Thought I would share some funny quotes taken form real police car videos around the country. I like to hear what some of you have! Quotes, sayings or just something funny you heard like a joke. Post it and have a good luagh!


1.“Relax, the handcuffs are a little tight because there new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”
2.“Take your hands off the car and I'll make you birth certificate a worthless document!”
3.“If you run you'll just go to jail tired.”
4.“Can you run faster then 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”
5.“So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, hun?”
6.“Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but i don't think it will help. Oh, did i mention that I am the shift supervisor?”
7.“Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.”
8.“The answer to this question will determine whether or not you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”
9.“Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey sh*t!
10.“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
11.In god we trust, all others we run through NCIC.” (NCIC=National Criminal Information Center)
12.“Just how big were those two bears?”
13.No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We use to have them but now were allowed to write as many tickets as we want!”
14.“I'm glad to hear the Chief Of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail for you.”
15.“ You didn't think we give pretty woman tickets? You' re right we don't. Sign Here.”

Officer, please finish the ticket. The Package store is about to close.
Hey officer! Can I run the siren?

can you hold my beer while I get my license out?

and this one

Officer: "Have you been drinking or smoking marijuana? Your eyes look a little red."

Guy:" Have you been eating any donuts officer, your eyes look a little glazed?"

they are funny...but I ain't got nothing against cops...so if ya are one please don't think I do...

''Hey officer, I think I killed this guy.''

I almost fell on my butt. Didn't know to draw down on him due to concern for my safety, or buy him a cup of coffee to keep him cooperative. (The coffee idea worked best)

HEY OFFICER, DOES YOUR WIFE LIKE HANDCUFFS AS MUCH AS I DO...DO YA THINK i CAN BORROW YOURS FOR THE NIGHT? MY BOYFRIEND IS COMING OVER AND WANT TO ROCK HIS WORLD...lol

Anyone play the lottery.....

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/funny_17/