I can't be too bad my 21 year old grandson lives with me and thinks I'm cool Now my child...his mother on the other hand...that's old...

Today we went to a new church as a family! My mother had many dreams before she died. She told them all to me. The church that we went to today was one of her dreams. I do not know why the last couple of days have been filled with renewal of panic attacks( water pouring off me, shaking like a leaf). The first song that we sang today, my father picked out for his memorial service ( Jan. 26, 1996). I have to remember to be good to myself! This month is full of testing and Dr. appointments for me this is probably the reason for more panic attacks. Mike and I are enjoying the nice summer weather! Sally

My prayers are wiyh you Sally...God Bless.

Hmm...read through this discussion and am really surprised at some of it, particularly the new program at the VA posts and some of the symptoms people have mentioned.

I saw a Vet Center counselor a few times after 9-11; it was she who told me I'd been sexually harassed in the service. (I knew what had happened, but not that it was considered sexual harassment.)

Let me mention here that if you check my profile you're not going to get accurate information. I was very hesitant to sign up because it is probable that "he" is also a member of military dot com and I am very reluctant to be identified. I guess you can call that a symptom of my PTSD; I feel that way about any veterans gathering or group. I also feel badly about hiding from other veterans, as if I am telling them they aren't trustworthy. It's a no-win at the moment.

I stopped seeing the counselor who named the problem as she wanted me on medication so badly that she turned every session into a pressure play on that single issue. My family background puts me "at risk" for psychological addiction to pain/psychoactive meds and I am careful about taking them only when necesarry. I prefered talk and support, and was getting none.

I had previously started seeing a therapist at the local VA clinic for depression and had terminated the sessions. It sometimes occurs that two people don't work well together in therapy with no fault on either side; this was one of those times. I'd attempted to get a different therapist but was told I could not.

A couple years after 9/11 (and a move) I fell into a deeper depression and sought treatment from the closest VA hospital. The first person I was sent to told me after an intake that they only saw drug addicts trying to clean up, and refered me to another building on the site where I had another appointment and intake with another person, one of the residents being rotated through the VA from local civilian schools. The intake lasted 30 minutes past the time allotted and included going over the MST/PTSD situation. I myself saw no doctor but the resident consulted with one and came back to tell me that they could not help me. He gave me a list of civilian therapists in the area and told me I had to go to one of them. I declined as I couldn't pay for it (which I had already made clear).

A couple years ago I again approached the VA hospital via flyers on the wall of the women's clinic for "confidential women's group" for women who had experienced sexual harassment while AD. The contact info listed stated one couldn't walk in but had to be screened, and appointments must be made with a specific person who was only available on Thursdays. No one ever answered the phone, so several messages and Thursdays later with no call back I contacted the VA info desk and learned that the contact person had indeed been around every week since my first call. I went to the mental health section itself, tried speaking with any other doctor, was not allowed to, and eventually got a message that I had to speak wit the contact persona nd no one else. I went to the patient advocate, but though she seemed concerned and promised to spak witht he contact person herself and get back to me I literally never heard from her again though I made several attempts to contact her after another week had passed.

I did finally speak with the contact person, months down the line, through sheer serendipity. She was quite dismissive in manner and told me among other things that individual therapy was no longer possible at the VA because it cost too much, and that support groups ran irregularly for a few weeks at a time and if one was not meeting there was nothing the VA could do for someone like me. She also said that the VA allowed the veteran six sessions overall and that was better than HMOs which only allowed two. I think she was offended by my comment that this was disgraceful. *grins*

I went to another Vet Center sometime last year but they refused to see me because I was a woman, and sent me to another VA hospital at which the person doing the intake said she had no idea why I'd been sent there.

I hope you're all laughing by now, isn't this just the silliest sequence you've ever seen? Anyway, I gave up on the VA and the Vet Centers.

I better break this up and use a second post.

Prismatic --

I too used to worry about anyone from my former unit, or friends from the military seeing my profile. It has only been recently that some of the info was added. Mostly because I don't give a flying fig anymore about that jerk. And most of the people I'm close to already know.

I still won't give my name out to anyone -- not even my friends on the forum. My privacy is very important to me.

But you ran into cluster p'huck after cluster...

And all of the info you were given was flat out WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG.

If you haven't already, you should go to Eligibility at the VA -- is where the ball gets rolling. Most people who have the situaiton you do, don't go to the Eligibility and Enrollment office, and end up having the issues you do. They actually make sure all your things are inputted correctly into the system, so that all the programs available to you, have you recorded as an eligible veteran.

