My husband recently became an Army recruiter. I just wanted to see if any other wives out there would like to share their experiences in being the wife of a recruiter.

Thanks

Hi, My husband started recruiting last month and it's been hell already, he works 6 days a week, every monday through thursday he doesn't get home until 9 or 10pm and on Friday I'm lucky to see him by 8pm and on Saturdays he is usually home by 6pm. He has Sundays off but that is only if he turns his "recruiting" cell phone off (he doesn't give out his regular cell #). Our two sons miss him like crazy and he has already missed out on alot of their activities. When he was told that he was going to be a recruiter he was pretty scared because he has been told that the divorce rate for recruiters is 80% because the wives get sick of them being gone all of the time and there can be trust issues due to you can't get ahold of them all of the time. My best advice to you is to be STRONG, think of how they hate being away from you also but that they HAVE to do their job, keep dinner warmed for them, COMMUNICATION is a big plus, but most of all TRUST, I know that we are both in for a BIG ride for the next 3 years and we both will be married living like we are single so if you every need to vent just email me and we can vent together and laugh about it because no matter how bad it can get, I'd rather him be a recruiter than be back in Iraq for 15 months. This will only make your marriage stronger, always remember that. Take care.

Krista

tazmurf@aol.com

My husband is an Army recruiter also. He started in April. It is really hard to deal with him being gone all of the time but before he started recruiting we were only around each other for basically 3 months of our (at the time) 8 month marriage due to the fact that he was stationed in Colorado and I was finishing school in Alabama. Trust is definitely the important issue of being a recruiter wife! We don't have any children but I know the feeling of him working 6 days a week (sometimes 7 if he needs to take somebody to ship out). I absolutely love the time that we do get to spend together. Where are you guys stationed?


If you ever want to talk you can email me at tsudancer@hotmail.com

Thank you Krista and Dantz. I will put your e-mail addresses in my contact list. I know I will be needing them! My e-mail address is pdifondi@verizon.net My husband has been recruiting for 1 month now. We are in New Jersey. Since we just PCS'd to this area, I haven't gone back to work yet so his long hours seem longer. I start my new job next week so I will at least be busy at work. It is just the two of us. Dinners usually consist of low cal entrees and salad or something barbequed on the grill. We are both trying to lose weight so this isn't a problem at the moment but I want to start cooking more for him. I get in a hissy mood when he has to stay at work after 9p. I HAVE to stop doing this. It doesn't help the situation. We have a great relationship and communicate very well. Last night he got a call at 10:45 PM on his "recruiter" cellphone from a future recruit that was ready to sign. The recruit called him to tell him he changed his mind and is going with another branch of the military. When my husband got off the phone he was so wound up. I just listened and gave him support. It is so frustrating for our guys. I don't know what to do for him in that situation but just let him vent. We have DVR's on our TV's so I tape his favorite shows and give him some time watching them on Sunday mornings while I sit with him. If I am not into the shows, I'll read the newspaper or a novel. It is nice just spending time with him. Then, we will do stuff together the rest of the day. Giving him time to relax watching his favorite shows really helps.

I'm glad I have someone to talk to who is going through the same thing. Looking forward to sharing experiences. Patty

Well i'm not a "recruiters" wife but I am a Recruiters asst wife that he has been used as an recruiter. He was picked up on this temp duty till his orders came in. We started in feb and we just got his orders today for next month to report to camp lejeune.

I could tell you many things but this would be my experience for here locally and for the Corps. Most of the would scare you probably. I know the Army here doesnt work the hours the Marines do (they laugh about it too) but sometimes their hours tend to get a bit lengthy.

In the best time he worked 5 days a week, going in at 8am and getting off by 6pm... those were short and few during the summer, but it was nice. Now when we come into the fall months all the way thru spring. The hours get ungodly. He normally works 6 days a week. leaving for work anywhere from 7am to 8am and if i'm LUCKY he'd get home by 9pm... normally it's 10-11 or beyond. Being the fact he was Cpl and the rest were Sgt or above he usually was used as what i call the "***** boy" and beyond being out ACing he would have to do all the running the poolies down to MEP's or to take the ASVAP... sometimes he would have to pick someone up at UNGODLY hours even on sundays... or even take them down at UNGODLY hours (you know am hours where you'd be sleeping normally) to ship out.

