Hi everyone.

My husband & I have been together for 15 years. We are HS sweethearts. He joined the Active Army after HS and I went overseas with him for a few years. We both had a very hard time, we were there right after Desert Storm and the constant rumors that we would be going back. We managed to make it thru without any deployments. We were both sooo relieved!!! Even back then he had a very difficult time and that's why I ended up dropping out of college and going to be with him. We both said after that tour, that was enough.

We were having some marital problems last year and were separated for 6 months. After the 1st month apart, he signed papers and joined the National Guard for 6 years. I begged him not to do it, but at that time he wasn't listening to anyone. He says he's made the biggest mistake of his life! He wasn't of sound mind when he signed, he was very sick!

He has been dealing with severe depression for about 3 years now. He has been on 4-5 different antidepressants, has been on FMLA at his regular job for 2 years because he has troubling just going to his desk job. He has also been out on short-term disability this year because of his depression. Because of the separation last year I have also been battling depression, been on medication and have been unable to work.

I never dreamed that the military would take him in the state that he was in. When he signed the papers, he hadn't even been to work at all for the previous month because of his depression. (I still don't know how he's managed to keep his day job)

After 2 months of joining he realized he had made a mistake and has been trying to get out ever since (about 9 months). He realized very quickly that he was not up for it with his medical condition and niether was I. His Commander said he totally understood the situation and it would be no problem getting him out, he just had to submit the paperwork. He promised to get my husband out. It was supposed to be final this past weekend and we could get on with healing our marriage and our life together. Well when he went in for duty last weekend, they pulled him aside alone in a private office and told him that he was not being let out of the guard and he would be deploying to Iraq very soon!!!

Our counselor says that my husband is damaged goods already. He is having trouble with just "normal" life and she doesn't understand the military's decision at all! She said he will come back a lot worse and we are both very scared!

Can the Army really send him in this condition? or is there a way to fight this?

I am so scared for him because I've seen how much he has struggled!!!

Thanks for helping me with this. It's been a really hard time for both of us and I just need people to talk to. I just don't know what to do. As far as if he lied or not, I know he didn't. When he was talking about signing up last year, I of course was begging him not to do it in the state that he was in but I also did some research of my own. After I found this I didn't really worry anymore because he was a clear DQ.


Army Regulation 40-501 - Standards of Medical Fitness - pg 14

d. Current mood disorders including, but not limited to, major depression (296.2-3), bipolar (296.4-7), affective psychoses (296.8-9), depressive not otherwise specified (311) are disqualifying.

(1) History of mood disorders requiring outpatient care for longer than 6 months by a physician or other mental health professional (V65.40), or inpatient treatment in a hospital or residential facility is disqualifying.

(2) History of symptoms consistent with a mood disorder of a repeated nature that impairs school, social, or work efficiency is disqualifying.


(He also has sleep apnea and must be hooked up to a CPAP machine at night, because he stops breathing) which is also a DQ - but I thought this may be waiverable.

I know he told them everything because he told me that if he was dishonest in any way he could go to jail. I thought he was a definite DQ and so I figured the Army would say "no thanks", but they didn't and he didn't require a waiver for any of it. This just really shocked me. He has been seeing a mental health professional for over 3 years now, is on medication and it has definetely impaired his ability to work. Not only did they accept him into the guard but Officer Candidate School no less???

Everywhere I read on the web, he was an automatic DQ. He has been the good soldier, going to his weekend drills and has been waiting patiently for this to be resolved. He's been in a year and still doesn't know anything about his job, because he's been on the out list. He's basically just been an errand boy (cleaning bathrooms, supply rooms, driving guys back and forth). From what he has told me the Commander did submit the paperwork but my husband got stuck because a stop-loss was put in place after the troop surge was announced. It still doesn't make any sense to me!

quote:

Originally posted by wesr:
Thanks for helping me with this. It's been a really hard time for both of us and I just need people to talk to. I just don't know what to do. As far as if he lied or not, I know he didn't. When he was talking about signing up last year, I of course was begging him not to do it in the state that he was in but I also did some research of my own. After I found this I didn't really worry anymore because he was a clear DQ.