If you didn't do that first, that would actually explain a lot of the things you ran into.

I refused medications for years... did the talk therapy (I won't do group ever ever ever again, I don't like people or crowds). Finally I wnet on it -- I had too -- this becomes an actual medical problem, and the drugs used now-a-days aren't our "momma's" psych drugs, and aren't very addictive -- there are 1 or 2 they use that can be, but those are rarely prescribed unless a last resort.

After 4 years of being on the meds, I'm a bit bette,r but I've had to go off them completely, because I can't function -- though the anxiety is less, I have so little energy, I will sit in my pjs for days, and do nothing but sleep. Not much better, but some people report a good calmative effect and not that kind of drain.

I would encourage you to consider the medications again. My doc was actulaly pushing for Talk therapy -- after 2 years, I agreed, the meds alone were no longer working, so I went to the psychologist for MST, I no longer go to her, because talking about this crap isn't helping my symptoms and the 'coping techniques' do nothing. But I tried for 8 months.

So now, I go to my appointments, take my headache and sleep meds, and come in here.

But I would suggest going to the Eligibility and Enrollment Office, and filing a claim for disability. They'll get you into the right programs, even if you don't get a disability rating, per se, you'll be getting treatment... and you may need meds -- like it or not, because after years of prolonged anxiety and PTSD disorders, your brain chemistry is so far off of normal, talk therapies alone, simply don't correct the medical imbalance.

Talk to the doc about your concerns, and be vigilant, but from one medication refuser to another, it might well be in your best interest.

The thing that floored me about my experience coming under "sexual harassment" was that there was no sexual intercourse intention involved.

Frankly, I still wonder if my experience fits that classification.

I went in without much understanding of what it takes to make a good military professional. As a commissioning medcorp officer my entire military training consisted of two weeks of lectures in a different version of the uniform every day, a day of drill practice, and a couple days over the leadership obstacle course plus some CMRT. None of us thought that was enough to make us "military professionals" as our training officers told us we were, but the rest were going to bases where they'd be junior officers. I went to a base where I was OIC.

I'm putting all that in to explain why I thought what happened was just an unimaginative superior officer coming down especially hard on someone who was not good yet at the military side of the job. I thought it was military SOP for a long time, though I never could figure out why one of my own superiors thought so badly of me while I'd somehow gotten a rep with most of the units on base of trustworthy/good at my job (the medical side)/caring.

It's hard to explain what went on. I can repeat things said, things done, but it sounds so mild. It's difficult to get across the accumulative psychological affect of nearly three years of it. I didn't recognize that myself until one day when someone from a neighboring office asked me what had happened to my smile (!) and explained that "we've all noticed", that I used to have a smile for everyone and give cheerful good mornings etc as I walked by. They were concerned and wanted to know if there was anything they could do. I was touched. I said a friend was having some ongoing problems, thanked them, and took pains to act my old self afterwards.

So what was going on? A lot of little things. Some examples.
Things said. "Sell the motorcycle. Female officers do not ride motorcycles." "No female officer ever leaves her front door unless she is in uniform or is wearing a three piece skirt suit, is flawlessly made up, and has her hair perfectly coiffed."

Things expected. For awhile I found myself fixed up in blind dates with literally every and any single male officer who was my rank or one above or below; and eventually heard that a single female officer is an embarassment to the service. Similarly certain off duty activities were frowned upon. Please note that drinking and bars and pick-ups are not my idea of fun; what was frowned upon were things like learning choreographed swordplay, associating with civilians in my professional field, and taking recreational trips by myself on the motorcycle.

Medical professional problems. Part of my job included areas of patient confidentiality; my superior intercepted certain communications and destroyed their confidentiality by passing them to multiple other people rather than to me. He gave me indirect orders to lie to various military personnel in the performance of my medical duties for reasons of his own personal prejudices (as far as I could ascertain). These lies were such that people were being put at significant risk.

Eventually he forced me out of the service, though I did manage to derail an apparent attempt to have me dishonorably discharged that I was covertly warned about. Before that were such things as the bad performance review he frightened another officer into making, article 15 I was told to accept if I didn't want to end up in the clink, the directive (I don't know if you'd call it an order) to my second immediate superior to "get rid of her", the forced psych evaluation, the peculiar notations in my psych records, the lack of removal of papers from my records resultng in the loss of promotion, and possibly a block on my serving in the reserves.

