I am shipping out for boot camp on Nov 12 and have been in DEP since Feb 09. I have been looking for work before I ship out since I have a girlfriend and 2 kids (one more on the way) I finally got a job that will not start until the 19th of this month. the first 2 weeks are five 4 hour shifts. After that I can work up to 60 hours a week. I was hoping to get at least 3 weeks in so that she had a little bit of money before she receives my first paycheck from boot camp, which as we all know will be cut by about $650 due to training expenses. When I notified my recruiter of this he said that I could not be employed for the last 7 days of DEP, making the point of getting this job moot. I need to know if this is true, as I am not very trusting of my recruiter he just doesn't seem to take the job seriously.
There is no 7 day rule that I am aware of (been out of recruiting for a while though). Just keep working up till your ship date.
As for the kids you have 2 + one one the way or 1 + one on the way? if the first (3) then you will require a waiver and may not be able to join as that is a higher level waiver.
I thought that sounded made up. my recruiter said something about that the navy will look at it as I am not putting all my focus on the military and why do I have a job still when i am 7 days away from shipping out so I may get fired. He also made it sound like the navy could be held responsible for the employer losing an employee. Now, given the situation of the navy (that being, there are no jobs and the recruiters say that they are firing people left and right) I do not want to push my recruiters buttons to much, but I do want the truth. Yeah I just posted a new discussion about the dependents, it explains my whole situation, please check it out when you get a moment.
Do not quit your civilian job. If you do the legal thing, and report the pending arrival of YOUR child, you will be a single parent as far as the USN is concerned. You cannot join as a single parent without waivers and plans in place which it does not appear that you have time to do before enlistment. If you get married, you will have four dependents - your new wife, her two kids, and your pending arrival. You therefore exceed the dependent limit, and require a waiver. You are in a pickle, and I would keep that civilian job if you want work. If you want to take a chance on lying by actual or ommission, you then face fraudulent enlistment charges and quick discharge with a bad RE code. From another angle, if you quit your job to join, and then are discharged, you have a former employer who most likely will not give you a good recommendation to any prospective employer after you are discharged.
Big time - rock and a hard place.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: whyworry,
The civilian job is sh*t, a temp job making 9.50 an hour for customer service.not something i plan on keeping at the moment. Only want this job so that when first check is received she will have some money as mentioned. Given the economy and the fact that there is no college background and chances of survival out here with 3 kids is unlikely.
In a hypothetical situation with the same circumstances, my question here is how would any one know: 1. that the male going to boot camp has a child, he is not married to the "mother of his child" and 2. that the child is his.
Is it not out of the realm of possibility that a male had sexual relations with a female broke up with them or had a long distance relationship and wasn't able to see them for the last several months decided to join the military, passed basic training and then afterwords received notification of a child that might be his so he decides to find out if the child is his, and if so, do the right thing and marry the mother and take care of the child(ren)
In that case would the male in question be held responsible for something that he personally was not aware of and decided to do the right thing about.
In a hypothetical situation with the same circumstances, my question here is how would any one know: 1. that the male going to boot camp has a child, he is not married to the "mother of his child" and 2. that the child is his. the minute you try and add said kid to DEERS. and they are able to do the math very easily and realize that you basically committedfraud . at that point you can either expect an AR15 ,or dischareg for Fraudulent Enlsitment.
Is it not out of the realm of possibility that a male had sexual relations with a female broke up with them or had a long distance relationship and wasn't able to see them for the last several months decided to join the military, passed basic training and then afterwords received notification of a child that might be his so he decides to find out if the child is his, and if so, do the right thing and marry the mother and take care of the child(ren)
In that case would the male in question be held responsible for something that he personally was not aware of and decided to do the right thing about.
so basically you are wanting us to tell you it's okay to pretend that you don't know your GF is preggers.
why in the hell do you think your recruiter told you up front to NOT GET HER PREGNANT?! in the first place.
WILL> NOT> HAPPEN on this Board. ever.
Integrity: one of the Navy's core values. you either have it, or you don't.
I wasn't wanting anyone to tell me anything that would challenge anyone's integrity, mine included. If there is one thing you can notice about this forum is it is very lopsided. One person tells you one thing and another tells you something else. I wanted a straight answer and not one that would be sugar coated by a recruiter or from someone that did not know what he or she was talking about. I had to word it in this way to get the attention of the person that I was looking for to answer this question. And it worked. So thank you for you straight answer and I do apologize if I rattled your idea of "integrity": A CORE VALUE that many, if not most, recruiters lack.
With you saying that this does open a couple more questions what is the big deal with me having one child? Why does this matter? I will not be around to place my name on the birth certificate. So I really have no rights to this child until I get a paternity test, right? I mean are you not allowed to marry another woman that has children once you have joined or is there a certain amount of time that you have to wait before you can have children or marry a woman that has children?