Most rec aids/asst usually dont do much of jack for their duty time but like I said my husband worked as if a recruiter... why because he had to to stay on till his orders came in and secondly because he wouldn't have it any other way. He's already trained 2 new recruiters on how they go ACing around here. SSGT knows he can always depend on him. We will be one of the only couples at the ball below SGT rank lol, but he was told he has to go by the CO. The CO loves him also... but this was still all cost to the family. My daughter is a daddy's girl and doesn't quite understand why he's not coming home before she goes to bed. Sometimes she'll refuse to go to bed. and she's not even 3 yet.

It's been an ungodly strain on our marriage. I became close with the SSGT wife, she also had a son my daughters age and just had another. It has been very very hard on her because SSGT is never home, ever. Atleast recruiters make a bit more than normal for the hours they put in... altho my husband didnt get that, we also only got BAH II so yea we got bent over basically.

Would he do it again, yeap. Kokomo, IN recruiting station just won district for recruiting station of the year. SSGT goes out to Quantico at the end of the month for an award presentation and they are up for national.
What do you get out of all this? Basically nothing. My best advice... FINE A HOBBIE!

Jess

I'm a recruiter's wife, but we don't report to our first station until Tuesday. My husband was an FO with 2-325 (82nd airborne) before that. He's been to Iraq twice (2/03-1/04, and 12/04-2/05), got injured his last deployment (they offered medical retirement), but he decided to see what would happen if he stayed in...
Well, it happened. He came down on recruiting duty orders in June...We'll be in Pittsburgh...
Interestingly enough, I just got a call yesterday from my ex-husband, who is a Marine (and we're on good terms). HE was selected for recruiting duty..must be something mystically recruiter-aura surrounding me. I'll laugh like hell if he ends up in PA...(we're only two hours apart right now from him in NC).
I think it's funny how people always say what a strain it is to be a recruiter's wife, but I look at it this way...since he was in the 82nd, most times, he worked 0530 to at least 1800 here, often later. He could count on being called in in the middle of the night for jumps or piss tests at least once a month. That didn't include the recall tests, lockdowns when some idiot lost something, etc. Plus, he was deployed, at school, or in the field LITERALLY more than half the time we've been together. Leave was frequently cancelled for school and/or deployments. His unit went BACK to Iraq this September and won't be back until at least January. He said he was going recruiting, and I was just like "Wow...so, you'll pretty much be in your own bed every night???? Non-deployable????"
I don't know...compared to the 82nd op tempo, recruiting sounds a lot easier....

Katheek77:

I really hope the recruiter duty goes as well as you expect. Good for you if it does. For me, it is a struggle. My husband and I have been married only 3 1/2 years. He shipped out to Iraq on our first anniversary. Gone for a year. Thankfully, he returned unharmed. We were PCS'd across the USA away from family 4 months after he returned from deployment. Then, 9 months into his new assignment, was selected for recruiter duty. Sent off to recruiter school and away for our 3rd anniversary. Obviously, recruiter duty has not been a positive assignment for us. The only positive thing about this is we are back to being in a location fairly closer to family.