Army Regulation 40-501 - Standards of Medical Fitness - pg 14

d. Current mood disorders including, but not limited to, major depression (296.2-3), bipolar (296.4-7), affective psychoses (296.8-9), depressive not otherwise specified (311) are disqualifying.

(1) History of mood disorders requiring outpatient care for longer than 6 months by a physician or other mental health professional (V65.40), or inpatient treatment in a hospital or residential facility is disqualifying.

(2) History of symptoms consistent with a mood disorder of a repeated nature that impairs school, social, or work efficiency is disqualifying.


(He also has sleep apnea and must be hooked up to a CPAP machine at night, because he stops breathing) which is also a DQ - but I thought this may be waiverable.

I know he told them everything because he told me that if he was dishonest in any way he could go to jail. I thought he was a definite DQ and so I figured the Army would say "no thanks", but they didn't and he didn't require a waiver for any of it. This just really shocked me. He has been seeing a mental health professional for over 3 years now, is on medication and it has definetely impaired his ability to work. Not only did they accept him into the guard but Officer Candidate School no less???

Everywhere I read on the web, he was an automatic DQ. He has been the good soldier, going to his weekend drills and has been waiting patiently for this to be resolved. He's been in a year and still doesn't know anything about his job, because he's been on the out list. He's basically just been an errand boy (cleaning bathrooms, supply rooms, driving guys back and forth). From what he has told me the Commander did submit the paperwork but my husband got stuck because a stop-loss was put in place after the troop surge was announced. It still doesn't make any sense to me!

Do you support him going?

Does he want to go?

Keep in mind it is not volunteer work. BAQ and BHA are in addition to normal pay.

Keep in mind depression is somewhat of a subjective anomaly. Someone ment to be a soldier would become depressed sitting at a desk in a politically correct office for years... I think the military knows this. Likewise a civilian type does not have the military mindset.

Ultimately if someone wants to be there they should be given the chance. Again; does he want to be there? If so; support him. He may not be depressed; he may just be bored out of his mind. The freash air and warm climate in Iraq may be good for him. Plus theres plenty of sunlite which is good for the skin and producing vitamin D.

Do I support him? No, he made this decision when were separated. After 3 years of being a military wife when we first got married (13 years ago), I told him I couldn't do it again.

Does he want to go? No, he signed up shortly after we separted last year and he was really messed up. We are now back together and trying to work on things. Over the past year he has been making very impulsive decisions, spending large amounts of money, taking out loans we couldn't afford, sporadically going to work (would miss months at a time).

He loves his regular day job and has been there for over 6 years and wants to stay there until he retires, it's usually all he talks about. I'm so afraid he may lose his regular job because of all this (and me as well)

Oh, I failed to mention that when he got out the first time back in 95 that was his decision, not mine. He wanted out back then and was counting the days until we ETSed. So I don't want you to think that I made him get out. He decided back then that the military wasn't the life for him and we've been civilians ever since. However, we are big military supporters and honor everyone who serves very much!

quote:

Originally posted by wesr:
Do I support him? No, he made this decision when were separated. After 3 years of being a military wife when we first got married (13 years ago), I told him I couldn't do it again.

Does he want to go? No, he signed up shortly after we separted last year and he was really messed up. We are now back together and trying to work on things. Over the past year he has been making very impulsive decisions, spending large amounts of money, taking out loans we couldn't afford, sporadically going to work (would miss months at a time).

He loves his regular day job and has been there for over 6 years and wants to stay there until he retires, it's usually all he talks about. I'm so afraid he may lose his regular job because of all this (and me as well)

So you don't offer him any support reguarding his decision to join the military? He made the decision to join. If he loves his day job so much why did he sign up? If he loves his day job so much why does he miss so much work? Is that you talking or him?

Is he the sole source of income for you both? Do you work? Sounds to me like your sucking the life out of the poor guy..