If i say now that I have a child then why should this hold me up. It will be my only dependent (once the paternity test is ran, after i graduate boot camp) I've heard of being DQ'd as a single parent but I know that this mainly applies to females. Considering that I am not giving birth to the child and that the mother will be the one with her name on the birth certificate. It is not like I have a child that the mother walked out on (giving me custody) and I need someone to watch him(that I would understand) again child will be with mother from point of birth which is after grad.
I've heard of being DQ'd as a single parent but I know that this mainly applies to females.
quote:
With you saying that this does open a couple more questions what is the big deal with me having one child? Why does this matter? I will not be around to place my name on the birth certificate. So I really have no rights to this child until I get a paternity test, right?
The deal is you have the legal responsibilities to support or provide support for the child. The military services take those responsibilities very seriously. Your name will be on the birth certificate as the father, its placed there by the hospital with information supplied by the mother and you need not be there to sign anything or give your permission.
You need to look at some of the conversations about dependants that have taken place on this forum before to understand how it works. I'me no a recruiter so I have no idea about the ins and outs of what constitutes allowable dependants for enlistment. I just know from past conversations that a load of em won't be a good thing right now with the enlistments being so tight.
USS Liberty, Never Forget.
I believe in Murrays Law, he thought Murphy was an optimist.
a single parent is a single parent. Gender has no bearing. the Regs don't say: Single MOTHERS, does it? NO. it says single PARENT.
Bottom line is the military will consider you a single parent as you have a child on the way and you are not married to the mother. once you do get married all her dependents become your responsibniloty and you will then have too many to be allowed to enlist.
looking for loopholes or justification for trying to sneak in anyway sends a message.. that you are willing to bend rules. and the Military doesn't appreciate that.
Originally posted by RobotCommanderR: So thank you for you straight answer and I do apologize if I rattled your idea of "integrity": A CORE VALUE that many, if not most, recruiters lack.
Bot - you may have one option and that is for your GF to deny knowledge of who is the father at birth, or name someone else, so that the birth certificate does not show you as the father. Then if you get married after the birth you can deny paternity. Then later you can adopt all three of her children, and when you claim all four as your dependents, there will be no record of you being the father prior to the adoption. I hope that this goes against the grain of your integrity. I would recommend that you consult an attorney with experience in military law and paternity before you take one step further into this tangled web that you have woven.
after careful thought and consideration to all your views. I have decided to go about this the right way. I have contacted my recruiter and told him of what you all said and that I was not comfortable with this situation and would like to go about this the right and legal way. He asked me to come in later this week. Here's to a truthful rocky road ahead....
HE's an active duty recruiter, and a chief. Watch yourself.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: catherine0830,
[QUOTE]Originally posted by GerryRM3: Your name will be on the birth certificate as the father, its placed there by the hospital with information supplied by the mother and you need not be there to sign anything or give your permission.
i know that his information is false. while the mother can make the baby's first and last name her choice. My name will not be on the birth certificate with out signing. However there is form that can be filled out by the father to allow him to be on the cirtificate
Not sure what state you are in. Most states allow the mother to provide the information and the father DOES NOT have to sign anything to be put on the Birth Cert.
William is CORRECT. I never signed for any of my kids, yet bada bing bada bam, my name is on the paper. There is NOTHING for the pappy to "sign". In fact, while in the military there are many kids born while daddy is off fightin' ghaadless Comminists or whoever and never around to "sign" anything.
Your problem kiddo, is that you f'ed up, if you'll pardon the pun. The Navy will consider that kid your dependant whether YOU accept him/her or not. Now, let's just do a what if... you and the kids mommy break up, guess what? She still gets money from you should she go after it while you're in the Navy, plus she gets Health care for the kid, and other benes. You don't have any recourse there.
You were never clear if the other two kids were yours, or not. However, I'm guessing not based on the heading of your conversation. This dependant makes you a Single Parent. You will need to do lots of paperwork, that's for sure. But one thing is PARAMOUNT here. STAY HONEST. Do NOT lie about ANYTHING. If you do, you will turn your slim chance to NO chance of getting in the Navy.
You could always own up to the kid, not take responsibility for her other kids and not marry her. Then when the baby is born you CAN sign away your rights as a parent to her, and the navy will still provide bennies to the kid, but not your g/f or her kids.
Did you even stop to think that once you join, and graduate boot camp, you WILL be living in the barracks for a couple of years as a freshly minted nub because the navy doesn't give a rats ass about your non married significant other?
Enlisting may not be the correct path for you at this point and time. While my first paragraph does outline a perfectly legal way to go about this, its about the biggest ****-birdy thing you can do, and leaves three human beings out in the fridgid cold.
You have a responsibility to the mother, and your unborn child. Those responsibilities as a human being outweigh all. The Navy agrees.
