DD and I both laid down for naps today in my bed. I woke up an hour later, DD was no where in the house to be found.

She was outside, in the back yard, NO FENCE by herself. I know this doesn't sound like a big thing but DD is only 4!!!!

I never knew I would have to start deadbolting my doors to keep someone IN. And she doesn't get it. I keep telling her that what she did was wrong, and she scared mommy and she is in trouble, and she keeps telling me no it wasn't no she isn't... 4 going on 14......

Don't feel too bad hon, kids don't have that concept at that age. My next door neighbor has locks on the inside of her house because her 3 y/o does the same thing.

I would imagine that it may be kind of hard for a 4 year old to grasp why it isn't okay for her to be outside in her own back yard - that's still young enough where kids think they're invincible! My kid's just over 2 and I have to lock him in to places, too, it's just kids being kids. Just take the preventative measures you need to to make sure it doesn't happen again.

And in terms of the feeling like a bad mom thing - I'll say what I've told many friends before when something "bad" but unexpected happen - you couldn't have known that she was going to do that until she did. You couldn't have predicted it ... so now that you do know, make sure it doesn't happen again, THAT'S the sign of a good mom, not being psychic.

I had two boys who did the same thing. We just put a chain on the door up high where they couldn't reach. Kept it on at all times.

Of course I let my dad and my Nana know what she did, and wouldn't you know it runs in the family.

I have some recollection of being her age and my mom sending me around the corner to play in the sand box at the appartment complex.... and taking off on my own in search of a working water spigot so I could make mudpies.

OH and my dad at the same age, it seems climbed up on the roof while my Nana was napping to help the construction workers replace shingles... And then later that week tried to set the kitchen on fire...

I think I am going to count my blessings that it was only the back yard.

My Lil Man is 5 and is convinced that he can take himself to school!!! Thinks he can go t the store so he can buy all the cake that he wants!! Constant battle in this house!!lol

I think it's normal and you know what, it demostrates her confidence. The fact that you explained to her what the problem is and not just told her off is a thing good mummies do, so be proud of you

You had no way to predict that. Sounds like my little girl. Forever coming up with new and interesting ways to freak me out (and people wonder why I put her on one of those kid harness-leash things at Disneyworld.....). Like theain said, just learn from it. Take it as an easy lesson in your daughter's capabilities. !!!

This is really typical of kids. One of the favorite stories in my family was about the time that I wanted to go see my grandmother. I was about 3 and went into my aun't house, which was next door to mine, to tell my mother I was going to see her (grandmother). She said OK and I left. I'm sure the two of them were saying how cute it was. 15-30 minutes later they looked around and realized that I wasn't there. They sent my uncle out to check the roads (this was winter in southern Illinois) and he found me about 1/2 mile from the house. He had to bribe me with 50 cents to get me to go back with him. I was a tough nut even then.

You just do the best you can and pray they don't get hurt when you didn't forsee that stupid thing they did.

Thanks ladies. I didn't sleep at all last night because all I could think was "she's gonna figure out the deadbolts"

Maybe i'll get some sleep tonight.

I'm gonna put a bit of a spin on this. My daughter knows (4 years old) exactly why it is not allowed and what things could happen to her. You need to remain very firm with her and stand your ground on this one. Don't let her try to even argue with you about it. She could very well be testing her boundaries and if she thinks she can get away with this, she could try a lot worse things. Don't underestimate a kid! lol

I wouldn't stress too much of the night time thing and opening of the doors becuase usually kids are too tired to explore in the middle of the night, especially if it is dark in the house. A chain up high may be a good idea to have on there, higher than what she could reach while on a chair. Good luck with this one! you could have your hands full. lol!!!

I'm going to have to keep a step stool next to the door..... DD is taller on a chair than I am... If she can't reach it on a chair I can't reach it.

I live out in the country. Our house faces a road...like it's close enough that if small children are visiting, they are told to play in the back yard due to the danger of being run over. On the other side of this road is a railroad track. So on the off chance that the train is running that day, if the cars don't get you, it will...this train has even derailed into our neighbor's yard before.

So yeah...when I was about 5, I had a kitten. I was playing with her out in the back yard. The front yard was off limits to me unless I had parental supervision. My mom called me to come inside. It scared me half-to-death because I wasn't expecting to be called in. I picked up the kitty, and totally forgetting the rules, ran around to the front yard and she found me sitting on the front porch "hiding" with my kitten. She freaked. It scared her. So she sat down and told me all about how if I'm in the front yard, it's easier for someone to pull over, grab me, and carry me off. Hence the rules.

