I've been reading the postings, and I am ashamed to admit that I too saw mental illness as taboo and feared the stigma assigned to it. For this reason along with the fear of not being believed and thus being re-victimized again and, too, fear for my career, that I never told anyone in service or pursued help. Of course there was also the tremendous denial, guilt and shame. I suffer PTSD and Major Depression though I emphatically denied my conditions well past my time on active duty. I first admitted aloud to myself last year--13 years later--that I had been raped by a senior Marine officer. Even after five suicide attempts while active duty, I still denied my illnesses and refused to divulge to military psychiatrists what had happened and how I really felt--I kept insisting I was mentally fine. Despite mental health services available to me and the available rape hotline, colleagues negative view of mental illness, male leadership's feared admittance that their gender is capable of such atrocity; ghostly support, and my fear of being disbelieved I kept my mouth shut, rationalized away what I was feeling, and stuffed it away in my mental pandora's box and vigilantly sat on it. I am 100% service connected now for depression and a physical ailment but have yet to the dismay of my psychiatrist applied for PTSD service connection. Like someone else had posted, I fear the extensive evaluation I would have to go through and am not open to reliving what I have spent over a decade to forget. I am simply not prepared or strong enough to endure the invasive questioning, their propensity to disbelieve my experiences absent of an Article 32 investigation or medical documentation. I can't stockpile invalidation on top of the elusive justice regarding my abusers/events--hanging on by a mental thread as it stands. This handicap aside, I try to do my little part to advocate for change by writing to my Congressmen, mental health organizations, and my veterans service organization. It pains me to know that there are women in our corps who have or are now enduring the same abuses I have, who suffer in the darkness for the very same fears I had expressed above. And because of this, shut out doors of help until it is no longer an acute problem but rather a chronic one when the prognosis then reads "poor."

I read your post with interest. I wasn't quite sure of your gender, until the end. I'm a guy going through what you're going through. For 15 years I dealt with it on my own. I'm not service connected, but am seeking it.

I don't mean to minimize what you've been through, only ask you to expand your view of sexual assault to include men as victims and women as perps. It goes all ways....men DO get sexually assaulted by men (and women too). And women get assaulted by both men and women. These often involve even more taboos than your typical female victim, male perpetrator assaults.

It's a travesty no matter how you slice it. Victims come in all shapes, sizes, and denominations.

And the overwhelming majority of the perps are heterosexual, especially in male to male rape. The act has very little to do with sexual gratification, than it does about wielding power.

quote:

I am 100% service connected now for depression and a physical ailment but have yet to the dismay of my psychiatrist applied for PTSD service connection.

Ma'am, I can identify with these words in your statement.

When I was discharged (medically retired) I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and a second diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. Based on additional medical evidence, the VA re-diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder II; Rapid Cycling - Mixed, and removed the Borderline Personality Disorder totally.

The VA has still not formally recognized that I actually suffer from PTSD (documented in several years of therapeutic notes taken by VA Docs, etc.), which can mirror those same diagnoses that have been assigned to me.

Their (the VA Docs.) reasoning telling me not to pursue the correct diagnosis of PTSD is that it will open up my total claim to scrutiny...I say, so what?! Every disability that I get compensation for is documented from my first days of Boot Camp and continues to be ongoing problems for me. In fact, to re-open my claim would most likely make the VA face discrepancies that they initially chose to rate at 0% with no true justification.

At this point of my life, I am not healthy enough to go through the rigors of re-evaluation; what irony is that, eh? Perhaps this is the EXACT time...

quote:

I fear the extensive evaluation I would have to go through and am not open to reliving what I have spent over a decade to forget. I am simply not prepared or strong enough to endure the invasive questioning, their propensity to disbelieve my experiences absent of an Article 32 investigation or medical documentation.

The fact that you are here, tells me that unfortunately, though you have tried (as we all have) to push your terrible experience(s) to the past, the past has a terrible way of haunting us daily, none the less. Through dreams; daily events (sight, smell, a feeling of deja vu) that will trigger unwanted responses from ourselves; the way we currently are dealing with ordinary issues that, once upon a time never made us think twice...the list goes on and on...

...It is extremely commendable that you have taken part in the evolution of how mental illness is perceived in today's world but, until you take action to help yourself work through all YOUR pain, feelings of betrayal, loss and gain back your trust in your own decision making, the efforts you are taking to help others will eventually take their toll on your own well-being.

quote:

And because of this, shut out doors of help until it is no longer an acute problem but rather a chronic one when the prognosis then reads "poor."

You have recognized yourself in this statement. Do what you must to get the treatment that you so deserve; even without documentation to the event, there is treatment available to you through these sites:

United States Dept of Defense Sexual Assault Prevention and Response | Home Page

National Center for PTSD -- National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Non Combat PTSD

I also invite you to visit the PTSD Forum Boards under Health and Fitness here on Military.com. You will find MANY that walk in your shoes and can be a very helpful, understanding group of wonderful people.

GOD bless you for taking the first steps in your own road to recovery...I do hope to hear back from you anytime you wish to share - here or on the PTSD forum boards, or...you can always contact me through my profile.

