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Military.com Forums Hot Topics & Current Events Point-Counterpoint Does the amount of divorces someone has equal a hard to live with person?|
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''Dance like no one is watching" |
The ring thread got me thinking. I'd say the majority of posters have been divorced at least once(I could be wrong)
I admit when I hear someone is on their 3rd or 4th marriage I automatically think...gee they must be hard to live with. Then again, they could just be making lousy choices in a mate as well. I know of a guy on 'another' forum who's been married 3x, and with his attitude I wouldn't doubt he was the culprit. Of course that may be a judgmental attitude..but hey...at least I'm being honest. What if you are divorced yourself and are out on a date with a man/woman who says s/he has been married and divorced 3,4,5 times, would that be a red flag? "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong" -- Leo Roskin |
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Peace Through Superior Firepower |
Anybody that gets married more than once, ie, didn't learn the first time, deserves whatever they get.
"HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE, YOU SON OF A B----!" Susan Buxton, 66, heard over her granddaughter's 911 call. Arlington, TX 9 Nov. 2005. Aired 10 Nov. 2005, WBAP 820, Mark Davis show. She ended up shooting him in the leg when he tried to take her gun. Good shtuff! |
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? |
No, the number of divorces isn't equal to how hard a person is to live with. I have never been divorced and I am nearly impossible to live with.
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I believe this tells us that your wife is unusually easy to live with. Do remember to appreciate her. Unless of course you are yanking our chain by omitting that you have never married  "Good is better than bad cause its nicer" Mammy Yokum (as related by Al Capp) |
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Experienced Member |
Well Bought, I have never been there. I came close 3 times though, each time they were not what I needed. I guess I have made bad choices, but I have learned. So, that being said, I think anyone who has been divorced 4 or more times, I would have to at least start to wonder. I honestly doubt I would attempt to even date them if they were devoiced 4 or more times.
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Experienced Member |
Other than taking vows, what is that much different from someone who had a number of long term affairs? Or what about the person who floats in and out of affairs sporadically?
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''Dance like no one is watching" |
I think those who enter and exit relationships sporadically know they're not marriage material, hence their single status. I respect that more than someone entering a marriage contract knowing they won't and can't be faithful. I just realized that there is an internet buddy of mine here that's been married 3x and I hope he doesn't take offense, b/c there are some exceptions to the rule. My opinions about many marriages tends to be my initial reaction, especially if I don't know them well. Now if they are obviously rough around the edges..it's a no brainer... "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong" -- Leo Roskin |
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"Sarcastic Member" |
This is a military board so it may not be a case of hard to live with so much as deployed so much and hence impossible to live with.
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Experienced Member |
I've heard it said that all relationships (friends, lovers, spouses,BOSS and underling, etc) take work.
That you have to work constantly at the relationship. Man!! You have no idea how I hate to have to keep tinkering on anything just to keep it from falling apart. The above being out into the open, marriage is extremely tough for me. I have been divorced once and have probably been the (unknowing) pawn in a few breakups as well. These are all my fault!! Why? Because either we work at something or we don't. We either care enough to do what it takes or we are reluctant to 'go the distance'. Sometimes it is absolutely the worst decision, to save a marriage that is not wanted by both parties. Sometimes, a divorce is the best way to keep both parties alive. I do not believe that a divorce should be for any reason other than infidelity. All other cases of irreconcilable differences should simply result in a permanent seperation. No more boyfriends/girlfriends, no more lovers, no more spouses, no more romance. Too harsh, you say? Tough stuffins', Bert!! You played and lost. Hopefully others will learn not to make the same mistakes. Of course there's always the "What about..." questions. You people deal with your's, and I'll deal with mine. P.S. If this marriage goes south, I plan on no more marriage. No sex w/o marriage, so any "dating" will be on a friendship level only. And yes, I'll make it plain that I am not in the market for anything other than friendship....w/o priviledges. These are my opinions. Yours may differ. |
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Member |
A comrade of mine was married while in the Rangers. His marriage was great the whole time he was in. When he became a civilian, his marriage fell apart. It turns out that the two of them didn't get along all that well when they had to spend everyday together. Sometimes it is easier to live with someone and not see them 300 days or so a year. |
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''Dance like no one is watching" |
<nods head>ETA-Wait a minute, I take that back. I'd get married again if God forbid I was left a widow or something. I like the married life! "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong" -- Leo Roskin |
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Highly Experienced Member Ex-Moderator, Fired For Cause |
There's always another side to everything.
