quote:

Originally posted by Bob058:
JOSHUA

WELCOME HOME, BROTHER and welcome to our forumily.
Don't feel bad about rambling, we all do. If you feel uncomfortable, just check in and listen to the rest of us, join in only if you want to.

First of all...Check with your County Offices for a Veteran's Service Office (VSO) and make an appointment. If there is a VET Center contact them.

You are feeling the same things EVERY Veteran feels after returning from a terrifying ordeal. Don't try to handle it by yourself, the VA will help you.

The wonderful people on this thread have all been there in one way or another, trust them and listen to them, ramble all you want.

LINDA (Tower Flower)
The 'Bee was done by a couple of guys from the Battalion, I stole it. But, I haven't seen anyone else using it, so it's mine!!!!!

oldafcop.. Gary was Da Man. I am a republican and an MP so these were two things Gary did not like. He still went to bat for me, and I will never forget it.

All:

Thanks for your responses. I'm still on active duty and don't think the VA would see me; rather they'd direct me to my normal military health care. The bigest problem is, is that I have a security clearance and mental-health treatment is something that must be disclosed in order to maintain one's clearance.

I try all the self-help techniques I can. I'm doing ok, but I fear the symptoms will get worse. It's the not knowing that is hard to take. One thing I did find out that help is PT. Man, that takes it all away. Running sucks but it gets your mind on other things.

The biggest symptom I have to deal with is hard to describe. It's simply tons and tons of nervous energy... the kind where you can't stop cracking you knuckles or squeezing your hands together. It's combined with a desire to simply disapear and be away from anything that could possibly be considerd dangerous or harmful.

Well, thanks again all.

Josh Hall

Hello Josh, Welcome home Bro! and welcome to the forum, AKA: Forumily.

Quote<.................snip
" .... I considered myself very strong mentally, and with God on my side... who could break me."<snip

That,s the way I felt 35 yrs ago, and I still do. I believe that God and mental strength are two of many reasons that I am still alive.

snip>..."One thing I did find out that help is PT. Man, that takes it all away. unquote>

"Doing a cardio workout is equal to taking a tranquilizer". I read that somewhere, but from my experience, it's true. I believe the cardio is the preferable option. I have been into physical fitness all my life. If I don't do a cardio 3-4 times a week,I don't feel good...I also weight train, and more. Them endorphines feel good...all side effects are positive..., another of the many reasons I,m still alive.

GOOD MORNING FORUMILY !!! Flash

Good morning all.

Hey, Good Morning.

Josh I know you probably won't believe me but going for help won't hurt your clearance. Not going for help could. They know you suffer anyway. They are trained to know. I worked with many investigators in my prior life and they know and it is better to get the help than wait until the problems living with PTSD cause.

Josh I've been living with PTSD over 33 years and what you are experiencing isn't new to many of us here. You didn't cause PTSD but you also can't cure it on your own by sucking it up. That's my two cents for what its worth. It wasn't your fault but you can get better with help.

We all have somewhat the same forms of what is called PTSD, that is that the situations are similar but by far different. I know quite a few vietnam veterans who have had the same feelings towards civilians, authority, problems with marriages. I spent three and a half years in vietnam as crewchief in the 1st Air Cav Div. I truly loved flying, the biggest "rush" I have ever had in my life, but I also saw alot that remains hidden in me, PTSD. All of the little "nasties" in our minds is PTSD. I am so thankful that I was able to connect with the VA. They saved my life. Thank you.

Nasties is a good way to put it!

Josh,

As a last resort, if you do not trust the system, find a good civilian therapist. You may have to browse the yellow pages or online, but actually make some phone inquiries as to their experience with treating people with PTSD. And most of them base their fees on a sliding scale so that you can afford it.

One of the problems with active duty counseling is that the counselors may actually be the tool of the commander. It isn't supposed to be that way. A licensed counselor has an ethical and even legal responsibility to his/her client. The only things he/she is allowed to reveal is spouse or child abuse; if the person is a threat to himself or others, or if the person has threatened or actually carried out a murder. Most therapists code their client records so that even if someone managed to subpoena them, or steal them, they would not mean anything to them without the therapist's interpretation. In other words, the records are not written out like medical records, but have symbols and numbers etc.

I suppose the way military counselors get by this is that the commander is the "client" in most situations. Therefore, the counselor's responsibility is to the commander.

I'll be praying for you.

Preachermedic:

Thanks for the advise. So had my experience been with my current unit. Any 'soldier tools' like the IG or the SJA or the TDS are all "tools of the commander." For those of you unfamiliar with the acronyms, forgive me. IF: Inspector General; SJA Staff Judge Advocate (the lawyers who render legal advice and services) TDS: Trial Defense Service (Possibly the least biased).

I just attended my Battalion's Dining In. My wife was with me as was several of my teammates from my deployment. Those who knew the same people who have died and the hardships we faced. I fear they may be facing the same difficulties as I have and as their 'team leader' I still feel responsible for their well being. For the very first time, I understood the toast: "To our fallen comrades!" If it weren't for the generous potent libations imbibed beforehand, and for the stoic faces of my colleagues, I think I would have lost my composure.