Hi everyone
Well it sounds like everyone is fairly new to the recruiting lifestyle but most have already realized how difficult it can be.
My husband has been on recruting for 4 years (we got extended an extra year b/c of the war. surprise, surprise, that can happen-I didn't believe it either) We are finally getting out of it we have orders for Germany we leave in Jan.YEAH!!!
My husband was also in the 82nd before this assignment and boy was he really upset to be leaving.
To be honest with you all, recruiting does suck for most everyone envolved. unless you are in an area with lots of walk-ins!
Of coures individual situations will vary...we have actually witnessed soliders change their MOS to 79R. Scary huh?
Life in recruiting is NOT like life, in what I like to call "the real army". One of the main factors in having a decent time is your husbands chain of command mainly his station commander and 1st sgt. When we first came out here he had the worst. Both of them were awful. He worked 6 days a week and was only home for dinner Sat and Sun. And the so called 4 day weekend holidays never happened. After those two left it did get better. But it was still very hard. Our boys would only get to see daddy for about 45 minutes in the morning! Though we did take many trips to his office. We brought him lunch and dinner 3 to 4 times a week. It was good for the kids and for me. ten minutes here and there is better than nothing!
I believe the main reason why it is so hard is because it is so very stressful for our soliders. There is never any time to let it go. Even if they make this months mission they are now stressing over next months. It is truly neverending. It does not help that they are only allowed to take 1 week of leave per quarter.
Though it was tough, we got through it and so will all of you. We took advantage of all the time he did have off by going camping, hiking, taking the boys to the park, anything so we weren't just sitting at home.
There are positive sides to this recruiting bit, at least for me. It was wonderful to have him in bed with me almost every night. And the sense of calm you feel knowing that he won't be deployed.
Hey and look on the bright side...if you are not near to a military instillation you get to see any doctor you want...as long as they accept Tricare and you don't have to pay a dime. Funny thing- it cost us about $50 to have our 1st son on FT Stewart and nothing to have our 2nd son here.(and I got to see the same dr. everytime!!)
All in all I am glad we did this. (he may not say the same We came to love the area that we are in.(it has been nice living in a non military town) We bought, and just sold, our first home. Made many wonderful lifelong friends. Grew together as a couple and a family.
Sorry for rambling. Make the best out of the situation. Be supportive and understanding it will be hard on you both. But it is truly harder on them. They wouldn't be sitting at the office if they didn't have to be. Make him breakfast and coffee in the morning it will make him feel better and you will know that he has at least eaten one good meal before he gets home at 9pm! Good luck-Col

Hello
I'm new to this also. My husband started recruiting in July. It wasn't so bad at first but just recently it's getting to be the same as you all described. Does anyone know a way out? Or are we stuck. Either way with my husband not having anyone else in his station who is married I feel as though I'm going through this alone, so just talking to someone who understands would be great. Thanks
Kim

Hi Kim, No there isn't really a "way out". During our 4 years here only one solider was able to leave. He was still in the new recruiter program and he just couldn't hack it. Getting released from the assignment can't possible look good on your hubbys record. So the best thing to do is stick it out. To be honest it doesn't really get any better but you do learn to deal with it better.
About being the only wife, don't worry too much about that. You can always chat online and vent to us. I'm sure that during your 3 years there someone is bound to come in married
Colleen

hey ladies!! it is good to hear from other wives experiencing the same things I have been experiencing. We married in March of this year and he started recruiting duty in January. We have two more years to go come January! It has been very difficult....but I cherish the time I get to spend with him and I am very thankful he is not in Iraq (he had already been there for a year). It is very stressful and demanding on the recruiters and all I can say is I need to support him and love him. I try to always have dinner ready for him when he gets home (even when it is late). He is the love of my life! I love Sundays (that is my day!!). I have an acct on myspace.com....proudsfcwife.

Hey ladies my hubby just did a four year tour as a Air Force rec. and we made great friends w/the army rec. I can tell you all about the long hours and the stressfull times that you endur

I am finally glad to see that there are other recruiters wives that feel the same way I do! My husband is an Air Force Recruiter. He also works very long hours. I am in the same boat asroundhead01. Mine works 6 days a week and usually 12 hours a day. We have been here for 1 year and 7 months.I also have 2 sons and I know what you mean about they miss dad dearly. We live in a small town and basically if you have not lived here most of your life then you can forget about getting into the group!
Jennifer
lostinthedakotas@wmconnect.com

Yes,
The "Recruiters Wife" is here. Regardless of what the military may think or how they may treat us, we are here to stay. Ladies do not let the military and it's demands on your husbands make you bitter and retaliate against him. KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE AND KEEP IT SWEET LADIES

Hello all!!
I can relate to everyone's posts re: the struggles! My husband has been a recruiter for a year now, just 2 more years to go!! I totally agree about keeping our heads up and trying (allbeit hard, extremely hard sometimes) to keep a good attitude when the recruiting office and probably even recruits get to see your husband a lot more than you do!! My hubby has a picture of him and I on his desk and he says he looks at it often. I've learned to CHERISH the time that I spend with him and I've learned to listen (supportively) when he talks about his day or things regarding work. Yes, I believe thru trials you can build strength! I have an acct on myspace.com. It is proudsfcwife.

