Hey guys I don't post here very often but felt the need to today so here I go.
I served 2005-2009 Got out in June as CPL in with 2/4 WPNS C0, Did one tour in Iraq and a second on the 31st MEU. No Pages 11's, NJP's or any of that nonsense so I was no sh*t bag to clarify. I'am enrolled in my first year and college and going through emotions I never thought i would feel.
I remember when me and all my buddys had 6 months left and we where all FAPed out. We would spend the day going on and on about how great life would be on the outside and what we are gonna do when we get out. Now im not trying to say the Marine Corps and me didnt have didnt have our differences which is why I chose to leave. I loved being in Iraq and playing Grunt all the time. But being away from family and constant grind of build ups took its toll so i bowed out. Anyways to the point
I find myself constantly slipping in and out of thought about the Marines in class. Im surrounded by 18 year old freshmen who dont realize what it is like to be in a place where someone accuatly wants to kill you or having the feeling that someone could go wrong at any second. I also find myself sitting in front of the TV glued to the screen when I see stuff about Marines killed in Action and I am overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that I was not right there at the moment to help and try and make a difference in a nutshell i go through bouts of depression (i feel like a wimp saying that).
I dont regret any of my time I spent in the military and i think it made me the person I am today. I just want to know if anyone,(especially any fellow grunts) feel like they should be in a combat zone (not saying i want to go back, i take it as a sign of luck that i came back health considering many friends did not) and not a classroom. I would like to know how they got over the feeling and continued on with life.
Dude, get some counseling right away. Seriously. You appear to be experiencing some survivor guilt, and are longing for those days of close camradery that you had back then, and can't experience with those 18 year olds on campus now. They have no frame of reference for what you've done and where you've been and never will. Also see if there are any vet groups on campus. You surely can't be the only one there. Good luck and try to stay focused on the here and now.
Flamethrower53- Ive started to slowly look in to veteran groups on campus because I know of a few that exist.
GT6238- If you are refering to 100% disability, I have never gone to the VA for any mental problems, because i guess im a product. Of "Here is two Motrin and water..suck it up" I just dont feel like my problem is that big since I came back with all my limbs. I feel like i would be called a phoney and a fake for going to see help when i appear normal.
Again thanks all for pointing a finger in the right direction. This is not me trying to complain, just trying to get an assesment of other peoples expeirences after EAS'ing to know they felt the same.
Denial is a major symptom of PTSD. Do not deny yourself. Go to the DAV and talk to them. See a civilian shirnk (one that is good with crisis situations) and get evaluated. Put in a claim to the VA so at least you can be compensated...I refer to it as "blood money." YOUR BLOOD!!!
. I also find myself sitting in front of the TV glued to the screen when I see stuff about Marines killed
Bio45,
I felt the same way. I got out in Jan 09 and started college 3 weeks later. Like you, I constantly thought about the Corps. During the whole semester I didn't make a single friend in class. Needless to say I am now in the police academy.
My advice to you is just consentrate on something, be it school or something else, and soon that culture shock will go away.
Bio... as some on here stated, seek some help or speak with other Vets so that you wont feel alienated. I've been in your shoes, and can only take so much. $hit heats up and eventually burn you up.
quote:
Originally posted by RedBeast: Needless to say I am now in the police academy.
Hey RB... are you by any chance utilizing your GI Bill while in the Academy?
I think I understand a lot of what you are going through. I have been out for a little over 3 years now and it still hurts knowing that I will never see some of my fellow brothers again. It's hard for us Marines to comprehend at the time of EAS that we are leaving people that may be closer to us than our own families. I will never forget when I was coming off of Christmas leave and I realized I was actually kind of home sick from my unit. This is not to say that I dont love my friends and family at home, I do very much, but I also had a bond with my unit knowing I was getting ready to deploy to Iraq with them that no one except for Marines could know. I have learned though that over time your pain wil heal. Just hang in there, think about all the advantages you have now, and if you still have feelings of regret you can always go see a recuriter and go back.
One last thing Bio. I say go get counseling because I was a Psych major and tend to recognize the need (even for my own self). The other thing you need to remember, is that there will always be times in the life of everyone where a little help is needed over a rough spot. After 20 years of service it was a major life change for me, and I used the services available to me to get over it and get into the new groove. It's not like you didn't earn it pal, because you did. It ain't a simple thing like changing a flat tire, we're talking about making major life adjustments and sometimes that requires assistance.
When I got off of Active Duty in 1969 I completely immersed myself in completing college and then raising a family & establishing a career. To be honest, for some odd reason, I did not miss the friends that I made in the Marine Corps.
Fast forward 30 years. In 1999 a bunch of us old phart Vietnam Marine tankers got together for the first time and established the USMC Vietnam Tankers Association. One of the best days of my life!!!
As some have said, move forward...concentrate on the future and what it is you are trying to accomplish.
As a last resort go ahead and re-enlist just to see if a career in the USMC is what you want. Just be ready when the "Brass Hats" force you to retire, you are going to have the same problems that you are going through now...in the future.
