WTH???? i feel violated////or prosecuted maybe even rescued........... Is this english 101 ???

Here's a practical explanation

The answer to your question is NO.

I would suggest taking a quick look at 4.A.6.c of the PERSMAN before you ask for too many things. Obviously, your intent in asking for a particular assignment decision (the mutual) is based on "dependant care" issues. YOU SAID THAT. Asking ANOTHER decision to be made, this time for the father, gets more dangerous for you.

For how many years (decades?) do you want this to happen?

For some reason this topic seems to have set off some sensors people. I don't know the specifics of the situation but I will say this, I am a single mom, I have worked the 12 hour + shifts at a CAMS and I completed 3 years on a cutter.

This topic causes me some heartache and grief. I am sensative to the plight of the single mom, however I know that for those of us who bend over backwards to make our situations doable it brings great pain to see someone who is inflexible. Essentially it makes things that much more difficult for other single and dual military parents.

With that being said, I believe that a detailer should be considerate with assignments for parents (i.e. stationing them near family if possible). I also feel that commands should do their best to work with people. But there are times when that is not possible. It has been said on the board and it is true, there are options out there. There are times when you've just got to make it work.

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With that being said, I believe that a detailer should be considerate with assignments for parents (i.e. stationing them near family if possible).

Let's do a hypothetical (but very likely) scenario. Man and woman, both in the CG, marry and have a child. Divorce follows. Wife re-marries another active duty member. Should the CG now work to keep all three people in close proximity? That keeps both mother and father close to child and keeps current husband close to his wife.

And what happens when ex-hubby re-marries .....another active duty CG female? What if she too is divorced from an active duty member and has a child?

At what point does the CG get to quit assuming responsibility for all the decisions these people have made?

I guess that is why the Military frowns upon relationships/marriage withing 2 military members....becomes difficult to meet their needs. Usually works out best when 1 is a civilian.

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Usually works out best when 1 is a civilian.

Same problem could come up....does the CG now have to worry about changing people's duty stations as the civilian accepts jobs in different parts of the country?

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Originally posted by Hectorcaliente:
I guess that is why the Military frowns upon relationships/marriage withing 2 military members....becomes difficult to meet their needs. Usually works out best when 1 is a civilian.

Actualy, that is not frowned upon. Married couples do get consideration for assignments. No guarantees, but consideration. When they do get consideration, it is usually in a way that makes their jobs a bit tougher - like a 4 year sea duty assignment vice a 3 year, limited geographic choices, etc.

RED;
Cheers ( ) for setting a great example! That said, read the PERSMAN para I referenced above. We CAN NOT make considerations (or be considerate) for 'single parents.' It is manifestly unfair to those who are not single parents. (I could really spin this thing off topic by saying the only true single mother I ever heard of was named Mary and gave birth to a great carpenter and fisherman, but I digress).

Parents who have custody or support issues have a huge choice to make. They can offer up the same commitment to the CG that everyone does (ready 24/7/365 for worldwide assignment, PCS, TDY or local), or they can find other employment. I am sure it is a tough choice. I do not envy their choice. That said, in all cases but Mary's, widows/widowers and sexual assualt victims, it is more a matter of choosing consequences for a previous choice.

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Married couples do get consideration for assignments