BTW - Dave Barker is an extremely experienced and OUTSTANDING VSO and he gives heartfelt advice as well as guidance, if you so desire from him.

Semper Fidelis Big Sister!
Cyn~

Hello Kevin,

Your post to 10359339 expresses my thoughts as well. In any abuse situation, the end result is that of the abuser seeking temporary (illusionary) power through the abuse.

It does not discriminate; children molested by young teens of both genders; parents; loved ones; friends or total strangers up to and to include adult on adult...regardless of the gender of the abuser...survivors, do NOT give them the satifaction!!

We need to remember that though we may have had a temporary loss of power, the fact that we continue to live, and are striving to overcome irrational feelings of failure or weakness...it is those that have committed these horrible acts upon us that are truly the weak and are the true failures...in the respect of one's rights as a human being.

I cannot see how any person who commits such an act can ever respect themselves...so it is through abuse that they seek the phantom respect of their prey.

Live on...live strong...I know, easier said than done

Cyber Hugs to all,
Cyn~

I normally to not respond to unknown posters, this is an exception.

quote:

10359339 said in part "I am 100% service connected now for depression and a physical ailment..."

If you indeed are 100% service connected by the VA, it would not be wise to jeapordize your rating, by trying to switch to PTSD. Once you are 100%, unless you have 'loss of use' of a body function etcetera, what would be the gain? If you were successful, you would still be 100%; however there is always possibility of loss in these reopened cases. This would be a great risk, with at best, only breaking even and reopening old wounds.
I have observed others in the past, lose their benefits by attempting to change from one mental hygiene condition to another. If the 'other' condition would be the reason of the disability, then service connection could and most likely would, be severed unless the prepondence of evidence would be in your favor. With a mental hygiene issue a second time, the preponderence of evidence in your favor is not likely.

In response to Cyn, it was a pattern that developed early in my life. I didn't know how to set boundaries and I didn't know how to defend myself. I have always been a bit of a meek, kind spirit. I had the kind of family that would punish the victim instead of protecting him. I've always felt isolated. Thanks for your support today and always, Cyn.

Kevin - - former OS2, USS King.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ohbeehave,

Greetings Everyone,

I would like to know the likelihood of getting disability compensation of more than 70% if I have provided adeqate and substantial proof of my depression and anxiety being caused by my military service? Now it has been proven that I have Bipolar 1 disorder. I haven taking paxil for 5 years and just recently Valproic Acid(deprokane) for the past 2 months. I have been denied continously for the past 5 years. But i just recently provide new evidence, such as contacts of my fellow sailors who observed my behavior in the navy. I got out the navy in jan 2001 and began my Paxil regiment less than 2 months afterwards. Thanks

The American Empire asked: "what is the likelihood of getting disability compensation of more than 70% if I have provided adequate and substantial proof of my depression and anxiety being caused by my military service?" My question to you is are you currently rated at any percent? If not, the period from your separation from active service and the diagnosis are major factors.
You stated "it has been proven that I have Bipolar 1 disorder." I would presume that is a diagnosis from competent medical authority. You further stated if corrected properly "I have (been) taking paxil for 5 years and just recently Valproic Acid (deprokane) for the past 2 months."
You stated you were denied continously for the past 5 years. When you are denied a disability, you have one year from the date of denial to perfect an appeal. Another question is did you file an appeal or not?
To reopen a claim you will need new and material evidence, not just additional evidence. The contacts of your fellow sailors who observed your behavior in the navy will not suffice unless they are competent medical authority. The VA will consider it lay statements.
You lastly stated "I got out the navy in Jan 2001 and began my Paxil regiment less than 2 months afterwards." That is a therapy regimen not a diagnosis. In order to be service connected for a bipolar condition, the condition must have manifested itself while on active duty, been diagnosed by competent medical authority, or within one year from separation from service.
The percent of any disability is the affect, upon the ability to function in a worklike and/or social setting.

No I am not currently rated at any percentage. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that is the reason I was given paxil in the first place. I assume you must be given a diagnosis inorder to be place on any type of medication. I had a medical examination while in the military that indicated that I was low on the Mental health side(Depressed) In addition I suffered from insomnia.
I was recently diagnosed from the Orlando VA hospital with Bi-polar which run on the male side of the family. My brother has been Bi-polar for since 1992.
Yes, I did file and appeal within one year of my numerous denials.

Its seems I'm going to lose out on compensation for both depression and anxiety simply because I didn't speak up and seek help while in the navy. Just my bad luck eh? So goes life. According to the paxil website, "Paxil is approved for the treatment of depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder in adults." So once again why did the VA give me medication for an "undiagnosed" illness? Can I seek legal action for endangering my life with a medication that can potentially cause me to KILL myself? So, what I'm getting at is you HAVE TO BE DIAGNOSED WITH A DISEASE INORDER TO BE GIVEN ANY AND ALL DRUGS TO TREAT THAT ILLNESS!!! Once again. JUST MY BAD LUCK. VA/MILITARY= YOU SNOOZE YOU LOOSE!! GOD BLESS SOMEBODY!

