Hello all. My name is Mac and I am a medically USA retired soldier. I never knew what my problem was until I read this story. I didn't know what PTSD was, but I have all these symptoms. I was married with 4 kids and caught my wife with another man. I quit my job during this time. After praying about it and trying to pull myself out of the gutter, I got involved with another woman. My best friend in the world passed away, my grandfather, which was another deep wound. Several years later, my best friend killed himself sitting right beside me and I did not see it coming. I had to get some help then, but I only got medicine called xanax. The medicine made me sleep and my job performance was below standards. While dealing with this and disciplinary issues on my job, I took a brief leave of absence to try to get it together. The woman that I was involved with was cheating so I broke it off with her after some really violent episodes. Several weeks later, the woman's brother and nephew attacked me from the back and broke my jaw in three places. I spent several days in the hospital and was given morphine every hour, even after my surgery. Anger fills my body, my thoughts and my goals. All I think about is revenge on these people. Then my ex-wife has me in court because she finally got her drug infested life cleaned up. She trying to lie to get our kids back in her life after so many years of me trying to let the kids know that they have a mother. Of course the court dismissed her case. My attitude has changed so much and all I want is peace. I don't want to hear any noise when I get off work. I sleep a lot and I lost 39 pounds in just 2 months. I try so hard to keep my anger in check that it literally drains me. I believe that I am strong and can handle everything, but I can't. I can't stop the tears sometime, but I still try to smile just to try to make somebody else's day better. I still believe that I can handle all these issues, but I often think of murder and turning my law abiding citizenship into one of a common criminal. I don't want to be with my girlfriend because she doesn't know when to shut up and she won't leave when I tell her to go. My kids are the only thing at this point to keep me grounded beacsue they need me. But still, that doesn't stop me from crying uncontrollablly at any given time. I need help and I really don't know who to turn to. I don't want people to look at me differently. I have always been a caring person, but people use your kindness for a weakness. They borrow money and never pay it back, act like they don't know you when they see you and most importantly tell lies in order to get what they want. I'm having a hard time coping with these issues and I don't believe the government really care about anything or anybody. The government has a monopoly on getting money from us even off things that we have struggled to get.....houses, cars and even our salaries. This whole thing has turned into a major cluster with no way out. Who can deal with all these issues daily? I love God, but I still hurt inside. I just want to be healed, loved and sparred of all the unnecessaries.

Well about all I can give is compassion and sympathy, since I have been there, done that.
I would encourage you to go ask for help before it gets worse, which it usually does without help. You don't mention much about your past, but the VA facilities are there for you to use. With some counselling and medications, life CAN be a much more enjoyable experience for you.

Man, that sounds like some of the stuff I am going through right now, a divorce, depression, my wife cheating on me, moving that guy in only a coupld weeks after we sign the papers. etc....

I will tell ya this, use the VA, talk to folks, get some help, if it wasnt for these folks here and my friends with me, I wouldnt be able to make it right now.

I am slowly coming out of it some, found a new lady, and that is working out pretty good. Still, get some help, talk with someone that can help you.

Good luck

wow - talk about similar stories. i am going through the same issues now and i left my job in june. i have been depressed and left my job in june due to a break down i had. i have not been the same since and dealing with alot of issues like being raped by my training instructor. i know how hard it is to get through the days but that is all you can do. i try to smile to mask the pain but it is difficult work. i am medicated now and want to try a mood stabilizer. i heard that these help with the mood changes. i have a 9 month old to take care of now and she takes alot out of me. i do not have much left for my husband or the rest of the family. which is why they all attacked me physically. i am not sure what to do or where to go for help. i tried the police but i was the one who ended up with an emergency detention order on me. the whole system is messed up.

I don't have these similar issues, but am suffering from PTSD from an incident back about 4 yrs ago. I don't take any meds but, i do keep a journal (helps to write down any feelings, good and bad), and when it gets real bad, i go work out (helps get the aggressions out), or i take a walk or bike ride, and just check out the scenery. Lately, I've gotten into working in my yard, and plants (connecting with mother nature). Regardless, what you are experiencing is always going to leave a scar, but with time things will get better.. Take care..

Hi ! I have been were you are at. Go to the nearest VA mental health location either a clinic and or a Vet Center. Ask for help and get someone trained in PTSD! My world turned upside down in Aug. 2003! I have done one on one therapy, meds, groups, and this site. Crying is ok and is healing to release the pain and anger! Do you have black outs? During a black out. I trashed a room when I was an inpatient. File a claim for PTSD with a VSO. Post on Living with PTSD . Take Care Everyone! You are not alone!! Sally

quote:

Originally posted by SallyArmyMedic:
Hi ! I have been were you are at. Go to the nearest VA mental health location either a clinic and or a Vet Center. Ask for help and get someone trained in PTSD! My world turned upside down in Aug. 2003! I have done one on one therapy, meds, groups, and this site. Crying is ok and is healing to release the pain and anger! Do you have black outs? During a black out. I trashed a room when I was an inpatient. File a claim for PTSD with a VSO. Post on Living with PTSD . Take Care Everyone! You are not alone!! Sally

Good idea!