RE: http://www.military.com/opinion/0,15202,81577,00.html

I went to Iraq, was gone from home 18 months. Most of us soldiers lost our loved ones. A good percentage was served with divorce papers. My daughter tried to slit her wrist. While I was in Iraq, I was assulted several times. Our own men tried to rape us. We were called whores and mistreated in more ways than I can explain in words. I came home after my tour just to find out our FRG called families and called us whores. I lost my civilian job (my employer used my ptsd to fire me to hire someone who worked for cheaper salary). Attorneys wont take my case nor the Army. The VA refused to treat my injuries, I had to go thru a private doctor. VA counseling sucks! My life has crashed down around me and I did try suicide only to end up in bedrest for a week. Sorry didnt take enough pills. Some people are trapped or feels like we cant go on. I know I am tired physically and mentally. Please tell others soldiers need help and support, not teasing or harrasement. The military lacks in true leaders.

im so sorry to hear youre going through all of this. i lost my job after 30 years because they found out i had been going through treatment for ptsd and was on medication. i was lucky because i had enough time in to draw disability but i wasnt ready to retire. i was afraid that with all the new vets coming home with problems that they would find themselves either not wanting to get help for fear of loosing thier jobs or getting help and looseing them anyway. its a no-win situation.the va will give you drugs to keep you in a state of not giving a **** but that sucks. most of the time you go from drug to drug trying to find something that works. in the meantime your life turns to ****. most of what ive found that helps is talking with other vets with the same problems. hopefully some of them have gone through enough to help you along. they are the only ones that understand whats going on not some doctor thats never been in combat.i have my own deamons but i still try to help other vets if i can if nothing else just by listening and sharing things that have helped me. if i can do you any good or if you just need to talk please let me know. you dont need to give up because there are still good things out there for you. contact me if you need to swamprat_6768@yahoo.com tom

ALCON,

I did one tour in Iraq and a long tour in Afghanistan. Iraq qas a joke for me I was in OIF1. Once we got to Baghdad it was a vacation for several months and it wasn't untill we were getting ready to leave before it got really bad. I spent 33 months deployed with a two month break in between. My kids didn't remember me my wife wouldn't sleep in the same bed with me said I jerked and was to restless to sleep with.
Thats is about the time it started, I couldn't sleep. Really could not sleep had bad dreams if I did. Remembered a couple of missions where we dropped bombs, J-DAMS, on the wrong targets. Well the targets were not what we thought they were. I went on sick-call about the not sleeping and was referred to the srink.
Lets see Pasil, prosack, and two others that I can't spell either. My manhood stopped working, I lost entire days, I would wake up on Saturday put on PT clothes and go to my unit only to be told it's Saturday what are you doing here? I thought it was Friday, I remembered Thursday but not Friday. To this day I can't find over 10 days of my life.
I stopped taking the pills it took about a month for them to get compleately out of my system. And then the bad dreams returned huge fits of depression. Life sucked and taking pills didn't make it any better.
I had an uncle that had been in WW2 I can remember him a little. He wore overhauls and always had a small glass bottle in his left hip pocket. He carried the bottle so long he actually wore a hole in a glass bottle. I never asked what was in it, I was to young to know. He died at 56 when his liver failed. He had been drunk for 35 years.

Now here I am, 42 years old, I no longer want to be around my family. I retired out of the Army with 23 years and took a job with a defense contractor before I got out. The first year I was out of the 365 days I spent 335 days in a hotel from sea-to-shining-see. Refussed to deploy for the contractor got fired because of it, even when I told them in the very first conversation I had with the HR dude, I would never go back to SWA, no way!
I went to Arkansas, my kids and wife was there, to look for work. The best I could find was working night dispatch for a trucking company. One year before I was making descisions about life and death and now the best I can do is a job where I yell at truckers.

I slept in the cab of my pick-up most of that year.

I am now back with a defense contractor living in a hotel. I see my kids a couple of times a month, bought a new house for the wife and them. But I so uncomfortable when I am around them. I can't be me, the person that was, before 2001 is dead and I am what is left. I no-longer take all of the pills. I found a small glass bottle that fits perfectly in my left hip pocket. I learned if you put it in coffee no one can smell it, no one notices. I have been drunk for about a eight months now. I sleep better, am easier to get along with. My boss says he can't believe the change in me that I must really be getting over all of that Iraq sh**.
At the Class VI store a half-gallon of military vodka is 7.50. On the days I have a really bad day I can increase the amount I take and on good days I don't take as much. It is better than all of the pills. I can controll it-for now.

PTSD sucks, war sucks.

I really don't know why I wrote all of this. I guess I read all of the ******** and thought I would plug in my 2 cents worth.

Above poster: First Post;

Thank you I share in your agony.

