Hi. I found this site after some web searching. Here's my situation: My daughter goes to a particular university. This year, she and 4 other girls were roomed ( apartment style) with 31 yr. old woman. We found out (from someone)that she is ex-military. That's why I am here.

I would like to help this woman out. My daughter said she doesn't talk to any of the roommates, avoids them at all costs and has very strange behaviors ( anti social or maybe pts syndrome?) I could list specifics, but I don't feel that appropriate. While I wish the veterans adm. or someone was helping this woman with counciling or something, that really is none of my business. Although, she clearly needs it. She won't get into elevators with other people, she goes back into her room if someone is in the common area, she doesn't talk to anyone.... So,sad.

I just want to give this woman some sheets and a nice warm fuzzy blanket or something. She sleeps with no sheets, eats those microwave noodles all day and won't accept anything the girls have offered her. ( baked goods, snacks...) They have gone above and beyond to include her into the "apartment" but she just "hides from them" and hardly even says two words. It is a very uncomfortable situation for everyone, but they continue to try and make her feel comfortable.

The problem is, she wont accept anything.I'd like to send a comforter and sheets to my daughter and have her leave them outside this woman's door, but I want her to use them and not just leave them there.

Do you have any suggestions? She doesn't know that the girls know about her service history ( they only know she is "ex-military", as put by the person that told them. They don't know what branch or where she served.)

I would just like to reach out to her and give her this small token of appreciation for her service. My family is very appreciative of all of our military. My Mom and Dad's side of the family are/were Navy serving in most of the wars
and we have personally been affected by the World Trade Center terror attacks.

Thank you and God bless all of you for standing up and making out country safe.

Concerned,

Barb.

So, if you have any suggestions on how to reach out to this woman, I would appreciate it.

61;
Try opening a window one cool night and when she is in bed asleep have someone drop a full beer can on the floor and yell "Grenade". That should
get her a talking.

Perhaps another ex-service member going to the same college could make contact and go from there.
In the end you cannot force the issue.
Until the woman opens up thers nothing you can do.
I would continue to be friendly and maybe sometime she will get better and maybe not.

Shockey

My first advice would be "NOT" to consider actions as abnormal, but just respect her privacy. She has been places and done things she might not want to reveal. This just ad vice from an old soldier we many female family in the service.

You might want to ask the question here: Women in the Military

This message has been edited. Last edited by: OldArmyLove,

quote:

Originally posted by Duster6:
61;
Try opening a window one cool night and when she is in bed asleep have someone drop a full beer can on the floor and yell "Grenade". That should
get her a talking.

I DONT FIND YOUR COMMENT FUNNY IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, WHILE I WILL ADMIT THAT ON OCCASION YOU ARE FUNNY, THIS TIME ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS GROW UP,THIS LADY SOUNDS LIKE SHE NEEDS HELP INTO THE LIGHT, THAT DARKNESS HAS TAKEN OVER HER LIFE. LETS HAVE SOME MORE IDEALS WITH MERIT TO HELP OUR SISTER OUT.

At some point "reaching out" can turn into "intrusion". Stay true and available. You can't walk her walk or make her walk yours.

Duster you are disgusting. This woman needs a friend to help her. Veterans with PTSD spend time after their service trying to make sense of the chaos in their minds. She needs someone that can help her find a path to the present from the very dark past. Your daughter is not the one, but it is nice that she is concerned. A fellow combat vet might be of help. The challenge will be in finding someone to help in a way that will not seem to be interfering.

Privacy and HIPPA laws can be a problem in achieving these ends, but the school should have mental health professionals that might find a quit way to help. Also, the VA coordinator at the school, or if their is ROTC, the Department Chair or a Professor of Military Sciences might be able to find someone to quietly help.

I use the term quietly. You need something to be unobtrusive to the person. It has to seem natural and not official. The person knows of the official avenues. They have not started to walk down those paths. So, it has to be someone walking up to the person and saying the right words. A person who has been there, will know how to do it.

Mental illness in all forms effects 20% of our population. Years ago someone with afflictions like this may had been hospitalized. This isn't done any longer unless she poses a significant risk to herself or others. This risk means in fact a danger. I doubt she qualifies for emergency interaction, particularly when she appears self-sufficient.