I too have a Mental Illness. I was diagnosed with Bi-polar in May '72. It was really a relief to be diagnosed because I finally had an answer to why I was the way I was. I had always had problems with relationships and controlling myself. I used to totally lose control of myself as far back as I can remember. At work I could usually work rings around most everyone there but it seemed like just as I was earning folks respect or moving up that preverbial ladder I would sabotage myself by getting excited/manic and say the wrong things or act out. That, of course, sent me crashing into depression. I always felt guilty, ashamed and depressed. Coming back from Desert Storm I found myself getting worse and worse and finally crashed and called Mental Health. I was put on meds and started feeling better but still wasn't 'right'.

Last November I got orders to pull me out of the Retired Reserves and send me to IRAG for 18 months. Besides my physical issues (arthritis in my hips) and my age (I'm 52) I knew I could not mentally cope with such a deployment so I requested an Exemption from Deployment. I found a new therapist and phsychiatrist. After the first meeting they tested me for ADHD and PTSD. I went off the charts for both. Now they have me on Adderall. I feel calmer, not so excitable and don't seem to be 'out of control'. I also take Trazadone at bedtime for the insomnia that comes with depression. I still don't feel exactly right, whatever that is, but I'm better than I was.

I have always felt that my Mental Illness was no different than diabetes or a heart condition. I take medicine because I have a medical issue.

I think that the stigma the military places on Mental Illness is due to lack of information and knowledge on the subject. Plus, a Commander and a 1SG have a lot on their plate and dealing with folks that are 'out of control' in a manner they do not understand just turns into one more problem they have to squeeze into an already difficult job. It's easier to ignore it/them or send them off to be someone elses problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's right, just that it's what is happening. On the other hand, the medical folks should have the knowledge to make sure the proper diagnoses and care is taken.

BTW, I did receive an Exemption for Deployment. I regret that I could not deploy, being in the Army was something I loved and am proud of but I felt that I would be a burden on any unit I was assigned to.

Thanks for letting me tell my story.

Cindy

JBR:
I do not know if I can help you, but I will try. First let me advise you that if the VA can determine a condition is pre-exisisting, or if it is genetic, you can almost kiss service connection good-bye. You stated "I was recently diagnosed from the Orlando VA hospital with Bi-polar, which run(s) on the male side of the family. My brother has been Bi-polar for since 1992." If the VA links your condition to family traits you will have a problem.
You said "I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that is the reason I was given paxil in the first place." If that was within the first year from the date of your separation from active duty, you have a good place to start. Diagnosed conditions acquired on active duty, or within one year from separation could/should be considered service connected. Since I do not have access to your Service Medical Records (SMR's), anything I would state is speculation. A competent veterans organization service officer needs to review your SMR's.
You stated "I had a medical examination while in the military that indicated that I was low on the Mental health side (Depressed) In addition I suffered from insomnia." In my nearly 30 years of assisting veterans I have never read the term or phrase "low on the Mental health side." I have often read individual is depressed, or has depression as a diagnosis. If indeed your SMR's contain that diagnosis, you have a good place to start. Also the root cause of insomnia may be a service connection factor.
I advise you to review your claim with a veterans organization service officer, who is willing to review your service medical records. If you have acquired a service connected mental disorder and a clear and unmistakenable error is found, you would be granted benefits back to the first day of the month following receipt of the application.

Thanks allot Dave. You truely are a wealth of information. Thanks again

quote:

If you have acquired a service connected mental disorder and a clear and unmistakenable error is found, you would be granted benefits back to the first day of the month following receipt of the application.

You are very welcome. I am here to help you when possible. Just remember that a veterans service organization service officer can review your service medical records. As stated before if you have acquired a service connected mental disorder and a clear and unmistakenable error is found, you would be granted benefits back to the first day of the month, following receipt of the application. It is well worth your effort.

I finally found the document that indicated that I'm on the "low" side of mental health. Actually, i scored moderately low on the psychological test. The document name is Health Risk Appraisal Profile.

american empire,
i got my disability for depressio, ptsd, after i got out. but trust me, it's a hard fight. but worth it, once it's over. the local vet center can help.

Thanks for sharing. I wish the very best to you!

Hi DAVE; Remember me, REX
PANIC DISORDER
You will notice it mentions after having a BABY.
I think the SUICIDE comes about when a person has this illness because they are so afraid of the UNKOWN, that is DEATH they commit SUICIDE to pass through this phase, STRANGE AS IT SOUNDS.
If you want I can post how I treat this illness & Dave can take it off if I get out of line. A.F. Cops says I am.

quote:

Cider33Alpha

I wonder how this name came about?
Looks like APPLE CIDER # 33.
I am just playing around Cider & I mean no offense. FOR YOUR INFO; You can D/L this & install for free to check your spelling. You RIGHT CLICK to CK. ea. word.
MERRIAM WEBSTER
After you get the tool bar & CK. some words U will see a RED speaker, clk. on it & it will pronounce the word for you in English. REX