quote:

Originally posted by achseh:


Do you :

fear your partner a large percentage of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
ever think you deserve to be physically hurt or mistreated?
sometimes wonder if you are the one who is crazy?
feel afraid that your partner may try to hurt or kill you?
feel afraid that your partner will try to take your children away?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?
think that domestic violence seem normal to you?


Has your partner ever:

had a bad and unpredictable temper?
hurt you, or threatened to hurt or kill you?
threatened to take your children away, especially if you try to leave?
threatened to commit suicide, especially as a way of keeping you from leaving?
forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to?
destroyed your belongings or household objects?


Does your partner:

try to keep you from seeing your friends or family?
make you embarrassed to invite friends or family over to your house?
limit your access to money, the telephone, or the car?
act excessively jealous and possessive?
try to stop you from going where you want to go or doing what you want to do?
check up on you, including where you've been or who you've been with?


Does your partner:

verbally abuse you?
humiliate or criticize you in front of others?
often ignore you or put down your opinions or contributions?
blame you for their own violent behavior?
objectify and disrespect those of your gender?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?


Is your partner jealous or possessive?
Does your partner dislike your friends?
Does your partner not let you have friends?
Does your partner have a "quick temper"?
Does your partner have traditional ideas of gender roles?
Does your partner try to control you or make all the decisions?
Do you worry about how your partner will react to things you do or say?
Do you get a lot of negative verbal teasing from your partner?
Are you comfortable with your partner's "playful" slaps and shoves?
Does your partner's behavior change if he/she drinks or uses drugs?
Does your partner pressure you to use drugs or alcohol?
Do you feel it is your responsibility to make the relationship work?
Are you afraid of what your partner might do if he/she becomes angry?
Are you afraid to end the relationship?
Do you believe your partner will not accept breaking up?
Does your partner blame you when he/she mistreats you?

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800 799-SAFE

quote:

Originally posted by achseh:

The stressors military families under go can be tremendous and some people just do not have the coping skills to deal with it. We do live sometimes thousands of miles from our families and that can cause stressors that non-military families don't have.

Isolation from other families is easy to achieve when you move frequently. While it may not be intentional isolation on the abuser's side, it can help foster abuse when a spouse only has the military member to depend on.

PTSD is a serious problem that has reared it's ugly head with this war. No one is to blame, but it could be the very thing that could push someone who normally wouldn't act in such a manner over the edge.

Let's face it, we hear from the spouses of PTSD victims daily and how difficult it can be when they feel "pushed away". That sort of emotional turmoil is very akin to emotional abuse, though in this circumstance it is not intentionally inflicted.

Abusers feel an exaggerated need to control the situation and the people around them. When you feel your life is out of control, as sometimes is the case with PTSD, you may make exaggerated efforts to regain that control.

Having working in Domestic Violence and having spent 21+ years as a military spouse living both in housing and out, there are definitely incidences of domestic violence. I can count at least one household (many times more than one) in each neighborhood I lived in where domestic violence/abuse was present.

On the local base here an officer murdered his wife and dumped her body. The MPs had been called by the wife to the residence, but were told by the husband that everything was ok. She did contact our organization for information, but never followed up on the offers of counseling and shelter. He ended up beating her to death. There was nothing we could do to prevent it, except to continue to provide education to military families at every opportunity presented to us.

Abuse happens in our military families-- both domestic and child abuse. To deny such is doing everyone a disservice. Is there a higher incidence? I can't say that there is, but I can say that I would bet cold hard cash that there isn't a lower incidence.

If you're reading this and think you may be a victim of domestic violence please call your local domestic violence group. Most have 24 hour hotlines and it's free. Just having someone to talk to can make a difference. You aren't alone and there is help for you.

The National Domestic Violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE
National Domestic Violence Information