My boyfriend who I have been with for a year and a half is going to be deployed for 6 months in January. This is the first time in our relationship. We try to talk about it, but it is hard because I'm at school and he's home. If I don't start to get upset then we usually start to argue. I don't know what it is.

I get scared very easily because I know absolutely nothing about military life and I've never been in a situation close to this before. With everything I hear from the news and everything I "think" I know about this life I freak myself out sometimes. I'm afraid that when he comes back he'll be totally different or something like you hear a lot about when husbands/wives/girl-boyfriends deploy and return home.

To make it tougher:
He has two kids that I love so much and I know that when he is gone his family and I need to be there for them and each other. Also my family and I are having problems of our own with this relationship so they're not even there for me. The only thing I have is his family, the kids, friends at school and some home, plus our kitten (Combat) that we're getting this weekend. Sometimes I feel lonely and that the only person that gets me is leaving and it's going to be unbelievably hard. I just don't know what to do.

Come here to the boards. If nothing else you will realize you are not the only one going through this.

As for the fighting, this is totally normal, especially in "new" relationships. There usually is a pulling apart coming up to deployments to kind of make leaving easier. It's easier to leave someone if you are mad at them, right?

Don't isolate yourself. You will need friends during deployment to help you get through. Even if they don't understand the military and the military way of life, they can still support you.

And yes, when he comes home he may very well be different. That is not necessarily a bad thing. We all grow and mature throughout our lives. You will be different when he comes home too.

You aren't alone and you can get through this. Hang in there!!!


Mom

I've noticed with all the fighting I feel like I'm trying to distance myself because of the "unknown." I'm trying to get better with this because I don't at all want him to leave with us on bad terms.

He kind of had a choice of leaving in January or February and after months of saying he'll have to go with his squad in February, he decided without saying anything to me that he's going to leave in January.

We were planning on going away for a week together and I was dealing with him leaving in February because we'd have a few weeks after we got back to relax before he had to pack, but now we just fight because I have a ski trip like the week before he could leave that I've been planning for, for a year and he would like me to not go on it even though I've planned everything around it. I don't know what to do because I love him so much!

Go ahead with your plans! He knew you made them a long time ago---he needs to understand that you're not putting your life on hold just because he's going off. Realistically---it's unhealthy as well. If he thinks you're just gonna sit there and pine away for him---he's got another thing coming!
And yeah, he may get all uptight about it--but all you have to do is simply state that he knew this was going on and that you can't just drop everything for him because HIS plans have changed.

Y'all need to sit down and TALK calmly about all this. A few spats and flared tempers are normal right before a deployment, as Mom said.

Come on here as well. My first deployment I was 7 weeks married in the middle of Nebraska with 2 kids. I didn't know a single soul---and my mama wasn't coming to NE if she had any say in it (and she did). I found this site and haven't looked back.
I have friends from here that I could never have imagined having before--talk about finding amazing people! Military wives in particular are a breed unto themselves. No one will encourage you more and in the same breath tell you to get a freakin' grip on things--all in love.
So take a breath, make a time/appointment with him when you both have at least 30-60 minutes to devote to talking with each other and come to an understanding about all of this.