It was a fun night nonetheless. I respectfully remembered those that had paid the ultimate sacrifice (a cliche, believe) with my friends.

The biggest problem I face is from my reintegration into 'normal civilian life' as Hawaii has to offer. To those of you patriotic Hawaiians, I offer my humblest apologies... However, in the first ten days of my homecoming and moving into my new home on Kaneohe Bay, I have almost been assaulted by 'locals' because I objected to their parking in my spot. Had "Howlie, go home!" yelled at me. Had my car door window smashed in, and this past Saturday, had my home broken into, forcibly while my wife and I were shopping, and had my laptop, my two digital cameras, and my wife's jewelry stolen in the break-in. I truly feel as if I have not come home. I know which 'race' is the enemy, and who in general is attacking me, yet I don't know who is exactly! Sounds familiar doesn't it!?!?!?!

Thanks again for your listening.

-Josh

Hey Josh liquor is not the answer and can create another kind of problem. Take it easy medicating with that. It won't make it go away man. Glad you are here though.

quote:

Originally posted by realfancy:
Hey Josh liquor is not the answer and can create another kind of problem. Take it easy medicating with that. It won't make it go away man. Glad you are here though.

That's a roger. I wholeheartily concur.
Flash out.

Hi everyone! Just checking in. MaryEllen went to the ER by Medic One Friday evening while visiting me. She was passing kidney stones and was in artial filb. (150-170)! She came back to Mike and myself at 4am on Sat. I had to but her medications because of the guardian & DDD/DSHS mess that is trying to control her life. I had a dream last night that I beat the you know what out of some people. That is not an option. So, Mike and I are going to the Governor's office on Monday and request some action to stop these people from controling our lives! I am also the moderator of mrvetwow2@yahoogroups.com. It is another site where guys (male) who have PTSD related to MST can post. Right now there is one guy that posts and some of us females. The site was started by Susan, founder of WOW. I am taking my meds. Sally

Hi Sally,....Hello Everyone....Flash

Josh

I used to think I had a drinking problem...I even sought out 2 entities who informed me that I was not an alcoholic...!??? Well, sir, I thought I was putting alot away for not being some kind of an alkie...but that suited me fine...for awhile, until my character started to change and I no longer recognized who I was. It was not until many years later in a PTSD moment, a psych happened to pick up on this and in a joking manner said that I, ("unbeknownst' to myself) was self medicating for PTSD to take the "edge" off, and that he had some meds to give to me, if, I wanted that would do the same thing with less damage to the liver... I think that is what the people in the above posts are referring to....

It is a "bear" isn't it, trying to settle in...doesn't seem fair. I chaulk it up to ignorance, but we did go to defend our country..that is what counts. Take care of yourself, the only way is "up"!

Hi T F, Hello everyone.

T F, your post could have been written by me. The similarity to my situation is amazing.

The first good Psych I had helped me in much the same way in '91, by prescribing a med to take the 'edge' off. Prior to that I was self medicating to 'cure' my PTSD. But, as we know, the 'cure' would wear off and I would be right back where I started from,..or worse. It was in those days that I started to learn to use meds and treatment to 'help' with my PTSD, and also the beginning of a 5+ years of trial and error with a good Psychiatrist to come up with an appropriate 'cocktail' of meds that would keep me on an even keel. This was a very difficult time, and I believe that if it wasn't for strong will, self-discipline and faith in the Lord, I would not have survived it. I have watched several buddies drink themseves to death and there was nothing I could do about it,except mourn the loss of them.....

Flash:

Glad you are here to share your life with us!

Keep up the good work.

Thanks for posting.

quote:

Originally posted by Flash69:
Hi T F, Hello everyone.

T F, your post could have been written by me. The similarity to my situation is amazing.

The first good Psych I had helped me in much the same way in '91, by prescribing a med to take the 'edge' off. Prior to that I was self medicating to 'cure' my PTSD. But, as we know, the 'cure' would wear off and I would be right back where I started from,..or worse. It was in those days that I started to learn to use meds and treatment to 'help' with my PTSD, and also the beginning of a 5+ years of trial and error with a good Psychiatrist to come up with an appropriate 'cocktail' of meds that would keep me on an even keel. This was a very difficult time, and I believe that if it wasn't for strong will, self-discipline and faith in the Lord, I would not have survived it. I have watched several buddies drink themseves to death and there was nothing I could do about it,except mourn the loss of them.....

So sad, so tragic...makes ya feel helpless/frustrated some more, but at least we have something to offer them as we move along the road of healing. The major frustration is that we can't order them do something to help themselves, it is a free will choice, even if they are not in a position to make a good decision for themselves, but we do our part as much as we ourselves are able, and that is all we can do. In the most frustrating moments, I pray for others sometimes and have had the joy of seeing divine intervention in some cases. Other times I just "hole up", or "numb up" until I can gather the strength to deal with it. Sometimes I blame myselt because I could have done something better, so I think. Strange how it goes sometimes. Sometimes I think it is just a destiny for them, or they choose not to suffer anymore and give their spirit to the Lord...not suicide, but choice. Anyhoo...sorry to bore you.