I do not recommend introducing a 4 year old to the idea of being kidnapped. And just for the record, I also do not recommend introducing an 8 year old to the idea of the date rape drugs unless they come to you first. My mama is a wonderful woman, but I have lived a life in fear of many things for no reason simply because she tried to warn me (in her own special way) from day one.

My point is that perhaps you could try coming up with a "reason" for wanting her not to leave the house without telling you. Maybe you could say that "mommy will be sad and miss you too much" or that "mommy wants to play with you and doesn't want to miss one minute of that". Maybe find some really nice indoor and outdoor games that the two of you could play together to prove this. Learning games would be good. Or if she's learning her colors/numbers/words/spelling...turn that into a game. In my humble opinion, creativity is the key to many (not all, but many) of parenthood's problems...but how should I know...I'm not a parent yet.

My daughter knows about bad people and knows that bad things can happen but does NOT live in fear. By the way, they start teaching them those things in pre-school so 4 years old isn't too young. They also start with bad drugs good drugs and who should give you drugs at this age.

I'm with mattnjen. They teach the stuff at school as well. kids need to learn that not everyone is their friend because frankly, they're not all friends. Your mom may have gone overboard, but if my kids are somewhere and are approached they have to know not to talk unless it's a police officer. They need some amount of time to play alone, and trust me, they can not be watched every minute of every day. It doesn't work.

And yes, things change when you have a kid. My kids imagine and play and create all the time.....doesn't make them any less aware of reality.

There's a huge difference between talking to a 4 year old about being kidnapped and talking to an 8 year old about date rape - you're comparing apples and oranges. While I can understand a 4 year old having a hard time grasping the concept, that certainly doesn't mean he/she can't be taught it in hopes that they will, in fact, get it.

Shoot - my kids are now 20 and 23 and were taught about "stranger danger" in preschool! That's been done for a long time now.

We live in a different world now and kids need to know certain things. Does it suck? Yes. But it's better to keep them safe.



Sgt Mom

quote:

Originally posted by SbratSsgtWife:
OH and my dad at the same age, it seems climbed up on the roof while my Nana was napping to help the construction workers replace shingles... And then later that week tried to set the kitchen on fire...

My dad climbed under his front porch that was cinderblock and had a door on it to play and ended up falling asleep.

They searched for 4 hours for him before he woke up and came out! Hahahaah!!

Don't feel bad setting limits or even scolding your daughter for what wrong she had done. Like i always said to my wife, there is nothing wrong about scolding your child or setting up limits as long as you explain what she had done and that it is bad. Besides, i believe that no parents want their child to be in danger, right?

Tom
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This message has been edited. Last edited by: NEMESIS1960,

Don't get too down on yourself. Parenting is a challenge.

I remember being at my inlaws years ago, my wife and her mom went out leaving our son, 1, with her dad and I.

I was watching sports in one room, he was reading on the porch. It hit me that I hadn't seen my son for a while so I went to see if he was with his grandpa....nope. "I thought he was with you...."

The search began and I finally found him in the upstairs bathroom. He was playing with a shaving razor left on the tub. His hands were covered in blood yet it didn't seem to bother him. But then I held his hands under the running water of the sink and, OH BOY, did that get him screaming.

When the gals came home, we had to confess.

Years later, my wife and now two sons were visiting her parents again in NH while I stayed behind in FL.

I got the "911" on my pager and when I called from my patrol boat as I was working that July 4th, I was thankful that when I called, the first words my wife said was, "He's OK now but....Kevin fell down the stairs and broke his collar bone."

Things happen, we do our best to keep them from happening but these young and curious kids keep us on our toes.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Good luck!

Don

quote:

The search began and I finally found him in the upstairs bathroom. He was playing with a shaving razor left on the tub. His hands were covered in blood yet it didn't seem to bother him. But then I held his hands under the running water of the sink and, OH BOY, did that get him screaming.

I can imagine him screaming from that. Most people don't realize that water, with a pH of 7.0, can be either an acid or a base depending on what it is reacting with. Since the normal pH of blood is about 7.4, the water would act like an acid. I've done that and, depending on the size of the wound, it can hurt quite a bit.

One of the few things I remember from my organic chemistry classes.