|
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||
Military.com Forums Military Life, Spouses and Community Military Marriage & Military Relationships Seperation/Divorce/Benefits Topic Closed|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
New Member |
My husband and I have been seperated for over a year in our seven year marriage. We share 3 children together.
He pays me $680 a month for the three of them. I can't afford to file a divorce because I have not worked during the course of our marriage. Even though we have been seperated and I moved out in Jan, he never filed legal seperation papers like he told me. Months later when it was beneficial to him, he came clean about it. They still have not been filed even though he has a live in girlfriend who moved in the day I moved out. I still receive our health insurance, but our possessions have not been returned and I feel like I got a very short end of the stick. He is about to deploy and I would like to know any advice on things I should do, my benefits rights, and where I can calculate his child support by his military earnings because it seems so far off that he receives $1024 a month FOR the kids and I BAH, yet all I receive is $680?? Oh, also there was multiple incidents reported to his command about violence which they countless times did nothing about. |
||
|
|
Member |
Child support amounts are determined on a state by state basis, so you will have to go to your state's website in order to get that information.
Curious - why didn't you file for the legal separation. |
|||
|
|
Super Member 'Save the cheerleader, save the world' Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. I'm freakin' crippled now. My butt-knuckle is killing me. |
If he's fixin' to deploy, you don't have enough time to get much, if anything, done.
There is not enough time for you to get to legal aid, get things filed with the courts, have this served to Finance, and it all being taken care of. Once he leaves, he can block pretty much any and all legal happenings from being handled until he returns home. Oh, and DV has nothing to do with any of this. |
|||
|
|
MODERATOR Military Life, Spouses & Community If you want something said ask a Man; but if you want something done, ask a Woman! Margaret Thatcher  |
Child support is determined by the state courts not by the military. If you are separated then file for separation and the return of your belongings. There can be places in your town that do it for free or low cost. For him getting that much for you and the kids, that isn't correct. He would get BAH w/dependents, the difference between BAH w/o dependents and BAH w/dependents is generally only about $200 a month. By now he is senior enough to live out in town on his own if you do get divorced. He will not be getting Family Separation now because this is voluntary. He would get it while he is deployed. You need to make sure that if your ID will expire while he is away you have a Form DD1172 and a Power of Attorney to get a new one. Until you are divorced you keep Tricare and United Concordia plus access to the base and all its facilities. When you are divorced you will no longer have medical/dental but the children will as long as he is AD. You can get a temp ID card or permission letter and the kids get an ID card. So then you can use the commissary, exchange, etc.. as long as it is for them only. |
|||
|
|
New Member |
Because I believed him when he said he filed it and then I had to just get away. We had tried to live in the same residence and do counseling but the situation became unhealthy for my kids
|
|||
|
|
New Member |
I'm not sure if I am understanding you correctly or not. He receives his entire BAH as of now and he is only a Specialist, which does not enable him to live off post. He should be on family quarters but his command despises me because I'm not a pushover and refuses to to do much to enforce anything nor to even allow me to file adultery charges on him. The state of alabama had no legal aid office. Now I am in FL though and probably will have better luck attempting to get assistance that way. Also, I heard today that he may not be deploying due to a medical profile for his back. So, perhaps he will comply with any legal matters. I was told that once a seperation is filed the Army will pay me travel expenses and dislocation allowances? |
|||
|
|
Lead Mod Navy and Recconect America Forums catherine0830@msn.com Democracy will survive until the government figures out it can bribe the people with their own money. |
I think you are confused. You cant file charges on him, except on the civilian end. Only military members can impose military charges on military members. As a civilian, you do not have the right to "file adultery charges" on him under the UCMJ. It is not a public court nor a public police station.
