Caught a guy trying to pick up some chicks on bourbon street this Spring Break weekend using the "I am Marine warrior hero" routine. Happened in one of the Tropical Island bars.

I was drinking handgrenade#3 and my "girl"friend Laurin came up to me and told me to meet this guy who says he just got back from Iraq and that he says he was in the military. "Sure, whatever, I dontgiveaf*ck."

Convo went like this:

Me: "So, you were uh, in the Army or something?"

Laurin: **drunkenly interrupting my sentence and pointing to me**
"HE WAS A MARINE!! ISNT THAT HOT!?! YEAHHHH!!"

PoserDude: "Nah man, I was a Marine too"

Me: "Oh really? That's cool bro, what MOS were you?"

****Couple moments of silence****

Poserdude: "Uh, I was in North Carolina for a while."

Me: **Staring for a while wondering if he heard me right, poser alarm not really going off at this point (I was getting a buzz going)**
"Uh, no dude, I asked what your MOS was...not where you were stationed."

Poserdude:***Looks at floor and turns back to drink.....doesn't answer question***

ME: **Tap him on shoulder...thinking maybe this guy didn't hear me**
"So I was an 0311, what were you?"

PoserDude: **Looks at me and stares**
"Yeah, that's cool."


***Something is not seeming right to me at this point, poser alarm starts sounding***

Me: "Ok whatever dude....what the **** ever."

***about 40 seconds pass***

PoserDude: "No dude, I got a government job now, I do investingating, its all real Hush-Hush."

Me: (Not sounding impressed) "Oh really, so you're not a Marine anymore? When did you EAS?"

PoserDude: "No man, I'm still in"

Me: (trying hard not to roll my eyes) "Sure dude, no problem. I know how to keep a secret.....so which agency is it? ATF, FBI, DEA, NSA???"

PoserDude: "Oh yea, its FBI"

Me: "Whatever, mother****er....what the **** ever"

PoserDude: "Nah man, its true...."

Laurin: (who has been standing behind me listening the whole time....Drunk.) "WOW. OH MY GAWD YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!! HAHA, YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE A REAL MAN!! THAT IS SO PATHETIC!!!"

***ME AND LAURIN LEAVE TOGETHER, BUT NOT BEFORE SHE TELLS THE TOULANE UNIVERSITY FRESHMAN GIRLS THAT POSERDUDE HAS HERPES***

LOL... if i cought one id probably run out of the bar and get the **** away from getting arrested... for beating the livin **** out of them..

thats just me though :/

LOL!! that is classic ****.

Actually reminds me of a weird semi poser encounter i had with this kid in my building a little while ago.

I'm walking down the hall and this kid who've i've never talked to before suddenly blurts this out.

Random kid: Hey man, are you in the Marines?!?!

Me: (suspicious of possible antiwar question) Uhhh yeah why?

Random kid: Aw, man I was in the Marines too!! What MOS are you??

Me: 0311

Random kid: Oh uh....I never memorized the numbers. (dumbass sheepish grin)

Me: .......It's just straight up grunt.

Random kid: WOAH!! MAN THAT'S AWESOME! THAT'S HARDCORE!! Yeah I got kicked out of bootcamp before I came here.

(We share a long awkward silence)
(I stare at him)

Random kid: Ok see you around. (Walks off)

First, I know that no one here knows me. I'm new/old here. I used to hang out here a lot about three years ago or so and just dropped back in to see what was happening here. It looks like the whole crowd here has changed. No Josepy, Sundaysinner, 3recondoc, etc.

I never posted much but I love to read all of the bs and remember the "good ol' days".
I changed jobs and now I don't have as much free time to hang out here.

Apollo, are you from New Orleans? I live on the Northshore in Covington (about 30 miles from N.O.)

It must be the heat and humidity here that makes some people stupid. I run into posers all the time. A couple who claim to be SEALs but plenty Marines.

One guy walks up to me and says "Hey, are you a Marine?" (I still have the haircut)
Me: I was. You?
Poser: Yeah, dude!
Me: what was your MOS
Poser: Huh?
(Great! another f/cking idiot)
Me: what was your job? I was an 0311 what were you?
Poser: Explosives Expert! I love to blow sh/t up!
Me: Wow! Really! So where were you stationed?
Poser: Iraq!
Me: No sh/t! What unit were you with?
Poser: I was in an explosives group out of Pendleton!
Me: Cool! Was that the 782 Bombardier Battalion?
Poser: Yeah bro. That was them. So you've been around them?
Me: Nah, I don't think that anyone else has either.
Poser: What do ya mean?
Me: There is no such thing. I just made it up.
Poser: Oh, uh, I can't remember all the groups I was with. It was something like that.
Me: Can I give you a word of advice?
Poser: What's that?
Me: If you are going to lie about being a Marine, don't talk to real Marines. They are going to know that you are full of sh/t in about 2 seconds.
Poser: I'm not lying!
Me: Oh yeah? You were an "Explosives Expert", what's an M57?
Poser: I don't remember.
Me: Yeah, that's what I thought! Do yourself a favor and get away from me.

