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New Member |
My husband is a STG.Major in the reserves,who was called up into Active duty.In 2001 my husband began an affair with a reservist under him.I found out confronted him,he denied it only I had to much evidence supporting it,so he confessed.I contacted his Commanding Officer after telling him I would. He told me he stopped the affair and he apologized and said he'd neve let it happen again,he lied he was still seeing her and drilling with her monthly,my children and I were devistated and we're still not over it my daughter and I are seeing a Psychiatrist and Therpist.Sgt.was called to active duty an all but abandoned us he's been gone three years stationed within the states three to six hours away,you'd think he'd come home,we haven't seen him a total of two weeks all together.He now is about to deploy to Kuwait,he came home didn't spend three full days with us,he recieved a call and text messages from yet another mistress saying how her day was and how she missed him.It's our Family Coordinator he said after first claiming he didn't know who it was.Our daughter who's fourteen was just released from a center for Behavioral center for treatment for suicidal thoughts she relapsed she began cutting her wrists,her Dads in Florida spending six days with his parents,I feel my husband should be kicked out of the army for his actions,what can I do?
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Super Member 'Save the cheerleader, save the world' Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. I'm freakin' crippled now. My butt-knuckle is killing me. |
Why the hell haven't you divorced him???
Hello---he's proven to be unfaithful and untrustworthy to you. Seems pretty obvious to me anyways....You've allowed this behavior to continue by staying with him. You've basically said "I'm your doormat" by not divorcing him and staying with him. Army doesn't really care what he's doing to you as long as it doesn't affect his job. So....what can you do??? LEAVE and DIVORCE and move on with you life. And get your daughter the help she needs. Refocus your attention on what you CAN do: help your child. |
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New Member |
Get a good lawyer. Go after half his salary and retirement. Dress up, and go out and meet some nice Sailors.
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Highly Experienced Member |
Is this real life or something from Army Wives?
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"The day is wasted in which you learn nothing" |
If all you say is true, the man is a loser as a family man and should not be associated with one. He does have the duty to support his as well as perform as a soldier. Divorce and counciling seem the logical road. I also gotta wonder why all that has not already been done. Just reminds me that hearing one side does not present the whole story.
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New Member |
If he's not there for his own daughter, he isn't going to be there for his battle buddies. That should tell you what to do.
Now...show your daughter that she has one great parent and help her. Let her know that you can both be strong women. |
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Experienced Member |
You cannot get him in trouble with his command unless you have absolute proof (i.e. pictures).
Hire a private investigator if you want to take that route. If not, your best bet is to lose the loser and take care of you and your children. |
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Highly Experienced Member |
Trivia question who was the fellow up for CSM of the Army during the Clinton Administration who was turned down for the position & eventually forced to retire when it cam to light that while seperated from his wife had fooled around with a subordinate?
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Member |
First off, you need an attorney, and one that is not only versed in family law, but in USERRA (sp?) as well. This person is definitely not worth keeping. Now, bear in mind that as a reservist, legal actions can be put on hold until he demobilizes. That's why you need an attorney familiar with all the issues here. Army could very much care after all the legal proceedings are done. There has been more than one case where a service member was denied an assignment because of infidelity. Also, given that one case involved a Solider under him in the chain of command, he could find himself dealing with issues involving fraternization. In any event, get rid of him and move on. |
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Experienced Member |
Dear 19944362, as justmonicainwf stated, "show your daughter that she has one great parent and help her". One of the best ways to help her now AND to help insure that she doesn't fall into the same trap that you are in at the moment, is to kick the bay playing at manhood (her dad) to the curb and do whatever it takes to get him to fully support his child(ren). Your daughter needs to see that this behavior is NOT going to be tolerated AT ALL!!! FORGET ABOUT YOU IF YOU CAN'T LEAVE HIS SORRY AZZ IMMEDIATELY!! Your daughter, however, desperately needs her mother to extricate her from the harmful influences of her father. Otherwise, there will be many billable hours with therapists and perhaps even a funeral for YOU attend, when your daughter stops the cutting that she is presently doing to help with the mental and emotional anguish that she is dealing with and actually decides to STOP the pain 4EVER!!! Your daughter MUST be your primary focus right now. If not, then you are no better than he is. P.S. - THE TWO SITES BELOW DEAL WITH COURT ACTIONS WHILE A SERVICEMEMBER IS OVERSEAS AND THEREFORE MAY BE MORE HELPFUL TO YOU THAN 'USERRA' [The Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act of 1994 (USERRA, 38 U.S.C. § 4301 – 4335)] <<http://www.defenselink.mil/specials/Relief_Act_Revision/>> <<http://www.safeguardproperties.com/content/view/1977/106/>> . These are my opinions. Yours may differ. |
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Klaatu barada nikto! |
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Judge Stump |
IMHO
Why have you been like a wet dish rag and let this go on for so long? You have been waiting 3 years and been to therapy and your daughter has gone off the deep end and you are just now asking about what to do? First, fire the damn therapist. they ain't worth schitzel. Go see the Chaplain. As a spouse of an active Reservist, you have that right. If his Commander is overlooking this, go over his head to Brigade, Division or what ever. Get the fog out of your head and get angry enough to get a backbone to do something. You are not a victim lady, you are a volunteer. Good luck, You are going to need it. |
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New Member |
Face it, the marriage is over... Move on.
Revenge may be fun for you but time to let him go free and move on with your life. Get your Daughter help and provide a stable home for her. Marriage is just trading companionship for security. HE has moved on... Get what you can get from his pay and retirement. This is not a uncommon thing... I was on the other side of the coin and my marriage was over at 7 year and I stayed for 13... What a fool... Should have kicked her to the curb at 7 years... Look into Co Dependency.... Should open your mind. It is like a pendulum, I was stuck in the "I couldn't live without her" then and now stuck at the other end.... Don't give a Rat's @$$... Move On... I have been FREE for over 10 Years... Just my 2 Cents... |
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New Member |
HiTech said it very well.
Besides, the best revenge? Is being happy and not letting him know he bothers you in any way. Be a strong role model for your kids. When one of my kids was found to have cancer cells in his lymph nodes ten years ago, I turned to my ex for help. He said "You wanted the divorce, you deal with the kids". I have three college attendees today. Life is good. |
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New Member |
If you have a radio Shack in your area, you can go in and buy a phone spliter and
a recorder. This way anytime the receiver is picked up the recorder will automatically start recording. The spliter is just a little box about 2 inches long. It comes with a line jack that plugs into the recorder on one side, and 2 plug ends for the phone jacks. The phone jacks are for telephone in and telephone out. This way when the phone signal comes in, the recorder will automatically start recording. You will only be limited in this size of recorder you buy. Since this is such a small system, you can vertually hide it anywhere you have a phone jack for your house. If his mail comes to the house, you can always look at his cell phone records. Once it has already been opened by him and at your house, there is no legel problems with that. If you have to, you can always steam the letter open and make a copy of the phone calls incoming and out going. This is however a legel point as it would be up to what your state laws say about it. But once it is steamed open you can retrieve the info and just moisting lightly and it will reclose as if nothing has changed. I was just in telephone instalation and operations, there is not much I do not know about listening in on audio survailence. Anything other then that, I am not telling as to how I know why to do that.  |
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