, now you are the head honcho Tykon. Let's hear how you would solve the problem.

No one has posted a solution yet other than

1) Find child care
2) Protect the "victim".

These, unfortunately, are the consequences of bringing a new life into the world when you aren't yet equipped to do it....AND, free flowing conversation is the nature of discussion boards on the internet.

Even a condom and "the pill" are not full proof. I had my 5th through both, while waiting for the Navy Hospital to decide to get my wife in for her tubal ligation since they lost the referal to do it while in delivery of the 4th.

I agree with Tykon to an extent, we shouldn't beat up our single parents because the number is quickly growing and something all of us leaders are going to deal with. If we want to keep good people I think at some point the Coast Guard, well the government as a whole, will have to come up with solutions for our workforce or we will be losing a lot of them.

Now, to the single parent, my name is in my profile, look me up on global and I'll tell you my experience with single parents working outside of the box. I have a few options for you but it would be easier to work with you for your specific situation vs typing all of them in here.

At some point in time, some folks on here MAY get into a LEADERSHIP position where they have to take in to account more than one person, one unit, one day at a time. Edkykatid has been there for damn sure. I am there right now. When you get there you will understand how every decision has consequences. I am not talking about a parents decision at this minute - I am talking about POLICY decisions.

Some people have suggested, in essence, that maybe certain ports/locations be 'reserved' for parents who have chosen to take on both parental roles by themselves and for dual military couple. Now - you won't find those words, but those are the CONSEQUENCES that may very likely happen if you help those folks find areas where child care is 'easier' or whatever word you use. If you put all non two parent family people there, you can't put a two parent family member or a no dependant member there.

Every policy decision has consequences just like every personal decision has consequences. You see both ITCM Nesemeier and myself trying to teach you that. Fortunately for Dan, he can be a bit more free with his toungue than I can.

As far as continuing the discussion and delving deeper into the underlying issue of the members original question, that is a good thing. Some things require a deepr discussion and deeper thought. Some times very frank, blunt and maybe even crude things need to be said to get the point across. (That is why I am glad Dan has been here). Even Judge Judy will scream out to a person "YOU PICKED HIM." It is VERY VERY important to get some of this stuff out there. Young single folks and other who MIGHT end up some day in the same position need straight talk. They need to hear both sides, like where Edgy said basically - 'ever hear of a condom" and Dip said - 'they don't work every time.' Be smart and add those two things up!

OK - I'll halt the rant here for more discussion.

LOOK PEOPLE!

If I didn't care about this subject or about how young Coasties move up in the organization I wouldn't be here. I'm retired, gone from the day to day dealings from the Coast Guard and I'm in an entirely different profession with a completely different set of workforce rules...I am REALLY free to make my own choices, like when to get a haircut, which was about three months ago, when to wake up in the morning, which this morning was 4:30, and when to go to work, which will be around noon, IF I want to.

Let me expand a little on what Phil and I are trying to tell you...Phil can tell you about the policies. I'm no longer restrained from saying whatever I damn well please so I'm going to talk to you about life's lessons that have nothing to do with policy.

And I don't care if you don't agree. I've made some pretty crappy choices along life's journey myself and I live with the consequences of those, believe me. You people, yes, you people, need to stop looking at the Coast Guard as having all the answers. It doesn't. Most of the answers were already given to you as you were raised up from a pup and most of you live your lives as were taught.

Some of you either didn't get the right raising or you have chosen to ignore what you were taught...and that expands well beyond single parenting, which is sort of the subject here.

And you still have choices.

If you choose to have unprotected, casual sex you all know that there are consequences and ongoing discussions related to these issues that will affect the rest of your life; disease, babies, child care, child support, instilling values in your child so that they don't repeat your mistakes, choosing the right schools, the right job so that you can take care of your child's needs, college, advice to your adult children, grand children who also may be born of parents that were casual about it, and the list goes on. So, by knowing all of these things, and seeing kids you went to school with who may have been disadvantaged either by having a single parent, no authority figure in their life, parents who didn't care, or a host of other issues, you still chose the first steps toward a life that will guarantee difficulty for you and your children in many other aspects of life. A child born out of love will reap huge rewards. A child born without love will reap something much different.

So, to the point, a young child who has comprehension, listening to their mother or father who is a single parent complain about what the big, bad Coast Guard has done to ruin their lives, or how baby daddy is a bum who doesn't care, or how the Coast Guard "forced you and baby daddy to be apart", or how it will always be someone else who created the mess of the the single parent and child, then that kid will grow up with a set of values that society may not necessarily respect.

Live your life with GUSTO. If the Coast Guard doesn't fit how you want to live your life then get out. If you decide to stay then understand and live by your conditions of employment. When you are in a position to change things then DO IT. That is exactly what I did when I was active. I didn't always like decisions made by others and I didn't always have the maturity to suck it up and move forward, but I lived with choices others made for me as a condition of employment, and when I was senior enough to change things I did. AND, I took my own advice. When I decided that the Coast Guard didn't fit how I wanted to live I got out with no regrets. NO REGRETS WHATSOEVER.

