First of all let me explain that I am an AF Veteran I married an AF guy. We were married 25 years...we just got divorced in August. He retired from the military in 1999. In 1991 he put me in the hospital. This was not the first time he 'hit me' but it was the only time it was severe enough to go to the hospital. Long story short his command decided to make him go through counseling/drug alcohol rehab/anger management etc and gave him an article 15. Mind you, I 'went to bat for him' because I realized that I and my children were going to be WITHOUT if he lost his career. I continued to HIDE the abuse. So, he retired and quit drinking (for a couple years) and all was well. Right? No...He got a job with the Airline Industry and started drinking again (socially "HE SAYS"). The abuse/control starts again. The next thing I know he is standing in front of me saying "I am in love with another woman and want a divorce." I won't even go into my mental position at this time...it was not good after having endured all that I had. I gave up 25 years of my life/career and became a 'stay at home mom and military wife. Since the divorce is now final I have found out some things that I feel the military spouses NEED TO KNOW. First of all, in 1991 a law was enacted to protect the military spouse and dependents of loosing their benefits if the military member is convicted of spouse/domestic abuse. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS...even went through counseling at the base and they NEVER TOLD ME. Now, I am without a JOB...no Tricare Benefits (Yep, I missed the 20/20/20 and 15/20/20 by THREE MONTHS) I have one child still at home. He even had the gall to say that HIS military benefits now belong to his new LOVE. Yep, where was she during all the TDYS, DESERT SHEILD, DESERT STORM etc etc etc.???
SGT SHAFT...what an appropriate name for this column...Would it not be more 'proper' to educate the people who write in that there ARE OPTIONS instead of living in FEAR twice over...fear of the spouse and of LOOSING all the benefits? I found out about the 'law that would have protected me and my kids' when I filed for getting my 33 1/3% of his retirement!!! A little too late at that point! Please Spouses...if you are abused do NOT LIVE WITH IT! There are options for you! If you are abused you need to call the POLICE...each and every time!!! Document Document Document! Go to his commander...if that does not work...got further up the chain. If you are HURT...do not pass go! Get to the hospital military or otherwise and DOCUMENT the abuse! Do not be afraid. If you feel you need an ADVOCATE to help you through this then ASK FOR ONE...and KEEP ASKING UNTIL YOU GET ONE. CONTACT ME...I will find the proper authority for you if needed. Do not suffer in silence! If there is one thing I will do now is to EDUCATED other spouses so that they will not end up like ME. I would love to see the Military.com release an article about the OPTIONS available to abused spouses. It should be mailed to every military spouse!