"I'm so afraid he may lose his regular job because of all this (and me as well)"


Warning, danger!! gold digger alert..

As I said before, he joined the guard when we were separated (in our state there is no legal separation, so we were married at the time, so no I don't support his decision because he made it impulsively and without any thought of his family)!!! I feel that it was extremely selfish. A decision like that should be discussed as a family and decided as such, since it will not only effect the service member but the family as well. I would never accept a job that would take me away from my family without discussing it with them, if they didn't agree - I wouldn't go. I'm not new to the military lifestyle, I grew up an AF brat and was an Army wife - believe me I know what it means and what is expected of me.

He misses so much work because of his depression. He is protected right now by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) at his regular job because of his severe depression that is affecting his ability to function (it's genetic and runs in his family).

I don't appreciate your last comment at all! I came here for some help because we are in a bad situation and looking for some advice.

Bottom line is - My husband wants out of the guard. He has severe depression and realized within the first 2 drills that he was not cut out to be in the military again. I'm just looking for advice (for him) on how he may be able to work the chain to resolve this. I'm trying to help him right now because I'm home this weekend while he is off at drill.

You really shouldn't be so quick to judge people! You say gold digger, the fact is there is no gold. Whether we stay together or split, we're both in the red!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: wesr,

I can offer no advice on getting out of the guard, however I would like to say no matter what remember the commitment you made to him long ago. He needs you more then you realize.

Sounds like he deceived the military when he enlisted last year. Either way, what should be done now is for him to be seen at the medical facility that services his state NG (his unit full-timer will know the process of getting him there). He should state that he is currently being treated on a long-term basis by a mental health care provider. The med facility folks will advise him to come back with a clinical evaluation report from his provider. The med facility will then evaluate his provider's report and either: 1) issue a temp profile until the condition is resolved (which means more provider reports go to the med folks in the future; 2) recommend/initiate discharge actions; or 3) issue a permanent profile (doubtful) & he must do his time.
Good luck; cul8r.

This was posted by others:
Army Regulation 40-501 - Standards of Medical Fitness - pg 14

d. Current mood disorders including, but not limited to, major depression (296.2-3), bipolar (296.4-7), affective psychoses (296.8-9), depressive not otherwise specified (311) are disqualifying.

(1) History of mood disorders requiring outpatient care for longer than 6 months by a physician or other mental health professional (V65.40), or inpatient treatment in a hospital or residential facility is disqualifying.

(2) History of symptoms consistent with a mood disorder of a repeated nature that impairs school, social, or work efficiency is disqualifying.


(He also has sleep apnea and must be hooked up to a CPAP machine at night, because he stops breathing) which is also a DQ - but I thought this may be waiverable.

First of all this does not apply. This section is for NON Prior service members, Chp 2. Your husband falls under Chp 3 of AR 40-501 standards.
Second, if he actually has all the problems like you stated and he did not reveal them, he is then a fraud enlistment. If he did reveal them tothe Recruiter and the Recruiter convinced him not to reveal this at MEPs, then both have committed a fraud enlistment.
You stated "Well when he went in for duty last weekend, they pulled him aside alone in a private office and told him that he was not being let out of the guard and he would be deploying to Iraq very soon!!!. Unless his unit has received notification from the National Guard HQs., in the form on a mobilization order, then his unit is blowing smoke up his @$$. You husband needs to get a backbone and stnad up to his unit and request a physical exam by the National Guard Doctors and accept the outcome.

By the way, I spent 22 years on Active Duty, 11 in Recruiting and out of that 4 years as the Senior Army Liason at a MEPs. I now work for the National Guard as a Contractor, so I know what I am talking about here.