Great Advise guys! Thanks for helping the brother out. All this helps and if you can bring yourself to talk about it with a spouse, friend, or counselor it will help even more.
Been through much grief myself this year and I find that the more I talk about it, the better I feel. Yah, I know I'm a girl and that's what we do, but you guys would be helped if you just find someone to open up to.
Even if they can't relate to your experiences, they can still listen.
Thanks guys for the encouragement to go out and find professional help. Now the problem is where do i seek it. The school im enrolled in has Mental Health Services, but i dont know if they know how to handle problems with vets. There is the VA but I hear nothing but horror stories about getting things done through them. Any help would be awesome.
Yeah, but If you tell them that...at least in FLA...it's an automatic three days in the locked ward. Also it would have a bad effect later if you want a concealed weapons permit or even to purchase firearms...be careful...
I got back from Iraq earlier this year. I'm in college too now. I know what you mean. It's hard to relate to the retarded 18 year olds. I'm 22, 23 by next semester. I feel so out of place in all of my classes. It's weird. I don't miss all the bullsh-t, but I miss that camaraderie. You can send me an email if you want.
Welcome home Bio and Bohica. Now your real war begins. It's the war we wage within ourselves as we fight through anger and bewilderment at the clueless who didn't go and our anger and elation that we survived. Naturally there are those professors who teach things we know from first hand experience are total BS but we endure their class in our great paper chase for the diploma.
I personally found the Veteran's Outreach Center, Vet Center for short, to be an ideal place to unwind from all that madness. PTSD is no joke and very real.
There's nothing wrong with you and you're not broke. You're just combat vets reentering into a world where you're learning new languages in a college filled with many theories that conflict with your real life experiences. Consider it merely going from one extreme to the other.
Ha ha ha ha ha ... as for the eighteen year old high schoolers playing college ... ha ha ha ha ha. Little suckers are as bad as the antiwar types and professors who's opinions are just as clueless ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah I know. Wanted to punch out more than a few and even walked out of a soc class because I couldn't bare to listen to that BS anymore. Ha ha ha had to retake the sucker but at least with a lot more knowledgeable professor who had spent time in the Army.
Check out your professors first, find the most most suitable and life will go infinitely more smoothly.
As for the eighteen year old clueless coeds ...
"There I was, twenty five North Vietnamese hard core regulars to my front, fifteen to the right and about twenty closing my left. I looked behind me and saw an undetermined number trying to cut off my escape. All I could think about was making it home to you. I didn't know who you were ... but here we are now ... you and I ... let me help you with that sweater ..."
"There I was, twenty five North Vietnamese hard core regulars to my front, fifteen to the right and about twenty closing my left. I looked behind me and saw an undeterm ... you and I ... let me help you with that sweater ..."
Yeah Boys, tear it up ha ha ha ha ha ....
Haha, did you come up with that all on your own? I'll field test it sometime
but for now I need to start an economics paper, I'm having a fun filled Thursday night!
First of all, I wasn't an 0311, but a 6092 airwing p.o.g. Now, with that being said, I DO know exactly what these fellas are talking about with regards to being around the 18 year olds and yes it sucks. In fact, I was in my college algebra class last Wednesday and the prof had to separate these two guys who were being disruptive. Not only that, but she has had to do the "shhhh" thing just like in elementary and middle school. I have literally felt like yelling shut the **** up, but I have refrained from doing so. Anyway, back to the point. There is a huge social disconnect when you are a military veteran returning to college. Luckily for me, I live in Colorado Springs, CO at the moment which has a fairly large Army base right outside of the main campus where I go to school so I don't encounter the liberal statements and such like you might at a large four year university. Even though this is the case, there are still plenty of 18 year old Army and Air Force brats that I have to be around on a daily basis so I know all too well about the social disconnects. Also, it seems as if all of the few vets that I have met on campus are already married so that just serves to increase the isolation factor (being in J-ville ruined any possiblilty of marriage for me and C-Springs ain't a whole lot better in the single womens department cause they are all married to soldiers here.) To be brutally honest, the social disconnection and isolation that I experience on a daily basis makes my five years in the Corps look like a cakewalk and yes I do mean that! Hang in there guys and keep pushing forward! It'll be worth it in the end!
Bohica .... ha ha ha I wish I could claim credit but I got it from a Korea Vet who had gone back to school. Brother really had the honies!
Wingvet never ever ever downplay the vital role you filled in the Corps and know that while we Grunts kid you Wingers, you're all winners in our book and we're proud to call you Brother and Sister MARINES!!!!! Just because we get the press doesn't mean we don't tell anyone who listens that we were part of a much larger team and the real heroes are you unsung unknowns who simply did your jobs in order to save our lives. So keep being you Brah and know that we've still got you in all things.
The isolation you're all feeling is normal because you lived in a very close knit tight community where everyone was pulling together. Now you're back in general society where everything is "my" this and "my" that so it's to be expected.
Your maturity is showing Brothers. This is why you're having difficulty with the immature.
As you say WingVet, hang in there because it gets much better and easier as you all mentally adjust to your new environment.
