I have a question in which I need advice from a Sr. NCO or Officer on. I'm a new Company Commander, I'm a 1LT (p) in a new unit. Here is the situation. Throught college I had a female that I was friends with. Now we weren't dating purse but we basically had a completely sexual based relationship. This girl had an absolutely gorgeous voluptuous body, but she was a little crazy for me. Which I guess was great for the relationship we had but I knew wasn't good for any other kind of relationship we could have. She was fine with the relationship we had all through college but my Sr. year wanted something a little more. I told her it wouldn't work out and we stayed friends. I went into the Army after college and only saw her when I would come home on leave. The last time I saw her was over a year ago, we had an awesome 2 days of fun at some resort that she got into free for listening to somebody try to sell her a timeshare. Anyway we lost touch after that. She said she always wanted more with me because she grew up an Air Force brat and knew that it was a good life, well about 9 mos ago i heard through a mutual friend she got married to some dude she knew in HS. He was in the military but wasn't sure of the branch. Fast forward to last week, I got in a new SPC, I get in new people all the time because we are standing up the unit. Whenever we get in new soldiers I have a sit down with them, give them a welcome, explain our mission and give them a quick safety brief. Well this guy looked a little familiar and was from the same town as that girl I had a relationship with. Sure enough I went home and saw she was on myspace and saw that this SPC was now her husband. The whole time I'm seeing this on myspace, the "It's a small world after all" song is playing in my head. Now I haven't seen this girl in over a year, but I would think this could make the next FRG meeting a little uncomfortable. I'm a professional and I think he's a good soldier, should I say nothing and act shocked when I see her, or should I talk to the CSM about sending him to another CO. just to avoid possible issues? Sorry this was long but I figured it would be good to provide a back story.
That's what we tell people in here. It is a small Army. I don't see there being a problem, just don't doink her anymore. Even if he isn't in your CofC. Feel free to post any bikini pics of this ex-gf. Good thing you didn't marry her. She sounds like a spounge.
So, are you saying that at age 26 (approximately), about four years of service and having been designated a "leader oe men" by congress, you still can't control sophomoric urges and need someone older that you (CSM = father figure) to make mature decisions for you?
Call the specialist aside and tell him that you know his wife in college and thinks he got a great catch. Let him tell his wife that you are the commander. You then need to act like a commander and not like some oversexed school boy when you go to the FRG meeting. If the SPC has an issue with it then he can bring it up to you or the CSM and ask to be transferred to another unit. Do your job correctly and there should not be an issue.
Wow. Ideally, I would like to think that everyone can be professional (I'm sure you can) and handle whatever comes to light like adults if he were to stay in your Company. But, realistically, you can't count on that outside of yourself. Once this comes to light, and it will, problems will sprout. He will have issues, and, she may get squirrelly.
My advice is to go to the CSM or Bn Commander and explain EXACTLY the issue. For the best interest of the Company, I would ask that he, at the very least, go to a different Company, or, even better, a different Battalion. Under no circumstances would I risk having this man in my Company in light of your past relationship with his wife. Not that you or he will behave improperly, my concern is what SHE will do.
Gene makes a good point. Army spouses can be some stupid vindictive beaches. Since you do have a past with her, and, who knows, maybe a few pics from your drunken frat days. I could see HER making trouble. There is definately a conflict of interest there. I think sending him to another Co or Bn would better off for everybody involved.
Talk to your battalion commander. He doesn't need to know the details on what a great body she had or anything like that, but I think you definitely need to talk to him for two reasons:
1. He should be mentoring you as a young officer. This is a great opportunity for him to impart the wisdom of his experience on you. Who knows... he may have seen something like this play out in the past.
2. If this does turn into an issue, it will turn into a BIG issue, and he will not be happy if he gets blindsided with it.
Originally posted by mturnb: Call the specialist aside and tell him that you know his wife in college and thinks he got a great catch.
I've got to totally disagree with this advice. I would not indicate to this specialist in any way that you know or have any interest in his wife. He could easily misunderstand that sort of statement. Besides, what if his wife would rather pretend she never knew you?
If you think there will be problems with then there WILL be problems. Be upfront and be professional and involve those that need to be involved and that is all you need to involve. I'd recommend talking to both the BN CDR and CSM (he IS the senior enlisted advisor) and seek their opinion on the matter. Be a tad less descriptive then you were here but let them know the story and follow their advice on this issue. That way all bases are covered and the BN CDR and CSM are in the loop. Don't forget your 1SG, you don't want him or her being blind sided by the CSM or BN CDR about this.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. -- Thomas Jefferson
I used to be a military wife in Germany for a while. I know for a fact that it will take no time before she knows that you are in charge of her husband and probably before you get together; because your name will be known to her. I would be greatly concerned in that matter, because a lof of military wives talk and confide in each other; especially at a younger age.
It does not even have to come from her husband or her itself, it could be that she speaks to another wife, that wife speaks to her husband and vola you have a wildfire on your hands.
For that reason alone I would speak with the CDR and CSM. This way they are prepared if something comes up, or they may intervene before this ever becomes a problem.
Originally posted by 300_Spartans: I think you got to go to your Commander and his CSM and get this guy out of your unit. Its just not gonna work.
Yikes, small world doesn't even describe it!
I would have to agree with 300, it's better to get this out in the open to your superior(s) and have it quietly dealt with. She may cause trouble, she may not, but do you even wanna deal with the fallout if she DOES???
The more I think of this, the more I think of Officer and a Gentleman. Not Debra Winger, the blond bimbo one. This gal married the first thing she could to get to see the world. It's not looking good L T.
Transfer the new SP4 ASAP before he gets settled in. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be to move him without having to "explain" why it's not punitive.
Mtrunb said: "Call the specialist aside and tell him that you know his wife in college and thinks he got a great catch. Let him tell his wife that you are the commander. You then need to act like a commander and not like some oversexed school boy when you go to the FRG meeting. If the SPC has an issue with it then he can bring it up to you or the CSM and ask to be transferred to another unit. Do your job correctly and there should not be an issue."
Gene said: "My advice is to go to the CSM or Bn Commander and explain EXACTLY the issue."
Mturnb and Gene's COMBINATION of answers are going to be the perfect solution on how to handle this maturely. Max has a good point--you can't tell how the wife is gonna act or count on HER behaving herself. Making the CSM or BC aware of the entire situation will keep him/her in the loop as to what could possibly happen. And since the BC or CSM will be aware of what has happened in the past, it would be a good time for you to show just how professional you really can be. Think of it as an opportunity to grow maturely.
Originally posted by mfamily2004: Yikes, small world doesn't even describe it!
I would have to agree with 300, it's better to get this out in the open to your superior(s) and have it quietly dealt with. She may cause trouble, she may not, but do you even wanna deal with the fallout if she DOES???
Here is the problem as I see it. If you have to take negative action against this Soldier, you risk him and his wife lashing out at you for holding a grudge. If you take positive action against him, your other Soldiers may go bonkers and charge you with favoritism*.
One other thing. Get Top's feedback first. Not only will he know what to do, he'll probably be miffed if he finds out about it though the CSM/other sources.
*dont think for a second the rest of your troops wont findout!
These need to be identified ASAP to your Commander, CSM and your First Shirt. Any hint of improper conduct is the kiss of career ending death to entire chains of commands in one fell swoop.
By the way, please keep us informed about how this progresses. Others can certainly learn from this experience. Not to mention, we're all a bunch of gossipy, nosy hens...
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. 