He did not lie at MEPS. He was 100% forthcoming with all of his medical information. He went thru SRP a few weeks ago and again questioned this situation but was told he was fit to fight and that if he needed mental health assistance it would be available to him in Iraq. According to Army reg's, he was a clear DQ but he was accepted. I guess I'm just very upset because I feel that because of the strain on forces they may be accepting people that shouldn't be accepted and now my husband is in this situation. He said he won't fight them anymore and has just accepted the fact that he is going. At this point there's nothing else I can do.

quote:

Originally posted by wesr:
He did not lie at MEPS. He was 100% forthcoming with all of his medical information. He went thru SRP a few weeks ago and again questioned this situation but was told he was fit to fight and that if he needed mental health assistance it would be available to him in Iraq. According to Army reg's, he was a clear DQ but he was accepted. I guess I'm just very upset because I feel that because of the strain on forces they may be accepting people that shouldn't be accepted and now my husband is in this situation. He said he won't fight them anymore and has just accepted the fact that he is going. At this point there's nothing else I can do.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if your husband did in fact tell the truth at MEPs he COULD NOT have been cleared medically. So there is a disconnect between what your husband said at MEPs and what he is telling you.

I'd be willing to bet he doesn't want to get out and is looking forward to deployment. It sounds like he doesn't get much support at home.

I've read all of this and my mouth got closer and closer to the floor! Hey, I'm just a mom with 2 sons in the military, but I can tell you this much, IF he told MEPS docs the truth, and he has all that documented medical history of depression & medication he wouldn't be in the Guard or any other branch of the service. I don't know what's going on in your private life, but there is surely a dropped ball in communications. Our son was Guard before he went active Army, and joined at 17 on split option, I'm telling you straight up the questions upon questions that were asked, totally took into consideration mental illness, depression, etc. If it walks like a duck & quacks like a duck.....it's a duck! Somebody is NOT Telling the entire truth here! I'm not trying to be harsh with you, just the facts!

I have a thing to say here! i am 33 years old and i was inquiring about the army national guard, never serve in my life, never shoot a gun in my life!i did a great research about the army and i have a friend who is the lt col of the national guard in Connecticut and he told me almost all about the army and the life and the 100% support of the wife,i feel very sad for you and i will pray that your situation gets better for you and your family, i have the enlistments papers at the counter which my wife hasn't see yet, but i told her that i want to do it!! she is still not 100 % supportive and she said she never will be, i consider the army when i was younger i didnt do it because i didnt have the dicipline and i was lazy!!!.
if my wife wont support me 100!! i wont do it, i have a coaching job at the local high school which i was one of my dreams since i got her in the us!!i ma originally from Mexico, the season doesn't start until the fall, i talked to my recruiter and he said that i can enlist and postpone the basic training until i finish the coaching job for the season, its 4900 dollars beside i love soccer, and the kids are great!!! so i have to make a choice to make here!!!my family comes 1st, the army is a commitment, and everyday i cry silently for all this man and women who lost their life in this difficult times.and if i can't join them my heart and soul would be always next to them!!!!.

i am not a doctor, but mentally you and him seat and say i can do it!!! finish!!!i fell bad for you , but there is hope i am sure!!!i dont have words to tell you am sorry, and i picture my self in that situation if i am not with my wife!!! let me give you my email
falenosoy007@hotmail.com

please keep me posted about your situation,when i feel sad i ran!!!! and swim. its the best to blow some steam.

i ma not a doctor but meave its just the thing to say that i ma doing good, i am saving lifes or even, that could be worst.but if its really deppresed he definaltey has to look for help!!!the army have doctors that can help you with the problem, i dont have the answer meave this is hard but!!!!! is possible!!!

seek help

best regards
Roberto

I am sorry for the grammar i type fast and sometimes i don't realize my erros, good luck and keep me posted.

i care

god bless you

I'm sorry, but I have to put my 2 cents worth in here. My husband is currently in the National Guard, and will be deploying to Iraq soon. When he first enlisted back in December of 2006, he had scars on his stomach from a bike wreck when he was 15. They required a letter from his father stating that they were not surgery scars. He had 2 dui's from when he was in his 20's. (He's 36 now) and they required a letter from the state of Oklahoma stating that he has not been in any more trouble. They also required him to have a mental health evaluation to make sure that he was not an alcoholic before he could enlist. Unless your husband LIED to the Meps officer, there is no possible way he could have been cleared to enlist. It sounds to me as if you do not give him any support and he is trying to get you to shut up and leave him alone long enough for him to get out of the country. How can you vow to love, honor, and cherish someone, then not support them in their decision to support their country and make their lives better??? If he truly wanted out, he could get out. If he has as many medical/mental problems as you say he does, it would be rather easy for him to be discharged... Chapter 11 medical-failure to adapt. There are many ways for him to get out. Why don't you just sit back and support him a little and see what happens. You may be surprised how quickly all his "medical problems" are cleared up.