I look back on my military service and remember a lot of really good people and I miss them and working together to accomplish something significant. But it's mixed with a nightmarish reality in which something negative was being done to me by someone I could not fight for reasons I did not know and nothing I did could change it. In the end all I accomplished was to do the best job I could for the people on base I was responsible for medically and try to make sure my own enlisted folk were adequately trained, reasonably happy, doing their jobs well, and took no flak I could prevent.

I have a vivid recollection of the telephone conversation with an officer from another unit of the same rank as the one in my own I was having trouble with. One of my men had made a mistake out in the field, and the officer wanted his name. No one had been hurt, nothing had been damaged, the mistake was real and due to a changing situation that nothing had been written up to cover yet (we hadn't even been notified of the change), and we'd already corrected that and had a full office training on it. I explained all of this and stated that I respectfuly did not feel it was necessary to issue any sort of reprimand; it was an honest mistake and could have been anyone in my office including myself. The ranking officer finally accepted that. At the time I was scared to death with thoughts of jail time flashing behind my eyes but my airman was good, meant to be a lifer and his career would have been ruined. I heard later that one reason for the officer's decision was my rep...and that it was clear to him I'd never give up my airman despite possible consequences...and all I could think of was why one superior respected those things and another despised them.

When I was told I could file a complaint, even now, I laughed. One tour junior officers without good things in their official records do not tangle with well respected lifers of superior rank and come out of it in any positive way. I finally got to the point that I no longer stare in utter surprise at any positive comment or compliment on any part of my military service; it's enough that some people thought/think well of my work. Letting myself be dragged through the mud to no purpose isn't sensible.

But I do wish sometimes I could talk about some of the affects, and possibilities for dealing with them. Or even just id if something that I've noticed may stem from that time. I guess reading thingshere is a start on that.

BTW -- the other officer I was involved with, and I are now married happily for years now, since our discharge.

I'm in the process of getting my dicharge status upgrade to full-out Honorable, as the things I was issued non-judicial punishment are false, and even at that time were a total joke. The VSO I have now, has encouraged me to file for a change of discharge status, and sicne he is a retired e-9, command Sgt Maj who worked for General Franks, I think he knows what he's talking about.

He told me flat out -- "Lt, if I were at that base when this was going on, there would be a few majors waiting tables with a dismissal on their records. You were railroaded, plain and simple, and your records prove it."

I'm fighting for it. I served honorably, have been in the combat arena, a war time veteran, and a survivor of one bonehead in Texas, who thought he could command by being an a$$.

I may be at peace with my getting out on a medical, but I'm not a peace with my reputation being stained by things that I didn not do.

quote:

You WERE a military professional. The officer corp in the medical field is far different. You are a Non-line officer. You have no real authority over any military member other than in your own medical corps. In time of battle, you are subordinate to a Lt who is a line officer, even IF you are a captain.

The training you go through is far different. As it is for nurses, lawyers, docs, chaplains, and any other non-line officers. You are still a professional, and if in themilitary, a MILITARY PROFESSIONAL.

Yes, Ma'am! *salutes*

*grin*

C1301viatrix, seriously, you've given me a lot to think about.

Prismatic, welcome to our forum ( family). Have you contacted a Veteran Service Organization to help you file a claim? Where do you live? Any veteran that has been sexaully abused can get free treatment at a VA hospital! If you have to go to the Director of the hospital!! I have been in treatment for PTSD due to MST since Sept. 11, 2001. It has saved my life! I have done groups, one on one with a Dr. that specializes in PTSD/MST, medications and one in patient stay for two weeks. I have shared my story on military.com in this forum. My family knows the whole story but not many others of my friends. I was in the Army, enlisted. Take care ! Sally

Hi Sally!

Been out of the forum for a bit due to moving again and taking care of obligations related to returning to school, not quite finished yet either!

I'm in Oregon currently, moved here a couple months ago but haven't contacted any VA people yet. The closest hospital is 90 minutes away so I won't be going there anytime soon and not at all during the winter months (too far in rain or snow on a bike). I hear there's a clinic closer but also that they send people to the hospital for anything that's not just routine. *shrug* Before I moved to Oregon I was only 10 miles from a VA hospital, but as I've said somewhere couldn't get any treatment there despite multiple attempts.

Thanks for the welcome, and I don't mean to push aside what you've said, I just can't concentrate on it at the moment. I came into this area in the forum this morning to y'all who are more up on this than I a question. This is going to be long, please bear with me. I think just relating the story will also help settle me down, but I'm going to put in the question first and leave the story after for anyone to refer to for details if they'd like.