Hello Ladies,
I am also a Marine recruiter's wife. My husband just started recruiting in July of '05, so we still have about 2 1/2 years to go and I can hardly wait! It has been a real strain on our marriage. We had our first child, a baby girl, the same month that he got "on the bag," so it has been double the pressure on him and I will admit we have almost reached our breaking point. It's to the point now where we are both considering counseling. I really hope we can make it through these 3 years, but the things my husband has already put me through makes me wonder sometimes. You all say to be strong, don't blame him, and know that he would rather be home with you than out ACing with the guys or whatever. But what do you do when your hubby goes and takes the other recruiters out to lunch several times a month, yet claims "we can't afford it" when I wanna go out to lunch/dinner on those very few times that he is home? Or when you find out he was really at a bar the first time he came home at 2 a.m. claiming he was working his butt off and you actually felt sorry for him? I have felt so betrayed by him lately and although I know he is stressed out, I do need my husband and he has been choosing to spend his free time at the bars unstead of home with his wife and new daughter! Things have gotten better since, he has stopped going to the bars and is trying to have a better attitude, but I really wonder if this marriage will make it! It was nothing like this before RD!

Hello 764!
My husband is an Army recruiter and I don't know if it is the same for the Marine's or not but my hubby gets money in his paycheck, I can't recall what it is called, that is to go towards recruits (taking out for cokes, meals, etc) to help towards their recruiting goal. I used to be an Admissions Counselor for a college so I can see the benefits of taking someone out to lunch or dinner and talking with them...I used to do that as a Counselor. I had a similiar talk with my husband awhile ago re: affording to buy dinner for a recruit and cannot afford it for us (money was really tight at that time if I remember right) and it was good to talk with him to understand it all. We are trying for a baby (our first!) so I'm sure that would put more factors into everything.
I think counseling is a great idea, there is nothing wrong with that! Communication of needs, etc. really helps in any marriage. Take care! At a retiree's party the retiree told me about how he would go out to bars after work (R.D.), etc and I can't remember his exact reason why...maybe he said it was stress?! anyways, hang in there! If you ever want to talk, I have an acct at myspace.com, mine is proudsfcwife!

Thanks, I understand about taking the recruits out for lunch, etc. He told me that would be happening, but he has hardly done much of that. What I was saying though, is that he takes the other RECRUITERS out. That's not what the pay is for and if he can't afford to take me out, he shouldn't be going out and paying for their lunches either. I completely understand the extra pay they get for taking recruits out to eat, paying for birth certs, etc., but not taking the recruiters out for lunch or whatever.

okay, I see what you are saying! I can totally see why you would be upset/aggrevated. We are at a small station (not close to a base) and it is hard b/c it seems like the other recruiters want my hubby to spend time with them outside of work...when they get to see him a lot more than I do already! My husband and I talk about it and I feel like I'm heard re: how I feel about it all, he has made the decision that he will attend things that are for work, not for personal. I wonder if he is trying to get the other recruiters to like him by buying them meals and going to the bar, etc? IMO he needs to realize that he needs to be thinking of YOU and your family and what your needs are, not what he may think the other recruiters want/need. IMO I think some recruiters that I've seen seem to not put much effort into spending time with their families outside of work...maybe it is b/c they are so used to being away from home already and it makes it easier to distance themselves? I have no idea.

Well my husband is definitely one of those you mentioned who don't make time for their family. I have tried explaining to him how I feel, but he thinks I'm throwing myself a pity party and he refuses to understand where I'm coming from. There are two other guys in the office, the other recruiter who is single (divorced), and the NCOIC whose wife lives like 3 hours away. They all go to the bars together. I know it's not a matter of trying to get them to like him bc he is already very good buddies with the single recruiter, and they're always talking crap about the NCOIC and how much they can't stand him. But his reasons for going to the bars with him anyway is that he loves the Marine Corps and he'll hang out with him just because he's a Marine. He always puts the MC before his family and his only defense is, "Well you knew I loved the Marine Corps before you married me." Yeah, but I never thought he'd put it before his wife and daughter. Oh well. I hope these 3 years go by REALLY fast!