You guys are not listening to this lady at all. HE DOES NOT WANT TO STAY IN THE NG. If he did, why would he go to his command and inform them of all this and have his command begin the kicking-out process??? I think if he was squared away with himself, and wanted to be in the Army and go to Iraq, my bet is his wife might not like it, but she would stick with him. I think the real problem here is the husband. He sounds like a problem child to me and I dont want him serving anywhere near me.

Like the previous post says, if he really wants out, it seems he has all his cards he needs to get out. Remember though, the Guard is as strapped for new soldiers as the RA is. The Guard is taking anyone they can right now. As a PS Army, they may well have over looked many of this guys issues. Get him out for christ sake before he get some of us killed. let the wife sort out his problems, we dont want him.

Let me attempt to offer a bit of perspective to this discussion.

I'm an Iraq vet, and am prior service. When I joined the first time in 1989, I was asked all the questions, and although in near perfect health, every detail was looked into. Every exam scrutinized, almost as if they did not want me in uniform. At the time the army didn't need more troops.

Fast forward o my 2nd enlistment Circa 2003, I was asked all the same questions, but my answers were completly glossed over. I was much older and had some injuries and issues. Even though I was willing to deploy, I had to fight a bit just to get them looked into and treated. Other soldiers with serious issues were shoved thru the system as fast as possible.

All the same questions were asked, but the 2nd time round the army needed troops, so unless I was missing 2-3 limbs I was going to Iraq.

While in Iraq, one of my fellow soldiers, started making suicidal statements. This guy never should have deployed as he had prior issues, but instead of sending him stateside for treatment, 2 other soldiers were assigned to watch him 24/7. He still carried a weapon, but it was disabled(on purpose, by unit armourer), and would not fire.

Another solder was quite old. She was 59? I think and had very bad hips. So bad she could only muster a shuffle, rather then a run. She spent 30 days in Iraq, and then couldn't walk anymore. She was sent to Germany for double hip replacement.

The army is short troops folks. In order to fill numbers, they are overlooking as much as possible during enlistment and mobilization. What is equally bad is it is short of money, so promises of 'taking care of the troops' when finally home, are pretty empty. I was lied to about availble care on de-mob, and had to pay for my own treatment when finally home. (BTW, tricare wouldn't cover it.) VA counseling is backed up months, and is really just not available. So I'm paying for that too.

All these comments about how he couldn't enlist and must have lied at MEPS are completly uncalled for. In a perfect world he might have been disqualified. I know it is shocking, but we are not in a perfect world, and the Army is too busy fighting a 'war' to give a damn for the troops.

My advice to WESR:
1) Unless your husband does something pretty serious, my guess is he is going to Iraq. Whether he,you, or his fellow soldier wants him there or not. If you feel you have evidence that shows him as a potential danger to himself or others, DO NOT rely on the army to deal with it. Call your govornor, senator, local news station etc. It will be a hard road to walk, but the only thing the army will listen to is the bad publicity.

2) Start working up a strategy for combatting depression in country with him. Excercise, AD drugs etc. Hope he finds a good buddy over there that will keep an eye on him.

3) Keep encouraging him. Wives at home hold immense sway in the morale of husbands, overseas or at home. Even when you may not feel like it, sending a stream of encouragement his way, will probably do more to keep him going then everything else.

Good Luck, God Bless~

I HOPE YOU FIND THE WAY, AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU!!GOOD LUCK