To 14408944
New Member
and all others suffering from PTSD.
I am the wife of a Vietnam Vet who was finally
diagnosed with 'longstanding' (ya think?) PTSD
in 1999, he is doing ok now, but he went through the same 'pain' that you all are suffering from.until I (his wife) finally asked questions, questions he never cared to answer.
I asked his local vet rep (who was filing other claims for him) if the symptoms he was displaying could be PTSD , he gave me a list of symptoms, and said "how many does he have?" I said all but 2" ! (he never self medicated, and I don't know why, but he would not let himsef drop to that level) so he just 'sucked it up'and tried to live a 'normal' life. He did not know he 'wasn't' until I told him!

The rep. said 'you can't force him to ask for help, but give him all the love you can and 'suggest' he might want to get some help.

in fact even today when he is asked by his caregivers how are you doing?" he says "ask her
I don't feel any different, except I can sleep now "! In fact he finally came 'home' when I asked him to talk to his primary care Doc. about feeling 'depressed' maybe because it was a lady, he felt secure enough to do it, but that was the first day of the rest of his life, and he still 'thanks' me for saving his life.
I say "no, you made the final decision to 'save yourself' by asking for help.... you are right about the pills, there are many , some worked for him, but some caused the 'zombie effect' which he hated..so wekept asking until he finally found one that works, but doesn't make him 'sleep walk' you are also right when you said it 'turns off ' your ability to perform, but as I told him , we are in love, we will find other ways to love! that was a while ago now,but it seems like only yesterday!,
I can tell you it won't be 'perfect' because he still goes for 'counseling' but luckily he was able to work with a local Dr. and doesn't go to those group meetings (he refused to sit there with some of the guys who wander the halls of the VA Med Ctr. still in uniform (or partially) and as an Officer he cringes when he sees them disrespect the uniform.so he was referred to a local Doc. who at first irritated him, but now they are 'tight' and he feels he can confide in him , they are still working on his 'social' problems like 'anger management'
and from time to time I have to remind him that he is 'home' and needs to watch his 'manners'
but he is much better and you can be too if you take the first step, and that is to ask for help,he is on Fenlavaxine for Major Depressive disorder and Busbar for anxity attacks.. which yes, still happen ,(groups of people, traffic when unexpected things irritate him, but this is a good med and allows him to survive back in the 'world' You need to 'talk' to your wives, suck it 'up' and admit you need help, and you will get it! Life is short, (as you guys know)
so do what you have to do to make it manageable!
By the way I found out about PTSD by reading a book suggested by the vet rep. by a local author actually (Gainesville Florida ) who found out he had PTSD before it had a name!
he was a helo pilot and finally was grounded
for 'blackouts' his name is Robert Mason, and
the book (s) is CHICKENHAWK and CHICKENHAWK BACK IN THE WORLD...
go to the library and ask for it..let your wife know that Mason's wife Patience also wrote a book for the women who love you guys, but just don't know what to do to ease your pain!
GOOD LUCK
and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE
Karen
Florida

Yeah I know there's no real John Wayne, not even in the movies but names are not only unimportant they will end up on the net and you can be napoleon if you want to be, and even give yourself the MOH bu not for long here. It's about privacy. There are some thresds besides this that seem mainly to be Vietnam and Agent orange folks that have been through it andcan offer some good advice, I found this by accident and it makes me real sad that nothing has changed. All I can say is there are no problems that alcohol can't make worse, and you all are not alone by a far sight. My Mother called it "Culture shock." A lot of us just don't believe anyone can go over and come back without major changes. It seems the entire time Bush was saying we'd take better care of you guys th(and ladies) than we did the earlier vets he was just lying, stealing, making it easier for his freinds to steal, and planning the whole time to just drop the crap on the Veterans. For a while when you younger vets went you actually got the VA to treat us better, and so it still seems to be in many cases, but the shredding of documents and orderred lying of the Army shrinks- boy I saw all this no-job hard crap comeing when i read they were pushing anti-depressants in the combat zones. And you can bet anyone that talked to any Army Psych was pumped for childhood information to be twisted to use against you. But there is a legacy of inf. from the start to now from Dave Barker. And wives that stay with a guy and vice versa are golden you can never be richer than to have a partner that sticks.

The Va is certainly lacking in the area of mental health care. I have attended the OIF and OEF group sessions even though I am a Desert Storm Vet. I was diagnosed in 2003 with PTSD and the VA promptly denied my claim. It has been almost two years now since my initial claim and I am no closer to resolution then when I started. I decided to be proactive in my own PTSD care. I have founded an organization called OperationPTSD.com, I have affiliated with several online non-profits and therapists to provide free counseling for PTSD Vets. I can be found on Twitter as @OperationPTSD and I will be glad to help my fellow military Vets get what they need to get better. There is help out there and the VA isn't it. They simply didn't prepare and can't respond to the need like the outside world can. It will come around but it will take time. As far as the stigma that exists in the active duty community, its there and not going anywhere soon. As much as I love the troops, they are some real childish *****s sometimes. Come see us at www.operationptsd.com we can get things done outside the VA and outside the chain of command. Good day gentleman!

Jason
OperationPTSD.com