In my experience with this issue I would have to say it's the other way around. I am married to another memeber and have suffered the dreaded transfer season. I also have a brother married to another memeber and have watched how they were treated at transfer season also.
My opionion on member to member transfer is the married couples make great sacrifice to serve the CG.
I have suffered loss of my priority coming from a cutter to stay with my wife. Was told, I can keep you on the cutter or you can take this billet, that was not on my dream sheet but then was told to make it my number one pick, can anyone guess why that is?
My brother and his wife were called by only one of thier detailers and was told your going to Alaska or your not going to be stationed togeter, also was not on their dream sheets.
Though these experiences I always wondered where's the CONSIDERATION. Some can argue well that's what you have to do to stay togther, and my reply to that is, then why don't they just tell people that up front instead of saying we make consideratinos. This type of consderation has made us make the tough choice of my wife leaving the CG. Which in my opionion is a great loss to the CG, when the CG isn't willing to make special considerations for a memeber with 12 years in that they have spent money on training and continues to get way more 7's on their marks then I've ever seen, just doesn't sound like a smart thing to do. I am not blind tho, I know that anyone getting special consideration could always screw someone else with a higher priority and I don't agree with that either.
Don't get me wrong, I am not on a soap box, I don't expect the CG to make the sacrifice for me all the time, sometimes you give and sometimes they give, pick your battles wisely. I think it's the responsibility of the memeber to bend until the breaking point for the Guard. At that point the Guard should say you've expended ever effort and saught all help that you can, now we WILL do the same for you. Most times I think that doesn't happen.

Just dropping my two cents again, spend it how you want to!!

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My opionion on member to member transfer is the married couples make great sacrifice to serve the CG.

The same can be said for any couple, with one a non-military person. I watched my sister-in-law give up job after job after job as my brother was transfered from one duty assignment to the next over his thirty year career.

The CG did not take her into their consideration, so why should they have to bend over backwards for a couple where both serve?

Seems one sided to me.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Ex_CG_GM,

I just have to ask is the father of your child also your ex husband or husband. Look at your profile name and your name tag in your profile. ???

Choice is so tough, I cannot imagine being a single parent however I was raised by one with both my father and mother in the military (and divorced) I can tell you I was bounced around for awhile and due to that fact my Mother resigned her commission.

In addition, I got married to another Member who was on a cutter (as was I) being both in underway ratings at the time decisions had to be made (she got out). This stuff for lack of a better word...sucks. One of the many "toughest" decisions that ever had to be made. Add kids into the mix and it makes things that much more difficult.

I sincerely wish the OS3 the best of luck. I hope she can find a really good chief to latch onto to help her along the way. I'm positive there are some good ones where she is stationed.

Silly;
You pretty much repeated what I said. YES, for a couple to stay in the CG and stay near, they are going to sacrifice. I am sure you would say great rewards come too. The consideration is that we CONSIDER making reasonable attempts to make sure transfers happen at the same time and that they are reasonably close geographically and try to not make them both deployable assignments. Everyone hates this - but needs of the service always take priority.

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I sincerely wish the OS3 the best of luck. I hope she can find a really good chief to latch onto to help her along the way. I'm positive there are some good ones where she is stationed.

The best help is setting realistic expectations early. The folks that 'try' to help by giving people special treatment early hurt their people more. Those folks get to a 10,12 or 16 year point and then someone follows the real rules and shocks them. Better to know the scoop at 2,4 or 6 years and start a new job then.

I alo wish her the best of luck!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mightyz90_93:
[QUOTE](I could really spin this thing off topic by saying the only true single mother I ever heard of was named Mary and gave birth to a great carpenter and fisherman, but I digress).

Actually, with all due respect, even Mary had and was married to Joseph.

You missed the point - according to the story, Joseph was not the 'father.' Marriage is not what makes babies.

but mary was never single

Forgive me Lord for the following explanation, and God bless the little pygmies in New Guinea, Amen.

Mary, single at the time of conception, didn't participate or volunteer in the planting of the seed. It just happened and she was told about it. She was truly a single mother and she told Joseph what happened after she was told about it....Joseph did the right thing to marry her, but he wasn't baby daddy.

This is unlike today....there is considerable humping going on before pregnancy if memory serves, and unlike Mary, we volunteer to participate. We can't say, like Mary said, "it just happened". The guys will brag about humping, the girls will blush when they think about humping, and viola, they will both claim it just happened and maybe blame each other, forgetting that humping was actually fun.....but it didn't just happen. They worked at it and probably enjoyed it at the time.

Mary didn't complain about child care.

Now I don't care who you are, that was funny!

What was the topic here?

Wray...