I'm a Vietnam Vet.

Although I wasn't involved in Ranch Hand, I was one of those guys on the ground who handled agent orange along with a host of other pesticides - You can call me needle dick.

Long story short - I've done fairly well in life - especially with the help of the military and the GI Bill -a four year stint in the Air Force that took the street corner out of me - VA Mortgage, college on the GI Bill, good career - great family....

And then I had my sixtieth birthday and a few months later everything started to unravel. In the same month, October, 2007, a lump was found on my prostate and I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea - the lump turned out to be cancerous and the apnea turned out to be so severe, a BiPAP couldn't handle it - I opted to get a robot assisted radical prostatectomy, followed six months later by a UPPP and Septumology for the apnea

Now I'm incontinent, have horrible hemheroids (which I never had for more than a day in all of my life), have other genitoury malfunctions and I'm on a BiPAP with pressure of 22/17 that I'm having a hard time getting adjusted to.

All of this is bad enough, but it's not world ending - but lately I've started suffering what I think is PTSD - mentally, I'm not a happy camper - all of the symptoms I have point to severe depression or PTSD.

All of my life I've prospered because I wouldn't quit - I've persevered - but now.....

I've signed up at the local VA Hospital and have an orientation on April 7th - hopefully they can point me in the right direction - the cancer and apnea are physical and can be overcome with will power - but this depression is sinister - it's destroying me.

Welcome to this forum. Next time you post do so under living with PTSD. You are not alone. If you can not wait until April 7th. contact the mental health clinic at you local VA hospital, STAT. Like Monday am. There is treatment for PTSD but no cure. Have you filed a claim ? Sally

Thanks Sally,

I have my good days and my bad days - I think I can hold on until then - if not, I'll follow your advice.

I'm a member of the DAV and VFW and have the support and advice of fellow comrades who've been down this road. My DAV (and I) visit the institutionalized Vets at the local VA hospital every month for pizza, soda and some games, and I can see first hand what these maladies can do.

A forum like this where you can discuss such issues with others who've BTDT along with resources such as you is fortunate to have.

Thank you for caring.

Take care and get treatment for the depression and PTSD, STAT. Negative stress can make your PTSD worse and your depression. I have been there done that. Keep in touch. Try reading and posting on Living with PTSD thread. Sally