Subject: FW: IMPLEMENTATION OF COMMON ACCESS CARD LOGON FOR CGSW ACCESS, R 181439Z JAN 07 COMDT COGARD WASHINGTON DC//CG-6/CG-1//


Very important guidelines regarding Common Access Card usage - aka CAC.

The usage of the CAC is actually a really good thing, on the whole. I always feel good when I use my CAC. I just used my CAC the other day, and although it felt weird the first time I slipped it in, I was amazed at how well it worked. Within a matter of seconds, I was done using my CAC.

For those of you who are not familiar with how the CAC works, let me explain:

1) Whip out your CAC
2) Dust off your CAC (do not want to use a dirty CAC, it could damage something)
3) Locate the CAC-receiving Verification Acquisition Generator (VAG)
4) Ease the CAC into the VAG slowly as to avoid damage to either
5) Leave the CAC in the VAG until the VAG can fully acquire everything the CAC was designed to transfer into the VAG
6) Once the CAC has dispensed everything into the VAG, remove the CAC at your will.
7) Once removed, inspect the CAC to ensure that it has not itself acquired any Software-Transmitted Dialogues (STDs), which are detrimental to the CAC.
Note: STDs are not visible with the naked eye themselves, but symptoms can be easily recognized by inspecting the CAC. If there is any discoloration, disfigurement, or failure to function properly, you may have acquired an STD.
8) If no traces of an STD are found, then put your CAC in a safe place, away from the dangers of the harsh surrounding environment. Drastic changes in temperature in the office can cause the CAC to swell or contract awkwardly.

Using the CAC every day, probably several times a day, is the direction the CG wants us to go eventually. Although there are no hard and fast rules about it, it is not recommended that you insert your CAC into too many VAGs in a short period of time. Once a VAG has acquired your CAC, it will forever remember your CAC and may reject other CACs in your office. If this occurs, there could be major malfunctions amongst all the VAGs in your workspace.

Let's take a look at this in recapitulation...

When using your CAC, remember these basic rules:

1) Use your CAC often to retain its functionality
2) Always protect your CAC and keep it clean
3) Do not insert your CAC into too many VAGs over a short period of time


You have just been properly briefed on the appropriate usage of the CAC. Please join us next time for instructions on the proper usage of Technical Instrument Teaching Systems and Basic Application of Laddered-Learning Systems (BALLS) to enhance your experience when using the CAC.

Thank you.

But what if you keep your CAC clean and the VAG gets dirty? Can you get a new one? Does the Personnel Identification Modifying Protocol (PIMP) allow you to procure a new VAG if the old one doesn't work with your CAC anymore?

Will ramming a CAC into a VAG regularly require any recalibration of the VAG?

What if your CAC is too small?

Friggin' retirees

Keep your CAC out of this...

I don't have a CAC any more.

You left one thing out. I'll put it below and call it 4.

Let's take a look at this in recapitulation...

When using your CAC, remember these basic rules:

1) Use your CAC often to retain its functionality
2) Always protect your CAC and keep it clean
3) Do not insert your CAC into too many VAGs over a short period of time

4) If the VAG does not work you can always use the Assisted Security System (***). The *** is a great back up plan.

Even though the VAG is a great place to insert your CAC you can always use the *** as a last resort.

If the VAG is undergoing PMS, you might want to keep your CAC at a distance and not attempt to insert it into the VAG under any circumstances. Serious consequences could result.

I guess using the Assisted Security System would be of great help to a CAC that is too small or if there isn't a tight seal when the CAC is inserted into the VAG. I think I'd rather have a new VAG for my CAC than using a smelly Assisted Security System, although I guess it doesn't hurt to use it on occasion...at least it wouldn't hurt my CAC at all.

4

quote:

4) If the VAG does not work you can always use the Assisted Security System (***). The *** is a great back up plan.

Also known as getting in through the back door.

Some systems can accomodate your CAC through use of the Backup Jack (BJ). These systems are VERY rare and highly proprietary.

quote:

Do not insert your CAC into too many VAGs over a short period of time

If you do, remember to never use the CAC without security protection or the result will be unwanted Keycode Input Device Standards (KIDS). These standards take around 9 months to fully develop and can be very expensive. Funding for KIDS will be provided by the irresponsible CAC user on a monthly basis.