I would do nothing, cause I'm aware of plenty more severe cases where public agencies haven't interceded. It's her right to exist a little strangely. However many hospitals have a mobile crisis unit who responds on these cases. Their members are comprised of social workers who have the skills to persuade subjects into using their facilities and programs. Unfortunately I think this will have to get worse before it gets better. The county which I'm employed had 30,000 beds for pscych. patients. Now we're down to 600 beds. Many of them are homeless and live under bridges. This is where they're vulnerable to crime and early death. The courts have said that is their right. Public agencies are generally incapable to address this huge problem correctly. It will get worse before it gets better.

Just because it was said the woman was believed to have been in the military several of you have jumped on the PTSD wagon... we do not know which branch or MOS this person was in and had. Phobia comes to my mind, don't know which it is but some folks have a fear of being around people.
That said, Duster I agree with what a few others have said - I have a twisted sense of humor also but this time was not the moment to display it.
And I agree with some also that just being available to connect with this woman if/when she chooses to so is the best route.

Now as for those cookies she doesn't want - (((hint))) Tank like cookie.

Thanks everyone. I do believe she is homeless. One of the officials at the college, backhandedly ( but obviously) suggested that she was. Also, said that is why she decided on this type of housing. She can stay there during all breaks.

The girls all continue to try and include her in the house activities. So, they are trying.

My question: Do you think it's inappropriate to have a small package of sheets, a warm fuzzy blanket and maybe some other essentials delivered enonomously to the room? I figured if she didn't know who delivered it, she may be more willing to take it.

What do you think?

And I thought that first comment was disgusting, so I didn't address it.

Thanks

Barb

quote:

Originally posted by Mercury61:
My question: Do you think it's inappropriate to have a small package of sheets, a warm fuzzy blanket and maybe some other essentials delivered enonomously to the room? I figured if she didn't know who delivered it, she may be more willing to take it.

What do you think?


Barb

Barb...... a package as you suggested, addressed to her, would be a great idea... even if it were left ouside her room door I am certain it will find its way inside and greatly appreciated. The warmth in her heart may not be evident to the others but you could rest assured it will be there.

She probably needs someone who has had similar experiences to talk to. Where you'll get that person? MAybe a local VA person? Hard for former military to open up to someone who hasn't "been there, done that." That's why some of us come here. The poor diet may be because of trying to survive on GI Bill - no money. Sounds familiar...

Barb, if there is a local Veterans Service Officer in the area, he or she may be able to reach out to her.

Barb, God Bless you sister, you are an Angel. In today's society we are so wrapped in the me first stage...we have little time for others.

Many are selfish, their attitude is, I have mine!
Don't look too me for help!

quote:

We found out (from someone)that she is ex-military.

Lotsa of Pretenders out there. Either way it sounds like she needs some help. Several posts above have given Good Advice. Perhaps a little more research could shed some valuable information as to which agency to contact. Good luck!

I'm sorry guys. But ever since I came back from those two wars I was in I have not been the same.

quote:

Originally posted by Duster6:
I'm sorry guys. But ever since I came back from those two wars I was in I have not been the same.

Don't beat yourself up, Duster. The occasional azzhole remark does not make one a total d ick (we'd all be in a heap of schit). Foot-in-mouth is not always a disease, just a human trait. If the OP was/is a troll (still unknown for certain but deserves the benefit of doubt), your remark would not be thought so disgusting. Your simple "sorry" goes further than your "...ever since I came back from those two wars I was in I have not been the same.." explanation. But, sorry about your 2 wars. Thanks for seving. Here's wishing you better.

Sometimes God deals you a bad hand of cards and rather look for sympathy or help,you just deal with the cards you were dealt.
Sounds familar to me.
It happined to me once.

Mercury61,
You sound like a sincere and caring person.
If you belong to a church group and you believe in prayer, ya might just put her on a prayer list ans see what God can do ... even through you and/or your daughter and her roommates.

Go ahead & keep on trying. What can it hurt? Just having the girls being friendly and open is probably the best way to go. And with the holidays coming up, it should be easier to "sneak" her some simple comforts.
You have a golden heart... and obviously raised a wonderful daughter. God bless you both!