My boyfriend just went to bootcamp earlier today. He will be in bootcamp for 12 weeks. He's nervous. We've been dating for about 4 months now. He wanted to have a relationship with me. I knew he wanted to enlist in the army and he still wanted to have the relationship. He met my parents. He is a nice kind guy he would help anyone. But for about two weeks he's been doubting if he should continue our relationship or should we just be friends. I want to keep our relationship but because he's nervous in another state he thinks we should break up but he still wants to write to me and me to write him. I care for him alot and want to stay together I know about long distance relationships. He will be back around Christmas and Im going to his graduation. What should I write in my letters to him to keep us together or what should we both do to stay together. Im willing to have this relationship. Help what can i do or he do to change this? He's also been saying that other guys are saying he might change and not want a girlfriend. Why are they saying that and why is he listening to them? I think personal life should be separate from military life. Once you tell people your personal life they always want to have something to say negative. Will he change the way he is thinking? Will he become a better person in the military or one who follows others?

This is very common, especially with the younger recruits.

When you get his address for basic write letters and send cards. Keep it light - tell him things going on with friends, how his old high school football team is doing, how his favorite sports teams are doing, and so on.

Don't pressure him or push him. That could very well push him away. It is okay to let him know you miss him, but don't write declaring your undying love and that you can't live without him. Got the idea?

Hang in there and if this relationship is a solid one, it will survive this.


Mom

thank you for that I needed it. I will slow it down a little. Should I just be his friend? I care for him a lot. Should I find someone else to talk to? Im kind of lonely but I want to be there for him Im trying to get a buddy another person who is going through the same thing I am to text and chat with so I wont give up hope. Its kind of slow here after he left I can't sleep. Im unemployed right now trying to get a job I go to my parents house we just sit around which is boring idk what to do? You think he will change his mind after a while? Even if he's on and off. I know guys in the military get like that and showed I stay?

Yes, it is quite common for new recruits to act this way. It's also not unusual for those that have already been through training but are getting ready to deploy to do the same thing. Write letters, even if he doesn't answer, and let him know what is going on. He's in a new and unusual situation and isn't quite sure how he will handle this.

And he should stop listening to the "other" guys. They have no experience with this either and are just guessing. Until you've been through the experience then you have no idea how someone will react.

Life will change for him. It's just a matter of how he handles this. He may grow apart from you during basic or he may want to have a deeper relationship because he realizes how much he misses you. The only thing you can do is wait and stay positive.

On the plus side, you will see him in about 9 weeks. Two months is not that long and will give you a taste of what it is like during deployments.

Maybe he is worried about "forcing" you to wait for him. I think some men worry that they are destining their girlfriends/wives to a life they might not want if they join the military or if they ask their girlfriends to wait for them. I would just let him know that you are willing to wait for him if you are serious about wanting to continue the relationship. But make sure you know what you want and don't rush into anything that you can't back out of later if you change your mind. As sgtmom mentioned, it might be best to keep it light until the smoke clears and you both decide what is best for each of you. Hope that helps

i will say this write to him, slow things down but play your hand close to your chest, too many people get the lets be friends it will be hard on you, and want to keep the relationship alive and then miss the signs that the other person has dettached from them (not saying this is your case but a heads up).

make sure you don't rush into anything and you make sure you keep your head clear and your eyes and ears open.

but also make sure you don't go crazy and smother him (trust me from hanging out with the lads who just get the a base after tech school they have some stories of past loves who smothered them and thats why they bailed. (again not saying its you but just what i have heard and seen)

just make sure you keep calm and go out and keep busy, if its ment to be it will be but make sure your not going to getoverly hurt if things don't work out the way you would like them too.

best of luck and hope things work out

thank you all for all your advice it is positive. I am listening and doing. Im unemployed now but looking for a job. I am on a diet that i am doing for 35 days and its keeping me busy. Im also looking for another woman who has a boyfriend fiance or husband in basic training anywhere or at fort leonard wood missouri who would like to have a chat buddy and keep up on things for support. Im shondra so you can send me a email saying you want a support buddy because we can't leave our phone numbers on here. It would be much help to me to have a support buddy during this time. We can text and call or email each other. My boyfriend is in fort leonard wood missouri. This is his second day. He said on his myspace page he was anxious to get home in december for christmas. He was also anxious to leave for basic training too. I am giving him space. Im thinking of him but also thinking of myself Im losing weight my hair is growing long soon I will find a job and be busy. I haven't gotten his address of his unit yet but when i do i will write. I leave comments on his page so when he has time and look at his page he can see i care. He's doing alittle better.


I will email you back with my number thanks all of you.

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