My friend unknowingly married a lesbian and she and her girlfriend have been completely stealing this guy blind. Unfortunately this is his third deployment and the moment his feet leave the ground, the woman and her girlfriend are in Vegas or NY or Europe. Has anyone else dealt with Lesbians targeting military? Tomorrow we will find out what JAG has to say, I doubt this is an unusual circumstance but we need some guidance. I don't know if he should get a divorce or file for an annulment or ... Any suggestions?
What do you mean she is stealing hime blind? If it is his money, he shouldn't allow her accept to it. If she wants to go to Vegas or NY or Europe she can go on her dime. As far as divorce or annulment, that is going to depend on the laws of the state.
And how do you know she is a lesbian? She could be bisexual. And, no, I have never heard of lesbians targeting military members.
Military Spouses Forum
Or they could just be good friends going out to party.
If she's spending all his money and he has a problem with that then he always has the option of opening another bank account and getting his check deposited there. Nothing says that he has to provide access to the bank account.
And why does it matter to you whether he should get a divorce or an annullment -- unless, of course, you are the friend.
LOL...no I'm not the "friend".. but he is my friend and that's all the reason I need.
Unfortunately this is a real goat screw. My buddy's downrange and receives a letter from the other woman thanking him for being so understanding of their relationship and telling him how "hot" his wife is. He didn't get it, he's thinking, "Oh cool she has a friend to spend time with while I'm gone!" The wife in mid brainfart sends him a small external hard drive containing their tax information so he can do the taxes. Being a complete ****tard she doesn't purchase a new hard drive, and on that old hard drive among the vacation pictures is a letter she wrote to another woman outlining her early life experiences as a lesbian and explaining the best way to sail through life as a lesbian is to marry a GI.
This is his third wife so he doesn't go all rambo on Hajji because of this ****bird instead he writes me and asks me to do a little recon on his behalf. We live in a small town and apparently these two don't hide a thing. Besides she expects him to be killed any day.
My advice to him was to separate his pay and only put what is required for house pmts, car pmts, etc into an account and deal with it when he returns from Hajji land. He did that. But **** for brains then takes the money, moves it to her private account and goes on trips with her girlfriend. She does not pay the house payments on time, or any of his personal bills, his child support payments for his children are overdue by months and he is finding he is in serious financial trouble.
My wife has helped him set up on line billing to pay some of his bills because you know
spouses are protected no matter what kind of hell they create. And he is ultimately responsible no matter what. But he is three years too late in finding this out. His savings account is empty, his children's college savings are empty and I don't even know what else.
We would like him to hit the ground running when he returns so he has something to focus on. Law suit, annulment, divorce I don't know. I'm going to talk to the JAG office tomorrow and see if they have any advice. No matter what, we don't want him ridding the earth of this oxygen vampire and her spawn.
I'm sorry but there are all kinds of red flags here. How is he gone for three years? Really? He didn't check any of his accounts for three years? He was never home in all that time to receive any information on this in the mail? His ex-wife or the state never contacted him to say he was late with his child support payments? His kids never mentioned it? He had his current wife's name on the college savings accounts for his children?
Son, I was asking for advice. Something to un**** my buddies life. Not a tea party to rehash when we think the BFO hit him.
My assumption is you've never been in the sandbox or you're a Beltway Clerk, you won't understand how the extreme suck in Afghanistan keeps you from paying your bills let alone managing the day to day in a home thousands of miles away. My wife handles everything. If my wife wanted to screw the entire fire department while I'm away, there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. This is my buddy's third tour. I have no idea what/how his wife and he manage the day to day. I'm PRT, he's US military and we just embrace the suck while overseas. To do anything else would be a mistake.
Now is there anyone else who has any advice?
Highly Experienced Member
"Every Saint has a past, Every Sinner has a future"
Sir, this is the "Spouse House" and so most of your advice in this section will be coming from spouses of active/reservists/retirees. Even though I handled all the finances and ran the household while my husband deployed, and even while he was home, I kept him involved and he knew what what happening. Your buddy did not need a blow by blow account of his finances, but it is possible to have a general idea of what is/was going on with your finances.
That is water under the bridge at this point and no need to keep beating a dead horse. He can chalk it up to a learning experience.
First and foremost he needs to set up an account only he has access to for his direct deposit for the majority of his pay. Then set up an allotment going to the joint account to cover rent/house note, utilities, avg groceries, etc. If he has a JAG available where he is, I believe legally all he is liable to provide her is the difference between BAH with dependents and without if they are separating. That is something he needs to speak with legal about though. Once he finds out how much he needs to provide legally - then provide that and that only. That stops the "fleecing". Have him change his life insurance if she is listed as his beneficiary as well. He may initiate divorce proceedings as far as I understand it. The SSCRA protects him from such things if he is not able to represent himself, but if he initiates I believe it is legal to go forward with a divorce while deployed.
He needs to stop the hemoraging of money at this point so he doesn't keep going deeper into debt. End things with this relationship before she bleeds him dry and worse, from what you are telling us. And then move forward with his life.
Well said! Thank you very much! I'll forward him your response. Thank you!
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