If he was supposed to be living in on post housing by direction then he would not be getting BAH. He is doing what he has been allowed to do, which is draw BAH. Now, if you divorce him they may very well pull all BAH from him and force him into the barraks, but right now as far as the military is concerned you are still married and there fore he still needs housing for all of you. Go through legal aid, file, and get this under way. Though, as an SPC, I'm impressed he's giving you as much as he is on his own. |
|||
|
|
New Member |
Well in all of that you are correct about one thing, he is not being forced to live on post. They said if he would chose to struggle then until we are divorced, let him struggle off post. As far as adultery, it is illegal for any married soldier to commit adultery. His SFC, is plainly not a great person who decided to call me out of my name, yes he most definitely did and yes, I most definitely reported after he sat on the phone with legal and lied with me hearing it all and saying I was agreeing to it. That was fixed due to witnesses. They told me without solid proof there would be no point in filing the charges. I DO have the proof but honestly, as long as he's in the military I'm better off to have him in there because when he's not active, i'll never see child support. Also, the investigating general's office imposed an order for him to pay child support. So, incase another spouse in the same situation comes across this thread, I do not want them misled into believing it is not possible. I have the article and when I get time I can post it for whomever might find it resourceful. |
|||
|
|
Lead Mod Navy and Recconect America Forums catherine0830@msn.com Democracy will survive until the government figures out it can bribe the people with their own money. |
I know. I am prior service. UCMJ law applied to me for a few years.....I know how it works. Again, you as a civilian cannot just file charges against him. You can present as much evidence against him as you want to before the military and they can out right refuse to even let a judge look at it. YOU can not file charges against him. It is up to the military, and the military alone, to file charges under military law: whether it be Article 15 or a General Courts Martial. YOU ONLY have the power to actually file charges in a civilian court. You can not file charges in a military court. IT IS MILITARY LAW, not civilian. If you're worried about him paying child support when he gets out FILE NOW so you have legal documentation of what he owes you for when he gets out. Then, he gets in jail or pays or finds his own ways to pay legal fees to defend himself. Either way, you win. |
|||
|
Forum Project Manager |
One: while adultery is techincally against UCMJ: as catherine said YOU have exactly ZERO say in whether or not he will be charged with it.. and it will NOT happen unless in conjunction with OTHER UCMJ volations. so forget it that fight..you WILL LOSE.
as for the amount of money he is sending you.. by my count that is almost $400 MORE than he is REQUIRED TO by UCMJ. you are actually in a HELLUVA lot better position than most people who come in here looking for help. you at least are getting a fairly respectable amount of support for your kids without a court order. |
|||
|
|
MODERATOR Military Life, Spouses & Community If you want something said ask a Man; but if you want something done, ask a Woman! Margaret Thatcher |
The military doesn't pay you at all, they pay the AD member. For your travel expenses and DLA to go home, NO they will not pay it. When you get a divorce in CONUS the cost of getting home and having your things moved there is all out of your own pocket. The only time they do pay for it is if you are overseas and doing what is called an EROD. You are not, so therefore it is your cost. He will not get DLA for your moving home anyway because that is only given on a PCS, this is not. He can have your goods moved as a Home of Record (HOR) move if he wants to out of hte goodness of his heart but that means when he gets out he doesn't get one. You can't have the military file charges against him, you can give them the information and they then decide what to do. You realize that if they do then you can lose everything, no medical/dental for the kids, no child support, etc... So you have to seriously think about it. |
|||
|
|
Moderator Military Spouses Forum spousemod.mturnb@gmail.com |
Your husband is grossing somewhere around $2000 a month. For having dependents, he is receiving an additional $175 a month. So approximately 1/3 of his income is going to you and the kids for support. Another 20% is going to Uncle Sugar for taxes. That means he is receiving about 45% of his income. BAH, other than the $175, does not come into play because that is money for his housing and not yours.
