I have been out of the service for 20 yrs now. I have an out of control 17 yr old son. He refuses to get a job, go to school, or help around the house. His mom lives in Ca and is really no help. I have been raising him alone for the past 8 yrs. I want to move soon, and he says he's not going and there's nothing i can do to make him go. We currently reside in Oregon. Does anyone have any advise? Thanks.

I had one of them....I contacted the school principal, told him what was going on, asked for his help. I sat in on a meeting that happened to have a district attorney present. Next thing I knew social services appeared at my door....I again asked for help. My son was removed from the house and placed in foster care then a locked facility for school and treatment. He was there for 3 years essentially.

So that's my background in all of that mess.
There is help available out there. Are you wanting to move out of the state? My kids hollered at first about moving out of state. Said they'd run away, etc. I simply packed their things and told them if they wanted their stuff to get in the car and come with. If not--they were on their own. I don't give them a choice.
What's the mother's position in all this---would she take him?
Not sure what the law is in OR about when kids are legal adults...17 or 18. How close is he to being 18?

It's a tough call when it comes to them. Mine chose to move out this past year. He's got no high school diploma, no job, no nothing. He's living with a friend, making do with the occasional call home for help with food. He's planning on going to school in Jan2010 for his diploma and to learn a trade, but until then, he's basically screwed for a job because no one hires without a diploma/GED. He's dropped 25-30 pounds since he's been out of the house too---lack of food does that to a person.

My son makes 18 in June. The law in Oregon to be an adult is 18.

I've been in contact with the school. All they want to do is make me drop out of school and go to school with him and walk him from class to class. If I don't do this, they will keep giving me a $200 fine for not maintaining my son in school.

Given the fact that we were on welfare, I just got on disability, I tried going to the state for help. No body seems willing to help us.

I've thought about military school, not that he would go, and was told there's help out there for military parents. I can't seem to find any information anywhere.

Call your local child welfare office or social services office to see what they say. Shoot, call your local police dept to see what they can tell you. You might even contact local churches. They often know what social services are available to the community.

Personally, I do not feel you dropping out of school to accompany your child to his classes is the answer.

Having his mom take him back is an option too, hopefully.

I know we are responsible for our children until they are adults, but I also do not feel that we should continually haul their butts out of a jam if they are hellbent on ruining their life. There comes a time when they have to learn personal responsibility. Sometimes the only way they can learn this is to fall flat on their face a time or two and have to pick themselves up on their own.

Just keep calling places and if they can't help, ask them who might be able to and go from there.


Mom

They can't make you take him to each and every class. Your only job is to make sure he gets there. What he does after that is his responsibility. I had them tell me that too. I did my job--I drove him there and watched him go inside the school. He'd show up at home 30-45 minutes later. Cops won't do anything either--they can't force him to go. He'll just laugh in their face like mine did.

Call the school superintendent about this. Set up a meeting with him/her. I don't know what area you're in, but there is help out there. I called every single day the school district and children's services until I got help.