My first ex (you'd think that was a clue to me, right?) is now on Wife #4 (I was #2) ... but that has lasted nearly 20 years. With him, part of his charm was being out on MAC flights about 2 weeks out of every month, and may be part of his ability to last with Wife #4, since he still flies extensively with his current employer. My second ex and I were married for 22 years, and probably would still be married if HE hadn't decided to cheat - as in having his "date" pick him up at OUR front door, in a VERY small town where everyone's business is quickly public knowledge. Even at that, we were married 22 years. Now? I'd much rather have a friend with benefits than another husband - and I have such a person in my life, thank you very much. This long distance relationship is fine by me. |
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Basic Training |
I was leary of the author Barbara De Angelis just because of the word Hollywood but her book Are You the One for Me should be required reading for anyone who intends to have a relationship, IMHO. You can get it in a double book, the second half is Real Moments.
Although the titles might sound touchy feely or flaccid to some, it addresses dikkheads, repeat bad choices and how to avoid them along with a lot of other practical technical info. The info in the book can be used by a man or a woman. |
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"Scholarly Comedian" |
If you can answer the question of, "Does this dress make my butt look fat?" with "Of course it does--your butt is fat" and a fight doesn't break out you've pretty much got it made....
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"I'm still a tough old bird!"  |
Well Cider, They say the third time is a charm! I'll never know tho...I'm still with No. 1, 38 years. And, we're opposites on just about everything. We don't have to vote, as we cancel each other out. |
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Member |
"A comrade of mine was married while in the Rangers. His marriage was great the whole time he was in. When he became a civilian, his marriage fell apart. It turns out that the two of them didn't get along all that well when they had to spend everyday together. Sometimes it is easier to live with someone and not see them 300 days or so a year."
------------------------------------------------ I received one of them Dear Jonn letters....best thing that could ever of happened to me. Have been married Happily for the past 16 years...who knows how unhappily I would have been married if she did'nt write that letter...... To answer the original question...can't say really...some people [like me] get married too early, some people can't be alone..doesn't mean they are hard to live with....just don't make the best choices in life.... |
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Member |
I think most people are very unrealistic when it comes to marriage--they believe all the Disney/Hollywood BS and think that if they find their "soul mate" everything will just be rosey.
Marriage, especially when raising children is a part of the marriage, is HARD work. Period. That said, I am not sure if the fact that someone had been married 3 or 4 times would be a turn-off (if I were in fact searching for a mate). At the very least, the fact that the person had been married says that he/she was interested in a commitment. I think a greater turn-off would be the individual who lived with someone for 5, 10, 15 years and never married. Of course, in the end, it all depends on the circumstances. Anyone desiring a chance at love, at a relationship, is deserving of one despite his/her past. |
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Member |
Well folks... I first saw my wife walking down the hall of our high school. She was a junior and I was a senior. Dated for two years and then got married...
She has allowed me to be with her for almost 35 years now... and you can say that it's all BS, but I wouldn't want anyone else. I can truthfully tell you that I can't remember the last time we fought... waste of time and energy. She wants something... she's got it. |
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''Dance like no one is watching" |
Beautiful!  "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong" -- Leo Roskin |
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Highly Experienced Member |
Your philosophy is closer to mine than anyone I've ever met. My one and only marriage was totally screwed up from the get-go, and I knew it. Truthfully, my mother picked him, and I was not in a good position to say no. Therefore I "somewhat" excuse myself, but I still feel badly about divorcing. I think the whole thing had its seeds in my WRONG attitude and WRONG beliefs. It is surely not wrong to want to be loved, it is the very deepest human need there is... but we still have to control and manage things. |
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 Shock&Awe Intell & Rumors Equipment guide Forums PATRIOT GUARD RIDER BEWARE DA BUBBA  |
1st Wife split 27days after the birth of my girl left me with a 3yr old Son& a baby,2nd Wife was |
