I received an e-mail from a member today whom I like very much. The letter was advising me the member will no longer post due to the negativity of the forum. Let us all reflect on the rules:
http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/4230026980001/m/5600005090001

2. This is a safe zone with total equality. No personal attacks of any nature upon any member for any reason. This means that no flame posts, or flame bait posts nor flame threads, or flame baiting threads are allowed on the forum.

Very sad news:
I was going to send her an e-mail to ask her to start posting again. She made valuable contributions to the forum. Although not all people agree with one another, all of the time, we need to agree to disagree, without offense to one another.
Here is what I discovered:
Profile not found
c130aviatrix is no longer a member of military.com

Sad to see her go. I am shocked. Her insight will definitely be missed. She was an asset and will be sorely missed.

Sincerely,

Matt LaPointe, USCG Ret.

I share Matt's view and hope she decides to return in the future.

I just read a thread where C130 quit posting and deleted her Milcom account. I did not intend that to happen. A lot of people liked her posts including me when she stayed in the areas where she knew what she was talking about. It appeared to me that there was denial of some things. C130 was quite helpful in a lot of areas. Just like the rest of us I suppose, a poster posts with a mixed bag of remarks.

Unfortunately I had a role in this. Well, I said something out of line. The reasons for them don't seem to be correct in hindsight. I cannot say that I won't post out of line remarks again. I feel quite strongly about PTSD and some of the issues involved. I take PTSD as a serious issue. I don't press the point very often. When something is wrong and I feel strongly about it, then I push the point and sometimes run off at the mouth.

I felt that my posts were being tampered with by misdirection remarks made immediately following posts and reacted as if I was under attack. Some of those remarks made it appear I was posting wrong information, was misinformed or was a liar without actually saying those words.

Revenge was never in my mind. Getting a poster to lay off of my posts was. To put it politely and maybe avoid Moderator actions, I posted that C130 had her head located up another part of her anatomy. This matter was brought out in public posting yesterday without context for why the post was made and it was responded to in a public manner. It should have been handled backdoor but that is hindsight and no longer matters.

A lot of my posts giving samples of why I did what I did are not there any more. I am not sorry that the posts were deleted. I left it up to the Moderators as to what was done. I trusted the Mods to do what was in the best interest of the forums. I still believe they will do what must be done even if I am no longer part of this posting effort.

I did not expect a poster to just up and quit and so I wonder if there is something going on that I don't know about? There probably is. I think they call it PTSD. It looks like burn out to me but I was part of that with regret. On reflection today, the issues don't seem to be so important. I might have just shut up but I didn't. I am not about to lie about my role it this. For what it might be worth, I apologize for my role in this?

It is unfortunate all around that C130 quit. Maybe if she knew how I really felt that might make a difference? Maybe she will come back when a cooler head prevails?

We are told this is about negativity on the forums. PTSD is negative. No one should expect that the negativity will not come out in posts. I know a lot of people who post for a long time just get burned out and quit for a while. We get enough of that negative stuff and we leave things alone for a time. I know of one poster who has quit many times and has come back one more time after they quit because when it came down to it, they missed not being able to associate with other people on line. I got frustrated with Milcom and left, deleted my account and came back and so have many others.

PTSD is not kind to anyone that I have ever talked to. There are moments when the only thing to do is to quit, regroup and revaluate where you are and where you going next. Mistakes happen and frustration happens. It may be about winning or losing? I hope not because so many people new to PTSD depend on truthful and accurate answers from people who have BTDT when they seek help or ask questions about how PTSD affects them. Those who know information based on personal experience need to pass that on. There probably are just a few cases of something happening to everyone who has PTSD.

PTSD issues present a lot of problem areas. IMHO, if something can happen to just one then it could happen again to someone else even if it don't happen to everyone. Some questions have come up regarding how PTSD presents problems. One of those problem areas is in the legal matters involving family law RE child custody, DV prosecutions, divorces, etc. It was said that it is about people in the legal system who do these things and the outcome of events depends on that. That is true. Lawyers want to win because they get paid to win and often don't get paid by a losing client or don't keep getting clients when they develop a history of losing. Both sides go to court in hopes of winning. The history of being a veteran with a mental health issue defines your character in a court of law. Lawyers have learned to use anything that they can use against a person to win including your mental health history having a history of violence with a diagnosis of PTSD.

