Hello I don't know if this is the right place to write this but I am gonna anyways. I've been in the military for almost two years now. I sign up during high school and shortly after graduation I went to basic training. I really liked the military and proud of being a soldier. But now I basically have no friends back home. When I got back everything changed and everyone did their own thing and we rarely talked. I went to my unit and months later I was sent to Iraq to do convoy security. A month later my TC of my humvee was wounded by an IED and was sent home. This really bothered me cause he went as a gunner for another truck and I was off that day. I was supposed to be in his position that day but instead he was there. I felt like I should of been me up there not him. When that happened everything changed for me. I was sent with another team and through out the year I was moved everywhere doing different things all the time. Don't get me wrong I got along with everybody but I didn't really bonded with them liked one would normally do. In my tour there I was in three IED attacks that missed my humvee. I am now home on leave and have no one to talk to or hang out with. I am home most of the time alone watching tv or playing my guitar. I'll only leave when I have to get gas or buy somethings. I don't know if I have PTSD but I do get deppresed and anxious. Like I am always looking around and loud noises startle me. When I am at a mall or something I get nervous I can't really interact with people like I just want to get out and go home. I also get these anger attacks were I just get angry at everyone for no reason. The friends that I once had here at home are doing their own thing, we've only talked a couple of times since I've been home. I've been wanting to see a shrink but I am scared that it will stay in my record and I don't the army to find out about it. I've been taking tylenol pm to go to sleep at night cause I sleep late and wake up late. I've also have gain some weight and haven't done any PT. I kind of lost interest in everything and I'll just sit and do nothing. I have no one to talk to and haven't really tried to get a girlfriend. Now all I am looking forward to is just going back to the military way of life. Just thought I let all of this out, Thank You.

Well, we don't diagnose here, but I can sure understand your feelings.
I too was once at the same state you are. I am not sure if it is the people back home or yourself that has changed, regardless there seems to be no connection any longer. That was the situation that prompted me to stay in the Army, nothing back home anymore.
I think the Army has changed so that seeking help won't mark you as a goldbricker any longer, but I have been out since I retired in 1976 so cannot speak to that with any authority.

I understand what you are talking about because the same thing ( no combat) happened with my friends back home. Go talk to a mental health specialist about your feelings, STAT! Sally

If you really need to talk, in the military, Chaplains (regardless of your religious affiliations) are usually trained in family / grief counselling. You'd have to check with each Chapel Cadre, but I've never found one that isn't. At any rate, getting some counselling from a chaplain, atleast to help you assess what other steps you may need to take (i.e. talking to a social worker or psychologist on the base) is a great assistance. The other thing about Chaplains is, that what you say to them is completely confidential -- they do not report to commanders etc, UNLESS a crime has been committed, or you are clearly a danger. It is between you and them.

As for friends back home -- that may or may not be odd. As you joined straight out of high school, you don't have a large frame of reference for social opportunities -- but after high school when folks come back home, whether from military service, or college, or what=have-you, things are never teh same. You may have one or two friends that you still chum around with, but as the years go by, even if yu live in that same town, you don't hang out with the folks that were your world in high school. Just the way life is.

Sometimes you will gel with people, and sometimes you won't. I had a unit when I was enlisted, where I really did't bond wiht anyone there either. We did our jobs, and then when they went off to drink or whatever, I went back to my room, and read, or went to the gym. That was for 2 years.

The next base I went to, I met some great people in my unit, and we are still friends today - some 15+ years later.

I can't tell you if that is from your military service, or just life, but that is a bridge we all cross at some time in our lives.

As for anxiety and depression, and isolation, those all go hand in hand, no one but a trained psychologist, or psychiatrist can tell you if it is PTSD, or just clinical depression. But I would definately suggest getting help. If it is PTSD, it doesn't just get better on it's own, and the isolation, and anxiety you feel, is not something you want to spend the rest of your life wiht, as young as you are.

Good Luck.

Hiya 389

I tried to leave a post but the machine ate it....

Anyway just wanted to leave you a little note saying I hope your Christmas season goes a little better and seconding what has been said already/ I am part of the same boat as you; not as a recent veteran but I called that crisis line two days ago (The National Suicide Prevention Hotline which is actually a Crisis line, NOT just a suicide prevention line, so call if you need to, okay? Option 1 in the menu puts you into their line for veterans...I think the main number is 800 273 TALK) and got some names and numbers for facilities near here. Of course no one is around this week! I left a couple messages and we'll see what happens when they get back. My big problem is lack of transportation but the gal at the hotline told me to ask about volunteer groups who exist at some of the faciltiies and can give one a ride. In other words, maybe whatever gets in the way of you being able to go in can be figured out too, including confidentiality. You don't have to tell the hotline people who you are.

Whatever you do, try to get outside this week. Go out at midnight, if it works for you better. Just walk around a bit. Try to notice things like the moon and stars, trees, etc. That works for a lot of people I know --just makes them feel a little better, more able to figure out what to do.

take care.

i hope everyone had atleast a little bright spot on their holiday.

good idea Prism about getting outside... when i first started having severe issues with anxiety, and couldn't even get the paper without having a panic attack, i would sometiems sit in the window sill, open the window, and get some fresh air and sunshine on my face, and just try to breathe... and usually, that did make a difference. didn't cure me, but atleast i felt calmer, and man, does sunshine help you reset your biorhythms... i could usually sleep a tad better on those days, then the ones where i couldn't even muster that much courage.

I completely understand that feeling, suffered years and still to at times, but one thing, you are NOT alone, ever.

I am here, others, and if you look around you will find more..

Make friends with your unit buddies, start hanging out with them..

Hang in there, your loved and respected..

Good luck.

You're not alone my friend. I can't imagine the stresses of combat as I have not been yet but I suffer from the same symptoms as you are now. I had a terribly brutal childhood from the day I was born till I was 9 years old. I don't have the capacity to trust anyone. I don't get more than 3-4 hours of nightmarish sleep a night. I also start feeling incredibly hateful and angry at the most slightest things. I try isolating myself as much as I can from people so no one will ask me questions. I've been alone for so long I don't know how to open up to people and I start getting really nervous when I am confronted about it. There are times where I feel so terrible about myself and nothing I do seems to be right or go the way I want. I feel trapped. I am very much emotionally detached and I just shut down when I feel threatened. I absolutely never under any circumstances ever talk about my past or any of my problems with anyone.
I believe what you are doing here is the right step in overcoming this. Talking about it helps you realize what it is that is bothering you and that brings you one step closer to beating it. I had to write everything down in a notebook to get it out in the open or I talk to myself out loud.

I failed at this part of my treatment so I've had to deal with my problems my whole short life as I am only 21. What helps me cope with it is I found that I love getting out and running on some beautiful wooded trails till my lungs feel like they are going to explode. Running brings me the feelings of complete serenity and freedom and also releases endorphins which are responsible for improving your overall mood.

I can not relate to you because I have not seen combat but I can understand what you are feeling. Bottomline is you are not alone.

If you need to talk please feel free to PM me. What you really need is someone who understands what you are feeling, not someone who gives out sympathy. Well, I don't want anyones sympathy so I guess that is just me.

Hang in there.

Hey what up people. Just want to say thanks for all the responses I've gotten I really appreciate it, it does help to let all of this out. Thank You.

Although this is an old post, it's important to remember that each and every person must have a supporting community to help them survive.

A positive social network is very important to us all.