I am looking for some words of personal experience.

I am looking at a couple of options for our family when my husband gets a new assignment next year.

One is something he could choose to put in for (and likely get) - he'd be gone about 10 mos per yr the first 2 yrs and probably about 8-9mos per year the following years (this is cumulative, not all at once). We not only could stay there for a full 4 yrs, but have the option to stay for a lot longer.

the other is one of probably a few assignments where he would be away from home probably 7-8 mos per yr (again, cumulative), and we'd be likely to move after 4 yrs.

My kids will range in age from 12 down to 3 when we move next year.

The assignment where we could stay for as long as we wanted is also one my husband really wants and would be good for his career. I'm not crazy about the added time away, but I am wondering if that extra month is worth staying put and really getting a good support network around (we probably won't live on base and actually would be living in an area that is pretty popular for the families in that unit).

It all makes me wonder if that one extra month away is a good tradeoff for the benefits of him loving his job and the stability and security of staying somewhere for many years. He likes to move around, I like to stay put a little longer and he would get to travel a lot with the job, so we both kind of get what we are comfortable with.

So, I am just wondering for those of you who moved school age children or did not move them for whatever reasons, do you have any opinions to share regarding this?

I know that in the end its going to be a personal choice and will affect my family differently than it affects anyone else because we are all unique. Just hoping for perspective on the situation from someone seeing it from the back end.

Have you discussed it with the kids and see what they want to do? Our kids actually don't mind moving, our ds is in his 5th school in and he is in Grade 5. Our dd is in her 3rd school and in Grade 2.

But one considerations is that in 4 years your 12 year old will be 16, final 2 or 3 years of high school so moving then could be difficult for that one in particular. Depending on how they do in school, subject matter, grades. Even our 5th grader is having issues because what he is learning now is what he learned 1 1/2 years ago in Grade 3 for math, then his science is things he should know already but doesn't.

This is a very hard decision, staying in one place can be good sometimes and bad in others. It can depend on you as well do you mind moving or would you rather stay for awhile.

The way the kids are about moving is one of the things that got me thinking.

They know we are moving in a year. (they are in 5th, 2nd, and 1st grades). They keep asking questions about it. My oldest has a really hard time making friends and has some emotional issues. He'd be the one I'd think would benefit most from staying put through high school. My middle two probably won't like moving, but I think they could handle it OK. The little one is too little to tell for now.

If we were to go to the one that we could stay put for a long time, my ILs are only an 8 hour drive away, which means a one day drive (which when traveling alone with 4 kids makes things a lot easier). Its also about 8 hrs in almost the same exact direction to my aunt and my grandfather. We'd be living pretty much at the halfway point where we used to stop to stay at a motel on the way to and from visiting family when we lived 14 hours away.

The downside to staying put that I just remembered is that if we stayed there til my oldest graduated hs, he'd miss out on living overseas again. He doesn't really remember it b/c we moved back to the states when he was 3 1/2. Though, if we managed it so that he could do his last year to two yrs of hs overseas at a DoD school I bet it would not be as rough a transition as changing to a different public school in the states (b/c the kids at the DoD schools are of course used to the transient lifestyle).

I'm really just thinking out loud here. I know if I were to tell my husband I was OK with the choice, he'd jump right on whatever stuff he has to do to get the assignment (its a selection process with a few different steps).

Thanks for giving me your input! I appreciate it.

You know the problem that you could have if you stay there is that you hate it. I mean you could have the greatest intentions but the schools stink, you don't have many friends, the kids are having a hard time too. It sounds horrible but it does happen. I find that the commradrie being overseas isnt here on many bases. Overseas a lot of times rank doesnt matter as everyone talks, by the end of your first week you know everyone on your block, you make friendships that last longer, you look out for everyone's kids and everyone looks out for yours as well. I guess i am saying this because it is what I have noticed at our last 2 stateside bases. We have been here several months and I still have no idea who our neighbors are, our ds hasn't made very many friends, and people seem to not answer you when you say hello as you walk past going towards the schools. Off base can be different which is good but sometimes you do need that understanding from other spouses and the kids need it too.

Being overseas is a big advantage and understanding if you do get the chance. There was an article done at our kids previous school about thinking outside the box. It really did make a lot of sense because it made us realize sometimes why we did and still do have a hard time in certain places. We are outside the box and not everyone around us is here so it does make it harder.

Does this make any sense?? lol

Our kids are grown now - 21 & 24. The hardest move for our daughter was between her 10 & 11th grades in high school.

We never had any problems with any other moves with them.

It took some time, but she got past it and did okay.

So, whether it was the time or the place we moved to at the time, I honestly don't know which played into it more, but we got through it.

I agree with all NWIP has said too.



Sgt Mom

Thanks.

I will be continuing to mull this over.

The one where we could stay a long time also has the option to let you go back into the system for orders after 4 yrs, according to what dh has told me. Something about a hold on the record and having to go in and get it removed instead of automatically being up for new orders. not really sure. Seems to me like the commander could disapprove the request to have the hold removed if he wanted to and then you are stuck.

I'm not really sure if I am going to like the area or not. But anywhere we go its going to be 4 yrs and I can't say anywhere we could possibly go (there is a small handful of places) would be any better or worse.

*shrug* I think this is going to end up being one of those things that is half-dozen of one, six of the other, and I'm just going to have to shut my eyes and make a decision. My husband has wanted this assignment for a long time now and I have always shut him down pretty early in his campaigns to win me over on it. We came where we currently live b/c I really wanted him to put in for it, and it has been very beneficial for our family, but it was not his first choice, given a choice. He did it for me even though he did not really want to because I thought it would help the family, and it has, and now I wonder if its my turn to trust him.

I do appreciate all of your insights even though it sounds like I am waffling. You are helping me think things out. Gosh, its so hard to let go of control and trust someone else to make the decisions or let things happen, you know? And I have been at this lifestyle for 12 yrs - you'd think I'd have learned how to let go by now?