It may just be me, but if I were stupid enough to lie about being an astronaut, I think that the last thing I would do is run up and talk to Neil Armstrong. But hey, that's just me.

quote:

Originally posted by JSchmuckatelli:

Me: what was your MOS
Poser: Huh?
(Great! another f/cking idiot)
Me: what was your job? I was an 0311 what were you?
Poser: Explosives Expert! I love to blow sh/t up!
Me: Wow! Really! So where were you stationed?
Poser: Iraq!
Me: No sh/t! What unit were you with?
Poser: I was in an explosives group out of Pendleton!
Me: Cool! Was that the 782 Bombardier Battalion?
Poser: Yeah bro. That was them. So you've been around them?
Me: Nah, I don't think that anyone else has either.
Poser: What do ya mean?
Me: There is no such thing. I just made it up.
Poser: Oh, uh, I can't remember all the groups I was with. It was something like that.
Me: Can I give you a word of advice?
Poser: What's that?
Me: If you are going to lie about being a Marine, don't talk to real Marines. They are going to know that you are full of sh/t in about 2 seconds.
Poser: I'm not lying!
Me: Oh yeah? You were an "Explosives Expert", what's an M57?
Poser: I don't remember.
Me: Yeah, that's what I thought! Do yourself a favor and get away from me.

It may just be me, but if I were stupid enough to lie about being an astronaut, I think that the last thing I would do is run up and talk to Neil Armstrong. But hey, that's just me.

Amen, of course the dumba$$ who is going to play poser isn't exactly the sharpest crayon in the box.

Lived in Baton Rouge most of my life. From what I remember of Tulane girls you probably did the homo a favor.

quote:

Originally posted by JSchmuckatelli:
Apollo, are you from New Orleans? I live on the Northshore in Covington (about 30 miles from N.O.)

Sorry Jschmuck, I live in Texas. I was just in NO with my entourage for spring break. My bank account is screaming at me now.

I dunno about msaps comment about Toulane chicks, but the three freshmen girls that were there were ALL smoking hot.

quote:

I dunno about msaps comment about Toulane chicks, but the three freshmen girls that were there were ALL smoking hot.

Here is some photographic evidence for you my buddy took at Mardi Gras around the beginning of February.

LSU Golden Girls


...and Tulane Green Wave


No doubt the ones you saw were hot but I am willing to bet they were the exception rather than the rule.

Damn....I've seen better faces on a watch!

Yeah, gotta say that those girls I saw were the exception to the rule. I wish I took a photo of them for you to see what I am talking about....

I've seen the pics of your female friends..."Tell it to the Marines" certainly applies in your case; I, for one believe you!

Apollo, is your bank account screaming at you because you got pick-pocketed in New Orleans?

Nah, it's amazing how fast your money disappears when you get to drinking and Bourbon Street is NOT a cheap place to drink.

Damn msaps, that's some funny sh/t.
Is that really Tulane's flag team?
Do you still live in La?

Geaux Tigers!!!

I spent $850 bucks in 3 nights in New Orleans. The 20 dollar bills were FLYING out of my wallet. The main reason were the drinks, but the girl HAD to have a boa, shot glasses,T-shirts, and other miscellaneous bullshit. Not to mention Breakfast, lunch, and Dinner at restaurants.

But I can't say 'No' to her.....Fu*k if I'm a slave, ya know?

LOL, Hell, I'm FROM HERE and I drank 18 shots of Jager cuz some hot Jagerette in a thin, low cut t-shirt was trading hats, buttons, t-shirts, and bumper stickers for shots.

It turns out that a nice set of tits will get your money every time!

quote:

Originally posted by JSchmuckatelli:
Jager

UGH. Fu*k Jager. That sh*t is disgusting. The drink that will undoubtedly be the death of me would be Red Bull & Vodka. That sh*t gets me lit everytime without fail.

quote:

Originally posted by __Apollo__:
UGH. Fu*k Jager. That sh*t is disgusting.

Yeah, I ain't crazy about it either but when that Jagerette leaned over my table and asked if I wanted a hat I forgot that I didn't like it.

I did, however, remember after 18 shots.

quote:

Originally posted by jerrym8541:
I've seen the pics of your female friends..."Tell it to the Marines" certainly applies in your case; I, for one believe you!

Apollo... about the redhead. Please tell me she's single. I want her to bear me many warrior sons!

trust me dude, you don't want anything to do with the "red-headed menace" as I like to refer to her. I broke up with her back in november. trust me, its more trouble than its worth. But whatever, Come on down to College Station and I'll be sure to "bump" into her and introduce you....Its not like I give a sh*t anymore. I've got something better now.

quote:

Originally posted by __Apollo__:
trust me dude, you don't want anything to do with the "red-headed menace" as I like to refer to her.

Brother, I'd crawl belly down naked, through 3 miles of broken glass just to smell the tire tracks of the truck that takes her panties to the laundry!

quote:

Originally posted by jerrym8541:

quote:

Originally posted by __Apollo__:
trust me dude, you don't want anything to do with the "red-headed menace" as I like to refer to her.

Brother, I'd crawl belly down naked, through 3 miles of broken glass just to smell the tire tracks of the truck that takes her panties to the laundry!

Now that is Hard Corps!
Or just hard up?