PTSD has always been an issue over anger and how anger controls us. The PTSD demon gets loose and a lot of damage gets done. We get angry over an issue and we don't see a way to get past the anger reactions. We see that example with anger over remarks made and then just quit and withdraw completely for very many valid reasons. Is it foolish to just give up and quit when a cause for anger defies solutions? I don't know the answer to that. Very many issues are cause for anger. How many of those causes are worth the risk of losing something? I don't know the answer to that one either. I guess it depends on the person, the issue at hand and how badly one feels about losing or how foolishly the issue may be pursued. Many issues cause a person to become foolish. Unfortunately, many of those reasons on review seem so trivial in nature as to not being worth the time and the effort wasted on them. I am no exception to doing foolish things but I hope there is never a time when I do something foolish that regret does not follow that foolish action.

C130, I wish you well and hope you are able to understand and then forgive my role in this. I knew you were frustrated because you said so. I did not know that you were that close to the edge. You also posted that you were handling things better. It was a mixed message. I could have read between the lines but I missed it. This time it is me with my head up something else. I would say this another way if I thought I could get it past the Mods.

Respectfully,
Bravo39 Out

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bravo39a,

quote:

C130, I wish you well and hope you are able to understand and then forgive my role in this.

OK, Bravo. I hope the same also.
It seems Charlie has made a decision that none of us are happy with.
At the moment, I can only hope she is doing well.
This is now starting to seem like a PTSD situation to me rather than a dispute over something ,IMO, that was trivial.
I, of all peaple, should've known better. It's this numbness I have that has distanced me from my own immediate familiy.
Quitting the Forumily is an extreme move, and it disheartens me that Dave cannot communicate with her to resolve the situation.
She may need our support now, more that ever...

I certainly agree Flashypoo, the same support that she so willingly gave to the rest of us. I have had some private message traffic with her in the past, and she has always been there for me, and gave me the encouragement and help to keep going when I was sure I should quit. I too sincerely hope she will come back where she is needed. She will be missed.

quote:

Originally posted by Flash69:

quote:

C130, I wish you well and hope you are able to understand and then forgive my role in this.

OK, Bravo. I hope the same also.
It seems Charlie has made a decision that none of us are happy with.
At the moment, I can only hope she is doing well.
This is now starting to seem like a PTSD situation to me rather than a dispute over something ,IMO, that was trivial.
I, of all peaple, should've known better. It's this numbness I have that has distanced me from my own immediate familiy.
Quitting the Forumily is an extreme move, and it disheartens me that Dave cannot communicate with her to resolve the situation.
She may need our support now, more that ever...

quote:

Originally posted on another forum by a current member:
I thought this was a good place to say I am no longer going to post on military.com.

As I noted before I (did) spend most of my time on the PTSD thread, recently a so called PTSD sufferer came on and started bad-mouthing everyone who disagreed with him. The PTSD threads are supposed to be sacred ground for those sufferers because of their fears. This guy is allowed to run free through the threads and say whatever he pleases. Many of the regular posters have dropped off because of him and I guess I became his latest victim.

Before I go I do want to say...I don't know if I've explained here that I went to a private organization here in Minnesota that specializes in PTSD diagnosis and received the report this past week. It proves I suffer from PTSD and now I have to wait for the VA to accept the diagnosis.

Thank you to all my friends here, Bill I will continue to be in contact via e-mail. Take care of these NewBees for me.

SALUTE!!!

He is correct on a individual who is disrupting the PTSD forum and he is being dealt with as we speak. He has been warned twice, he has been given his last warning. I hope my brother you do not drop out of what has given you help.
Dave Barker

quote:

I felt that my posts were being tampered with by misdirection remarks made immediately following posts and reacted as if I was under attack. Some of those remarks made it appear I was posting wrong information, was misinformed or was a liar without actually saying those words.

To clear the above point, so no individual feels any post is Military.com tampered with, that just does not happen on this forum. If any moderator, or administation person changes any post, the note come on the bottom in bright blue showing the post was edited.
As far as other posters in this forumily responding, as long as they did, or do abide by the rules we have never had a problem. Now we have lost a valuable contributor who is Charlie and another is planning on leaving which will for certain hurt our forumily even more.
I cannot monitor every post 24/7. However I do try to keep on top of what is happening. Sometimes I just have to sleep, eat and go back to work. In my office there are about 20 files on forum members, who I am trying to assist from a great distance, by e-mails and posts on the PTSD Info and Links Discussion Boards. A lot of work, simply going to go down the drain. Why? Because of the very purpose of this forum being violated.
Point is we cannot retrieve Charlie unless she decides to rejoin and come into the site, that is highly unlikely. I do not have her e-mail address so I cannot send her a link to this topic. If anyone has here e-mail please send her a link. We need her input.
Another point is we are all adult veterans on this board. There is no need whatsoever, to slam a fellow veteran here, none whatsoever.
Another point is we agreed long ago, to abide by the voted on rules which has remained basically intact since the original PTSD forum was about 3 months old. The PTSD forum was split and given two separate charges, or responsibilities. My responsibility as Lead Moderator is to assist my forumily members in obtaining their rightful benefits under the law. It is not an easy task.
Please consider working out problems, that works you know.
Dave Barker

Unfortunately, I do not have Charlie's email address. I tried some computer detective work, but to no avail. Friends/aquaintances with military PTSD are valuable to me, and to lose one to death or disappearance is a serious loss.
Flash

Dave, I have contacted Bob and ask him to read your post.

