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Military.com Forums Military Life, Spouses and Community Military Marriage & Military Relationships AF Wife Needs help with Adulterer husbandGo | New | Find | Notify | Tools | Reply | |
| AF Wife Needs help with Adulterer husband | Login/Join |
| New Member |
My husband and I have been separated for almost a year now (due to his infidelity).. I know for sure he cheated. He had the affair for 6 months while stationed in California. The girl didnt know he was married and was planning on moving to Maryland to be near him. He admitted to the affair and apologized to the girl. I'm sad to say his apology to me wasnt genuine. I have contacted his colonel who told me he has made my husband's sgt aware of the situation and there are things the military can do in this situation. I have proof of the affair (phone log, nude pics she sent him, his apology e-mail to her, etc..).. The military is being slow VERY slow with addressing the issue.. He used to work in his sgt's office and has good friends who still work there who will try to cover it up for him.. I dont trust that office at all.. What else can I do to have some type of military action brought against him?? I will be filing for divorce in the beginning of next month. He is now a reservist but at the time of the affair he was enlisted...What else can I do to have some type of military action brought against him?? | ||
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| Lead Mod Navy and Recconect America Forums catherine0830@msn.com Democracy will survive until the government figures out it can bribe the people with their own money. |
the question is, why should they and why are you so adament about this? Would you expect the same from a hospital when a Dr cheats on his wife with a nurse? Did it affect his duties? Do you really want him to have lower income so he pays you less child support? his old command cant touch him on this, and the new command more than likely wont either as again, it does not effect work. | |||
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| New Member |
Would you expect the same from a hospital when a Dr cheats on his wife with a nurse? Yes.. Its unprofessional and poor judgement. No matter the cost people should be held accountable for their actions. He has two jobs so it wouldn't effect him monetarily. I subsidized his income when we were together. We dont have any kids (Thank God). The military acts like its ok for their soldiers to treat their wives like trash.. I've seen it with other military spouses & yet the military tries to advertise military life/family.. A LOT of soldiers cheat and they keep on cheating because only in Texas will the spouses get justice for their husbands wrong doing.. | |||
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| MODERATOR Military Life, Spouses & Community If you want something said ask a Man; but if you want something done, ask a Woman! Margaret Thatcher  |
A lot of spouses cheat while their loved ones are deployed or at home as well. But there is no more cheating in the military than there is in the civilian world these days. The military cannot prosecute every cheating case out there, they do not have the man power, they do not have the time or the money to do it. There is nothing more you can do. You can take him to civilian court and have it addressed and get a divorce. | |||
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| Experienced Member |
What kind of action do you want taken? And why? If you have been separated for a year, why are you waiting until next month to file for divorce? | |||
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| Member |
i know when my dad was a first shirt and people came to him with cheatin accusations or someone trying to get out/ blame someoen for being gay he needed proof of them together ie shots of them having sex or involved in sexual acts, usually emails/letters/nude pics of one person were not enough as you would be surprised what some people can do to get to someone also they could have already taken action against him and you not be aware because of you being seperated for so long, they do not have to take the fullest punishment availiable and its up to the discrection of superiors. to me for being apart so long i would cut my losses and go. if you want subsidy for his actions take him to civi court and try to get more out of him through your divorce | |||
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| Moderator Military Spouses Forum spousemod.mturnb@gmail.com |
You've been separated for a year. You subsidized his income which leads one to believe that you have a job and are making fairly decent money already. Cut your losses and get out of the marriage. Nothing is going to happen with the military (as rgbilyeu said, he may have already received some type of NJP) and, even if it does, they will not tell you about it. With the money statements, I doubt anything monetary will happen through the courts as a result of the divorce. Unless you have some type of physical evidence that he financially damaged you with the affair then a civil suit would do nothing. Honestly, there is nothing to be gained on your part (except some sense of revenge and you need to ask yourself whether this is worth the effort) and much money to be lost pursuing any further action against him. File a no fault default divorce (or an at fault if he won't agree to the no fault), pay the filing fee and get on with your life. | |||
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I am a nice guy. I just dont look it, must be the biker look I have. |
me being prior AF...i will tell you they will do nothing at all....they may counsel him and recommend him to go see the chaplain or marriage counselor....but i would not expect anything to be done at all....unless it affected his job performance...an if you are in texas by what i read...an you stated that spouse get justice for that wrong doing, well you are wrong....adultery has no affect on a divorce here in texas.....so the best thing to do is cut your losses since you have been separated for about a year and move on.... | |||
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| New Member |
I understand where you are coming from as I am now separated from my husband because he cheated on me for the second time. When he cheated five years ago while in Guam he was accused of rape and there was a huge investigation for about six months till the chic dropped the charges. As it turns out she was higher ranking than my husband and knew that she would get the brunt of the punishment so to avoid that she cried rape. After the charges were dropped, he received an article 15. I forgave him and we moved on. We have now been married for seven years and he has done it again. This time it was with my neighbor. When I confronted him about all their flirting, he told me that he wanted a divorce. This absolutely killed me. I just did not understand. My brother had just died of cancer two weeks prior and my daughter wound up in the hospital in the midst of it all. Anyway, I did some snooping and found text messages in his phone where the female told him she loved him and she even called him her lover. I know for a fact that he spent the night with her on three different occasions. He even went as far as parking down the street (after we separated) and climbing over her back fence so I wouldn't know he was there. I know of that because he told me. He thought that I had seen his vehicle parked at the church and he wanted to tell the 1st shirt before I did. Now, we have been married for seven years. I have put my college on hold for him. I have supported him through his career. Now call me bitter or whatever but I want him to pay. He has made sure that me and my daughter don't have money to put gas in the car or to buy groceries. He threatens to quit paying the bills so he can get kicked out of the military so he "can be done with us." I have gone to the 1st shirt and told him everything. They have not done anything to him. And the way he talks, they have no plans to do anything. This is his second offense. They need to do something. I know they can't save my marriage and yes, call me stupid, but I still love the idiot. But it just doesn't seem fair that I have put so much into this marriage and into his career and now he is just leaving me high and dry. He wants me to move out of our house so he can move back into it. I refuse because that would just make it to easy for him to see his little hoe. I really do not know what to do. I have no job. No way to pay for child care so I can get a job. No one to watch my daughter even if I could find the money for childcare. She has special needs and finding people willing to take on the responsibility of caring for a child with special needs is almost impossible. My neighbor use to watch her but that's no longer and option for obvious reasons. So anyway, I understand how you feel about the military not doing anything. Where is all this INTEGRITY that military members are suppose to have????? | |||
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| Member |
you can get a court mandate to recieve support for your daughter, she will get medical care and a the difference in housing allowance. i will be honest you dont have the eveidence to prove anything more then words were excahnged, unless you have photos of them in a sexual act then you dont have enough to push the case and it is up to the discretion of his chain. you knew he was a cheater you should have cut your losses the first time mate. but go to court file your divorce and get an order for him to provide support for your daughter and if he doesnt the you can take the order to his chain and they should get that straight, but as far as kicking him out or taking rank etc thats not going to happen with a few txts, or emails or even if you had pics of her sent to him,, you need shots or videos of them conducting a sexual act for anything to happen. i know it hurts but there is nothing you can do but seek support for your daughter and find someway of getting on with your own life i wish you the best of luck | |||
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Military.com Forums Military Life, Spouses and Community Military Marriage & Military Relationships AF Wife Needs help with Adulterer husband
