My husband is today completing his inpatient treatment for PTSD. I am very proud of him.
However it is hard for a spouse to know what is going on. A lot of resources and help is available to the veterans, but we, spouses and family, kindof have to go look here and there to find answers to our questions and solutions to our problems.

A few weeks ago I went to listen to Major Cynthia Rasmussen. This was an eyeopener for me. even though I knew (almost) everything of what she was saying, just that little reassurance meant so much. I have also been talking to a social worker at the VA and she has helped me a lot too. There are a lot of books on PTSD and 2 of my favorites are: PTSD for dummies and Once a Warrior, wired for life.

But then here is MY problem. All these years I was doing everything for my husband, knowing that that was the right thing to do. I was forgettting about myself and started controlling him and everyone else in my life. If I was not in control I would panic and feel bad.
I never thought anything of it, just that it was a thing that I needed to get through.

This week I finally took the step to go talk to a counselor for myself (and how guilty I felt for thinking just about myself, wanting to talk about ME). Anyway, he suggeste me to read this book: Codependency: No More by Melody Beattie. I haven't finished it yet but so far it feels like that book was written about me. And guess what... I can do something about it: I was enabling my husband by doing everything for him, making him feel worthless, I got stressed out, was tired all the time, our love life was nihil and well... this was creating problems in our marriage (he's a guy for Pete's sake )
Now I know my husband has to do his 50%, it's going to be very hard for both of us. He has grown so much the past 7 weeks though and I'm just starting. But we will get through this. If we BOTH work hard at it.

My point is: Don't give up... But keep yourself in mind! You as the veterans support system must be strong and you can't do this without seeking help when you need it, and there is help out there, but you have to go find it. The VA is making a lot of changes but us spouses still have to look for our own way. Vet Centers are awesome resources. Don't think you're alone, there are a lot of spouses out there that don't know where to go, I was one of them and still seeking my way.
One of the things that I talked about with the social worker was actually starting a support group for spouses, but a major problem is that we are encountering is that most spouses are women and are already juggling a family and a career. Maybe we could get our own forum on here? (hint, hint)

Take care guys and thank you for being a wife, husband, or familymember of a veteran or a soldier with PTSD

Ine

I don't always get a chance to hit the forums but when I do I come here a lot. I hope a lot of people will respond to your post.

I would like to see a spouse's forum here. I am not a veteran's spouse, I am the veteran, by the way. I recall someone asking about sucj help a few months back. How about it, oh Powers That Be on military dot com...any possibility to give it a try for a few months? And maybe do a little publisizing so spouses know it's here for them?

Well... A couple of weeks later... Things are bad. The day my husband came home he acted weird. I just let him do... what I had always done. He came home late late evening while he was supposed to be home late afternoon. The story was that he was dropping off a buddy at a "halfway house" Next day he slept most of the day, then went for a walk. At night I tried talking but he was too busy watching TV. The next morning he left early, I couldnt get ahold of him all day and he never called me. Again late night he comes home with a friend in the car; he told me he couldnt handle being home, loaded up his suitcase (which he hadnt even unpacked yet) in his truck and left for his friends house. the next days he wouldnt call, wouldnt return my calls. then I got tired of it and went to look for him. I found him and he was living with this friend. Guess who else was there? A girl he met up there, they are "merely friends" and care a great deal about eachothers wellbeing. Days later, again after having hardly any contactk, I find out he is living with her. He wont have anything to do with me or even his kids... because he has to work on himself, he cant have any obstructions right now. he has to find a job so he can take care of himself. the kids are too much too handle, he cant stand being around them. but yet her kids he doesnt mind. we had problems before he left for the VA hospital. and they noticed there the "close contact" that he had with this female veteran and they asked both of them... Of course he knew what they wanted to hear and told them they were just friends, that his goals and "responsability" were at home. he then was told about the difficulties this 'friendship' could cause and he told them that I was well aware of the friendship and approved?????? BS!!! I had no idea. So I wrote a letter to the VA, made copies for all the doctors that I wanted to see this letter, because I do hold them responsible for letting male and female veterans, who are already in a volnurable state of mind, get so close, and thus potentially ruining every chance of solving problems in a marriage, problems caused by PTSD

I am a veteran with PTSD but I also the situation that you are in because I have been there! Right now take care of yourself first. Seek mental health care for you, STAT. Let the patient advocate where your husband was inpatient know what happened and is happening in your life. You might have to make the decision to get a divorce. Make sure that he pays child support for his children. Do not let him use PTSD as a way out of being responsible for his children. I got rid of the jerk that was using me. I met my husband when I was starting to come out the bottom of the pit of PTSD. Take care. Mods. what about a spouse/ veteran support thread? Sally

It can really be tough to be the spouse of a veteran with PTSD. Many Vet Centers have specific programs for helping spouses cope with the symptoms of PTSD. It's important to keep the family unit together to avoid the stressors which may kick off PTSD episodes. You're on the right track.

I'm new here and I'm the spouse and mother of vets with PTSD. Can anyone help me before I lose my mind?? I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with them.

I am a veteran with PTSD. My daughter called my mental health provider when I first startedtreatment in 2001. She asked questions and got answers.My husband met me when I was rigtout on an inpatient stay. Find a mental health person that is trained in PTSD. Treatment for PTSD should be individualized. There is alot of information . There is no cure for PTSD. My husband and I allow each other space and time alone. We also plan fun things to do. The hardest parts for me asking for help from the VA,admitting that something was wrong with me and it would not go away, andtrying to realize that PTDS is a disability. Mods. what about a place for spouses and friends to share with veterans!???

My husband returned from his third deployment about two and a half months ago and it has been pure hell. He was very withdrawn from the family in between tone and two and two and three but not to this extent. The third week he was home , the kids went to stay with their grandparents and he told me he did not want to be alone with me because he did not want me to know how messed up he was. He has nightmare, flashbacks, and tremendous guilt for thing he has done. He has trouble sleeping so he drinks a lot of beer so he won't have nightmares. He doesn't really have any interaction with me and the kids, he confessed that he is just not into the family thing anymore. He admitted that he cannot wait to go back to Iraq because that is normal to him now. I have begged him to go see someone but last time he was in Iraq, he went to the Combat Stress Unit and his 1SG found out and threatened to block his promotion if he went back. So he does not trust talking to anyone. He has some good days when he seems okay but for the most part he just wants to be left alone. Me and the kids are in counseling but I have to admit that some days I just want to throw in the towel and move on but we have been married for 17 years and I do not want to give up. However, my frustration with both him and the situation are apparant and we can go for several days without talking. His chain of command is aware that he is having problems and they just told him to let them kow if he needs to talk to someone and not to let the drining interfere with work. I am at a loss of what to do, for now I just pray a lot and try to make everything okay for the kids.