Alabama has free legal service, just like every other state. You can find them at legalservicesalabama.org although they might not talk to you since you are not living in AL anymore. You can try FL legal aid. Look at floridabar.org for a list of agencies. Honestly, it seems that you have a pretty good deal for someone that is separated. You're getting a decent amount of support (not what you want but still a decent amount), you have free medical for you and your children, you get all base privileges such as commissary, exchange and MWR and you don't have to put up with someone you don't like. The only thing coming up with the deployment that you should be getting is the extra $250 a month for Family Separation Allowance. IMO he should be upping his support by that much when he deploys but other than that there really is not much for you to complain about. However, do not expect that money unless you and he are on reasonable speaking terms as you will need to discuss this like two rational adults and not the two bickering children that many divorcing/separated couples turn into. Also keep in mind that FSA does not show up in pay for at least 30 days after the deployment starts. A reasonable expectation would be to receive the FSA two months after deployment starts and discontinue receiving it one month after the deployment ends. On to the adultery charge. As noted by everyone else, you cannot bring charges against him in the military justice system. The military will only do so if it causes a distraction from the mission. His having a live-in girlfriend and you living in another state does not appear to be a distraction to the mission so don't expect anything to be done. And what would you gain by that anyway? If charges were brought against him then his income could go down so your support could go down. Honestly, if you keep pushing the command on this issue, which is counterproductive to your whole situation, you will find that their phone system will start having problems. They will politely answer the phone and then mysteriously, while talking to you, the call will be cut off. If you call back, they will apologize and explain that their phone system has been having problems and then, lo and behold, the call will again get cut off. If you continue pushing it, civilian legal charges will eventually be brought against you. The only thing I see for you is to go back to AL with a U-Haul and pick up your belongings. Also get a POA so you can renew your ID card when necessary if it will expire during the deployment. Other than that, unless you are looking to get married to someone else soon, it looks like you are pretty well set on everything. Keep an eye on promotions and TIS increases for possible increases in child support. Otherwise, I see no advantage to you pursuing much of anything else. |
|||
|
|
New Member |
Thank you mturn, you have offered good advice. I have been keeping an eye on pay adjustments and have already been told that the order will modify along with any pay raises, etc. Just was not aware that I was entitled to the extra $250. I am in no rush to file anything; and will not count on a POA even though we are on civilized speaking terms just have extreme differences in how we believe things should be dealt with as I'm sure the case normally is. Thank you kindly. |
|||
|
|
Member |
I don't agree that you are entitled to the $250/month family separation allowance. You aren't living with him now, so I don't see what additional expenses you will incur because he is deployed.
|
|||
|
|
MODERATOR Military Life, Spouses & Community If you want something said ask a Man; but if you want something done, ask a Woman! Margaret Thatcher |
He didn't tell you that you were eligible for the Family Separation of $250 at all. In his honest opinion you should get it but there is no guarantees that you will. That isn't for the spouse, that is for the AD member because they are separated from the family. It is to be used for things like phone calls, lodging, car rentals, etc... that can happen while deployed. It can be given to the family members to help pay for sending packages. But he is under no obligation to give it to you at all unless ordered by court. |
|||
|
|
Moderator Military Spouses Forum spousemod.mturnb@gmail.com |
Agreed. You are not entitled to the FSA but my opinion is that the family should receive that. This comes in large part from the fact that the single service members, who may be going through the same separations, missing family, etc. as the married service members, do not receive FSA. This is a very sore point with single service members, which I was for my entire nine years.
Were I you, I certainly would not hold my breath about getting the FSA but, miracles do happen every once in a while. |
|||
|
|
Lead Mod Navy and Recconect America Forums catherine0830@msn.com Democracy will survive until the government figures out it can bribe the people with their own money. |
My husbands first CO would disagree with you on that. Part of the reason FSA was always paid after the boat paid back was he wanted the guys to have it available to them because they earned it, and he didnt want wives spending it on them while they were gone. He made that VERY clear to his crew. |
|||
|
|
New Member |
Not to get into a debate on whose command or what branch is right or wrong but prior to the last deployment family briefing, they told us that the Family Seperation Allowance was to compensate for the expenses that occur from an absent parent such as childcare. |
|||
|
Moderator, Spouses Community  |
you will not get FSA-your not entitled-it is paid when the service member is away from his duty station if his orders are accompanied-or home of record if his orders are unaccompanied for more than 30 days-yes it is to compensate for extra expenses-but only those incurred when the requiremenst of the service create the seperation-you chose to leave so the service did not create the seperation.
|
|||
|
|
Lead Mod Navy and Recconect America Forums catherine0830@msn.com Democracy will survive until the government figures out it can bribe the people with their own money. |
She was discussing this in regards to his upcoming deployment Though, even if she doesnt agree with my hubs's first CO, her own statement shows why she should not get it when he deploys (but for different reasons) |
|||
|
| Powered by Eve Community | Page 1 2 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
Topic Closed Military.com Forums Military Life, Spouses and Community Military Marriage & Military Relationships Seperation/Divorce/Benefits
