True story. Local news got me doing Toys for Tots. Total interviewage.

This unexpected twist of fate has made me reconsider my future five-year plan.

Old Five-Year plan:
-Graduate college (that kind of makes it a seven-year plan.)
-Get my commission

New Five-Year plan:
-Buy out my contract with the huge amount of money the Channel 8 news will undoubtedly give me
-Star in a series of B-movies
-Get my big break in a romantic comedy
-Move to Beverly Hills
-Star in a Hollywood blockbuster
-Marry a promiscuous celebrity for a few weeks
-Begin drinking heavily
-Release a CD
-Check into rehab
-Release a Christmas CD
-Gain 64 pounds
-Get my own TV show
-Rehab part 2
-After show is cancelled, adopt a Sudanese baby for attention
-Rehab part 3
-Guest host infomercials
-Rehab part 4
-Allow my ever growing drug habit to dominate and ruin my life, culminating in dying of a massive overdose in the back room of a seedy strip club

I won't forget you guys when I get to the big time!

you forgot this: Marry Pam Anderson,,,, bang her for a couple months,,,, divorce her. Everybody else in Hollywood is doing it.

Gawrsh, thanks!

so you decided to take the easy way out instead of getting a commission??

Well sir, it's more like fate has dictated my future.

Oh gawd....... put em in front of a camera and their whole world goes to shitte.

For god sakes I hope he is a hollywood Marine and not a tic burner or panty hose Marine because I dont wanna see him fail!!!

errr ok there king, uh, let me know how that worked out for ya?

Still waiting for my money...

Ya left out star in Porn for a year or two!

I'm afraid my friends (and certain family members) might see me. That would be way awkward. I might accidentially leak a sex-tape to the internet though.