Some of these are questions to ask each other, some are questions to ask yourself.

Communication

1. How we will keep in touch when military requirements force us to be separated?
2. Are you satisfied with how well we communicate?
3. Does my partner offer me encouragement and support when I am discouraged or depressed?
4. Do you feel I apologize without hesitation when I’ve done something wrong or have hurt you?
5. Do you feel you can talk to me when there is something on your mind?
6. Are you comfortable sharing deep feelings with me?
7. Are you comfortable in asking me for what you would like or want?
8. Are you happy with how we make decisions as a couple?
9. What makes you feel loved?
10. What is the most hurtful thing someone has said to you?

Conflict Resolution

1. Do you generally feel satisfied with the outcome of our arguments?
2. We usually resolve problems, rather than revisiting the same issues repeatedly.
3. My partner is usually able to control his/her anger.
4. I usually know when and why my partner may be upset with me.
5. We generally avoid arguing over petty matters.
6. We rarely bring up past mistakes.
7. Are you concerned that a past abusive or unfaithful relationship might adversely affect our relationship?
8. My partner and I handle conflict without yelling, hitting, or name-calling.
9. My partner never criticizes me in public.
10. Would you be willing to seek counseling if problems developed that threatened our relationship?
11. Do you prefer to resolve the conflict at the time it’s being discussed, or do you need time to process?

Money Matters

1. Do you know our income and expenses and are committed to following a budget?
2. Is it important to you that we pay our bills on time?
3. Do you know your credit rating? What is it?
4. We agree upon whom is/will be responsible for paying bills and balancing the books.
5. I know how much my partner makes and spends.
6. I trust my partner completely with all of our money (checkbook, credit/debit cards).
7. I have no problem with how much my partner makes.
8. We have discussed and agree how much money each of us can spend without consulting the other.
9. We have discussed savings, investments, assets, and wills, and believe we have a sound plan for our future financial security.
10. How much debt is too much debt?
11. How do you feel about making or receiving loans?
12. What type of home would you like?
13. Where would you like to live? City? Country? Mountains? Desert? Beach?


Intimacy

1. How often do you think we should have sex?
2. What sex acts do you find “off limits”?
3. I am not worried that my partner has been or will be unfaithful.
4. I am not concerned about how my partner relates to members of the opposite sex.
5. Do you think it’s okay to have lunch/dinner/coffee with someone of the opposite sex without telling your spouse?
6. Would our relationship end if one partner was unfaithful?
7. What constitutes “unfaithful”? Is cyber-sex cheating?
8. How does your partner feel about pornography?
9. What kind of problems do you see us facing in our marriage?
10. What will you NOT sacrifice for our marriage?
11. When is it okay to withhold sex?

Children

1. How many children do you want?
2. What do you think about birth control?
3. What is your philosophy on how to raise children?
4. What are your thoughts on adoption?
5. What are your thoughts on abortion?
6. How do you feel about spanking, time-outs, and other methods of discipline?
7. Should children be allowed to sleep in the marital bed?
8. Do you feel children should have chores around the house? If so, what type and how many? Should this be tied to an allowance?

Extended Families, Friends, and Others

1. How did your parents treat you when you were young?
2. How well did you/do you get along with your parents?
3. How was/is your relationship with your siblings?
4. How was love expressed in your home?
5. Did either parent ever cheat on the other?
6. How did your family handle conflict?
7. Is there a history of substance/alcohol abuse in your family? Any other addictions?
8. Any history of mental illness in your family?
9. Do you feel either family is excessively involved in our relationship?
10. We’ve discussed the possibility of family moving in with us.
11. I am comfortable with my partner’s friends and his/her level of involvement with them.
12. I feel comfortable sharing any emotional hurts I may have experienced in the past.
13. We have a healthy balance between the time we spend together, spend alone, and spend with family and friends.
14. No one ever questioned that we were marrying too soon.
15. Who is your best friend?
16. How would you describe our relationship to a good friend?

Health Matters

1. What health concerns do you have?
2. Is there a history of health problems in your family?
3. Do you ever wish I would lose/gain weight?
4. Do you hope to gain/lose weight?
5. Is gaining in excess of 50 lbs during the course of the marriage reason for divorce?
6. How much time do you spend working out?
7. Do you believe in remaining on life support?

Everything Else

1. I know enough about my partner’s past and I am not worried about how my partner might act in the future.
2. My partner and I are in agreement about leaving or staying in the military.
3. What do you want to do post-military?
4. We’ve discussed the division of household tasks (cooking, cleaning, paying bills).
5. Should both partners work outside of the home?
6. We’ve discussed future education goals.
7. What type of home do you want?
8. What types of behaviors justify divorce?
9. What is your greatest accomplishment or triumph?
10. If you could change one event in your past, what would it be?
11. What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned in life?
12. What are you most proud of?
13. What makes you angry?
14. What are the biggest stressors you currently face?
15. Should a spouse answer the other spouse’s cell phone? Why or why not?
16. Should a spouse read the other spouse’s email? Why or why not?
17. How do you feel about your exes?


Religion and Faith

1. We are in agreement about the role religion plays in our life (e.g., attending worship services).
2. We’ve discussed the role of religion in regards to our children.
3. We agree on how much/how often we donate to churches or other non-profit organizations.

Miscellaneous

1. My partner never spends too much time on the computer, watching TV, or reading.
2. I have never been embarrassed to be seen with my partner in public.
3. We agree about how neat and clean our home should be.
4. We’ve discussed each other’s habits (smoking, drinking, gambling) and have no concerns.
5. We agree about owning pets.
6. How much is too much to spend on medical treatment for a pet?
7. How should special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries) be acknowledged?
8. We have discussed each others’ life dreams.
9. What do you like best about me?
10. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
11. How would you describe me and my personality to someone else?
12. Why do you think we’re a good match?
13. Who has the best marriage you’ve ever seen and why is it good?
14. What is the best present you’ve ever given? Ever received?
15. What subjects do you tend to avoid?
16. What subject do you think we’ve been avoiding?


From member dena0206