I need to buckle down and finish and deliver a letter to the school this morning, my whole future could well depend on it. as if that's not enough pressure I'm pretty shakey still over an incident late last night. I thought about looking for the clinic or some local vets org and giving a call just to talk but I can't afford to spend time on that until this letter is where it needs to go.

I seriously have no idea what I am going to do if I can't convince them to admit me to this school.

Look, I've been in dangerous situations and I've been in emergency situations. I bet all of us have. You just take care of business when it happens, whether you're medcorp with a patient in trouble or have someone shooting at you personally. Sure, I've gotten the shakes a few times after something intense. Everyone does sometimes. It's normal. You just sit down and wait a bit until they pass off. But last night after this verbal altercation I couldn't sit still, the adrenaline kept going full bore, I felt like I wasn't safe and I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that the tenant who's moved out still has keys. Finally I called nonemergency police dispatch and asked if I could make an incident report just so something would be on record if anything further occurred, then went down to the station and did that. I walked around for awhile afterwards trying to sort things out. This morning I got up and took a long hot shower but I'm still feeling cold, and I can't seem to settle to working on that letter...I find myself thinking about things they said last night and consciously listening to them go in and out of their rooms as if keeping track of the movements of an out-of-sight rabid animal. Some of what they said made no sense, some of it let me know that they are blaming me for things the landlord has done, I don't see anything I can do about any of that. I have this strong intermittant impulse to go hide somewhere until they're gone, and an equally strong tendency to go check on my bike repeatedly to make sure they're not messing with it. (Someone messed with my bike years back but luckily I avoided an accident then.) I feel both embarrassed by the thought that other tenants must have heard the bruhaha last night and like some kind of a nutball because I'm reacting way too much to it myself. In the past I've had trouble with stress related to situations in which I couldn't do whatever I needed to until someone else had gotten something preliminary finished and they weren't bothering to get their job done, and been told that's a symptom of my PTSD. I've been told that's also behind my tendency to prefer only having to rely on myself for anything crucial at work. I've been told my tolerance for situations in which I am "helpless" or pushed to an edge when I can't for some reason rely on myself alone to deal with it is probably much lower than than average person's. I've been told unfounded accusations mixed with a lot of anger or the possibility of violence will affect me more and bother me longer than they will others. All of that from a conversation with someone who'd worked with combat vets diagnosed with moderate to severe PTSD.

I know y'all can't do professional diagnostics and I'm not asking you to. I'd like to know if this sounds familiar, if it seems to you that PTSD has something to do with how I'm feeling. In other words...is THIS the kind of thing she was talking about?


The place I am living in now has separate bedrooms rented out and some "common areas" to share -- kitchen, living room, bathroom, laundry room and storage space. Last night I got into a verbal altercation with a couple of the people living here. according to what the landlord told me when I moved in they aren't actually renting and are not on a lease; they're another tenant's family members who were having some kind of unspecified problem with housing and so he allowed them to move in temporarily in exchange for some handyman work on the building. The other tenant is a new home owner now and has already moved out but retains keys to the building and some of the rooms where they have been storing possessions; the family members were supposed to move out as well.

One of them has behaved oddly the whole time --I don't know if she's got some psychological problem or if she's just acting strangely because of whatever situation they are in. By odd I mean things like... if she's outside of her bedroom and hears me open my door she'll almost run back to her room and slam the door and stay there until I've gone back inside my room, even if she's obviously in the middle of something like say cooking a meal. She literally will not say a word when met anywhere in the building even if greeted, just whips past you looking as if you're not there. It's impossible to use the kitchen not just because several people live here and space is tight; the counters/table/etc are constantly crammed with her/their dirty dishes and the sink is full of dishes in soapy water 100% of the time. etc. The outer building doors are locked at night and open during the day, but I have developed a habit of making sure my keys are in my pocket anytime I leave my room for any reason because she closes and locks the doors behind me even when I am clearly visible fifteen feet outside for less than five minutes getting something from the bike. I thought she might be shy and maybe a bit nervous but she doesn't look or act shy or nervous; she ALWAYS seems VERY ANGRY. I wondered if I somehow offended her but another tenant new here has mentioned being fed up with this woman's behavior and feeling like laying down the law to her over it. It's really ironic that I had this altercation last night after having replied that we didn't know just what their situation was or how it was affecting them and since they were supposed to move out soon we could handle it for a few more days!