I would have given her the same answer I did before, see your chain of command and if you still do not get the answer you are looking for, go to work life. Someone like her needed some one on one with someone that could give her sound advice on her situation. I am not a shrink and will not try to be one, trust me I am all about telling someone how it is. I am not afraid of being told no or telling someone no.. I just don’t feel that bully tactics are good in this situation. It only makes people angry. And edgykatied you and MC Rolfe have followers on here that feel that everything you say is right, so if you make a joke about someone they will too.

I am not defending a group (single parents) I have seen a couple single parents try to screw the system so I see where everyone’s anger comes from. But beating up one person to prove your point seems a bit childish.

I see your points and respect the knowledge you have gained in your life time. I just felt it was given at the wrong time to the wrong person in the wrong way.

I think I was fairly careful not to attack the person, but intentionally hard on setting the expectations. If I wasn't either one of those, then I failed. (yes - MCs do fail. We are EXPERTS at failing - otherwise we wouldn't have had enough lessons to get where we are! )

Offline, not in this case, but in many others, I have set up mentorships between members and myself or others.

My perception is that the person clearly stated they had followed the chain, but didn't like the answers. The original question realy had ZERO worklife connection. It is not a HUMS issue and it is not a special needs issue. Then - the topic started to get deeper, and I addressed those concerns.


Finaly - I appreciate you getting involved in the discussion. It is obvious that your passion for advocacy is high and that your opinions were thoughtful. Keep an open mind and stay involved.

Well taken, Tykon, but the response was entirely appropriate. Please go back and review that Karpman's Triangle link and do a little research on that.

No one has beaten up on that young lady. I wish her well, and I hope that she learns to make her own choices as she matures.

It's the issue more than it is the individual that is the concern.

"It's the issue more than it is the individual that is the concern."

That I can agree with, and I read your other post (karpman's)and agree with and understand that as well.. I just felt it was more of a bashing session then an educational one.... later

Tykon, in your first post you entered:

quote:

I think the real problem is that single parents do not get enough support. I know there are going to be people that disagree because they know one person that was pulled off the watch so that they could take care of their sick kids.

So far most of the replies have been to the effect that a single parent deserves no more support from the Coast Guard then anyone else.

It's time people get one basic fact into their heads....

Despite empty rhetoric stating otherwise, the Coast Guard is NO ONE'S family. Don't expect it to act like one.

If a person feels the CG does not meet the needs of the person's family it would seem to me the logical solution is to get out, as opposed to having a MILITARY service completely change their identity to support the individual.

Going to extreme measures to accomodate a single parent can only result in the equivalent of discrimination against those that are not single parents.

What is the POS "Special Needs" program then? If that program weren't "mandatory" and people could make their own decisions, I would be in Alaska on a cutter right now.

As much as I can not stand the program because of my situation, it does, however, serve a purpose. A single parent could actually easily become a part of "special needs." With the exponentially growing single parents coming out of high school and college, if the military in general doesn't consider something, they will quickly start limiting their recruiting pool.

Makes me wonder how many single parents are serving in Iraq in other services. I know they are there.

There is a big difference between bonafide special needs that are based upon handicap or disability versus those that are based upon poor decisions.

Unwed mothers in the U.S.

Check out the article.

And this one too.

I made the comment about single parents because my children were not able to accompany me to Alaska, there is no over night day care here and I am a watch stander. I did not complain or try to get out of my orders, I DELT with it… I RESARCHED every option, and there was nothing at the time I could do to get my kids here with me.. SO YES I AM VERY TOUCHY WHEN IT COMES TO SINGLE PARENTS!!!! I will have them with me for the summer, but that dose not make up for the year that I have lost with them. I am not some child that went and had a kid out of wedlock or because I was stupid or careless or childish or any of the other things some of you called the member that started this post.

I don’t blame the Coast Guard for anything, but having some kind of support for watch standers would have been very nice… Not all of us are single parents for negative reasons so not all of us need to be treated like dirt because some people like to make examples out of everyone

I know what you mean, Tykon, and you are right. Sometimes marriages don't work out, again based upon bad choices. I made bad choices myself and my four girls, three of them grown now, don't live with me, but they are old enough to understand why things happened the way they did.

I bet you make sure your kids know you are there for them even though you aren't physically there, and I hope that their mother makes sure that they know you are important.

quote:

A single parent could actually easily become a part of "special needs." With the exponentially growing single parents coming out of high school and college, if the military in general doesn't consider something, they will quickly start limiting their recruiting pool.

Since the CG seems to have more applicants then they can accept each year I don't see it as an issue. For the other services, maybe so. On the other hand, the other services are MUCH larger, larger bases, etc., so some form of day care on those bases may make sense.

I'm not trying to hammer on single parents as much as I am trying to point out that the MILITARY does NOT have the responsibility to deal with single parent or child care issues.