I miss Charlie. We all have to do what we feel is right, but when we have PTSD, what we think is right may not be in our best interest.

I know Charlie would be better off posting here.

We need her, and she needs us.

The fact that there is disagreement between posters is unfortunate, but it's going to happen.

We shouldn't let a little disagreement push us out of our safe little home here.

I respect Bravo39 and know his intentions have always been good. Even so, sometimes he is rather forceful in what he believes, and can appear to be pushing things his way.

If anything LESS surprising than two people with PTSD getting in an argument and fighting with each other, it is only that it doesn't happen MORE OFTEN.

Charlie, if you are reading this, please come back.

Bravo39, I want you to stay here too.

Both of you make this a better place to be. You've both provided help for many people here. This to me is like having two of my favorite ballplayers on the same team fighting and not getting along. We can still win some games, but it won't be as much fun.

Please think carefully about what you post here folks. We should be a little like doctors,...."first, do no harm."

Please let's try to put this behind us and try to work together for each of our sake.

Who cares about an insult on a forum? Like we used to say.... "It don't mean nothing."

Let's try and take back this forum with the teamwork and friendship that we all entered here.

Please!

Bill

quote:

Originally posted by DaveBarker:

Point is we cannot retrieve Charlie unless she decides to rejoin and come into the site, that is highly unlikely. I do not have her e-mail address so I cannot send her a link to this topic. If anyone has her e-mail please send her a link. We need her input.
Dave Barker

To ALL my friends, thank you for your feedback and, although I may drop out for awhile, I can't bring myself to walk completely away from here. It would have to be pretty extreme and I know Dave would never let it go that far.

I carried Dave's note above because I'm probably the only person who has (had) Charlie's personal e-mail address. Right now I VERY upset because on Monday my computer went down and I lost all my addresses. Specifically hers. I am working with my e-mail provider to retrieve the addresses, the only other thing I can do is wait for her to e-mail, which I hope she does soon. If she's still lurking out there...E-MAIL ME!!!!!

Thanks, Bob

quote:

I am working with my e-mail provider to retrieve the addresses,....

Welcome back Bob,
Good Luck and Godspeed Brother...
Flash

quote:

Originally posted by b3c0:

If you were using Outlook, was there a complete reinstall over the old .pst file? If not, the .pst may still be available. Also, if you used Charlie's email address in an address book in Google, Thunderbird, Yahoo or an instant messenger, it may be in a message archive or an obscure file. May also be stored as data in a cookie somewhere depending on cache size and how long ago it was last used. Scraping bottom, but maybe one of these ideas is a possibility.

I have a rather complicated e-mail program. It is considered 3rd party. It is called Incredimail and I have to go through Hotmail or some other system to get my mail. I have Outlook, but do not use it, nor do I use Hotmail's program. They are merely 'stepping stones' to get to Incredimail. I do not use instant messaging, either. My address book is in Incredimail, I went through it 1st, but found mostly "Junk Mail" I had previously deleted. I don't know why it would save that. The existing information had been copied along with everything else on September 12, 2007, prior to getting Charlie's address. I have tried your recommendations, but can not find any information. But, THANK YOU for the suggestions, every little bit helps.

I will continue searching and hoping she contacts me, soon.

Sometimes a person with PTSD needs to move on a different pathway. It was C130 decision to leave military .com totaly. I had a similar situation on this forum. Men and women respond differently to things said. Women have been mistreated in the military and disregarded as worthwhile human beings for a long time. It is my feeling that C130 is a strong willed person and needed to find a different pathway. All we can do is keep her and all others who have left this forum ( family) in our prayers. Sally

C130 and I have been e-mailing back and forth for awhile, please do not decide what she wants to do. Let her contact me.

Sally and all,

I just received an e-mail for c130, thank you.

Good news ! Please tell her that she is in my thoughts and prayers! I do not have her private email! Sally

THANKS SALLY,

I told her everyone wants her back, it's safe now. She sent me a joke...now she will never rest...if bakobill is here he knows what I mean. Several friends send me 'dozens' everyday and she was just put on my reply list.