Late last night I left my room en route to the living room to get something I'd left there and peripherally saw someone standing motionless in the hallway. Turned to look; it's this woman standing staring at me with an enraged expression and she didn't whip around and run to her room as usual. I asked if she had a problem and the floodgates opened. Her point was that it was hot in her room now.

It had been so cold in my room goose pimples made an appearance, I had checked the thermostat in the hall and then turned on the heat to take off the chill before going to bed. I heard it shut off a minute or two later and assumed I hadn't nudged the lever over far enough, went back and pushed it further. It shut off again in about five minutes, and that was 15 or 20 minutes before I went to the living room. (Just as an fyi the temp in my room after the incident was in the midfifties.) I explained this. It didn't stop the flood; she whipped past me (I stepped back against the wall) and whipped into the other family member's room for a few seconds then out and past me back to her original position. This put me "trapped" between the two of them when the other family member stepped into the hall and began yelling as well. I got the peculiar impression they'd planned it that way.

I stopped being reasonable and yelled back.

Eventually all of us went back into our rooms. None of us had been very nice while yelling, but the two of them had added in some sheer verbal abuse --name calling etc-- and made it clear that they expected me to stay exclusively in my room when they were around (except for bathroom calls I assume). Near the end I was quite sure one of them was about to throw a punch, and I said if anything physical occurred I'd call the police. In the past I've noted that while it's not smart to escalate a bad situation it's even more stupid to either turn your back or walk away from someone you don't know who seems to be thinking violently; the best response usually comes down to standing your ground without stepping forward and making a flat clear unemotional statement of your intentions in the event of violence without any phsyical gestures, and waiting for an opportunity to withdraw safely.

Hi Prismatic! It sounds like you are in a bad living situation! Do you know who owns the complex? Call them and tell them what is happening! Or write them a letter! You might consider moving . I was living in a situation similar to yours. I had my bed, TV and own bathroom. Just find out where the closes Vet center is. What are you planning on taking in school? Just try taking tiny little positive steps, You are doing great!! Sally

Heya Sally.

I talked to the manager later that day, who (I understand) spoke with owner and the other tenants. I've been asked to basically avoid them, say not a word to them, and not talk about the situation because they are moving out (very soon). This is also supposed to be for my protection; they are suppsoed to have said that if I make a police report they will make one as well in which they will say I threatened to commit physical violence on them. Too bad no one here knows me...that's like saying I told them I was going down for a few at the local bar. (Dislike bars, haven't been in one since my last obligatory appearance at a party my enlisted folk put on.)

Kind of one of those grim reminders of how easily a lie can besmirch, if not downright destroy, your reputation, eh? The old two-against-one counts in things sworn to also. I have thought about it and decided to update the officer who took the report that night with the current situation as well as the fact that someone sort of vandalized my bike the next morning (ie doggie-doo), and I am currently simply lying low. I just hope they're gone soon. I am on a year lease that just started, haven't worked since March, and haven't got enough saved to pay rent/utility living expenses for the next year if I move and forfeit even just the (big) deposit and do get admitted to the school (so I could not work a 40 hr/week job). I get along ok with everyone else here, so let's just cross fingers on it for now.

School...will be to take the master's in my original field, with a concentration of courses in my MOS field. Y'know what's funny? I've already had a meeting with a prof who wants a research project done that no one is interested in but myself --the project is in my MOS field and she requested a student from my original field to do it. We already have it set up to meet again and iron out particulars a little after the fall semester starts, for a couple of hours of grad school credit. Unfortunately this prof has nothing to do with selecting which applicants get admitted to my grad school...and I just heard late Friday that this is one of the tougher places to get into, the admissions committe is VERY hard on applicants.

I know perfectly well I can tackle this degree, but they have to let me in first...what'll I do if they say no, walk in and tell 'em this veteran is gung ho and just needs 'em to support the troops?



Little tiny positive steps. You are so right, Sally. I'll try to keep focused on that. (And write shorter posts)

Thanks for being here.

Hi ! Check out the other threads such as Living with PTSD and PTSD information and links. C130 left military.com. Take care! Sally

maybe tomorrow. I hope C130's ok..?

I think I;ve reached my limit on streeeors today...just called the nearest vet center (about 30-40 min away). Was on phone a long time, on hold half of it. It's not that they were being incompetant. First they could not fin me int he system, and after they had, they kept trying to find a way for me to talk to someone today. ie they told me since I can;t trust my transportation right now they'd pick me up, checked for a walk-in appointment, realized I was too far away for them to send someone to pick me up and get me back there in time for it, then just because they got mixed up as to which direction from them I live told me of another center three times farther away in the same direction, then a thrid one twice as far in the opposite direction, then finally someone "contracted" to them also not within walking distance but who if there was an opening they might be able to find someone to give me a ride in to see.

Y'see what I mean? Long phone call, mostly because they were trying hard. But by the time they got to the last possibility I'd just had too much. I realized I'm on tentorhooks about so many things I've essentially run out of knots at the ends of the rops to hang onto at the moment. I am waiting for word on the grad school admissions, and time is very very short, and I am scared as well. I waited two days for the landlord to show up and take care of some very significant things unrelated to the problem with non-paying tenants but he made no appearance and I still can't get ahold of him by phone, I am waiting for the locks on my doors to be changed (and just realized they mean to change the doorknob locks only, and not the deadbolt). The furnace has been nobbled so there is no heat at all and i am still waiting for that space heater the landlord was suppsoed to supply me with. I dare not trust my bike as it is running funny and I don't see any immediate reason and haven;t got the money to have it professionally checked more than once so I better wait till these people are gone at least. On top of all that I don;t feel safe here alone with the two of them in the building, but I also don't care to run what errands i can on foot and leave my stuff unprotected and possibly miss a call from the landlord or the admissions people (I don't have a cell phone). I told the poor lady at the vet center I just couldn't deal with another up and down stress or waiting period to see what was going to happen today and thanked her.

Then of course I realized all fo that had been long distance per minute charges and my bill is going to be interesting too.

But there's good news. I just wrote all that out and looked at the screen and grinned. Mys ense of humor seems to be reactivated. Long live the ability to joke!

later.

C130 is OK. She left on her own wishes. If you read Living with PTSD thread you can read what happened. When you next contact the VET center explain to the your current living situation may they can help you move to a safer place, STAT. When I was an inpatient I demanded that I wanted a safe place to liveand I was not leaving the hospital until they found someplace. Are there buses near you? Take Care, Sally

SALLY

Please, ask C130 to e-mail me at the address she has for me. I lost her address and need to contact her.

THANK YOU!!!!!
Bob

the laws regarding tenants and landlords vary from state to state to some degree.

however, u can not be evicted, without a judge signing a paper saying you're evicted, and there is a court hearing prior to that at which the tenant in question is allowed, and most certainly should attend. if you have a leasing agreement, written, this applies for u. this process can take anywhere from 30-60 days or more, depending on the case load of the court. Most of the time, unless u're not paying your rent, it's very hard to get someone evicted. we had a property a few years ago, where the tenants were dealing drugs, which was against the lease, but we had no 'proof' that they were doing so out of the house, only that they were arrested pending court, down the road for dealing crystal methamphetamine. she and her roommate showed up at court, and the judge said there was no clear violation of the lease, therefore found in favor of the tenants. we got them evicted 2 months later, for non-payment of rent. that was easy enough to prove, and when they tried to pay partial, we refused it (it wasn't enough to catch the arrears up) and then judge the second time signed the eviction order. they had about 2 weeks to get their stuff out, because they aren't officially 'evicted' till the sheriff bangs on the door to remove them from the premises, and seal the door as we change the locks.

that said -- if ur worried about eviction, for going to the police, not much ur landlord can do.

go to the police if u feel there is danger to self or property, regardless of what the landlord says. personally, i wouldn't tell the landlord or anyone else what ur doing therefore they would never have to know who it was.

i didn't read the whole post again -- i apologise, but i'm very tired.

Hi everyone! Mike and I have a problem with our apt. manager doing anything to sovle problems caused by other residents. So, I have taken to call the police and notify them of the problem. I know that the apt. manager does not like it but tough! As far as MST and PTSD goes, I was active duty when I was raped. If you are a dependent of active duty, I would check with the VA about benefits. But seek mental health help ASAP! Today, I had a major flashback to when I was raped. Mike and I were driving into our apt. complex, I saw a guy wearing all black from head to toe walking towards our van. The only thing not covered was his face! I told the apt. manager. Her reaction was "So?". She explained that the guy functions at a 12 year old level. She did not understand what I was going through! I finally got into my apt. Mike could tell something was wrong and I told him. He said for me to just get inside where I feel safe and deep breathe until the panic attack passes. He said some other things that are not very nice about our apt. manager! Sally